02x10 - It's a Swamp Thing/Roll Out the Pork Barrel

[bunniefuu]

-[theme music playing]
-[barking]

[engine revs]

♪ I'm seeing lots of spots ♪

♪ Plenty of polka dots ♪

-[barking]
-♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ Can't catch a furry flurry ♪

♪ Running in a blurry hurry ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Canines on the run ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Them doggone dogs are fun ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Without fail you'll wind up
Chasing your tail ♪

♪ What's the harm
In revelrous adventures ♪

-♪ On the funny farm? ♪
-[clucks]

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

[barks]

-♪ Life's just a bed of roses ♪
-♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Fast friends with cold, wet noses ♪

♪ Through thick, thin, push and pull
It's 1-0-1 oh wonderful! ♪

♪ Just tons of fun ♪

♪ 101 Dalmatians! ♪

[Lucky] Gee, Colonel,

you must have seen a lot of action.

Oh, Lucky, my boy,
it's been a long, long road.

For example,

here I am
at the Great Grutley Kibble Caper.

Cool.

[Colonel] And here I am
at the infamous Flea Bath Uprising.

Oh yes, and this, this was taken

just before
my most harrowing mission:

Operation Chew Toy.

Wow, action and adventure,

and that cool thing
around your neck.

Oh, yes,

the regimental scarf.

Quite a beauty, eh?

Are you kidding?

I'd look great in one of those.

Tell you what, son. How would
you like to wear it for the day?

Seriously?

[Rolly] Hey, Lucky.

Are you comin' or not?

We're looking for rocks!

Whoa.

Where was this one taken?

Oh, it looks like a swamp.

Some call it that,

others call it the Widow-maker.

Satan's Punch Bowl.

El Perdido.

El Perdido?

Wow.

[Colonel] Whatever you do,

don't ever, ever,
ever step foot in there.

[Rolly] But the Colonel said

not to ever, ever,
ever step foot in there.

I haven't.

Yet.

I thought we were
looking for rocks.

[whimpering] Darkness.

Darkness.

Um, I think I hear lunch calling.

Let's go.

Come on, you guys.

Don't you understand?

We're on the threshold of greatness.

Where's your pioneer spirit?

Where's your sense of adventure?

Where's...

Whoa!

[gasps]

Where's the scarf?

We've gotta get the scarf back.

We need a plan.

We? A plan?
What plan? No plan!

We tell the Colonel, that's the plan.
Let's go!

But the Colonel told us
not to ever, ever, ever step...

Don't. Worry.

I just got a plan.

I don't like this plan!

[screams]

I hope you're satisfied.

Nope. We gotta try again.

[screams]

[all scream]

I knew it was her.

[screams]

[gasps]

[all yelp]

[all scream]

I said a scarf, not a muffler!

[animals howling and shrieking]

But the Colonel said

not to ever,
ever step foot in here.

We're not steppin'.

We're wading.

[all scream]

Welcome. Velkommen.
Bienvenidos.

Hi. I'm Lucky.

You certainly are lucky you met me
and I am lucky I met you.

End of story.
Can I interest you in a color TV...

knob?

How about a washer-dryer... lint?

Perhaps a kitchen sink... faucet?
'57 Chevy... muffler?

No thanks. We have one.

-We're looking for a scarf.
-Scarf! Mmm.

How interestin'.

We should discuss this
over a friendly game of Chance?

Round and round
and round she goes,

where she stops, nobody knows.

Easy.

Oh, that was so close.

Hey, that's attached!

Well now, I'm sure that luckity-luckity
luck of yours will kick in soon.

Care to go again?

Listen, rat, just tell us
how we can get the scarf.

Oh, you mean the scarf
I found in the swamp?

Yes.

-A fine Irish weave?
-Yes.

-Superb quality?
-Yes.

-Fine fringes?
-[all] Yes!

Sorry, sold it to the snake.

This time, I do the talking.

[clanging]

Yesssss?

Ahem. Excuse me, sir, may I...

Sssorry, I gave at the officcce.

[whimpers]

Well, that's that.

What's what?

We're not giving up that easy.

Ooh, I'm sensing
a little friction here.

