01x12 - Love and Other Four Letter Words

[bunniefuu]

used all my options worked off my dues laid all the cards

now there's nothing to lose i don't want tomorrow to be like today

that's why i'm breaking away i'm

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[Music] that's why i'm breaking

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got to find a better way

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oh man i was just having a lovely kip there man

funny bloody sock anymore hey i've just had this fantastic dream

man oh really horny it was

there was this gorgeous bird in it spoke with a french accent

well definitely foreign anyway is it is it me i know it was isn't it

then she had one of them transparent negligees on you know i saw what you see in the window scene is and you could see right through

it oh all the contours of that body

why why is it life when you take off two at night right you can only find one in the morning and

she was one way to do it you know dude it was on a plate

but we kept getting thwarted that was this sdsplatoon kept swinging

in through the windows oh hi and my brother and i kept coming in doing juggling tricks

that could be very significant matching hours could it yeah the brother-in-law hi is it he'd

represent guilty sir guilt and frustration oh that's what

most dreams are about you know that and um i've fallen off a tower blocks

bloody frustration that's for sure whenever i did get to do it

oh joey's begging for it you know i wonder why that always seems to happen

in your dreams is it yeah you know you can never attain what she really does or

the same reason you can never find your bloody sock in the morning hey she was beautiful though i'll bet

you she was called yvette

why well they're all callie vetting them french films aren't they

well oh weird man i've just had this fantastic dream huh well i've just seen a dream mate new

typist in the admin must be dagmar's assistant or something very tasty no very up market oh i only caught a

fleeting glimpse of mate uh who's been at that who's been at what

man me sandwich i brought it away from the ball last night i thought i'd make a nice big breakfast kind of true snail buddy these

days right you're out for everything

those are this bloody suck look at you ladies you as you're all sitting around with your help your bum

mind me neutral look i'm entitled to the occurs in the lion you know hey you seen that new judy in admin but

he delectable i thought you keep your eyes up son i plucked it first though what is she that smudge oh yeah oh centerfold figured us you

know i'm one of those uh let's fool around

[Music] okay

hello hello hello oh uh dennis this is krista she has just

come to work with us couldn't talk fro krista good morning

oh yeah yeah sorry um i was i was thinking about it again what

about the weekend it's all right i don't think she speaks english oh i didn't want to compromise

you do that i think that already happened after our first weekend yeah well it's not common knowledge now

was it oh come on this side i think by now it is uh history

yeah well there's no panic then is that i was just thinking that uh we might do something you know might take off

for the weekend i've been putting in some overtime lately and i'm flush that's all oh it sounds very good but i have to see

about my mother yeah well uh have a think about it okay sure

oh wait the post i think there's one for you here oh

that's all right i'll just take them all across all right thank you bye-bye then

peter's in

um he is your friend oh is

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what are you two doing hello then just uh catching a glimpse of our beloved looks

that he's electable don't she yeah i get knew a bit of you lads do you

[Music]

that's a near benefit

yesterday hey she sent us a new jumper oh some of our sister's birthday cake we'll

have that later ah smashing

it's not bad news is it i don't know what to make of this frankly how do you mean that's from vera

says she wants to come out here here huh says her sister's taking the bench for

the weekend and that she would do with a break and uh it would give us a chance to talk things over

what she mean by that right she probably wants to finalize things

like way everything is finalized man i mean the divorce has gone through i don't know what there is to bloody

talk about i mean the solicitors they did all the bloody talk and we didn't get a word in edgewise well like she says it'd be a break for

her well if she wants a break i mean one is now blocked take her somewhere you know yeah he's the one with a posh new car

good job ah he's a very busy man though dennis probably can't find the time

yvette yeah that's it that's a name if you're cheating a piss out of me

moxie man i look at teeth out mind yeah i know you will us but i'm not dennis hasina she's called

the vet straight up that's a girl in your dreams roy sorry

it's not coincidences you know it's fair man it's uh it's it's kismet no

it's not i just told you her name's a vet not nothing kismet you know oh not so much of the nerf thank you

