03x04 - Goldijitters and the 3 Bobcats

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay I gotta go go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[male narrator] A long time ago,

before there was central heating...

suddenly toons discovered...

[playing chopsticks]

suddenly toons discovered...

Fire!

[all] Ohh.

[groaning in disappointment]

Soon man would embark on...
the quest for firewood,

-Firewood.
-[echoing]

Bonkers' speedy prehistoric
delivery service at your service.

Ugh ungawa.

"Ugh ungawa"?

What's the matter? Got indigestion?

Eat some bad dinosaur?

How about some bicarbonate?

Oh, I get it. You need art lessons.

[groans]

[coughing]

I recognize that cough.

-[coughs]
-[Bonkers] It's cave person, Fawn.

[ululating]

[teeth chattering]

[shivering] Say, it's a little chilly
around here, isn't it?

You know, you guys could
really use a good fire.

Oola boola!

[Bonkers grunting]

[gasps] Owa gowa.

Get it. If it's a fire you want,
then it's a fire you'll get.

All we need is some...

Firewood?

Talk about your vast wastelands.

Not to worry. I'll deliver some to you,
my sweet.

[squeaking]

"Jitters' cave o' inventions."

Maybe he's invented artificial
quick-start firewood.

Say, that's nice.

What is it?

Nooba gowa ahgeewa howa ma.

A cloud-watching machine.

You're not married, right?

[machine revving]

Say, you wouldn't happen to know
if there's any good firewood around here,

-Do you?
-Goonee ungawa.

Ooh!

Other side of the mountain?

Ah... figures.

Now what would fred and barney
do in a mess like this?

[machine vrooming]

Oh, goongoo gawa.

Don't worry.

We'll just fly right over
that mountain, and--

[both screaming]

[gurgling]

[coughs] Ow.

[crying] A gooba mooba gooba.

Oh, don't cry over spilled gooba, Jitters

We got work to do.

Firewood! And you're mine! Mine. All mine!

[struggling]

[banging]

[motor starts]

Un goon gawa nee!

Don't worry, Jitters

What could possibly happen
to your invention?

[crashes]

You knew this would happen, didn't you?

[squawking]

Come down here and fight like
a cave man, you coward!

You know, there's nothing wrong
with being a coward.

Don't let me bully you into a fight.

[snarling]

Whew!

Care for an after-dinner mint? Whoo!

Look, let's settle this like Neanderthals.

Come on!

Put 'em up, you overgrown lizard!

Ouch!

-[grunts]
-20 million years from now,

I could've struck oil.

I meant, let's settle this
like Cro-Magnon men.

Poker.

Ah, yes, excellent idea. Five-card stud.

Aces and 8's wild, pair of 7's gains all.

A hustler! I know when I'm licked.

Jitters! Jitters?

Ya-hoo!

-[grunts]
-[crashes]

[Jitters] Mata say hi lie.

"Mata say hi lie"?

Well, let's see what that means in
my English cave man dictionary?

"Remind me to invent the parachute"?

[motor starts]

[crashes]

Was it something I said?

Just one moment, chumps.

You wouldn't be interested
in a trade now, would you?

Trade?

What do you have in mind?

[machine vrooming]

[Bonkers] Look at him go!

Wonder if he's free Tuesday to do my lawn.

Gooba mooba ungawa.

Yeah, Jitters,
I know how to chop the tree down.

Hiya!

[grunts]

-[whimpers]
-[cracking]

Ohh. Ow.

What, you're so smart?

How are we going to get it home?

[teeth chattering]

[both shouting]

[crash]

[Bonkers yelps]

[cavemen howling]

-[grunting]
-One fire comin' up.

[squeaking]

[buzzing]

I've been away longer than I thought.

Oomba! Ugh!

This would probably be a good time to...

Fade to... black.

-In three.
-[squeaks]

[Bonkers]
Once upon a time, actually yesterday,

in a quaint cabin deep in the quaint woods
lived a quaint dog named GoldiJitters.

[GoldiJitters humming]

[Bonkers] Quaint, huh?

GoldiJitters was just sitting down
to his lunch of tepid tofu porridge,

high in vitamins, low in flavor,
when there was a knock at the door.

[banging]

[groans]

Come in.

