[Announcer] Higher Universe Pictures.
(birds chirping)
(upbeat music)
(roller skates rustling)
(skaters laughing)
What's up, buddy?
- Good to see you.
- How's it going?
Hey, how's it going?
Hooked up pretty good, check it out.
I'm saying, you know who hooked that up.
Hey.
(upbeat music)
Hey, Sagan, what's up?
Yeah, nothing much.
(lock clicking)
(card tapping)
Where'd you get this stuff?
I know a couple guys.
It's new.
(Sagan inhaling deeply)
(Sagan gasping)
(AJ inhaling deeply)
I don't feel anything.
Give it time,
then call and thank me.
(roller skates clattering)
He's leaving, let's go.
Gotta finish my fries.
Finish 'em after.
(Goon sighing)
Hey Sagan.
Oh, hey Delmont.
Funny you called last night
saying you got robbed of your
stash so you couldn't pay us,
and now we see you here tonight
conducting business as usual.
Oh no, this isn't your sh*t,
I got it from Charlie Z.
That's a lie.
Charlie Z's dead.
(foreboding music)
Since when?
Since Tuesday, 11:00 PM.
So, unless you're getting
your sh*t from a zombie...
Or, a ghost.
Or a ghost, you were selling our dope.
No, I can...
Delmont, I swear this sh*t isn't yours.
My wife says my hands
are my best feature,
so I can't go home with this all busted up.
You mind?
Not at all.
(fist thumping) (Sagan groaning)
Please, please Delmont.
[Delmont] Go get the thing.
[Sagan] Delmont.
I'll get your money tomorrow, okay?
Don't beg, it's embarrassing.
- No!
- Put him out of his misery.
[Sagan] Please!
Delmont!
(Sagan gasping)
(skull cracking)
(Delmont groaning)
f*ck' sick.
(blades slicing)
(dramatic music)
If we keep k*lling everybody,
we'll have nobody to do business with.
There's eight billion
people in the world,
there will always be one more.
Plus, if this new
opportunity we got works out,
we'll have nothing to worry about anymore.
Praise the Lord.
But life's not all business,
we gotta have some fun too.
Let's go.
(rain trickling)
(somber music)
Such a good boy.
Trustworthy.
Can I have a moment alone?
Of course.
(thunder booming)
(Angel knocking)
Mildred?
Mary went home and I'm leaving now.
I'll be back on the 21st,
so don't leave the property, okay?
Okay.
I miss him too.
(clothes thumping)
(gasoline trickling)
I love you, Mildred Moyer.
(fire crackling)
(Mildred sobbing)
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
(party horn sounding)
(Mildred sobbing)
(tense music on a television)
[Movie Actor] Linda,
please just come over.
I know I've been acting weird,
but if you knew what was going
on, you'd understand why.
Just come over and I can show you.
[Commercial Spokesperson] Don't go away.
We'll be back after these messages.
Do you feel lost?
Yes.
Do you feel a deep loneliness
in the pit of your soul?
Uh-huh.
Have you lost someone you love?
(Mildred whimpering)
Well, I'm Cornelius Spretzer,
and I'm here to help.
Hi, Cornelius.
At Spretzer Christian
Ministries, we believe in family.
Come on, let's meet mine.
Spretzer Christian Ministries
Will meet you with a smile
Spretzer Christian Ministries
Will make your life worthwhile
So come and meet our family
We know you'll fit right in
Through the power of the
Lord, I can heal your pain.
If you have an illness,
if someone you love has passed away,
send me a picture,
and I will pray over it and
work a miracle into your life.
Be sure to include cash or a check made out
to Spretzer Christian Ministries
to ensure you receive maximum blessing.
So come on down and give us a try.
In fact, bring the whole family.
Spretzer Christian Ministries
Redemption starts within
(gentle music)
(paper shuffling)
Hi, Mildred.
Hi, Danger Dan.
Here's the stuff you guys asked for.
Thanks.
Can you mail this for me?
Spretzer Christian Ministries?
It's...
private.
Hey, I wouldn't last this long on the lam
if I wasn't trustworthy.
Sorry about Felix.
Thanks, Dan.
Hey, I always got your back.
Don't forget that.
All right, see you soon.
(car engine roaring)
(playful music)
(siren sounding) - [Cop] You,
hold it right there.
Hands up, turn around.
(swords clacking)
(air whistling)
(fencers grunting)
(phone ringing)
Hold this.
Veronica Spretzer.
What?
The little b*stard.
I'll be right there.
We're done here.
Bring my sword back to my office.
(hand slapping)
Ow.
Did they fingerprint you?
No.
Well, you're damn lucky,
and you better thank God
that it was Officer Larry that caught you
and not an honest policeman.
The next time you get
arrested, I'll let you rot in there.
(footsteps thudding)
Are we at least taking the Lambo?
[Veronica] Shut up, Ronald.