very much kiss me is not an iron right squid brian who's nah

kismet means fate destiny it's a preordained phenomenon the

significance of which is incomprehensible to us mere mortals

everything you say is incomprehensible it's also a very nice film starring um

rachel hepworth no but he's right but you know i mean i have this dream right last

night this gorgeous bird in it and then the next day

frightening might scares you james can be very interesting you know

they do studies on them who do people who do studies on dreams you know

i mean universities and research laboratories you know yeah they they get these they get these

volunteer guinea pigs right and they put them to sleep you know and then they uh

they well they study them don't they they study them rapid eye movement

well i won't say now what a bloody guinea pig dreams about when it's a sleep no the term guinea pig is a is a

metaphorical right now they real they used real human beings

or students you know just subsidizing their meagre grants

oh james revealed the psyche do what the

psyche what's that it's what dreams reveal in it

i've known his bloody talent about me but i know wanting

it's very mysterious yeah you see you could have known this girl in a past life right could i you know it

could have been centuries ago she could be a reincarnation

really you still got a full number

hello aunt is he veteran you bet no no i can see she's not

for us huh all right all right i've waited centuries sooner that deal not make any difference

dennis hi hi vera hello

oh they're fine they're fine if i'd known you were gonna call um i'd have kept them oh up i'm not now i mean it's difficult

enough as it is trying to get them up how are you then i'm all right did you get me letter

hey what's this about yeah um i mean i thought we could talk

about i mean the solicitors yeah i mean i think that's the point

dennis you know i think they took over i mean there was your lawyer and my lawyer and all these

forms to fill in statements to make you know their work

somewhere you and i got lost you know what the money i know is

[Music] as a couple and i think if i came out

we'd be away from all that pressure all that procedure i mean

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yeah i agree i agree that's good for them

yeah but i thought i could use that to fly out

dennis pet please don't make it hard wait okay i mean all right

[Music]

don't you want it cheers [Music]

well it would be fitting wouldn't it a fitting compliment to tonight's classic cuisine look i don't complain

when you're on cookout's win i'm not complaining i know you did your best nib with the meager resources at

your disposal it's like the nicest netherlands just as woody sark he's ever done cookouts yeah when you're on mater don't notice no visible

improvements listen i am not complaining i think combining pickled earrings with sandwich bread and frozen brussels shows a great deal of

gastronomic flair look the sandwich sped was supposed to be tartar sauce i just misread the label satsuru i'm

sure you did nice bit of beer i thought nev i enjoyed it thank you was very tasty oh yeah well it

would be wouldn't it i mean that's a gourmet dinner in your book in it i mean where you come from son the equivalent of caviar's branston

bloody chapney innit ah i suppose where you'll come from it's candlelit dinners is it the moga shetty

yeah well i am used to a more gracious living i must have yeah you got the insane toilet now have you i don't start yours

i've got a special surprise dessert for us dessert what do you mean like a problem yeah call it what you like have a look

at this what is it what is this brenda scent voila [Music]

it was a sister's birthday and she thought would wrong appreciate it had on what

someone's been at this already how'd you mean gabe well i only unwrapped it yesterday i was keeping it

as a surprise and one of you lots been there not me who's done that look there's a big chunk

gone there was more than this yesterday i'll bet you wouldn't see him gutsy b*stard ema sandwich what sandwich was

that i brought a sandwich i want from the barman to have for me breakfast and some gutsy piggy at that come on ozzy i want

to eat office that released an army sandwich well the cm gutsy piggy hit the kick

well i'll tell you what whoever whoever took a bit didn't take much did they but it's the principal isn't it yeah hi