[Bonkers] It was the three bobcats.

They've come to mooch some leftover
bean sprout and broccoli pie.

Appears they hadn't eaten since
breakfast and they were famished.

-Pass the salt.
-Don't hog the ketchup.

Put it in my food?

Uhh! Ahem.

I trust everything is to your liking.

Well, since you mentioned it,
this tofu porridge is...

Too hot.

And this tofu porridge is too cold.

But this tofu porridge is just right.

-Yum.
-[both] Really?

Um, oh, uh...

Hey, the little guy's right.

This is good, for tofu.

-[slurps]
-[gulps]

Yeah. Got any more?

That was my tofu porridge.

[Bonkers narrating] Totally bummed out,

GoldiJitters sulked
into the den to watch TV.

[in unison] TV!

[sighs]

[gasps]

This is a repeat!

[buzzes]

-[g*nshots on TV]
-This is too violent.

-[buzzes]
-[Bonkers] This is just right.

[bobcat 2] I know how to fix reception.

Oh, my show! My TV!

[Bonkers narrating]
Frustrated, flattened, and fed up,

GoldiJitters staggered off to bed

-to stare sleeplessly at the ceiling.
-[fly buzzing]

[in unison] Dibs on the top bunk!

[gasps]

This bed is too lumpy.

Ahh.

[muffled voice] This bed is too soft.

Ah! This bed is just right.

-[rumbling]
-Uh-oh.

[ceiling crashes]

Out!

[Bonkers narrating] And the three bobcats
ran off into the forest

to pester their other friends.

But don't worry.

They'll be back tomorrow.

[rumbling]

The end.

[GoldiJitters] I hate my life.

[Bonkers] Oh, I'm not ready for this.

Tuxedos and weddings
and rice that's too crunchy and...

I'm too young for this marriage thing.

I just, just... I don't wanna go...

[yells]

I can't go through with this.

Uh, Bonkers?

[crying] What?

I'm the one getting married.

You're my best man. Remember?

Oh, yeah. [chuckles]
got the ring right here.

[clock chimes]

It's time!

Oops. Time to go.

-Whaa hoo!
-[crash]

Relax. I'll have you
there in no time flat.

-[tires screech]
-[bangs]

-Oops. Somebody say "flat"?
-[tire hissing]

Nothin' to worry about.

No, sirree.

I'll have this puppy fixed in a jiff.

I took tire-changeology
at school, you know.

Uh, uh, uh, Bonkers.

What is it, Jitters? I'm busy!

Oops. Too high.

[struggling]

-[Jitters] Oh.
-[Bonkers] Don't worry.

I think I have the hang of it now.

[straining]

Oil can.

Hey, it works now.

There. All fixed.

Uh, Bonkers.

Yikes! I'm wearing the wrong color tux.

I can't get married like this.

Plan B. I'll get you cleaned up
before you say "I do."

I do.

[backfiring]

Not believe this.

Come on, Jitters I have an idea.

Hello. Department of Transportation?

Transportation Department, please.

Remind me to write
to my congressperson about this.

Now, to get that tux cleaned.

[both screaming]

[both panting]

[laughing]

I can't see! I can't see!

There's soap in my eyes.

-[stammering] Uh, Bonkers...
-[railway bells ringing]

[screaming]

Hey, this is faster than the bike.

But we're going the wrong way!

[panting]

Okay, okay, okay,
how was I supposed to know

it was the Orient Express?

[horns honking]

[both gasp]

[yelping]

Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

Aah!

[shouting]

[grunt]

You're slowing me down!

Get out!

But out is a long way down.

So take a parachute.

[both grunt]

Here. You share.

[both screaming]

Hey, you can't fall with a crooked tie.

Now come over here.

There. Now fall.

I hate my life.

Hello, Tonya.

Aah!

I knew I'd get him to the church on time.

[blows landing]

[screams]

Wrong church.

We got to keep going.

[siren wailing]

-[Jitters] Whoa!
-Jitters! Where's the church?

I don't know!

[both shouting]

[siren wailing]

[gasps]

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

That's the one!

[Bonkers] You're getting married
in a burning fireworks factory?

Poochkie!

[tires screech]

[both screaming]

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Poochkie!

Come to me, Poochkie!

Look out!

