01x18 - Time Wounds All Heels

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame
Top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[Lucky] Yes, I am going to,
no, no, tell the chief

I want... no, deserve a promotion.

Today is the day.

-I thought yesterday was.
-No, look at my record.

-Negligible false arrest.
-Stupendous!

-Not one absence in 20 years.
-Superfluous.

-Excellent penmanship.
-Super serious.

I change my socks almost everyday.

Sagittarius!

It's time the chief listens--

Pickle! You've been with us
almost 10 years now.

Oh, uh, good morning, sir.

It's Piquel, sir, and actually
you know, it's been 20 years, sir.

Well, yes, but that would be
contradicting me, wouldn't it?

I'd never do that, sir. Not me.

Why I-- I walk on the ground
you worship.

You grovel with the best
of them and I respect that.

That's why I'm going to give
you--this... memo

in honor of your perfect attendance.
Congratulations!

Memo. Yes, I see.

Well, my life hasn't been
wasted. Thank you, but--

Yeah, yeah. Got to go.

Got about 100 of these things
to hand out.

Oh! [door closes]

I deserve better than this
because I am a good cop.

Quite an honor.
Won't put food on the table.

But I say we hang it
on the wall for all to admire.

"Max Cootie! Getting released
from federal prison."

What? Cootie? Prison? Max?
Feder-- let me see that!

Cootie, Cootie... he's getting out?

Oh, not till the 18th. When is that?

Day after yesterday. Or is it
the day before tomorrow?

It's neither, it's... today!

Cootie. The name's familiar.

Didn't he make the cover of Crime Digest?

Five times.

And I'm the one who sent him
up... 20 years ago.

And that tune... always the same
tune.

♪ Da da da ♪

♪ Da da da ♪

♪ Da da da ♪

It's, uh... an old lacrosse injury.
It acts up now and then.

So tell me how you stopped Cootie.

Did you give him the old

Well, uh... [stammers]
that was a long time ago.

Yes! Flashback! Life is good.

[Lucky] I was a young rookie
out on foot patrol.

[whistling]

[Piglet] Help! Help! Help! Help!

Say, dude, where are you going
with those toons, man?

I thought I'd tie a rock around
them and throw them in the river.

And see if they float.

Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!

You're not being very groovy, man.

I think you should, like, let them go.

You know what a toon did to me once?

Cut me off from a parking
place at the grocery store.

Last one in the whole lot.

Nothing's gone right for me
since, so out of my way!

I have some toons to hurt.

Pal, you picked the wrong cop to cross.

Oh!

[screaming]

[both groaning]

Remember, officer...

I'll see you again... someday.

♪ Da da da ♪

I'd call you a hero,
but the word's not heroic enough.

It's just too bad you won't get a chance
to teach him another lesson, huh?

-I won't?
-Well, after what you did to him,

you're the last person he'd
want to see.

Yeah, you're right. He has
his freedom.

Probably forgotten I exist.
Sure, I'm safe.

[ringing] Hello. It's Cootie.

[stammering] Uh, get the door,
would ya?

Nobody here.

[Lucky] Oh no no! Not that door.
Some other door.

Keep checking--
look-- check all the doors.

Right, boss, my boss o' bosses.

[Cootie] Hello, officer.

[squeaky voice] No one here
by that name or any other name.

[ringing]

[speaking in Spanish]

-[teeth chattering]
-[ringing]

[imitates automated voice] At the tone,

the time will be 5:22 and 30 seconds.

[Cootie] You always were
a kidder, officer.

I can hardly contain my laughter.

[stammering] What can I do for you?

I have something for you.

Oh, that really isn't necessary
[whispers] really.

No, I never forget a debt and I waited
a long time to repay this one.

[gulp]

[crash]

[line disconnects]

[Bonkers] Why are you so tense?

Tense? Who's tense? I'm not tense.
I've never felt less tense.

[gasps]

That's him!

[dings]

[gulps] Boy, look at the time, would ya?

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

Well, quit time. Let's close up shop.

[bangs]

Oopsie.

[babbling]

Hello, officer.

Remember me?

Yeah! Uh... nice to see you.

[shivering] Is it me or is the sun
really cold today? [nervous chuckle]

Golly, you, uh, look good.
You haven't changed a bit.

No, I've changed a lot.

I spent 20 years in a place where
they expect you to change.

Driving too fast, driving too slow,
reckless endangerment of toons,

hot-dogging in a no hot-dogging zone.

[gasps] Let him go with a warning.

A warning?

Well, I'd like to warn you that if I ever
try to pull you over again,

then please beg you, ignore me.

That speed limit? Ha! For other people!

Red lights? Piffle!

Have a lovely day, Mr. Cootie. Bye.

That's Cootie?

You could take him one handed
tied behind your back blindfolded

drippin' wet in your stocking feet.

You're not giving me any special
favors 'cause we go back so far?

No. [nervous laughter]

Just a... public courtesy.