This isn't like any other
churches you've ever been to.
Sounds fun, but I'm
not really a church guy.
Don't tell me I won't see
your handsome face there Sunday night?
[Bryan] Okay.
Make it out to Spretzer
Christian Ministries.
Thank you, Bryan.
I don't know why you asked
to meet me here, Cindy.
You know I'm not religious.
Don't tell me I won't
see your handsome face
at church on Sunday.
(members chattering)
(organ music)
- Hello.
- Hi.
First time here?
Yeah.
Me too.
You know, you look really familiar.
You know who you look like?
Mildred Moyer,
that one who went on the
k*lling spree last year.
I don't look like her.
For one, my hair's in a ponytail
and I'm wearing glasses.
That's not even remotely
what she looked like.
I guess.
From the pictures I saw,
she wasn't very good looking anyways.
I thought she was pretty hot.
I'm Becky.
I'm Mildred Mayer.
Seriously?
There's a lot of people named Mildred.
No, there's not.
Well, to be honest,
I've been tormented about my
name ever since that beautiful,
lovable, lunatic one on her rampage.
I'd prefer not to discuss it.
I'm sorry.
I can't help but being nosy sometimes.
It's...
It's in my nature.
I used to be nosy, but I'm not anymore.
(organ music stops)
(organ music)
(Pious Paul shouting)
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
(crowd cheering and applauding)
I am Pious Paul.
Welcome everybody this afternoon
as we welcome the seer, the visier,
the prophet extraordinaire,
please welcome...
Cornelius Spretzer!
(crowd applauding and cheering)
(Cornelius chuckling)
[Cornelius] Ladies and gentlemen.
Ladies and gentlemen, folks, welcome.
So glad you're all here,
I look out over all these wonderful people
and I see so many new faces.
You know, I did write a sermon for today.
You know what?
(papers rustling)
Screw it!
(crowd gasping)
What, was the Lord all about rules?
No, let's throw all the
rules out the window, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well now let's really get started.
(upbeat music)
Oh, I just can't take it anymore.
(Cornelius screaming)
(church member growling)
She has a demon inside of her.
Only the power of Christ can drive it out.
Demon, begone!
(crowd cheering and clapping)
The demon has been banished.
Wash away your sins, my brothers.
(upbeat music)
(church members grunting unintelligibly)
Big bible club, and it's not just us,
it's not just the city,
it's the whole world.
And you are all first in line.
Jesus sayeth unto him, "I am the way",
the truth, and the life."
(organ music)
And Jesus did say, "Hey",
take some bread,
and rip it in half 'cause it's my body,
and put it in your mouth.
And this, it's my blood.
"Drink of it."
It's good.
Ooh, sparkly.
Yes, my child.
Let the spirit of the Lord
flow into you through me.
Rise, and be born again, Sister Sarah.
Rise, and be born again, Sister Mildred.
(congregation chattering)
It was nice meeting you.
Yeah, you too.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Welcome.
First time?
Hey, you're the lady from the commercial.
Veronica Spretzer, it's nice to meet you.
Do I know you from somewhere?
No.
Oh, you know who you look like?
You look like the crazy woman
that k*lled all those people,
Mildred Moyer.
Except for the nose, of course.
What's your name?
Mildred, a different Mildred.
I'm Mildred Mayer.
Oh.
Strange coincidence.
Come, let me introduce you to some people.
These are my and Cornelius's
children, Ronald and Cindy.
Yeah, I was gonna ask,
why are your children the same age as you?
Well, Ronald is mine
from a previous marriage,
and Cindy is Cornelius's from one of his.
Thank you so much for coming.
Oh wow, I love your accent.
Russian?
No.
Born and raised in Edmonton.
You have an accent, though.
I don't hear an accent.
Ronald, shake Mildred's hand.
Ronald's a real handful.
We love him.
Come on, let's go see Cornelius.
That guy down there, show him a good time.
Wealthy tech owner, believe it or not.
(heels clacking)
Cornelius, this is Mildred
Mayer, a new member.
[Cornelius] Oh, welcome
to the family, Mildred.
Please, have a seat.
Do you have any family, Mildred?
Well, my family's mostly dead.
Of course, you know about Felix.
I sent you a photo of him
and I for you to pray over.
Ah, yes.
Felix, is he doing any better?
Not really, he's still dead.
Oh, yes, very sad.
I just feel so empty
since he passed away.
(gentle music)
Mildred, if you give us
the chance to help you,
I guarantee you'll be with us forever.
(Mildred sighing)
(papers rustling)
David Stanislow.
Cheapskates.
Richard Delgado.
Mark Flemmich.
Mildred Mayer.
I am ashamed of myself.
I took money from my employer, 20 grand.
They won't miss it,
at least not until I have
a chance to pay it back
when my house sells.
I just, we needed the money
for my mother's operation.
I know what I did was for a good cause,
but I still feel guilty.