Let's all put on a happy face

and try again.

What part of "no"
don't you undersssstand?

I sense the pain you're feeling.

And I've come to share with you.

To share and care.

Come on, guys!

Group hug!

Yesss, group hug.

I'm sure I can find time

to sssqueeze you
into my busy ssschedule.

That's better, isn't it?

Cadpig...

Now that we've shared with you,

will you share with us?

Cadpig!

Cccertainly.

Have you seen a scarf?

Cadpig!

Sssorry, I sssold it to Sssteven.

Ssslippery little sssuckers.

Thanks a lot, Cadpig.

He nearly squeezed
the kibble out of me.

We just gotta find this guy Steven.

Uh... look.

[chuckles nervously]

That's a Steven?

No problem.

I'll get it.

Don't press
your lucky-luck, Lucky.

This chicken ain't no chicken,
so step aside.

I got it!

Oh, hello.

You must be Steven.

[all gasp]

Hmm... five aces.

-Somebody's cheatin'.
-Incomin'!

[footsteps]

[all scream]

[clanging, yelling]

We lost him.

Ugh.

My dogs are killin' me.

"Dogs"? [laughs]

Everything's okay now.

We gotta get
the scarf back to the Colonel.

Uh-oh.

Don't worry. Just be cool.

I can handle the Colonel.

Just keep it quiet.

Act natural and he'll never know.

[Colonel] You ignored my warning
and went into the swamp, didn't ya?

Well, Cadets?

Ohh.

Yes! [sobs]

Why did you puppies
disregard my advice?

Well, sir, it was for a good reason.

We had to get your scarf back.

Oh.

The scarf can be replaced.

You can't.

Tibbs and I will have to consult
regarding a suitable punishment.

Cadets dismissed.

Well, they're a different generation,

you know, a free-wheeling,
thrill-seeking...

[Colonel] Yeah. It's a lesson
we've all had to learn.

[puppies cheering]

Go, Spot! Go! Go!

[puppies]
Yeah! Come on, Rolly!

[Spot] Gonna cross the finish line!

[breathing heavily]

[puppy] Yay Wizzer and Mooch!

You know, in a relay race,

they don't have a slow lane!

[grunting]

Princess, please.

You're embarrassin' me.

Just try rootin'?

Stick my nose in that?

Huh. Yeah right.

[gulping]

I don't mean to sound judgmental,

but do you have to be
such a colossal swine?

Oh now, sweetie pig, it's swill.

Not knowin' where it comes from
is half the fun!

Forget it.
I'm ordering dim sum.

Oh, I've had it with you, missy!

Didn't I tell you not to use
the tree branch after you eat?

Now we're gonna miss Thunderbolt.

I think I'm retaining water.

I think you're retaining donuts!

Are you callin' me fat?

If the tree fits.

[grunts]

Oof!

Hey, is that swill?

Oh, my life is miserable.

My life is miserable.

Well, she won't root,
she won't waller,

she surely won't gorge.

I'm tellin' you, boy,
if I didn't know different,

I'd swear she weren't no pig.

"Rolly, you eat too much."

"Rolly, you sleep too much."

"Rolly, your butt
is blockin' the sun."

Why don't they just
come out and say it?

"Rolly, we think you're a pig."

I'm tellin' you, son,
we'd make the perfect pair.

Ahh, I just don't know, sir.

Call me Ed.

Oh, maybe I have been
too hard on Daddy.

After all,
someday this will all be mine.

Yep, someday this will all be yours.

-[gasps]
-The straw...

the mud, even the manure.

But why me?

Because you need somebody
who would appreciate you

and I need a protégé.

A what?

A what?

Protégé, you know, an heir,

a next-in-line.

After all, somebody's gotta
be mayor when I retire.

But what about Dumpling?

Yeah, what about Dumpling?

Look here, I love Dumpling.

She's the apple of my eye,

my little puddin' pie.

But let's face it.

She'll never be
half the pig you are.

Think about it, son.

Fame, power, slop,

and riches beyond belief!

Oh, wow!

Of course, this is a big decision,

so you should take your time.

Think about it.
Don't rush into anything.

