01x37 - The Greatest Story Never Told

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

Good morning. Maury Danger here
with Police Chief Leonard Kanifky.

-Are we on the air yet?
-[clears throat] Um, chief,

the big question on everyone's
mind is just who will be

this year's Cop of the Year?

Ooh, now that is something
I'd like to know.

Go ahead. Whisper in my ear.
I won't tell a soul.

[sighs] Won't be me.

I never win anything.

Ah ah. Don't touch that dial.

[gasps] Ouch! Ouch!

Oh, Bonkers!

Lucky, I've got great news!

You know, you gotta try dunkin'
doughnuts in your coffee.

They're a lot easier to digest.

Anyway, as I wasn't saying,
the results are in.

You're in the lead for Cop of the Year!
See? You're way ahead.

You're holding the chart wrong.

He's right. It's wrong.

As wrong as a wrong number.

Oops.

So you're, uh, [giggles] behind a little.

You could still win.

Oh, Bonkers, face it.
I don't stand a chance.

-But you will...
-Huh?

Once you get the ♪ publicity, ♪

which I've arranged
for and which should be here any--

-Hi. I'm Zoom.
-I'm the Big Boom.

-Babe, hey, lookin' good.
-Don't be shy. Speak right up.

Hi-h*, Bobcat. Good to see ya.

[bang]

Who are they?

[Bonkers] "Who are they?"

Only the writers, directors,
and hosts of the hit show, Cops R Us.

And they want to feature you
on their show.

Oh no. No way. Huh uh.

But everyone will watch.

They'll call in.
You'll be Cop of the Year!

Forget it! I don't need any more
toons following me around.

Besides, TV makes you look

Not to worry. With the right clothes...

A little makeup...

And a big, fat wide angle lens...

The public will love you.

-You really think so?
-Know so.

-No doubt.
-Cop of the Year.

Well...

Okay. You can do it.

-I hear ya' talkin'.
-Hey, we are rollin'.

And just try not to get in the way. Ok?

Trust me. You won't even
know they're here.

[Lucky snoring]

[gong rings]

[gasps]

[groaning]

Oh, man.

Shh!

Don't wanna wake the wifey.

What are you doing here?

Videotaping you.

For Cops R Us.

Oh, no, you're not. No. No. No. No. No.

-[Lucky] Everybody--
-Color me gone. No problem.

[Boom] We'll just make someone
else Cop of the Year.

Fine. Being a cop isn't
about winning awards.

It's about catching the bad guys.

Okay.

But, remember... awards lead
to promotions.

Promotions?

Um... uh, say, fellas?

[chuckles] On second thought, uh,
why don't you stay?

Um, after all, a little publicity
never hurt any--

-[crashing]
-[groaning]

Honey?

Lucky? [yawns] Did you say something?

Now don't forget,
speak up and into the mic.

Yeah, babe, but try not to jerk
your head around so much.

So, Lucky, when are you
going to start showing off

what a great crime fighter you are?

When there's a-- move this thing.
When there's a crime to fight, Bonkers.

Look, this is real life.

Crime just doesn't happen 'cause
the cameras are rolling, all right?

Help! Help! A mugger! A mugger!

That Masked Mugger stole my purse!

[laughs] It's show time!

-[running footsteps]
-[chase music playing]

[all grunt]

Remember! Don't get in the way!

Now, uh, is my tie straight?

[slurp]

-How am I doin'?
-Cop of the Year.

[man] Help! Police!

Uh oh! Looks like a crime!

[stammers] But I've already got a crime.

My little kitty cat climbed up
the tree and won't come down.

[scoffs] His little kitty's
stuck up a tree.

Look, I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm a crime fighter and--

[Zoom] Oh, that's it, sweetheart.
Look into the camera.

[Boom] Good. Speak into the mic.

Remember your public.
The little man on the street.

-Cop of the Year.
-Right. Right.

[chuckles] I'd I'd be happy to help...
little man on the street.

I'll just climb right up.
[mumbles] Oh, man.

No problem. [grunts]

I'll have the little guy down
in a second. Hold on.

Oh my goodness. [nervous chuckle]

Nice kitty.

-[leopard snarling]
-[Lucky yelling]

[gasps]

[panting]

That wasn't [stammers] so bad.

[branch creaking]

[crashes]

-You forgot the little kitty.
-[Lucky groans]

Oh, officer. I don't know how
I can ever thank you.