There's no reason for you to feel guilty.
As long as your deeds
are for a noble cause,
they're justified in the eyes of God.
Go home and relax.
There is no penance required.
That's a relief.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
(footsteps thudding)
[Intruder] Hello, Dan.
You really think you could run forever?
You think I'd forget?
(water trickling)
Well, Dan, it's been fun.
[Hamilton] I took money
from my employer, 20 grand.
They won't miss it, at least
not until I have a chance
to pay it back when my house sells.
I just...
We needed the money for
my mother's operation.
I know what I did was for a good cause,
but I still feel guilty.
Be a shame if his employers
found out he was stealing from them.
Especially if they were blackmailing him
for a hundred grand.
Two hundred grand.
Oh, I see my little
pumpkin has been learning
a thing or two about money.
Must be my genius brushing off on you.
You used to be a used car
salesman when we met, darling.
My ex had to loan you
money, don't forget it.
You won't let me forget it.
(footsteps thudding)
Hello.
Thank you.
(upbeat music)
Oh, it's oh so hot in here.
We're gonna slow it right down.
Grab the one you want, but remember,
one foot in between bodies.
The Lord loveth the chastity.
I've been coming here
for about 2 years now,
and I've recruited about 25 people.
- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.
Oh my God.
I'm gonna get away
- from these people.
- Hey, you wanna dance?
No thanks.
How about you, you wanna dance?
No, thank you.
- Can I cut in?
- No.
Coulda had some of this.
Wanna dance?
Ew, no.
- How about you?
- No.
Hey, want to dance?
No thanks.
(door squeaking)
(tense music)
Oh.
Hey.
Hey, whatcha doing?
I just got lost on my
way back from the bathroom.
This place is huge.
I still have that song
so stuck in my head,
- it just like.
- Right?
It's so catchy.
- Okay, bye.
- Take care.
Bye, guys.
(group laughing)
Where the hell are you?
You're supposed to make an
appearance at these things.
I'll deal with you later.
Mildred.
Mildred, hold up a second.
Have you heard of our
Spretzer Spiritual Retreat?
It is a life changing weekend
that we host at Camp
Holy Springs bimonthly.
Bimonthly as in twice a
month, or every second month?
It can mean both.
Twice a month.
Anyways, we would love for you to join us.
Absolutely.
I had a lot of fun the
last time I went camping.
Excellent.
(rock music)
(man moaning)
[Unknown Man] Oh, yes.
(couple moaning)
Oh, yes!
Oh, yes.
And they say a lot
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes.
Let yourself be filled up with the Lord.
God kills all these darker born
Still got it.
Yeah, you're a real stud.
Looked you right between the eye
Maybe he'll love a sigh
Give me some.
(Cornelius chuckling)
I'm dreaming
I'm dreaming
I'm dreaming
I'm dreaming
(knock on door)
Who's that, is that your next customer?
Because I still got seven minutes,
even if we're not having sex,
I still get seven more
minutes of your time.
Don't worry, you'll
get your seven minutes.
Veronica, what are you doing here?
Spying on you, Cornelius.
Have you met my cousin, Trixie?
Put your clothes on and get outside.
You, wait here
(door slamming)
I am sick of your g*dd*mn philandering.
So you found out about my donation
to the Alberta Girls Gymnastics Club.
Philanderer, you f*cking
idiot, not philanthropist.
What's the difference?
Oh, watch yourself, Cornelius,
or I'll take the money and leave,
and you and I both know that
you can't do this without me.
If this is about the money,
she's only $75 an hour.
She's the cheapest girl on the north side.
I mean, I'd be stupid not to do it.
Get outta my sight.
(rock music)
Go lie on the bed.
Look, I do girls too,
but I gotta see some cash.
I have more money than you can imagine.
Why are you married to that guy?
I ask myself that same
question every single day.
You are gonna do me a favor,
stay away from my husband.
(blood trickling)
(hand patting)
Thanks for that.
(Veronica sighing)
Hi Ronald, it's mom.
I need you to come down
to Pete's Motel, room 112.
I need you to help me clean something up.
Bring garbage bags.
(zipper whirring)
- Hi!
- You're here!
Run out, welcome here!
Oh, hi!
- This one's expensive.
- What's that?
- I got that for you.
- It's been so long.
Here, get all the stuff?
Put it on, cool colors, nice shirt.
Hawaii, I hear it's nice.
All right.
Okay friends, we're headed this way.
All right, here we go.
Smiling for Jesus.
Hello.
(upbeat music)
Hey there, stranger.
So glad we're all bunk mates,
we're gonna have a blast.
Yeah.
Can't wait.
And the most important
thing is to have fun.
Welcome to Camp Holy Springs.
(bell ringing) (counselors clapping)
(campers cheering)
Come on, you can do it.
Feel the power of the Lord.
Come on.
(spectator cheering)
Great job.