What do you mean
you're moving out tonight?

I told you, I don't want to stay
where I'm not appreciated.

But you're gonna miss out.
Nanny ordered us a big heap of treats.

I don't want your treats.

You called me a pig,
you treat me like a pig,

so I'm gonna go be a pig!

Well... good!

That leaves more food for us!

Yeah, and more room.

Ahh, once you start missing us,
you'll be back here

with your tail between your legs.

He will be back, won't he?

[both laughing]

[gulping, grunting]

[muffled shouting]

[both] Huh?

Hmm...

Bring the rope.

Eh, Jasper?

[gasps]

Hey! Hey! Come back!

Aah! Somebody stop that truck!

-No!
-[groans]

Rolly and Ed love living together.

Oh yeah, trust me,
today it's the honeymoon phase.

Tomorrow, divorce pork.

You guys comin'
to the big celebration?

What celebration?

"Ed Pig invites you
to celebrate the arrival

of City Hall's newest,
permanent resident, Rolly."

Why didn't we get invited?

I'll bet Rolly wants
to ask us in person.

It's so much more... personal.

Hey, Two-Tone.
You comin' to my party?

I think so.

Oh, maybe not.

I'll try.

Can I get back to you?

Well, I hope you can make it.

All my friends will be there.

And now for the second phase
of the grieving process...

anger!

Now don't eat the bunting, son.

You're the best, Ed.

You've given me a home,
taught me the ropes,

and now you're gonna
throw me a party

with your own food.

[chuckles awkwardly]
About that my own food part...

[Rolly] Those must be the treats
Nanny ordered for the dogs.

Heh. Correction: they was for the dogs.

Now they're the chow for your party.

All's you gotta do is get 'em.

I can't take those!

Of course you can't.

They're way too heavy, boy.

That's why I hired help.

Howdy.

Uh, can I talk to you in private?

Sure, son. Take five.

[grunts]

[groaning]

Ah-ah-ah.

Save it for the chicken.

I can't steal from my family.

h*, h*, h* now, this ain't stealin'.

It's an involuntary
campaign contribution.

What's eatin' you, golden boy?

Your dad wants me
to steal from my family.

[scoffs] It isn't stealing.

It's an involuntary...

[both] Campaign contribution.

I know, but I still can't do it.

Even after everything
that's happened,

they're still my family.

Great, you squeeze me out

so that you can be
Daddy's protégé

and now you won't play his game.

If you can't stand the stink,
get out of the sty.

[gulps] And go where?

I can't go back to the barn.

I've burned that bridge.

Hey, you want out and I want in.

Maybe it's time we join forces.

[rooster crows]

Oh well, well, well,

if it isn't my favorite pig-dog.

Did you get the food?

Oh yeah.

I got so much food,
I thought I'd start the party early.

Uh... Glorioski,
you should've woken me, boy.

I got me a three-hour
welcomin' speech to give.

[animals chewing]

[whimpers]

That's my chow!

You promised them a feed,
I delivered a feed.

Well, you couldn't take
the doggy treats, huh?

Well, that's just fine.

From this day on,
you're no pig of mine!

Get your snouts out of my food!

[chickens clucking]

Actually, Daddy,
by using your own chow,

you come across
as a real hog of the people.

And with the upcoming election,

that's gotta be worth
its weight in votes.

Get your snouts back in my food!

[chuckles]

The party's on me!

Great idea, pumpkin.

Not only are you
beautiful and fragrant,

but you're smart too.

Heh. Looks like I had me
a protégé all along.

Come on, partner.

Let's eat.

[barking on TV]

Rolly loved Thunderbolt.

This whole thing is your fault.

You were the one
who called him slow.

Me? What about Cadpig?

She used the words "colossal swine."

You know, I think that we've entered
the third stage of grief here:

blame.

And I blame both of you!

[arguing]

[door opens]

At my urging,

Rolly has graciously decided
to give you another chance.

Well, I don't know
if we want him back.

He did kind of blow us off.

Hey, I don't know either.

You guys were really mean
to me, and, uh...

[both] I love you, man!

[both] Group hug!

[theme music playing]