01x13 - The Day the Toon Stood Still

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[Bonkers snoring]

Tock-tick--no. I mean, tick-tuck, er, uh,
tack-tuck, eh, tick-tack!

Oh, I don't have time for this!

I sure could use a hand
with this minute hand.

Oh, yeah! Making some time now! Yessiree!

Hmm. sounds like clock's
rather alarmed this morning.

[panting]

Yep. Looks like I'll only
be three hours late today.

Three hours? No! It can't be!
Tell me it's not true!

It's not true.

Whew!

You're four hours late.

[Bonkers screaming] No!

[crashing]

I'm sorry, Norton, but I'm so late today,
I'm practically early for tomorrow!

[tire screeching]

[panting]

Sorry I'm late, boss.
I would've been on time

if it hadn't been for that meteor
shower. But I... whew...

Boss? Lucky?

[toon1] Okay, who's got the corned beef?

I'd like a cup of coffee.

Fish eggs? I said caviar.

Who wants to try the tuna?

Hey! Keep it down!
I can't hear myself think!

I still can't hear it.
Must not be thinkin'.

Fall-Apart, why are you in my office

at 11:00 on a Monday morning
ironing your clothes?

To get the wrinkles out.

Besides, it's 9:00 Wednesday night.

Says who?

Says my highly accurate watch,
which hasn't worked in three years.

See? 8:15 p.m.

You said nine.

Well, it was 45 minutes behind
when it broke.

Why don't you get it fixed?

Because it's slow!

That does it! Time out!

I'm calling time of day.

[voice machine] At the tone,
the time will be 3:12 a.m,

so go back to bed and leave me alone!

I wouldn't trust the time of day
with the time of day!

I'm too tired for this right now.

I'm gonna grab some shuteye.

Bonkers, you here yet?

Good. I get a few more minutes
of normal blood pressure.

Careful. Don't want to wake anybody up.

Ahh!

My favorite noise... silence.

[snoring]

What? What's that?

I've heard that sound before!

Oh yeah. Yeah, sure. It was back in '74

outside saskatcher-- whatever.

Muskrats! Wild ones!

Droves of the little beggars they--

Oh no. They always get quiet
just before they attack.

The clever little demons.

I can still hear
their nasty hearts beating.

I can hear...

Bonkers?

Late again? Where does the time go?

What is wrong with you?

-The day keeps racing by!
-Would you please calm down?

-I get further behind every move I make!
-There's no need to do that!

-[telephone rings]
-What?

[chief, on phone] Pickle? Is that you?

Piquel! My name is Piquel!

Unless this is the chief,
in which case, uh, Pickle's fine.

Actually, I-I prefer Pickle,
especially if this is the chief.

I'm thinking of having it legally changed.

Pickle, pickle pickle, ha ha! I do love
the sound of it don't you? Who's this?

I need you, man, on the Q.T.

On the Q.T.?

Uh, what is it, sir?

It's just a figure of speech,
but that's not important.

Just get up here.

[vacuum cleaner]

Ooh, now don't do that.
Can't we discuss this like mature adults

and cleaning appliances?

I have no idea what I did
to offend these toons.

Alright, break it up!

Party's over! Ow!

Bonkers, do you have any
idea what's going on here?

I don't understand it.

Something's definitely wrong, sir.

Bonkers, can't you do anything?

[laughing] Come on, guys.
Now isn't the time for this.

[sighs]

Something must be done about
this intolerable situation.

Ooh, that was good.
I should write it down.

-[Bonkers yowls]
-Toons!

They've lost control!
They're wrecking the city!

Thank you, citizen. Thank you very much.

Yes, thank you, thank you. Very good. Yes.

Well, thank you! No. Thank you.
Yes. Yes, yes. Bye now.

And I want the two of you to... uh...
well, uh, you could...

what I'm trying to say is...

something must be done about
this intolerable situation.

Oh, it really sings, doesn't it?

We'll do our very best, sir!

Man, your best won't do! I want better!

When I ask for results,
I only want to hear yes!

Yes, sir! That's what you'll hear,
sir, always yes's and never no's.

Okay, fellas, back to work.

[airplane droning]

[bell tolls]

[Pops] Think they don't need old Pops?
The ungrateful little ingrates!

Boss, slow down!
one, two, three, four, mach five!

Mayday! Hit the chute!

[clears throat]

Notice the speedometer, zero.
Notice the gearshift, it's in park.

Consequently, we are not moving.

Honest mistake.
Could've happened to anybody.

[tires screeching]

[Bonkers] Okay, that's better.

Let's just stay stopped
like this for a while.