-Whoa!
-Yaa! Ha! Ha !

I love a happy ending.

[knocking on door]

[door creaking]

About time.

Pilgrim Turtle is here
with more firewood, Sir.

Put it in the fireplace.

[teeth chattering]

And raise the thermostat!

Daddy, why did we have
to come to the new world?

It's c-c-cold here.

Cold's good for you.

Builds character. Sharpens your senses.

[roof creaking]

Raises our insurance.

Daddy, we really should have
stayed back in England.

[groans] Why, you should thank me
for bringing you here.

Give thanks?

Hey, there's a thought.

Let's have a Thanksgiving feast!

[sniffing]

What's this?

Beans again?

No, this won't do.

What we need is...

The history book says
Pilgrims ate turkey, Sir.

Okay, we'll have turkey.

But who will deliver one
to us on such a cold day?

Did somebody say deliver?

Who are you?

Bonkerro de Bobcat, delivery person
to Christopher Columbus.

This is Pilgrim's time, your orange twit.

Oops! Just a minuteo.

Yeah. What's up?

[Fawn] We're having
our first Thanksgiving feast.

And Daddy would like
a turkey at the table.

[crashes]

[smoke hissing]

Well, chuckle my giblets.

Get me a turkey, Bobcat.

A turkey bobcat?
Never heard of such a thing.

But for Pilgrimer's Fawn, anything.

[turkeys gobble]

Now, now, ladies. Don't push.

There's plenty for everyone.

-Who are you calling a lady?
-[gasps]

[imitating John Wayne]
Take it easy, Pilgrim.

I'm looking for a turkey farm.

What do you think these are? Ant eaters?

Wow! Turkeys!

That's right. There's "Ishtar" over there.

"Bonfire at the Vanity"

-And there's Howard--
-[quacks]

Oops. Sorry. Howard's a duck.

[Bonkers]
I need a turkey for grumbles' feast.

Nobody's eating my turkeys!

Chill. Nobody's going to eat your turkey.

Pilgrim grumbles is inviting
one over for dinner.

Oh, in that case...

Tallulah's got great table manners,
and she's fun at parties.

[gobbles]

She's my favorite.

Well, don't worry.
I'm sure she'll be well taken care of.

Oh... she's a pretty turkey.

Uh-huh! We should toast her.

I'd rather roast her! To the kitchen!

[Jitters] No, no.

Is this any way to treat a guest?

She's not a guest. She's dinner!

Over his dead body!

Frankly, I prefer it over rice,
but if you insist.

[Jitters] Oh. Well, I... Oh.

[crash]

[gobbling]

Oh, how sweet.

Yeah, how can you cook her?

He's right, Daddy. How could you?

With a lot of salt.
Robert, throw them out!

[Bonkers] Hey, you can't do this!

I'll call my lawyer, my union,

my [screaming] mommy!

[thud]

Are we in Miami?

[imitating John Wayne]
No, we're in deep snow, pilgrim.

[gobbling]

[shivering]

Your pet's about to be cooked.

Tallulah, a main dish?

And speaking of dishes,
Fawn didn't like it either.

We gotta save your bird!

We must be devious, cunning,
and inventive.

[in unison] Too bad we're us.

[whistling]

Now, now. Eat...

So you can be real plump when we eat you.

Yeow!

[crashes]

Thank you.

[Jitters] So much for being devious.

[commentator]
He's at the 10, the 5! Touchdown! Chiefs!

[Bonkers as reporter] We interrupt
this game to bring you a special report.

All McDonald Turkeys are being recalled.

One of our representatives
will be at your door shortly.

[knock on door]

I'm here to take your turkey.

Why... sure.

[squashing]

Don't worry, Jitters I have one more plan.

I was afraid you would.

[Bonkers speaking in French accent]
Excusez moi.

We are Les Petits Mayflower Caterers,
here to prepare your feast, you know.

Hey. This is a nice surprise.

No, no.

This is not the way to cook a turkey.

Er, let me show you.

You season with vegetables...

You turn up the heat...

[screaming]

Where's Daddy?

On his way to a new frontier.

Speaking of which,
come to the new world often?

[grumbles falling]

Oops.

[collisions]

[Grumbles yelling] Bobcat!

[theme music playing]