[slurp]

[straining] Get a smaller pet.

Hmm... I wonder where those cops went?

Hmm... I wonder where that
Masked Mugger went?

Well, it's just a guess,
but I'd say he went that away.

[dings]

Huh. What do you know?

The stolen purse.

-Amazing!
-What a detective!

[grinning] I'm doing pretty good, huh?

Cop of the Year.

Yeah, well... [chuckles]

[stammers] I still haven't caught
the crook yet though, so you know...

[baby crying]

Officer Piquel, ma'am.
What seems to be the problem?

Stanley won't stop crying.

[crying]

-Coochie coochie coo-- [grunts]
-[squirts]

Don't worry, Lucky.
I got just the thing to cheer up the kid.

-[babbling]
-[clapping]

Ta da!

How sweet.

[mugger] Hey, clown cop!

You lookin' for me?

[blows raspberry]

[music playing]

Stop! Or I'll--

pollinate ya?

Oh, boy. This guy needs help.

[grumbles] I mean freeze or I'll--

spritz ya?

Well, why not?

[chase music playing]

[grunts]

[bang]

That's my partner!

[Boom] Beautiful, baby!

Hey, that's a wrap!

I gotta hand it to you, Bonkster.
Having me appear on Cops R Us

was definitely one of your better ideas.

-Cop of the Year!
-[nose honks]

[Lucky] Um, Bonkers,
don't you think you're carrying

this celebration a little too far?

Hmm. Yeah.

Maybe the balloons are a little dos mucho.

I'm talking about the marching band, th-
th-the juggler, and... and the spotlights.

[marching band music]

Just how much is this party gonna cost me?

Lucky, Lucky, Lucky. You can't
put a price on greatness.

Besides... when the chief sees
your episodes of Cops R Us tonight,

your promotion is in the bag.

Great job, Pickle.

Oh, thank you, sir. Uh, but you
haven't seen the show yet.

Show? I'm talking about this bean dip.

Tasty, piquant, smooth with just
a touch of the humps of the bean.

Mmm.

[crunches]

Oh... I'm so proud of you, hon!

My Dad! A TV star!

Wait til the kids at school see this!

-[drum roll]
-[loud horn]

-Welcome to Cops...
-R Us.

-Tonight, we present...
-A day in the life of...

-[Zoom] Lucky Piquel!
-It's my partner!

[Zoom] No ordinary man...
Detective Lucky Piquel is a cop

who meets his responsibilities head on.

[snoring]

[gong sounding]

[grunts]

[groaning]

[all laughing]

[half hearted laugh]

Piquel, there's a man on the TV
looks just like you.

Acts like you too.

A real risk taker... Detective Piquel
always goes out on a limb

for his fellow citizens.

-[Lucky gasps]
-[screams]

[all laughing]

[stammers] Uh... maybe I'd better
change the channel.

[laughs] Are you kidding?

This is the funniest show
I've seen in years.

[everybody laughs]

Right.

Real funny.

Detective Piquel is a caring cop...
an unusual cop.

Oh. That's more like it.

A most unusual cop.

[all burst out laughing]

[hooting]

And you can rest assured
Detective Piquel always gets his man.

[female officer] Even if it's a baby!

[officers laughing]

[male officer] Atta baby!

I'm doomed.

And so we give you...

Detective Lucky Piquel, a fine cop.

[female officer laughing]
But an even better clown!

Doomed.

-[music playing]
-[laughing]

Piquel's career will see some
motion this time [laughing]

A de-motion!

[laughter continues]

I can't believe it.

I wanted to be Cop of the Year.

Instead I wind up Clown of the Year...

and all because of you
and your toon friends.

Well, hon, if it's any consolation...
you make a real cute clown.

-[smooch]
-Especially with that cute honker.

Beep beep!

[chief] Pickle?

Sir?

I'd like to keep this our little secret.

Right, sir. I--I understand.

So... what is it?

-What is what, sir?
-[laughing] The secret!

The secret recipe
for this marvelous bean dip!

[sighs] The bean dip.

-Right.
-[chief munching]

Uh, sir, about the show--

Sorry... can't stay for a show.

Tonight's my Kabuki bowling night.

Have to shake a leg.

[door slams shut]

[sighs] This is terrible.

I'll say.

The chief left without the
bean dip recipe.

The bean d-- [scoffs]

I'm talking about my reputation!