You know, you don't
usually act this strange.

Strange, yes. Even very, very, very
strange, but never quite this strange.

Stop the car!

It is stopped.

Fall-Apart!

If you insist.

Fall-Apart, something's
happening, isn't it?

Is it?

It's not who I think it is, is it?

-I think it is.
-No.

-Sure?
-Yes. Surely.

-How sure?
-I'm so sure

[Fall-Apart] I'm practically positive.
But don't quote me.

Go make sure it's him! Just to be certain.

-Certainly.
-We'll meet you back at your place

-in half an hour.
-Uh, better make it 30 minutes.

Well... that was interesting.

You wanna tell me what it was all about?

[chuckles] Nothing.

[bat screetching]

And I suppose nothing is unusual
with these calendars!

Gee, uh, time flies
when you're having fun, huh?

Alright, spill it!
What's wrong with the toons?

Honestly, Lucky, I do not
know what you mean.

[Bonkers] Well, I'm not certain for sure,
but it could be-eee-eee!

[clang]

Wonder if it's too early
for an early retirement.

Are you ready to talk?

Okay boss, I'm going to level with you.

Thank you. Now what is going on?

Don't tell anybody, but...
something's wrong.

Yeah, well, I believe
we've established that.

Maybe you could go into some more
depth on the subject, huh?

[ringing]

[Bonkers on phone] It's the biggest,
deepest, darkest of all toon secrets!

Promise you'll never tell anyone?

Promise, promise, promise?
Ever, ever, never, never?

Alright, alright!

Something's happened
to toon time, 'cause I--whaa!

[bam]

What is toon time?

It's the one great toon secret.

Toon time is controlled by the clock!

-It... whoa!
-[bam]

What clock?

The big clock! It's--whoa!

The big clock?

No. The big clock! Pops clock--

Yipes!

Pops is the guardian of toon time,
and timing is the secret of comedy.

And I think he's blown his mainspring.
You see, for us toons

Ti-- [gulp]-- ming is everything.
Watch this.

As everyone knows,

this toon fuse can burn
a long time, right?

-And it won't explode until...
-[expl*si*n]

Exactly the right... [cough] Moment.

[gulp]

Oh, yeah. This is gonna be a long day.

I still don't understand
what Fall-Apart has to do--

[Fall-Apart grunting]

[crashing]

[woman screams]

Aah!

[boom]

Fall-Apart, are you alright?

Me? No! My life is going to pieces.
I went to take a bath,

but I was already in the tub. So I had
to wait an hour until I was finished.

And of course I used every
last drop of hot water.

I am so inconsiderate!

See what I mean? His timing's terrible,
but it's never been this bad!

You can say that again!

Well, then, how come my time is okay?

Because human time
and toon time are different.

Human time comes in nice, neatly
ordered hours and minutes,

all lined up in a row, like this.

But toon time can be put in any
order you want to make it.

[rumba music plays]

Comprende, compadre?

I understand only enough to know
that I don't wanna understand.

[Bonkers] Since Fall-Apart
knows Pops clock

maybe he can help us
track the old timer down.

Yeah, I've known Pops since way back when

you know, give or take ten minutes.
As the crow flies.

[pained cawing]

-Is this where he lives?
-He who?

Clock! Pops clock?

Clock Pops clock?
Any relation to Pops clock?

Yeah, on his parents' side.

Oh, I've known Pops since way--

We know that.
We'd like to know where he is.

Okay, well, he used to hang out
here, you know, killin' time.

-[Bonkers] Losing it really is Pops.
-[Fall-Apart] Telling me you're.

Yeah, uh, no offense, but, ah,
you two don't look so good.

Nice jacket, Fall-Apart.
Where'd ya get it?

Came with the pants.

Hey! I really like the sock
you're wearing.

I have one just like it, you know.

Pardon me, uh, is this your leg?

-Careful. That's my trick knee you've got.
-Could you lend me a hand?

Yeah. I have an extra.

That's enough!

Now could you two try
and pull yourselves together?

[both] Okay!

[grunting]

[Lucky] I think we'd better track
this Pops character down

before things get any worse.

Oh, please don't let things get any worse.
Please, please, please.

[squeaking]

[Pops] I work 'round the clock

no time off, no holidays,
no paid vacations.

The insurance is a joke!

And does anybody mind?

Nuts! And no!

They get the bucks! They get the glory!

And what do I get? Wall-to-wall nothing!

[engine stalling]

[alarm rings]

[ring-ring ring-ring]

[ringing]

[screaming]

[British accent] Look, these parts
are obviously from a large clock,

and there's a trail of them
leading down the street!