Good. I have a feeling

we'll be seeing a lot
of each other, officer.

[laughs]

[Lucky] Well, anytime.

[Lucky and Bonkers laughing]

Why are we laughing?

I still have something for you.

I'll give it to you when we're... alone.

[engine revs]

-[tires screech]
-[coughing]

Boss, I don't understand
why you let him go.

Understand? What don't you understand?

What's not to understand?

Be quiet.

Toons were meant to be seen, not heard.

-[Tires screeching]
-[Crashes]

[sighs] Better have the brakes checked.

Oh, come on, Lucky, get a grip.

Cootie won't do anything rash.

Wouldn't wanna risk going back to prison.

He... just thinks he can scare you.

Well, he doesn't know
who's he's dealing with.

-[gasps]
-Did I scare you?

Me? No! No. No, no. Of course not.

I'm just doing my fetal exercises.

Something's wrong, Lucky.
You can't hide it, little mister.

Now you tell Bonkie what's the matter

and Bonkie will make it all better.

It's only that, you know,

if Cootie does come back
to get his revenge--

Don't tell me! I know.

You do?

You're afraid of what you'd do to him.

Well, yeah, that could be.

You're scared for him because
you're capable of anything.

-A coiled animal ready to spring.
-A loaded g*n.

A one man army.

I'm a lean, mean, crime-fighting machine.

-[telephone ringing]
-[gasps]

Oh, uh, no reason to panic, pal.
It's just a... phone.

Officer, I think it's time
we had our little chat.

How's 3:15 sound?

Sounds fine.

Cootie's dropping by at 3:15.

Okay, raise your right hand.
Those of you who have hands.

I, state your name...

[in unison] I, state your name...

hereby swear to protect
Lucky from himself...

[all] Hereby swear to protect
Lucky from himself...

-[honk]
-I now pronounce you deputized.

[music playing]

Holy, man...

Is it me or is the air
conditioning really hot in here?

Sweatin', officer?

I know what it's like to sweat.

For 20 solid years.
You can't imagine what that's like.

Actually, I have a pretty good idea.

I don't think you do.

Yeah, well, be that as it may,

of course, I want to make
things right here.

Unfortunately, I only make
a policeman's salary,

but here's my life's savings.


A butterfly collection. I'm touched.

How generous of you to offer
your worldly goods to an ex-con.

It restores one's faith in mankind.

Really? Well then you'll take it
and kind of go away?

No! I don't want your possessions,
but I do have something for you.

Something I'll give you... later...
in private.

[Dyl] Darlin', are you stayin'
home from work again?

I heard there's a 75% chance
of meteor showers.

Well, now, yesterday it was sun spots.

And the day before that
it was k*ller bees.

Yeah. Neighborhood's
going downhill, all right.

Are you sure nothing's
bothering you, Daddy?

[stammers] Bothering me?

No. [stammers] Where did you get
an idea like that?

I just want to be near my
loving family that I hold so dear.

-[whirring]
-[snapping]

[crash]

Something is definitely bothering him.

It's nothing. Just a fellow
I put away is back

threatening to get revenge...

on me.

But there's no need to worry.

He has no idea where I live, so... pfft!

All right, dear.

[Marilyn] Okay, Daddy.
When's dinner, Mom?

[door closes]

Just because he's a dangerous,
hardened criminal,

I don't want you going off the deep end.

-I won't.
-Me, either.

And just because he's making
terrible threats on my life,

there's no need to get all worked up.

If you say so.

Oh, before I forget,

do you remember how we talked
about hiring a handyman?

Well, I found one.

Strangest thing. He wanted to know
how tall you were

and what size shoe you wear. [laughs]

Shoe? He's making a casket!

[hammering]

Is it me or is it drafty in here?

[crickets chirping]

[Dyl yawns]

[humming Cootie's tune]

[mumbling]

[talking in sleep] umm get 20 years
in the joint.

Oh, that music. Oh.

Aah! What's that?

[teeth chattering]

Wake up! Wake up! You were
having a nightmare!

I don't remember havin' one.

Oh those are the worst kind.

[gulp]

[humming Cootie's tune]

You know, I can't sleep either.

I'll think I'll go get a glass of
coward... I mean milk!

Remember, we have to keep
a close watch

for anything
suspiciously suspicious.

No one will get past us. I have
eyes in the back of my head.

See!

[wheels squeaking]

Look! It's Cootie! How did he
get past us?

[gasps]

Come on, guys. This is it!

[thrashing]

That's it.

I can't take it anymore.
If Cootie doesn't get me,

you and your toon friends will.

But we came to help.

What? To help destroy my life?

I can do that myself, thanks.

[crashes heavily]

[Lucky] Gosh, I could've sworn
I told you.

Must've slipped my mind
when I wasn't thinking.

Yeah. Won us a trip to Zanzibar.

Guessed how many
jellybeans were in that jar.

Dear, these tickets are one way.

Honey, get packed.
Plane leaves in an hour.

[feet sliding]

[gasps]

Where are you going, boss?

