02x17 - Dog Day AfterToon

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[snoring]

[alarm rings]

[announcer]
It's the Pitts and Smarts show!

Pitts and smarts? I just love those guys!

Oh, boy. This is one of their best.

[tires squeal]

[yawn]

Oh! Such a big yawn for such a widdle boy.

Good thing it's nappy-time
for mama's widdle sweepy baby.

[yawn]

[whimpering]

[gulp]

[wolf whistle]

[tapping]

[breaking flower pot]

The flower pot gag... pure genius.

Don't worry, widdle kitty.
The bad old arf-arf won't scare oo again.

Mommy took care of him.

Now, o take a kitty nap while mommy
fixes baby his foodie-woodie.

[women] Time for din-din.

Eat up, dog.

And don't forget to drink.

You don't want to get dehydrated
and pass out again.

Wakey-wakey, lovey-dovey.
It's time for lunchie-wunchie.

Mommy hopes her widdle
sweet pea is still hungry.

[meow]

Huh? [meow]

[humming]

[chuckles]

Huh?

Gee, if it wasn't for work,

I could stay home and watch
my favorite anvil gag.

Oh, life is so unfair sometimes.

Whoa!

Bleh!

[woman] I hope my precious poopsie
is hungry for his little snackie-poo.

Huh?

Bon appetit.

[laughing]

[yawn]

[b*mb dropping]

Huh?

[yawn]

[man] Well, we've seen enough.

You've seen enough? What about me?

Week in and week out, the same routine.

I am sick of it!

[coughing]

Well, that's why we called you
in, Mr. Pitts.

Really? Great.
So next episode, what, we blow up the cat?

There, uh, won't be a next episode.

Severance pay? You're firing me?

Pitts, babe, The Pitts
and smarts cartoons are passe.

Way too violent.

And the cigar is a no-no,
so you gotta go-go.

Ooh, they're gonna pay for this.

They're really gonna-- hold it!

The Hollywood monument bank.

Yeah, that's where they keep their money.

Well, now it's my money!

The line starts back there.

Hello. May I help you?

Yeah, gimme all the cash in the Pitts
and Smarts cartoons account.

Oh, so this a heist, a rip-off,
a stick-it-up, yes?

Okey-dokey.

[alarm rings]

Who? Huh? What was that?

[laughing]

What's so funny?

Only a toon would be dumb enough
to rob a bank in front of a cop.

Now, you gonna come quietly,
or do I have to get rough--

Drop 'em, or we're all kibble.

Talk about making an impression.

[announcement] Fan out
and secure the area.

What's the scoop?

We got a bank robbery in progress.
The code red.

One more yard and he's got a first down.
I'd better go intercept him.

One, two, three. Heh heh heh.

[telephone rings]

Hollywood monument bank.

Oh. It is for you, Mr. Dog person.

Hey, hiya, chief.

Hello, Binkers.

Uh, chief, who's on the phone?

Phone? Oh. Can't talk, bungles.
I'm on an important call.

We've got a bank robber in there.

Ooh, it's just like in the movies.

I'll bet he's got
a list of demands, right?

Uh, demands?

Demands?

Yeah, demands.

Hello? Hello?

Here, Boppers, you try.

I can't understand a thing.

Hello, ba-aby.

Here. Tell 'em I mean business.

Who is this?

Bobcat?

Sarge?

What are you doing here?

I'm a c*ptive, you jerk,
its a mad pit bull in here.

Well, feed him a doggy treat.

He's a toon... with a b*mb!

A b*mb?

Sarge, this is serious.

So what does he want? A tennis court?

A swimming pool?

No, he doesn't want a swimming pool.

Yeah, that's what I want-- a pool!

He wants a pool.

Check. One swimming pool.

You want that with or without
a diving board?

With...

Or I throw the b*mb.

Sure, I can get you one of those. Uh-huh.

And how about...

ooh, yeah. You read my mind.

Oh, excellent choice. Good.

So, let me see if I've got everything.

Hi. Let me explain how this works.

They gave you what you want.

So, now you give them what they want.

Okay. Like what?

I don't know. How about us?

[announcer] Hold your fire.
They're coming out.

Say what you know,
I must be getting good at this.

Wait.

Where's the Sarge?

Ooh, the dirty dog is holding out on me.

Okay, Pitbull, I got one thing
to say to you. And that is--

[Bonkers] Pitts!

[Bonkers] You got five seconds
to surrender to Sarge,

or I'll be forced to...

really insult you a lot.

What was that?

That's Miranda!

That's close enough.

Stay calm, Bonkers. We're okay.

Oh, yeah. Having a swell time.

Say... don't I know you?

Bonkers D. Bobcat, Hollywood P.D.

Hey, you're Pitts of Pitts and Smarts!

You do a great anvil gag.

You know it?

Do I know it? Just watch.

Ta-da!

Wow!

What is this, a class reunion?

Say, Pitts-a-rooni,
let's talk, toon to toon.

You let Sarge and Miranda go,
I'll put in a good word for ya.

Why should I trust you?

I've already gotten you everything
your heart desired.

A genuine imitation latex rubber chicken,

a slightly used banana cream pie,
even your very own fairy godmother.

I don't need that junk.
I need my job back.

I want to be a star again.

Poof!

You are a star!