(Mildred giggling)
(plate maraca shaking)
There's all kinds of
wildlife around here.
I even saw a bear once.
Now, don't believe all that nonsense
about running dead when you see a bear,
if you see any deadly animal, just run.
Animals are disgusting.
Animals are awesome.
Get flexible for the lord.
Get flexible for the Lord.
- Yes, yes.
- All the way.
Come on, all the way.
(campers laughing)
(gentle music)
(Mildred sighing)
Dear Lord, please bless
Cornelius and Veronica
and the rest of the Spretzer family,
and please have all the
campers at Camp Holy Springs
have a fun time this week.
(bell ringing)
Breakfast time.
Most important meal of the day.
(piano music)
Drowning is actually one of the five
most unintentional causes of injury.
That's a thing.
Do you think we should tell her about
the no-sleeping-with-fellow-campers rule?
Oh, she knows.
That guy with the
earrings and blue shirt,
what's he doing here?
Recovering addict?
Nah, he's too much of a gym buff.
I'd say crippling depression.
I vote terminal illness and
he is hoping for an afterlife.
(group laughing)
What about that tall
red head with the glasses?
I bet she has no friends
and longs for acceptance.
You know who she reminds me of?
I requested a meat substitute.
You must be Mildred.
Oh, I'm well aware of your request.
It's fakon, it's just peas and soy.
Perfect for stuck-up vegans.
(campers chuckling)
I'm not vegan, I'm vegetarian.
I'm not stuck up.
Morning, guys.
- Morning, Mildred.
- Morning.
(bacon crunching)
Excuse me, lunch lady?
This tastes like real bacon.
It's fakon.
Now eat it or starve.
I'll take your bacon
if you don't want it.
These pancakes are delicious,
I'm grabbing seconds.
(whistle blowing)
Everybody be quiet.
Now, I hope you've all had a chance
to study your aquatic safety manuals.
Here at Pigeon Lake, we take
water safety very seriously.
There's a lot of hidden dangers
in the depths of this ocean,
so I want two people to a
canoe, no solo missions.
Eleanor.
I'm not going in the lake.
I know you're scared,
but you're all gonna get a life vest,
and you're gonna be under
my supervision the entire time.
What about leeches?
There's no leeches in Pigeon Lake.
That's not what I heard.
I've been coming to
this lake my entire life.
There's no leeches.
I have a friend that went in
and said they got covered in them.
Or was that Cold Lake?
I don't care about Cold Lake,
or sl*ve Lake or Sylvan
Lake, it wasn't this lake.
All lakes have leeches, don't they?
I don't wanna go in
either, if there's leeches.
What is the matter with you people?
There's no leeches.
How can you be sure?
All right, fine.
Do you want me to show you?
I'll prove it to you.
Hey, leech.
Leeches.
Where are you, leech?
Hey, leeches.
Where are ya?
I don't see any leeches.
Leeches.
Hey, leech!
(gravel crunching)
What happened to Sagan?
He's not around anymore.
(ominous music)
Special delivery.
(ominous music)
(gentle piano music)
Yeah, I just have, I have the dinner bell
stuck in my head, it's
just going over and over-
- Made especially for
you, non-meat vegetables.
Happy?
Very.
Did you guys hear?
Cornelius is coming down
tonight to give a talk.
Oh, I can't wait, he's so cool.
I don't know about Cornelius,
but Cindy sure is something.
That girl is amazing.
- Oh yeah.
- Oh yeah.
I definitely wanna come back next time.
Cindy says everyone who
comes keeps coming back.
Steak tastes kind of funny though.
This will help.
(bottle thudding)
(organ music)
I wonder if Cornelius is here yet.
Do you feel funny?
I feel a bit tingly.
I think it's the spirit of the Lord.
(Rizz laughing)
(Rizz coughing)
(hands clapping)
Everyone, Cornelius is a very busy man,
but he loves you so much
that he made a very special trip
to see you right here.
I give you Cornelius.
(crowd applauding)
(Mildred squealing)
It's me, it's you.
You all made it.
So glad I could come down
here to be with you all.
I love these little excursions
we take out into nature.
You know, it's places
like this that remind me
that the Lord is closer than we think.
Isn't that right?
Come on, Rizz.
Snap out of it.
You'll be fine.
We just need to get some coffee in you.
She's dead.
Cornelius docks our paid by 50 bucks
for each camper that ODs.
Yep, well, it's a
little too late for that.
So grab her legs.
We'll throw in the lake.
(Charlotte groaning)
What are you doing?
Taking Rizz for a swim.
Oh, f*ck it.
(neck squelching)
(Charlotte gasping)
You as*h*le.
I'm sorry, I didn't do it on purpose.
(Charlotte groaning)
Hurry.
Let's get them both in the lake.
Grab her wallet.
Ooh.
Lip gloss.
(lips smacking)
Let's just get her in.
(Charlotte sighing)
(water splashing)
Let's get the other one
before someone else sees us.
