01x40 - A Fine Kettle of Toons

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
♪ Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[Lucky] "Congratulations,
Chief Leonard Kanifky

for 40 years' service
on our police force."

Whew!





At eight hours a day that comes out
to a long, long, long time.

I guess I ought to do
something for the poor guy.

I have a bright idea.

Who said that?

[glass breaks]

Bonkers leaves his toon friends
lyin' around all over everywhere.

I was merely going to suggest
a celebration to honor your Chief.

-Hey, I got it!
-[bulb breaks]

I could throw the Chief a party.

Sure... what a great way to suck up
to the boss.

And perhaps a nice engraved watch
to commemorate the day.

I could get him a box of candy too
or a watch!

Yeah... with something nice
engraved on it, something like...

-Congratulations...
-Congratulations...

-Chief !
-Chief !

The best of the best! A peach of a guy!

Prince among coppers.
An inspiration to us all.

Would that fit on a watch, I wonder.

Hmm.

No assignments. Must be a slow crime day.
I'll get to work on this right now.

-[Bonkers] A party? You party animal!
-[loud pop]

What a great way to suck up to the boss.

Well, yeah. Never mind.

The point is it's a surprise,
so keep your mouth shut.

Ooh, we'll need lots of party stuff.

balloons, a cheese spreader,
oh, and some cheese,

a mechanical bull and a cheese ball,
big tubs of tapioca,

[inhales sharply] maybe some cheese
wheels. Oh, a magician!

Oh, don't forget a cheese log.

Ahh, nothing as relaxing as a bit
of urban bird watching.

Yes, there's a pigeon...

and a pigeon.

And over there a pigeon...
next to that pigeon.

Oh and what's this?

A ruby-throated blue jay and
a great brown emu

or an ostrich or--
oh, it's only Pickle and Bonkers.

Where are they going?

They can't be out on a case
because there are no cases.

It's a slow crime day.

And why aren't they in their office doing
nothing like they're getting paid to?

Unless... [gasping] I have a couple
of gold brickers on my hands.

[thuds]

Rogue officers out doing heaven knows
what at the taxpayers' expense.

Oh, the Chief!

If he sees us, he'll think we're
goldbricking.

We are! Aren't we?

Don't get technical.

[tires screeching]

This won't do. Won't do at all.

I will, uh, launch a little internal
investigation into this matter.

[engine won't start]

Hollywood and Vine, cabby.

And make it snappy! This is an emergency!

[flustered] Th-This isn't a cab!

That's okay.
This isn't really an emergency.

Well as long as we agree.

[engine won't start]

-What is wrong with this car?
-I bet it's that "whosit" over there.

No, that's not it.

Hey, what was your name again?

Ha! That's a good one. Like I don't know.

[snap]

Yes? I'm all ears.

I noticed but I wasn't gonna mention it.

As I was saying...

[mumbling]

-Ah-choo!
-[expl*si*n]

I'm Fall-Apart.

Ooh, you certainly are.

Hmm... I wonder what this does.

Nothing much, but I'm fond of it.

[stretching sound]

You're a friend of Bonkers, aren't you?

Am I a friend of Bonkers?

I've known Bonkers
longer than he can remember.

Orange guy, first name with a "B."

I think it's a capital "B."
Yeah, I used a capital "B",

but I know him like the back of my hand.

Now where's the back of my hand?

I just had a thought.

I've had those.
They're scary, but just go with it.

You could help me find out
why he and Pickle are goofing off all day.

Goofing off?

That's why he hasn't called me lately.

Of course my phone's not working.
Could be nuts...

-You'll be my special deputy.
-[whap]

I'll put you on a crash
training course immediately.

Aw, I crashed before I walked.

Ah-ha!

Now I see the problem! This isn't my car.

Yeah, I hate when that happens.
Let's take mine.

[whistles]

I lived in the same house 15 years

before I realized mine
was actually two doors down.

Put the kids through college and
we weren't even related.

Now... the most important aspect
of undercover work

is mastering the art of the disguise.

Ooh, there's nothing like a good
disguise for--

Hello? Where'd he go?

Have you seen a rabbit named Fall-Apart?