I didn't mean that kind of star.

All right, forget it.

Forget everything.

All I want is a getaway car.

How about a getaway tricycle?

You're not taking me seriously enough.

Deal's off. I'm not letting anybody go.

You clowns better start
taking me seriously...

or else!

How could I know Pitts wanted to be
the first toon on Good Morning, Hollywood?

Well, Bonzo, you can't think
of everything.

Yeah, but sometimes
I can't think of anything.

Chief! That's it!

When you just can't think,

When your mind is mud,

when your brain is a total vacuum tube,
what do ya do?

Well, I nap.

No. You watch television.

I gotta get out of here
and turn this thing around.

Love to help you on that, Sir,
but I'm a little tied up right now.

Would you rather sit around
till Bobcat gets us blown up?

Hey, he never let us down before,

in any big, permanent kind of way.

Every Pitts and Smarts cartoon you got.

And by the way,
you sell any He's Bonkers videos lately?

[laughter]

Don't you know smoking's bad
for your health?

Hey, I been blown up 2,166 times.

You think I'm worried about
a little cigar smoke?

I'm Pitts. Nothing scares me. Nothing.

Pitts, come out this instant.

You know what happens when I get angry.

Not the boot! Naw, not the boot!

I hate the boot.

Pitts, you've been a very bad do--oog!

Hmm. of course.

The anvil gag.

[train whistle] Huh?

Time for din-din.

Hmm.

Aha!

Yow!

It's that old anvil gag.

Anvil gag?

[Smarts] Hey-h*, Pitts. You in there?

So, what's the rub, bub?

Smarts.

Hey, smarts, is that you?

A little setback bring out the old grouch?

Ah, Smarts, you know I don't deal
with disappointment so good.

Remember to talk about the good old days.

Boy, we sure had some laughs together,
didn't we, Pittster?

Yeah, we sure did.

Listen, Sport.

What say we scratch this robbery routine
and mosey over to the set of my new show?

You got a new show?

Without me?

Smarts, thanks. enough said.

Trust me, Bonkeroo. I can play this
pooch like a fiddle.

I'll even get you a guest shot.

I got your guest shot right here.

Okay, I've had it.

All you cats can kiss
your whiskers goodbye.

What do I say, chief? What do I do?

Beg and plead?

I can do that.

Pitts, you got a deal.

You can have the money, a plane, anything!
Just put out the fuse!

Too late. He'll never buy it.

All right, toon cop. Deal.

[both] He bought it!

How am I ever going to find a getaway car?

[bell rings]

Official police business, Jitters.

Pitts robbed a bank.
He's demanding a getaway car.

But Bonkers, this is a gas truck.

That's okay. I don't mind.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Me, too.

Please, Jitters, do it
for all our good times we've had together.

We haven't had any good
times together, Bonkers.

What about the good times
we might have in the future?

If I go along with this,
I'm not sure I'll have a future.

Then you'll do it?

I will?

We will?

A toon gas truck?

Would you prefer to walk?

The getaway car is a toon gas truck?

It's all I could get on such short notice.

And for added safety...

We don't want the toon gas truck
to go poof poof, do we?

I know I don't.

All right.

-But Tiny, here, is my travel insurance.
-What, me?

To the airport, and step on it!

Whose idea was it to take the freeway
to the airport during rush hour?

I know a shortcut.

Excuse me. Oop--pardon me.

So sorry. Please forgive me.

I feel like a toon sandwich.

I'm a vegetarian myself.

[all] Aah!

I gotta get out of here!

Where do you think you're going?

Anywhere.

[screaming]

Toon tires have excellent traction.

-Toons to the right of me.
-Toons to the left of me.

It's driving me crazy!

Sheesh, humans have no sense of humor.

Relax. This is just an average, everyday,
run-of-the-mill cartoon chase.

[screaming]

[crunch]

[Pitts] Nice driving.

[Jitters and truck] Thanks!

[Pitts] Over there! That one!

Let's go, bud. I still need you.

Oh, I like that. Not even a tip.

I've got a b*mb! So get this thing moving!

[Miranda] Jitters, follow that plane!

Don't you know how to fly this thing?

Actually, no.

Okay, Pitts, let her rip.

Huh?

With this plane load of fuel,
it'll be the biggest bang of your career!

What's the matter?
Don't like getting blown up?

-Personally, we thrive on it.
-Right, sarge?

Uh... yeah.

In that case, live it up.

Yaah!

[exclaiming]

Good brakes.

Burn rubber!

-Ooh, that sounds like it would hurt.
-Just shut up and drive.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask.

Well, my lips are sealed.

Where's the b*mb?

-The b*mb?
-The b*mb!

All right, that's it.
I'm calling my agent.

From now on,
I don't work without a stunt double.

See? I am a star.

That's right.

And you'll be starring
in your very own show

for the next 20 years.

Thanks, Bonkers. You saved our lives.

Right, sarge?

[stuttering]

Oh sarge!

You so overwhelmed
that you're you're speechless.

I'm underwhelmed.

No, Miranda, you've got
the sarge all wrong.

He's really a sweet, sensitive,
emotional, tender sort of guy.

You know, the kind of guy
that keeps it all inside.

A real softy.

You know, hard exterior,
but with a heart. A warm, fuzzy heart.

[theme music playing]