We'll be here all night
rolling bodies into the lake.
(campers chattering)
[Camper 1] It's been
not even a half hour.
[Camper 2] Pretty nice party.
[Camper 3] Oh really?
(Mildred and Becky laughing)
Oh, I'm so overcome with
spirituality, I'm seeing tracers.
Yeah.
Weird.
We should go back to the cabin.
Oh, okay.
That's a good idea.
(Mildred groaning)
Oh, I don't think I can get up.
(Mildred laughing)
I'll help.
[Mildred] I hope this never ends.
What's going on?
Well, we had to send
Rizz and Eleanor home
for not following the rules.
- Oh.
- Which rule?
Number nine.
Beware of wildlife?
No, no, no.
The one about not attending chapel.
Oh.
Yeah.
Well, it's just you two now, so.
(Charlotte chuckling)
That's odd.
That's okay.
We can still have fun, just the two of us.
(campers chattering)
You're not eating?
No.
Not feeling well.
Well, maybe a big hug
will make you feel better.
Veronica sent me to see you.
Yeah.
Hold on.
Here, I need you to get rid of this.
It's all the crap people
wanted me to pray about.
Get the idiots, haul this out to the camp.
Burn it, bury it.
I don't care, just get rid of it.
You got it, Mr. Spretzer.
The T-Rex was a witches hex
And if you believe that
Grab your crucifix
Now say with me and pray with me
Jesus is the one that saves me
Oh
Jurassic Park, more like Judas Park
And if you feel scared
Hop on Noah's ark
Oh
Now when I say science, you say Satan
Science - Satan!
Science - Satan!
Science - Satan!
(Mildred cheering)
(crowd cheering)
I'm gonna get some
fresh air before I puke.
That's that.
Thanks for all the help, guys.
Clobel, can we go get some of the
purple stuff from the kitchen?
[Clobel] Not a chance.
Last thing we need is you getting high.
Guess I'm getting my hands dirty.
Thank you Lord for giving
us so many new faces,
and a lot of familiar faces here today
that we are so thankful for.
We're so happy that they
joined our new flock,
and in the spirit of giving,
they understand that charity
is one of the best
virtues that we can have.
Giving and giving.
We always want to keep
giving to the less fortunate,
and we thank you so much for-
- [Becky] I'm not lying, Mildred,
why don't you believe me?
The Spretzers are good people.
I've never been this happy before.
That's because you're high.
Look at your pupils.
Whoa.
Wild.
Mildred!
Pay attention.
The reason everyone feels
so good and keeps coming back
is because they're being drugged.
The Spretzers are putting sh*t in our food.
That's why I'm not feeling it.
I didn't eat today, remember?
I'm a reporter.
I've been following them for three years.
But they prayed for me to
find peace over Felix's death.
They helped me.
You wanna know how much they
care about you and Felix?
We've got people's personal
letters and photos,
all sorts of stuff.
Let's go talk to the Spretzers.
The Spretzers are listening.
What you two have done
is not very godly-like.
Cindy.
Trust me, I'm the
last person in the world
you wanna make angry.
I'll take that into consideration.
(taser buzzing)
Why buy from greedy corporations
who only care about money?
Here at Spretzer Christian Ministries,
we are more than happy to
provide everything you need.
We are proud to announce our line
of Spretzer brand maxi pads,
and foam beer cozies.
With the Lord's help, we can do anything.
Why do you have to smile like that?
You look like a f*cking creep.
I have a great smile.
(phone ringing)
Yeah?
Cornelius, we have a problem.
Okay.
We're on our way.
Trouble.
What kind of trouble?
Clobel caught two traitors at the camp.
Let's go.
(Mildred panting)
Who is it?
[Cindy] Becky Anderson and Mildred Mayer.
And why the hell did you bring them here?
Clobel said to get 'em outta the camp.
What should we do with them?
- k*ll them.
- k*ll them.
- Awe.
- Awe.
[Cindy] How should we do it?
[Veronica] However you want,
just wait until Cornelius and I are gone.
We don't wanna know.
Plausible deniability.
Yeah, yeah.
You got it, Ma.
Take care of them
and destroy the evidence before
you come back to the church.
I just wanna do one
thing before we leave.
(feet thudding)
(Becky and Mildred groaning)
(Ronald laughing)
Hey, look at us.
Having fun together as a family,
we haven't done this in ages.
Okay, fun's over.
Awe.
You two can take care of this?
- Yeah.
- Of course.
Good.
Here.
I already dug a hole today.
- You dig.
- You dig.
You dig, you dig.
You dig.
- You dig.
- You dig.
- You.
- You.
- You dig.
- You dig.
You are doing it, you brain dead perv.
You can hitchhike back to church.
You're not leaving me.
I'm your brother.
(Ronald grumbling)
(shovel thudding)
(Ronald grunting)
I'm not digging another f*cking hole.