Someplace far...
very, very far away.

Someplace Max Cootie isn't.

You're not... running away,
are you?

Tell me you're not running away.

I'm not running away. And if
I don't hurry, I'll miss the plane.

But why?
You stopped Cootie once.

Some of what I told you before
wasn't exactly true.

Which part wasn't true?

The part beginning
with this is what happened

all the way to the end.

-Nah!
-[Lucky] Yeah.

-[Bonkers] No!
-[Lucky] Yes!

-[Bonkers shouts] No!
-[Lucky shouts] Yes!

[sighs] Yes.

[Lucky] Look, what really
happened was...

-[singing]
-♪ Da da da ♪

[parking meter ticking]

[bell rings]

[whistles]

-[engine revving]
-[tires screeching]

[pulley rattling]

What are you doing to my car?

[mumbles] I'm keeping a charge.
Please don't hit me.

[toons screaming]

[tires screeching]

Good work, Pickle.
Saw the whole thing.

Pure, dumb luck.

But you did it!

-It's Piquel, sir.
-Whatever.

I was just in the wrong place
at the right time.

I'm no hero, Bonkers.

I'm not even fit to walk
in my own shoes.

[Dyl] You know, I think you're
doing the only sensible thing

by skipping town.

By the time we get back,
all of this will have blown over.

Daddy, don't feel bad.
If I were you, I'd run away too.

Now everybody knows.

I'm nothing but a big, fat,

no-good, thumb-sucking,
whimpering, sniveling coward.

True, but you're our big, fat,
no-good,

thumb-sucking, whimpering,
sniveling coward.

But don't worry. I have a plan.

I don't like it already.

We'll set a trap.

What kind of trap?

You go on a trip. Zanzibar's too far.

We'll let Cootie follow you.

And then, when he makes
his move, kerbang!

-[bell dings]
-[birds twittering]

[crashes]

So, what do you think?

Lucky?

Lucky, we're trying to help you.
You can take a snooze later.

I can't put my family
in that kind of danger...

not to mention myself.

You won't.

Me and Fall-Apart, will dress up
like Dilandra and Marilyn

and go in their place.

We'll flush Cootie out!

Oh, that's stupid. It's dangerous,

and has absolutely no
chance of working.

Other than that...

So, you'll do it?

Yep.

-[animal sounds]
-[crickets chirping]

Oh, banana lips?

What a lovely vacation
spot, huh?

Just the three of us all alone
with no one to help us for miles.

How come I have to
carry the suitcases?

Lucky, we have to make this
look convincing.

Cootie may be watching.

All right.

Daddy, could I have some candy?

Yes, she's Daddy's little
girl, all right.

She has your appetite and
my nose.

[gulps]

You may have it back.

Marilyn! The things you say!

Yeah, the things I say, alright.

So, where's that candy already?

Shut up.

[splashes]

-[fireflies buzzing]
-[peacocks calling]

Huh! What's that?

Hello?

Who's there?

[squawking]

[gulp]

[growls]
[jaws snapping]

[duck quacking]

[croaking]

[all animals making noises]

[croaking louder]

[screams]

[splash]

[Bonkers] Takin' a dip, sweet pea?

I'm glad you found a way to relax.

[mumbling]

I'm goin' to pick up a pizza
while you're swimming.

Come along, my darling daughter...

[Fall-Apart] Okay, Mommy dear.

Bonkers, this whole trip
was a dumb idea.

Cootie's probably a
thousand miles away.

[bonk]

Officer.

[stammering] Cootie?

What a-- what a surprise.

You don't look happy to see me.

I'm happy. See?

You don't think I've forgotten
what happened 20 years ago?

-Do you?
-No.

I never welsh on a debt.

You can start now.
I'm okay.

I didn't come all this way for nothin'.

So, uh...

I guess this is it.

I guess so.

All right. No more running.

I know you're bigger than me
and stronger and tougher,

but I'm not afraid!

Just go ahead. Get it over with.

Thank you, friend.

Thank you for helping me
turn my life around.

What? Am I dead?

When I was in prison,
I did a lot of reading.

Earned a Ph.D. in Psychiatry.

Decided to help people
with grudges against toons.

Thanks to you, I'm a millionaire
several times over.

I just had to tell you in person.

Here... I brought you this token
of my appreciation.

It's a suit, it's not a casket.
It's a suit.

I love you, man!

We're not too late. Let's get him!

[hooting]

Charge!

Charge!

No, no, wait!

[Bonkers] Let me at him!

Stop!

[sighs] 20 years later,
he saves my life again.

[Lucky] Once more, the old,
fearless Lucky Piquel is back.

[inhaling sharply] Afraid of nothing,

a mean, lean, law
enforcement machine.

[gasps]

Yes, sir.

Today's the day I demand
that promotion

because I am one good cop.

Remember a guy you locked
up 10 years ago--

Manny, the maimer?

He got out yesterday.

[grunting]

[theme music playing]