Fall-Apart's missing?
I'm supposed to have lunch with him.

Oh, I see. He's disguised himself
thinking I won't recognize him.

Do you realize after 40 years on the job,

I can see through the cleverest disguise.

A good costume, but not good enough.

Now, come along. You have much to learn.

-The undercover officer...
-Like me?

-Yeah like you--
-I like you too, go on.

Oh, thank you. Now you must know
how to subdue a suspect.

Try the cuffs.

You have to speak up,
I left my glasses at home.

Cuff. Cuff, cuff, cuff, cuff.

Something go down the wrong pipe, sir?

Handcuffs! Here.

Oh, cuff.

-I knew there was a link.
-Not me. The dummy!

No, this isn't right!

Oh, you'll have to forgive me.
I just washed my hands

and I can't do a thing with them.

Like this?

Nothing like this.

Hey, hey, hey, let me try again.
One more chance to see me try [mumbling]

Just keep moving [mumbling] Will that do?

A bit unorthodox, but it does
accomplish the objective.

What's next? Oh boy!

Let's do this.

Oh, now I really don't know if you're
ready for b*mb disposal.

Careful, I've done this before.

I can do it with my eyes closed,
just watch.

[expl*si*n]

I knew you weren't ready
for b*mb disposal.

Excuse me! Do you see a b*mb?

No.

Because I disposed of it.

Yes, but... but I mean...

I suppose you did, didn't you?

[Lucky] Now we're just doing this
while we don't have a case.

We will make up these hours later.

Hey listen, no prob.
I'm just grateful for some screen time.

I've beginning to think
this was Fall-Apart's show.

[old car motor]

[Chief] And there are the suspects now!

Remember, we can't let them see us.

[metal clinking]

Over here... and act inconspicuous.

-In what?
-Inconspicuous.

-Inco which?
-Inconspicuous.

Incospciu--who?

-Don't call attention to yourself!
-You mean like talking real loud?

What was that?

Just some guy yelling at a rabbit.

Welcome to Crookshank's jewels.

I'm here to pick up a watch
for Chief Kanifky.

Yes right here. Fabulous, isn't it?

-Well, I, uh...
-And at a mere $75, it's a real steal.

[snap]

Of course there are taxes--

federal, state, local, county, city,
excise, incise and lower bicuspid.

And the handling fee per my

and a dollar for the presidential
campaign.

Bonkers, put that down!

A fee.

What are you doing? Give me that!

[Lucky] I apologize for my partner.

-Yeah
-Not that one. This one.

-Give me the watch.
-He got the watch.

-I have the watch.
-The watch is mine.

-[Bonkers] Here's the watch!
-[man] No, that's mine!

-[man] Don't take that one.
- [Lucky] I want this one.

Keep the one that you traced

Hold that!

Must you make everything so complicated?

[clank]

[music playing]

-What movie are we going to see?
-We're not seeing a movie.

-Then why are we waiting in line?
-We're not waiting in line.

If we are not going to movie and
not waiting in line, what are we doing?

-We're waiting.
-In line?

That's right.

But [clap] there for a minute, I thought
I was confused.

[exclaiming]

Back inside the store!

-They're making a get away. Come on.
-Wait!

Shouldn't we use disguises?

Oh, that's a very good idea!

Okay. I'm ready.

- Well, well, what about the disguise?
-I'm going as me.

If I went as anybody else, hmm,
they'd get suspicious.

Aha! I see your point!

And think of the money we save
on wardrobe.

Rabbit, I like the way you think.

-Is there a back way outta here?
-Yeah, out the back.

[slam]

[boing]

Sorry.

[crashing] Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Gee, did I say I'm sorry?

-[clunk]
-[diamond rolling]

-Ahem! Police business.
-Ahem! I'm with him.

[slam]

What's the Chief of Police doin' here?

They must be settin' me up for a raid.
I better get rid of the merchandise.

The watch! I've been taken.
Those cops took my take!

Pinky! Lee!

-[both] Yeah, boss?

That cop with a toon partner
stole my jewels. I want them back!

-[both] Yeah, boss.

And I don't care what
you have to do to get 'em.