[Music] can you be goodbye to all this soon dennis all right back to civilization

i in the dual k*ll huh hard win

my word you see that hey i think i did i was it what i thought it was i think it was bum eye to come from the hood as well as if we

didn't have enough problems there the toast is brenda yeah

i'm brother sister i know

you know nice piece of crumpet in the admin and a great piece of cake in the office

not so much of the crumb birthday vet specially you know i mean destiny sent that didn't they destiny

i don't know obama real genuine everything that would have been more like somebody got at it oh them and i hope

but a big chunk got eaten huh oh in that case i think i'll pass three two right

that's before i spiff him with a cat daddy look it's no offense to brenda's cook

and i just think that this hut's got uh another inmate i think he's probably eating yeah what was that like what are

you talking about we've just seen him obama couldn't miss him oh my god well i don't know his name

it was the biggest rat i've ever seen oh man just think we should all have

shots that's all what are you tired shots shot shots you know injections like yeah some rats have got rabies you know

yeah but that would only affect us if we got bit would have not necessarily not could be in our blood streams couldn't

it i mean we ate that cake after the rat did right so it could be in our blood streams

couldn't it what could deadly poison coursing through our veins right now

suddenly poison yeah rabies moxie could make us all go berserk yeah well some of us already are

aren't we so aus is probably immune get stuffed i don't know hold on

the rat did eat us his sandwich after he did didn't it right suddenly our wreck can't be feeling too

chipper right yeah serious you don't do you hey you know this is how the flight started you know

what plague what plague the great plague the water for europe

the black death you mean to tell me the black death could start up again eh because of rat a piece of brenda's chocolate cake leave me i'm not

bothering with you anymore wait go on go on god just die die right but don't say i didn't warn you

hey the rat never had much of brandon's cake did it wasn't very much brenda didn't make the cake it

was her sister's oh it's all sudden academic this tell me what about babies and shovels objections and that's right right hey

all of us as well none of us have suffered any horrendous after effects and we all lit the bleeding cake last night

i mean you're overreacting it you come on ain't you are we interested i suppose so i must admit i don't feel

any worse than i usually do just talking about taking precautionary measures i saw it ah

tell her that bollocks man big fossil boat don't yeah right now they don't want some toast follow a

slice could have been at the bridge you know that

what's the verdict then ah we're all agreed it's not to worry about of course it's not man

hope it was a rat what said he couldn't miss it he's just weighing you up man

probably a mouse how come you could spot it in the dark oh leave it alone and we'll will you

though it was a cat that big never never never how was it that every

time i've got a problem i end up sorting out your problems or the others you know all of those problems are a lot

more trivial than beyond sorry dennis didn't realize well you

never do do you none of you you're still coming over she yeah she's

coming at the weekend i can't see that it's worth it myself i mean we'll all be packing in in a couple

of weeks then we'll all be back home thank god i will maybe some of us won't

what do you mean they're changing the law you've got any choice we've got the choice of signing up as an

official taxpayer german worker oh but who wants to do that

look never not everybody's as desperate to go home you know as you are what you mean you might stay is that a

possibility i oh and given these snaps at me sister's

party right they are pet i haven't sugared it all right

when will you leave friday no saturday i have to change planes at frankfurt when i get there in the afternoon i'm scared

of flying aren't you well i'm most scared of seeing dennis how do you mean i don't know it's just gone over there i

suppose i don't know where i'd be like i don't know if he wants us to go but he asked you surely no it was my idea

it was your idea you know when the divorce proceedings

were going on dennis been away made it a lot easier but in some respects i think that that distance hurt

us i just became references on a solicitor's letter

you know i've only seen him once since he went away to germany and that wasn't very pleasant well these things never are very i know

but we should still be friends whatever happens what do you mean whatever happens i mean

for the sake of the kids still share the kids don't we

why are you going out there vera come on

it's not a vet is it what is it what's that new jewelry in that man her name's

not a vet so what who said it was like you did did i what's good in here

her name's christa and i wasn't bloody mad at me forgot jake moxie man watching a name a fist in my face that's what he's only

gonna bought her flowers doesn't he look i mean i just sort your own problems out man huh

just leave me to sort mine out

you got us into this you know

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it was a genuine mistake it was a genuine mistake really really the box is not malicious

he's not even right but not malicious yeah right

see no just a genuine mistake so what's so much for your bloody kids mate

oh where the hell is that white boots

i feel the right b*llet no door hey a*s what is this krista

kiss me whatever the bloody name is i mean what's the difference what's in her name

i'm like she might have paid for your day from another lifeboat should i've got lovely bosoms