It could be a clue!

[tires screech]

We'd better hurry!
I don't think we have much time!

[bats screech]

Ooh, visitors! How nice!

Glad you could drop by.
My house is your house.

Remind me to count the
silverware when you leave.

Pops, it's me, uh... uh... [gulp]
Help me out here, Bonkers!

Fall-Apart?

Yeah, yeah, it's me! Faah--
duh, what he said.

Oh, oh yeah. I remember the last time
you dropped by.

It was this century, wasn't it?

Lieutenant Lucky Pickel,
here on police business.

You're causing a major
disturbance out there.

Oh, I'm causing a disturbance, am I?

It's all my fault, is it?

And the Titanic!
You want to blame that on me, too?

Maybe the Chicago fire?

[laughing] I was in Pittsburgh that day!

Hey, Pops, easy, will ya?
I spent a lot of time working on that tan.

Oh, sure!

You have plenty of time to sit out
in the sun, smell the roses.

What are you doing to me?

Me! Me! Me!

Don't you ever get tired
of thinking about you?

Wears me out, just thinking about you,
thinking about you!

Your, uh, friend here seems
to be wound a little too tightly?

Maybe if we get those parts back
into him he'd be okay.

Ooh! Give Sherlock a cookie!

That won't solve anything!

That's not the key.

Then, uh, what is the key?

That's for me to know and you to find out.

Bonkers, Fall-Apart...

you're fading away.

Pops is taking us back, way back.

We have to find that key or else--

Or else what?

Or else every toon in the world will go
all the way back to the drawing board

and further than that,
back to blank paper.

[thunder]

Lucky, do something,
before we run out of time...

completely.

[Pops] Time waits for no toon.

-[Bell tolling]
-[maniacal laughter]

Ooh! We have to find that... key.

I got the key! He's got it.

He's got it.

Come on, come on, move it!
We haven't got all day!

Sorry, boss, but we're
feeling kind of... washed out.

I think this may be... the end.

That big eraser in the sky
is comin' for us.

Yeah. We're fading fast.

Why, my mind's already a complete blank.

Aw, so long, Fall-Apart. I was lucky
to have a friend as good as you.

Yeah. You were, weren't you?

-I was a one-in-a-million.
-You were a prince!

-I was a saint.
-A peach of a pal.

Guys like me don't grow on trees.

I'm gonna miss you, brother!

I'm gonna miss me, too!

[both crying]

Look, we better discuss
this later, or you'll all be history.

[thunder]

[wood splintering]

[laughing maniacally]

This is it... isn't it?

If it isn't, I don't know what is.

Toonhenge!

Hurry, Lucky. There isn't much time left.

Okay, it's time we put a stop to this!

Yes, I think time has run out
for all toons.

Look, you've just become
unwound, but I can fix that.

What did you have to do that for?
We got you the key.

You got a key, not the key.

Ugh! Then what is the key?

I say we quit while I'm still a head.

Aah. That's better. Thank you.

Excuse me?

-What did you say?
-I said, that's better.

It's, uh, you know, it's not great,

but it's, it's certainly better,
it's an improvement.

No! After that.

Oh, gee, that's a tough one. See I, mmm,
I don't have a very good, ah, mmm...

oh, what's the word?

Ah, oh, memory!

He said thank you!

Come again?

What was that?

Did I hear somebody say... thank you?

Thank you? As in thank you, Pops,
for all the work you've done?

As in thanks, Pops, for keeping good
time all these years?

Well, naturally,
thank you for that, of course.

Say thank you, Fall-Apart.

Thank you, Fall-Apart.

Close enough.

[clock chiming]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Danke schoen! Mucho garcias!

-Hey! Thanks! Thanks! Thanks!
-You're welcome!

You are welcome! [giggling]

You're both very welcome!

You mean, that was it?

That was the key?

Uh-huh. That was it! Nothing more!

Awfully important, those two little words.

Maybe you could mention
it to some of your friends.

Maybe they could just say, thank you,

at least once in a blue moon?

[Lucky] He turns the whole world upside
down just because he wants a thank you?

Mmm... guess that makes sense.

And thank you, Lucky, for... [babbling]

Come again?

[babbling]

Oh, perfect. Your dialogue! There's...
something's wrong with your dialogue.

Yo, Pops, come back!

Who's in charge of their dialogue?

[babbling]

What? What did you say?
I don't know what that means.

It means, don't worry, we're just kidding.

Only eight more years to my pension.

Only eight more years to my pension.

Tick-tock, tick-tock,

tick-tock, tick-tock.

[theme music playing]