[both] Yeah, boss.

If you have to hurt somebody,
then you have to hurt somebody.

[both] Yeah, boss.

Well?

What are you waitin' for?

Well, I think we lost 'em.

We're here for the Kanifky cake
and we're in a hurry.

Oh, you want the cake in a hurry?

Well, stop the presses.
Everybody, out of the water!

Hollywood.

Everybody in this town has an attitude.

This is an obscene abuse
of the public trust.

Heavens, man, keep your eyes on the road!

Okay, but I'm going to have a hard time
driving without them.

I wish I knew if the Chief knows
about the party.

What if someone was to snoop around?

Say, uh, hang out in his office and
find out what he knows.

[laughing]

Where are we gonna find anybody

foolish enough to risk life,
limb and paycheck to do that?

[laughing]

Why are you lookin' at me?

-[knocking]
-Eifchay?

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

He's sneaking into my office.

My one toon detective turning on me.

He must be after my job.

Oh, nobody wants my job.
Not even me and I already have it.

I'm gonna check up on Pickle.
You watch Bonkers.

But don't let him know he's being watched.

This internal investigation is top secret!

My lips... are sealed.

[mumbling]

Oh, I don't see it anywhere,
whatever it is I'm lookin' for.

Fall-Apart!

Who moved the door?

What are you doin' in the Chief's office?

Well I'm not watching you for one thing.

And don't even think of asking me about
the top secret thing.

What top secret thing?

It's about the Chief's
infernal infestation.

Now don't even try pryin' it out of me.

You'll get nowhere! Nowhere! You hear?

Bonkers?

Bonkers?

Gee, I could've sworn I was talkin' to him
right here. Let's see... [mumbling]

Let's see toothpicks, napkin rings,
cheese spreader.

Whoa!

The Chief!

[slamming drawer]

[drawer bursts open]

[splatters]

How many of these things
am I gonna have to buy in one day?

How many of those things
can he eat in one day?

[Bonkers] Spots, spots, spots!

There's something on your ear.
Oh no, that must be the bald spot.

Well what did you find out?

Aw, not much. Just that there's
a big infernal infestation going on.

Infernal infe...

Do you mean internal investigation!

-What bald spot?
-Well, all I know is

somebody's watchin'
somebody for some reason

and it is a tippety-top,
tip-top top-tippety...

Bonkers!

Will you do me a favor? Quit!

[thud]

Quit?

Really?

Bonkers, I meant... never mind.

Just tell me who is being investigated.

-Um... The Chief?
-The Chief?

Well, I-I thought he'd been actin'
weirder than usual.

Oh, man, this is bad.

He must be in serious trouble.

And then with that 40 year
anniversary comin' up...

whatever jam he's gotten himself into,

we're gonna get him out of it.
We owe him that much.

[Lucky] Those guys are internal affairs.

When you've been a cop as long as I have,
you can smell 'em.

-Let's go on the Chief before--
-Hey!

We're lookin' for a cop.

-I'm a cop.
-With a toon partner.

I'm a toon partner.

What did you do with the jewels?

-What jewels?
-The stolen jewels.

The Chief's been stealin' jewels?

[laughing] Wh-What he means is...

we don't know anything about any jewels
the Chief stole.

Which, I'm sure he didn't steal.

Let's find this Chief guy.

Come on! We have to get to him
before they do.

There he is!

[ding]

[ding]

[Chief] Ahh!

On their way to some
other non-event, I suppose.

Dilly-dally, dilly-dally all day long!

We're too late.

[Chief] It's Bonkers and Pickle !
And they've seen us!

Let's get out of here quickly!

[car rattles]

Oh, what's wrong now?
Is it the battery? How's the gas?

Fierce. I'm on that all broccoli diet.

Oh well, I'll just roll down the windows.

[bang]

[clang]

My car!

[backfiring]

[both] Oh!

[tires squealing]

Look! It's Fall-Apart.
He must be in on this too.

[Bonkers] Oh, no! My very best friend
in the world, a common thief.

[tires squealing]

[stammering] Pickle and Bonkers are
following us, while we're following them!

I don't follow.