hello hello why such a serious face me well i'm all

right well uh not really it's uh it's about the weekend

oh yes that's all right i found somebody to look after my mother

oh there's not going to be a weekend is there no i mean there will be i mean i want that

very much just not this weekend

vera you see my wife she's coming out on saturday

i see no you don't look this wasn't my idea it was hers there's a few

problems to sort out you know formalities like i'm sorry it's all right

perhaps another time then hmm [Music] well there's no perhaps about it you're

telling me i am telling you look next week for sure right or the week after

that is when you're going back to england not necessarily

but that's really your business who don't act like this will you not i'm not acting like anything yes you are

you're acting like you're offended look i told you it wasn't my idea it was hers i mean i don't know what the problem is

but i ordered what to find out of course you must see her well i want you to as well me

you want me to meet her yeah why well i mean you know she exists i want

her to know that you do do you think that's such a good idea look dogma i'm sick of keeping part of

my life right in an important part i'm sick of keeping

it a secret trying to hide it i mean with a lads i had good reason but i see

no good reason to to hide it from vera anybody else for that matter

including your mother even her look i mean

all right i will meet your vera

thanks i better get back to work

hey i see you've got uh oh there's secret admirers there oh yes many i get flowers like that

nearly every day all of them thank you

how charming charming no seriously though what they put no no money don't injure your man

that's getting out of your business what i bought them for they're all right all right you know i'm not trying to need them no you better not know that right

all right belly fault idea hey what are you going to do with them

i sling them i suppose i'll take them off yeah how much

how much to pay for them 15 quid i'll give you off haha off only two hours yeah but they're still

second hand at night i mean there's not much demand for second-hand flowers is this as good as new look how they will win

oh yeah you should have put them in watertown otherwise they will look at them petals now look at the petals definitely wilting them

yeah yeah well past their prime something i think five quid's a bit over generous really well 7.50 at the bricks oh yeah but

they're wilting by the second don't they i mean the price goes down son even as we speak price goes down

you're a woman who's still making the tribush again i should be over there

in hotel are

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what a sacrifice we need right especially the short king right there

had a letter from brenda this morning yeah i've been surprised if you hadn't yeah

she said you won't see your vera she said said what wait she said she

couldn't really work out why vera was so keen on coming over oh i'll know that tomorrow i want to

be a bit tricky yeah tricky i'll come well you know you know what

i'm a man of the world dennis you and dagmar yeah it could just be tricky because

necessarily i mean you know avira i'll meet damon when she comes out here she will oh why not no it's not so i'm cheating you know i mean dagger that's

not my bit on the side you know i mean veera she's got allen hasn't you yeah put let's do a butcher b*llet pony

ladder and that's the way things are you know the sooner everybody realizes that's the way things are the better

couldn't agree more

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[Music] i'd like you to have these

for me and this is not for a vet

yeah no now that for you from me now wayne what is going

on who do these flowers belong to hmm

ah right that way coming over the club for the beverage oh yeah yeah in a minute that's uh yeah how was you doing

hanging around here then uh nothing nothing huh oh yeah i thought

you were laughing with intent you know

i was um waiting for the sunset sunset yeah uh look i'll um i'll see you later

right search everything what's the honourable sunset

that's one of the most beautiful things in the world and it does without sunsets

if it ever notices the exotic glow the sun makes and it's dying moment over the asbestos warehouse yeah

pranks with the andes actors you know or even malibu what's he doing

man [Music]

hello i was just passing um why you buy

for me is this what about i just felt like it you know impulse

yes um thank you so much

these are very lovely there's no more than you deserve is it huh

so as a flower it's much like these from us i think his name

really what a coincidence eh um look my name's um wayne

oh i know

so thank you babe my pleasure

you english you live

star lake because it's like a prison or a world camp you know oh it was nice camp

yeah nice it's not exactly the hilton love but it's okay you know

just one of the old ships we have to enjoy to stay in your wonderful country

show me you are yeah show me

the it's a bit basic love i mean it's got old socks and christmas things in it you know i really don't think