(Ronald grunting)
(bell ringing)
Gather everyone around the fire.
Try and look sad.
Everyone.
There's some terrible news.
Two members died tonight.
Becky Anderson and Mildred Mayer.
They turned their backs against the church
and they went into the
forest to worship Satan.
(crowd gasping)
And they both fell down a cliff and died.
If anyone needs any one-on-one support,
we'll be offering that
for only 5.99 a minute.
Let's take hands.
Bow our heads.
Say a prayer for Becky and for Mildred.
(Bettina inhaling deeply)
Let's party!
(upbeat music)
Music on my Walkman
Tipsy when I walk
Gonna get together
and make the room spin
Round like the wonder, baby
(counselors giggling)
Hard to keep up, baby
(Sebastian drumming)
Macy's in a spandex
Tryna get where Brooklyn's at
'Cause he's all in
(Bettina grunting)
(Charlotte laughing)
Intoxicated
Infatuated
Lubricated
Consummated
Devastated
Castrated
Inebriated
Medicated
Keep up and try to keep it up
Keep up and try to keep it up
Keep up and try to keep it up
Keep up and try to keep it up
Keep up and try to keep it up
Keep up and try to keep it up
Keep up and try to keep it up
Keep up and try to keep it up
Too bad about Becky and Mildred, eh?
It's not the first time we lost people
in one of these things.
(water softly lapping)
Becky.
Sorry, Becky.
I wish I could give you a proper burial,
but I have people to k*ll.
Lots of people.
(ominous music)
Guys, we're never gonna
make this gig on time.
Why don't you keep a
spare can of gas in the van?
Well, you know, we could
probably do that if we had room,
if it wasn't for your humongous drum kit.
Yeah, like your four
suitcases of costumes
don't take up enough space?
Both of you, shut up.
Someone's bound to come
along sooner or later.
Hey guys, can I catch a ride?
Well, we'd give you a ride,
but we don't have any gas.
Well, you're in luck.
I found this can of gas up the road.
You freaking kidding
I know, lucky, right?
So, where are you headed?
Do you want to come to the show tonight?
Ooh, I'd love to,
but I have to go on a murderous rampage
through Camp Holy Springs.
Camp Holy Springs?
That's just a about a
half hour walk that way.
What's that?
That's our old bass player's stuff.
We had to kick her outta the band
because she was stealing.
I hate thieves.
You know, her onstage
persona was dressing up
like that serial k*ller, Mildred Moyer.
Wow, polka dots.
Hey, can I take this?
It's all yours.
Thanks.
You guys are the best.
By the way, what was
your bass player's name?
I might be able to help.
Terra Terror.
Thanks.
Give 'em hell, Mildred.
(rock music)
I've missed this.
(rock music)
(dramatic music)
(rock music)
Okay, I'm lost.
Okay, that didn't help.
(rock music)
(zipper whirring)
Hey there, sorry to bother you,
but do you know which way
it is to Camp Holy Springs?
- That weird church camp?
- Yeah.
It's straight down that way.
If you take the path to
the highway and turn right,
it's like 20 minutes down the road.
Awesome, thanks.
Carry on.
(rock music)
Land h*!
That's weird.
Cindy said the same thing to me.
Me too.
You guys don't think she
was saying all that stuff
just to get us to join the church, do you?
No, what kind of horrible
human being would do that?
I thought I was her only one.
- Me too.
- Me too.
You know what?
It's probably some big misunderstanding.
We should ask her next
time we see her in church.
Hey guys.
Was that Mildred?
(gentle guitar riff)
Hey guys.
I'm back for another full scale slaughter.
I have no problem with any of you,
you were all really nice to me.
But, I do recommend you leave
because I don't wanna traumatize you
with what's about to happen.
[Camper 4] What was that all about?
Oh, I almost forgot.
Give me about a half hour
or so before you call the cops.
Thanks.
(playful music)
Drug are bad for you.
Fun? Yes, but bad for you.
(water splattering)
I knew it.
(water bubbling)
Hi, lunch lady.
Altogether now?
Real bacon.
(bacon smacking)
(lunch lady whimpering)
(soft rock music)
(lunch lady screaming)
(boiling water bubbling)
(lunch lady screaming)
I hear salt numbs the pain.
(Mildred laughing)
By the way, your cooking sucks.
(lunch lady sobbing)
(organ music)
Addy, it's Cindy.
I was skinny dipping and I lost my clothes.
Can you come help me?
Why are you faking a Russian accent?
She has a f*cking accent.
Who cares what accent I have?
I'm naked and wet, get out here.
Cindy?
I'm over here, follow my voice.
Cindy.
Where are you?
(g*n firing)
(dramatic music)
(suspenseful music)
(clippers snipping)
(counselor screaming)
Wait a minute.
A leech.
Huh, Eleanor was right.
This gives me an idea.