We have to make a last-ditch effort
to save the Chief. [car crash]

Well, here's that ditch
you were looking for.

Well [chuckling] we've shaken
Pickle's tail.

[thud]

But now somebody's shaking ours.

It's a one-way street!

I'm only going one way.

[Fall-Apart] I can't watch! I can't watch!

[Chief] Watch! Watch! Watch!

[cars honking]

[Fall-Apart] Who are you? And you and you?

I'm the Chief, Fall-Apart.

Chief Fall-Apart?

You know I have the same last name.
I wonder if we are related?

This is obviously a kidnapping.
Remember your training.

Subdue the suspects.

Say no more, Chief Fall-Apart.

-[rumbling]
-[expl*si*n]

How's that?

[gasping] The technique is there, but we
need to do a little more fine tuning.

-[dogs barking]
-[birds tweeting]

[laughing] Well this toon breaks me up!

Sometimes I break myself up too. See.

What is this? You got the wrong cop
and the wrong toon partner.

What's his problem?

He can't keep his act together.

[both laughing]

Send him back with a ransom note.

Either we get the jewels
or this guy gets it.

[chomp]

[dramatic music playing]

[doors slam]

[Lucky] Oh, Bonkers,
I still can't believe it.

The Chief! Gone off the deep end!
A jewel thief at that!

[sigh] Well, 40 years. It could do
that to you.

[knock on the door]

How come nobody ever warns me
when this door's closed?

-Fall-Apart!
-Where's the Chief?

He's tied up.

"Return the goods
or the Chief is history."

So...

So, he isn't a thief after all.
We have to save him.

But we need a way into the hideout.

Psst, Chief. It's me.

I know who you are, rabbit.

No, no, no, no, it's me, Piquel.
Piquel? Pickle. See?

You forget, I am a professional.

I can easily tell that you've disguised
yourself as Pickle disguised as you.

[man] Hey, you!

Who, me?

Do that funny trick again.

[laughing nervously]

What funny trick would that be?

[laughing] The one where you fall apart.

Oh, yeah.

That one.

Yeah. Go on, go on.

Okay.

Oh, look. There goes my ear.

-[laughing] Go on. Keep on.
-Yeah! [laughing]

Hey, how about we see that ear again?

[laughing] Oh, no. Don't stop.
Keep on going!

Oops! My nose... fell right off.

Yep, I am falling to pieces.

-Now the leg.
-Yeah, do the leg!

Leg, huh? You want to see the leg?

Hey, how about we see that ear again?

[growling]

[grunting]

Can you beat that? It's stuck.

Um, so sorry, boys. That happens
sometimes. Maybe later, okay ?

We'll give you a hand.

Yeah, we can help.

Pickle? Is that really you?

What's goin' on here?

That's a cop who stole my jewels!

[stammering] I don't have any jewels.

But you do.

You took the wrong box.

See?

Take him apart, boys.

[Bonkers] Is this what you're lookin' for?

- Whoops! Fall-Apart, give me a hand.
- Okay.

Not for realsies.

-[both screaming]
-[loud thud]

Oh!

Good work, rabbit.

Ow!

Oopsie.

Are you all right, Leonard?

Leonard? Where do you come off
calling my Chief Leonard?

-I'm fine, F.A.
-F.A?

Pickle, your actions here today

almost make up for all the slacking off
you've been doing.

Slacking off? Sir, I-I don't remember--

Oh, no, no, no, no no.
I won't reprimand you.

Instead, I'm initiating a new program
for officers such as yourself.

A refresher course
in proper police behavior...

to be taught by our good friend F.A.

Fall-Apart Rabbit to you.

He's not even an employee
and he gets promoted before me.

-[crickets chirping]
-[Lucky] Ahem!

Uh, in celebration of, uh, 40 long years

of selfless service
to this fine department,

I... sir, I would just like to give you...

a really big thank you from, from us all.

That's it?

Well, no. There's, uh...

plus, oh, a hearty pat on the back

and, boy, congratulations, Chief--

uh, sir!

[clapping]

[crying] I don't know what to say,
except...

I was really hoping for a watch.

He was hopin' for a watch.

[theme music playing]