she's not my birdman but since i found out that she isn't supposed to wasn't

still very tasty though wouldn't she yeah yeah you know when wayne gets his evil hands on him might

you huh

[Music] or like prison

you don't understand

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that is a rat

all right then hi roxy i thought you gone for the day no just uh just want to get you dry

cleaning everyone's up like a sudden lock this morning bumble and us have gone to the bus already

yeah hi i saw her barry and neville across the shops getting wrapped traps not before time

jared last night yeah i don't think so i suddenly did scratching around as if it owned a place

well it obviously doesn't give a rats eh oh

[Music] don't give her that good job there yeah

oh my it wasn't bad for this game than one would it just the thought of it though it's

disgusting well let's hope you get rid of it by the time i get back tomorrow you're not here tonight no

yeah the wife's coming over i'll just stop in the same horse tell us here you know same hotel yeah not the same run though

no no not anymore nah so up man what's up armies

having a great time going to holy island today back to school on monday yeah helen's

going to bring them back and stop over so she'll get them off of adam and come back

well i thought i might stay sunday night as well i mean it's not often i go abroad

unless it's inconvenient you know what have you lived well don't seem very keen well you've never seen joseph duff

on a sunday night oh yeah

before nothing for me to see there well i just thought it'd be nice to see where you live that's all i will we ensured a young last round

where we lived yesterday and she's in intensive care still before that's all right a right yeah ooh

i revoking i never knew conditions without that well not really the ratchet showed up

this week you know captivated by some of brenda's chocolate cake oh she sent some things for neville will

i see him i if you like look uh the thing is i thought that um

we might invite never leave with us tonight what about the way by ourselves well i've invited somebody else like

well it's just a friend you know somebody i thought you should meet

you're not seeing it i am after last night's fiasco

well to get out of that must have stretched your persuasive powers to the limit no i didn't say nothing mucks she felt

sorry for me i suppose i mean i did look a right pillock didn't i

and when i walked her to her car well when i squelched her to her car oh geez she was ever so sympathetic

moved i suppose by the squalor of your surroundings no no more aware of my embarrassment

and then she did something and it was incredible what she took this anki

this little white soft anki out of her bag like and wet the corner of it and then rub

some mud ever so gently off the end of my nose tell you mox my goose pimp was all over

wetted with a tongue did she you are the yankee

wetted with a tongue like no of course what do you think she does carry out's

pipe around with her hey what are we being both oh wait look

at the size of that good trap a bear in that why wait then i said it was a big

yeah i'll get some beer for them could be more tonight you know notorious breed as a rat leave it out he

can't erase the family in two nights not on top of brenda's chocolate cake all right so we bought this and all

poison how long after it eats that does it die doesn't matter does it long

as it does die well it matters if we find dead rats all over the place oh no they're not going to die in here moxie

see what that poison does is it makes them thirsty gives them a rage in thirst i like hustler after a curry huh ah well

sort off anyway they're desperate for a drink right so they go looking for it well let's straight for us

they're not going to die here right oh wait let's get these traps see your rat knows instinctively that

water's at the bottom of hills so you'll head off down to the river hey hey hey

where are you gonna put that i don't want to come in late tonight and lose her foot son oh well i

probably don't made a skirt and bought away from the bed all right um but lads i to give you and but

um i've got to go into town so i'll see you later okay bye

cna you know krista you serious

serious fine oh

hello you're prompt i am german yes we are so we are

doing refill no thank you look at that uh it's why ginotonic

somehow it's your vera she's fine yeah she'll be dumb in a second you saw that

aren't your problems well there weren't any problems with you know just uh the usual things uh money and the kids and that you know then i showed

around the town [Music] can you go back to england uh if i go

back ah well okay if you go back to england where will you live yeah

never really thought about that uh probably have to stay at my mom's at first oh that would be so good

i have to remember remember to wipe my feet when i come in and uh don't rumple the cushions and

empty the ash trees she sounds like my mother

thank you

cheers

you are nervous now about this evening yeah i am all of a sudden yeah

it'll be all right over here pat

vera this is dogma how do you do it it's very nice to meet

you it's very nice to meet you as well yeah i've got your one in there thanks

cheers cheers

dennis told me he showed you the town yes oh it's a lot nicer than i expected

well i didn't sure where we were of course yes that is not so nice although uh b*mber that's one of the