(birds squawking)
Hey, Charlotte, have you
seen those idiots Kit and Foster?
Not since last night.
They went out canoeing
and left the damn thing
floating all by itself in the water.
Completely disrespectful for water safety.
Yeah, yeah, water safety.
It's the most important
part of a fun camping trip.
Well, if you see those jerks,
let them know that I wanna see them.
Fine.
(rock music)
(canoe thudding)
Can I help you?
Hi, Lyle.
(Lyle groaning)
Why?
Because you're a
horrible lifeguard, Lyle.
But don't worry, the church
can easily replace you.
You know, you were wrong.
There are leeches in Pigeon Lake.
You just have to look hard enough.
(rock music)
Come on, little fellas.
There's enough blood for everyone.
You guys tuck in while I go
grab the rest of the buckets.
Hold tight, I'll be right back.
(rock music)
When you run, it wastes my time
and it makes me really, really mad.
You're messing up my k*ll order.
(legs cracking)
(Karen screaming)
Let's see you run now.
(Karen crying)
Awe, that's almost cute.
Okay, that's far enough.
It's stabbing time.
No!
(Karen screaming)
(knives thudding)
I hope a bear eats you.
How's it going, boys?
Getting nice and fat?
Oh, better slow down.
Our buddy Lyle's getting a little pale.
Here, I brought some friends
to join you for dinner.
(upbeat music)
Hi, Sebastian
Mildred?
I thought you were dead.
That was Mildred Mayer.
I'm Mildred Moyer.
What are you doing
wearing that evil costume?
I repent.
Pray for my soul, Sebastian.
Pray with me.
Dear Lord, please show this young lady
the error of her ways for
dressing like the spawn as Satan.
Mildred Moyer.
(Sebastian gargling)
See ya.
(rock music)
Smoking's bad for you.
(Guy screaming)
(Charlotte gasping)
I don't have anything cool to say to you,
I just don't like you.
(head thudding)
(horn honking)
(Thad knocking)
Oh, hey.
This is awkward.
I was just hiding in the back,
and was gonna pop up and
scare you when you got in your car.
I was gonna k*ll you,
but now my plan's blown
and it's all awkward, so
just forget the whole thing.
Okay, great.
You have a good day.
Excuse me, can I try something?
What are you doing?
Hey, stop.
I know what you're doing.
(car engine roaring)
(Torin whimpering)
(tense music)
(counselor gasping)
(water splashing)
(Mildred laughing)
(counselor screaming)
(Mildred laughing)
What you doing there?
Oh, fishing?
Yeah.
Carry on.
Wait a minute.
Wasn't he one of the people at the table
that was making fun of everyone?
(rock music)
Not only are there leeches in Pigeon Lake,
but also piranhas.
Eat up little fishies.
(counselor screaming)
Come here you little cutie.
Don't worry, I won't hurt you.
Oh.
Oh, look at you little cutie.
Hold on tight.
Hi, Rayne.
(porcupine screeching)
(Rayne screaming)
Animals are our friends,
Rayne, don't forget that.
Can I play?
Go Long.
(Darcy screaming)
Whoops.
I was aiming for his head.
Hi.
You guys seen Hazel around?
Breakfast is supposed to be
ready and she's vanished.
She doesn't get her a*s in gear,
we're gonna have a bunch of
hungry campers, am I right?
Yeah, hungry for a fix.
(Mabel and Clea laughing)
Don't talk about that sh*t
out loud, it's not funny.
If we f*ck up, I don't get paid.
Awe, what a shame.
Oh, if I go down, I'm taking
you two assholes with me.
Jesus, Bettina, we're just joking.
Go look in Hazel's cabin,
she's probably still sleeping.
I already looked in her
cabin, she's not there.
Just let me know if you find her.
(Bettina chuckling and sighing)
Seems like bad people
just vanish off the face of
the earth whenever I'm around.
I'm a scientific anomaly.
Mildred.
Is that you?
No, I'm the other six-foot redhead
who wears a mask in a polka dot dress
and senselessly murders
anyone who gets in their way.
That's delicious.
Are you the Mildred that
k*lled all those people?
Mm-hmm.
You can't be.
That Mildred, she had a 12-inch nose.
Oh my God.
People still can't get over my nose.
You know, looks aren't what makes a person,
it's about what's in here.
Unfortunately for you, that
means a red hot roasting stick.
I've chased people down before.
They never escape.
(tense upbeat music)
sh*t.
sh*t.
sh*t.
Where the f*ck is everyone?
Oh God.
There's no escaping Mildred Moyer.
(upbeat music ends)
(gentle music)
(Clea screaming)
Just hold still, this is gonna be awesome.
(Car engine roaring)
(Mildred imitating car engine)
(Mildred chuckling)
Woo, first place for Mildred.
Cool.
You should have driven
an electric car, Clea.
(blade tinkling)
(air hissing)
Whoa.
That is messed up.