Thanks to your buddies, Doom
and Gloom, whatever name was---

I'm ruined!

And you can forget about Cop of the Year.

Yeah, but you said it yourself--

"Being a cop isn't about winning awards,
it's about catching the bad guys."

And you did catch the Masked Mugger.

Well that's true. Yeah, I did, didn't I?

Yep. Too bad he escaped today.

Escaped? The Masked Mugger
escaped? Why didn't you tell me?

'Cause you didn't ask.

-[bang]
-[splat]

Mmm!

Oh... this bean dip is good!

Lucky, you got to give me this
recipe. [smacking lips]

[sad music playing]

Honkity-honk!

That's not funny.

Oh... cheer up, Lucky.

All we need are a few good clues

and we'll get that Masked
Mugger right back.

Yeah, right.

But how am I ever gonna
get my reputation back?

Don't worry.

Probably no one even saw
last night's show.

[Newspaper vendor]
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Cops R Us ratings soar
with clown cop episode!

[whoosh]

[boing]

[cymbal clash]

That's just great.

Say, you are very photo-genetical.

Mind if I keep this in my scrapbook?

-[cutting newspaper]
-[flipping pages]

Hey. Hey! What do you say?

You guys!

When I get my hands on you,
you'll make news at 11!

-Whoa! Look out.
-I hear you talkin'!

[shrill music]

[loud whistle]

Penalty! 5 yards. Playing without a ball.

This isn't a game!

This is my career they're playing with!

[Bonkers gagging]

Oh... he's angry about last night's show.

That was a mistake, you know.

[whirring]

Working with you guys was the mistake!

So that would mean, I guess,

that you don't wanna work
with us ever again. Am I right?

Bingo.

Even if we don't know where the
Masked Mugger is going to strike next?

That's right. Even if you do know where--

You know where the Masked Mugger
is gonna strike next?

Bingo!

And this time when we
tape you making the arrest,

we'll make sure the world sees
the real Lucky Piquel!

[Bonkers muffled] Cop of the Year,
here you come!

Well... maybe,

but this time you'd better
not make me look like a clown!

[suspenseful music playing]

[handcuffs clanking]

I still can't believe it.
How did you two yay-hoos know

the Masked Mugger would be robbing
this jewelry store?

Hey, hey, hey, babe,
I'm a reporter. I got a nose for news.

This is sure to make you Cop of the Year!

Gee, Cop of the Year.

Can I have your autograph?

My autograph?

Ha! Uh, sure. Um, why not?

Do you think you could take our picture?

It's for my mother.

Oh, sure, we could do that.
Come on, come on!

Well, I--I-- I don't know.

And, uh, do you think you could
remove the handcuffs?

You know... just for the picture,
for my mother... my poor, sweet mother?

My dear little old motherly mother... my,
my sick, tenderhearted, angelic mother?

All right, all right, you made your point.

-Did I mention arthritic?
-One quick picture.

-Say plea bargain!
-[camera clicks]

The Masked Mugger! He's gone!

[jewels rattling]

Well, at least you stopped him
from stealing the jewels.

[Boom] Bonkers is right.

And after tonight's special edition
of Cops R Us...

you'll never have to worry
about being a hero again.

[happy music playing]

Awfully good of you to stop by
and help out with this bean dip, Pickle.

I want to make up a real big
batch of it...

so I thought I'd take a tip
from the wine country,

mix it up right here in the office.

What? Uh, oh, th-th-that's
a great idea, sir...

[squishing noises]

But the real reason we're here
is so that you can watch...

Cops R Us!

A very special edition.

And guess who the special guest is?

Stay tuned and see Detective
Piquel sign a confession...

linking him with the Masked Mugger!

See? I told-- [gasps] what did he say?

Th-that's a lie! That's a lie!

The camera never lies.

Cop clown turns cop criminal next--

on Cops R Us.

[remote clicks]

[sighs]

Oh, Bonkers, will you please stop this?

I didn't do anything wrong.
I was with you, remember!

You're right... and that can only
mean one thing--

I was your accomplice!

No, you weren't.

-Alas, where did I go wrong?
-You didn't.

-Toon cop to toon criminal.
-To toon loudmouth.

-Was it my poor upbringing?
-No.

-The sugar in my cereal?
-Bonkers.

-The starch in my socks?
-The rocks in your head!

Bonkers, you're acting ridiculous.