guys that i work with he um he says we should bring all the wives over here and we'll make them see what a miserable existence will eat

well he don't seem to lead too bad life all right well well uh let's just have

another one shall we and then go on it not for me thanks no thank you danny's not for me

well i'll have one lois you're back only yeah i had to

see some mirrors with that drive back guys

i'm going over the club for a jar coming yeah i'll follow you across i'm just gonna sort this boot out there's a nail

in my foot see you later

okay out with it what's the matter nothing look that was an excellent

restaurant that you're hardly ate to think you said even less i'm not feeling very well

must be in the flight you know i don't like flying anyway you and jack mark could have

stayed here of course we couldn't have steered don't you normally stay with it what's something mark supposed to mean

oh just drop it no i won't i'm tired you're upset you're upset

because abroad done yes i'm upset because you're bored dagmar sometimes you can be i can be what

you can be really insensitive about how other people feel you get an idea in your head you've

got to see it through look but you don't always think it through listen look i know what's going on in your life right i want you to know the same about me i

just want you to know the way things are you don't know the way things are oh really really come on inform me then

look i'm not getting angry man i'm confused maybe look i didn't come over here to sort

things out i could have done that on the phone i came over here because our divorce isn't

final yet yeah i know well i'm not sure i want it to be

no look just wait a minute this divorce was your idea if i remember correctly and i know it

hurt you well it hurt your pride anyway and there were good reasons for splitting up very good reasons

oh i don't want to go through all that again well i wish i knew what you did want

i don't want a divorce i want you to come home

oh bloody hell

once you drank i got some duty-free gin on the plane and some glasses me yeah

there's a two of peaches here if anybody wants one oh that's some toblerone i think i'll

pass on that combination fish and chips that's what i fancy now

you know real english fish and chips wrapped in a sunday mirror with loads of vinegar

oh then i'll have some stuff from brenda when he gets back well then little fancies from you all burned off

what little fancies little uh hard things there was someone lying on the table when i came in before

square one's like i tasted a bit cooler what you ate the one did he ah ah well

just one you didn't mean to do the only little no no no

you feel alright in yourself like huh you're all right jump in may not

gonna religion first lake

the large cognac please chief hi then what you doing here

makeup yeah me too do you want another scotch please it's a large scotch too

please yeah i thought you were staying out all night no i didn't mean

things not work out with uh dagmar and your old lady then

i i thought i was just being above board you know straight and honest viewers said i was

sure enough so you know showing off dogma well i mean she's a smart lesson she

know me truck living on a honest starting art probably what i

was doing well she is rather special that dagmar didn't she

yeah mind you so so mate christa

hey hey you may have called the clerical stuff i'm with huh no wish i had then no

things not work out like now she wouldn't let me get near her would she mind you that i didn't want to you know

ah i didn't want to sort of like come on strong and and jump in here you were slipping aren't you

i'm smitten then now listen don't tell the lads right no i can confide in you

can't i now i know you've probably got your own problems and all that but i can bend your ear a bit we'll just carry on

bonnie i haven't got a care in the world yeah i'm i'm serious about this christa right

i know it's madness but i'm really bowled over now don't sell the lads eh

my lips are sealed all right i get embarrassed just thinking about it you know never happened to me i said bloody eye

isn't it you really are serious aren't you i'm deadly serious then

of course uh never having been in this situation before it's pretty hard to be certain about the symptoms

but i think well listen i'm positive sunbeam that this is it it's devastating mate devastating yeah

that's not the end of the world that man go for it yeah but i can't fathom it can i

and the trouble is we're shipping out in a week or two aren't we i'm sure well so i've got to decide whether to go home or

chance me army or any yeah you're not the only ones got to make that decision

you too you may know more dogma

i mean vera or dogma

blimey dennis what are we gonna do well i was about to get pissed you get

to join

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is [Music]

that's living all right [Music]

spreading it around

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[Applause] [Music]

right

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