You're right. I don't even wear socks.

No, I mean you were not my accomplice!

-Aha! So you did act alone!
-Well, I wish I were now.

Sorry, Lucky. I'm gonna have
to throw the book at you.

[Lucky] Fine.

What's your preference? Romance or sci-fi?

Will you listen to me for a minute?

Zoom and Boom are trying to frame me!

[camera shutter clicks]

Well, now you have a picture
to go with that frame.

Bonkers!

I know. I know,
don't forget the fingerprints.

-And thumbprint.
-I'm being set up.

-Toeprint.
-Those two toons are the criminals.

Newsprint.

Faceprint!

[Lucky screams] I'm clean!

I don't know, you look pretty dirty to me.

And now, let me show
you to your new quarters.

[handcuffs jangling]

Here you go.
Your very own semi-private room.

[inmates growling]

Bonkers: I believe you all
know each other.

[dramatic music playing]

In fact... I think you put 'em all here.

[growling]

And notice the comfy sleeping
accommoday-shee-onays.

-[chains rattling]
-[yelps]

[grunting]

[pop]

Plus... this state-of-the-art sink

is equipped to have cold
and colder running water.

-[teeth chattering]
-Yep, I think you're gonna like it here.

[inmates growling]

Uh, B-Bonkers!

How--how long do I have to stay here?

As long as you like. Your wife bailed
you out a half an hour ago.

[sighs] Oh, man, why me?

Oh, who else would she bail out,
you puddin' head?

[jail door clangs]

[Zoom] Hey hey... the ratings are in!

Tonight's show was number one!

Thanks to your nose for news.

Oh, couldn't have done it
without you, Boom.

What about me, my happy little elves?

As your producer, I deserve
a little credit too, don't I?

Oh, you're right, boss.

[laughs] But the real credit goes...

to our cop clown!

[Bonkers] Honk! Honk!

Did someone mention clown?

-[honking horn]
-[unicycle wheel squeaking]

[crashes]

Honk! Honk!

Say... you look familiar.

That's because you've
never seen me before.

And I look just like all the other people
you've never seen before.

Actually, it's because you look just
like the Masked Mugger.

Which makes you the next
victi-- uh, star of...

[Boom] Cops R Us.

[music playing]

[Zoom laughing] Oh, I gotta tell ya,

this is a lot better than I'd planned.

Our ratings are gonna go Boom
right through the roof!

Oh, yeah. We show the Masked Mugger
getting rid of Bonkers...

And I say that I got my orders
from Detective Piquel,

my partner in crime.

[laughs]

-[Zoom] I like it! I love it!
-[all laughing]

Yikes! I always thought I'd leave
my mark on Hollywood,

but I never thought it'd be this messy.

Time out for a little exposition.

You guys framed Lucky
and you're getting rid of me

just for ratings, am I right?

We're doing it for our public.

Hey, babe, the public likes laughs.

So we gave them the clown cop.

And the public likes scandal.

So we gave them the criminal cop.

But most of all,
the public likes violence.

And that's where you'll come in.

Right.

Well, uh, say, first shouldn't
you get a close-up?

You know, he's right. Bring him
back for one final close-up.

Do you really think you'll
get away with this?

H-hey, babe, no one will
ever know the truth.

[Lucky] I'll know...
and so will thousands of viewers.

What took you, Mr. Prompt?

I just couldn't figure out how to work
out all the doo-dads on this camera.

Well, at least your plan worked.

Yep... and I've got all the evidence
I need right here on this...

tape.

[camera sputtering]

Get that tape!

-[Zoom] I got it!
-[Boom] I got it!

[mugger] I got it!

That's a wrap, people.

Cheer up, Lucky. So what if you
don't win Cop of the Year?

-After all--
-Being a cop isn't about winning awards.

It's about catching the bad guys.

What you said and this time you really
did catch the bad guys.

Oh, when you're right, you're right.

Awards don't mean anything, Bonkers.

Pickle, just came by to give
you your award.

I won the award! I won!

I won!

[laughing] I won! I won!

I won Cop of the Year! Cop of the Year!

[chief] I've never seen anyone
get so worked up

over winning Cook of the Year.

[chuckles]

Y-y-you mean Cop of the Year.

No... cook... for that delicious bean dip.

Entered it in my Kabuki bowling
league's cooking contest.

They loved it!

Go figure.

[theme song playing]