And Hazel disappeared.
It's like she walked out halfway
through cooking breakfast,
and now I can't find
Charlotte or Sebastian.
Place is like a freaking ghost town.
Well, figure it out.
It's what we pay you for.
There's enough going on out there already.
Yes, sir.
(bell ringing)
Calling all campers.
Follow the sound of the
bell to the dining hall
to meet your demise at the
hands of Mildred Moyer.
Oh, there you are.
Mildred Moyer, is that really you?
'Tis I, in the flesh.
I don't know who you think you are,
but Camp Holy Springs is my territory.
Only I ring the bell.
Well, there's a new boss town.
(Mildred chuckling)
Sorry, that sucked.
I got a better one.
Well,
I'm in charge now.
Yeah, actually that sucked too.
Damn it.
Ah, f*ck it.
(head thudding)
Wakey wakey, Bettina.
Did you know the name Bettina means
"One who is about to be sacrificed?"
No, it doesn't, it means blessed.
Do you feel very blessed right now?
Not particularly.
I have to warn you, this is gonna hurt.
Help!
They're all dead.
Well, the bad ones anyway.
Please don't do this.
Didn't you see that
movie they made about me?
Begging doesn't help.
I may be sweet, but I'm merciless.
Now, hold still.
And try not to scream, I have a headache.
(Bettina screaming)
(rock music)
(intestines squelching)
[Reporter] The scene at Camp Holy Springs
can only be described as a slaughter.
Authorities still haven't confirmed
the number of bodies found.
Cornelius and fam, I'm coming for you.
Just need to make a quick stop first.
[Reporter 2] If the rumors
of Mildred Moyer's return
are true, it begs the question,
where's she been to last year?
And more importantly,
who's she going after next?
[Radio Listener] I'd just like to say
that Mildred Moyer is a hero.
There's a lot of bad people in this world,
and it's about time somebody
did something about it.
[Reporter 3] An anonymous source
with the Edmonton Police says
the killings bear all the hallmarks
of the city's most notorious
m*rder*r, Mildred Moyer.
[Rev-Up Rick] You are
listening to Rev-Up Rick,
and you heard it here
first, ladies and gentlemen,
Mildred Moyer is back, and
she's up to her old tricks.
So keep your families
inside and lock them doors,
because no one is safe.
(radio static buzzing)
[Reporter 4] Okay,
okay, that Mildred Moyer?
She is pure evil.
The government has got
to use the entire might
of the Canadian Armed Forces to stop her.
Oh, f*ck you, buddy.
Hey, you're taking up two spots.
Why don't you Keep your
big nose outta my business.
b*tch.
(trunk door thudding)
Hey, want a car?
What about the body?
Oh, don't worry about that.
I know a guy.
(rock music)
(door squeaking)
(Mildred clapping)
Who the f*ck are you?
Johnny's new bassist?
Not exactly, but I am a friend of his.
Mind giving us a moment, fellas?
Hey, do you play bass?
We might need someone new.
Sorry, no, just the ukulele.
You stole from Johnny and the band.
Oh, come on.
You knew they weren't going anywhere.
Might as well spend the money on a band
that has a chance of actually making it.
Do you know what I
do to people who steal?
No.
What?
I'm...
I'm actually not sure this is
my first time dealing with it,
but maybe I should set a precedent.
What are you doing?
Get away from me, you f*ck' psycho!
(cymbal crashing)
(rock music)
b*tch.
No need for name calling.
Bass players.
(safe beeping)
(head thudding)
Hey, I just clobbered Clobel.
Turns out you can die from
a thousand paper cuts.
(feet thudding)
(playful music)
Ronald, are you in here?
Yes.
I'm busy, mom.
Go away.
Well, when you're finished,
go find your sister.
You guys gotta head back
out to the camp with Clobel
and find out what's going on.
Okay, now get out.
Mom, I told you to leave me alone.
I can't concentrate if you're in here.
Mom?
Cindy?
Guess again.
Here, let me help you with that.
(bone crunching)
Oops, sorry.
Guess I'm a little rough with my HJs.
(Mildred chuckling)
(gentle music)
Who are you?
Why do people always pretend
like they don't recognize me?
Maybe you're an imposter.
Oh, trust me, I'm the real deal,
and you sicken me.
I'm being sl*t-shamed by Mildred Moyer?
I might have questionable ethics,
but I don't take advantage
of people and I don't steal.
They were willing participants.
You know what, I'm not gonna k*ll you.
I think you having to live with yourself
is punishment enough.
You have no right to judge me,
you f*cking deformed psycho b*tch!
I do what I have to to survive.
If I have just my body to get money
from these stupid men, it's
all for the greater good.
Tell that to them.
I gave them a call on my way here.
I mean, it's not like
they're gonna go to prison.
Everyone will assume it
was me who k*lled you.
Bye, Cindy.
Hey, Mildred.
Want to help?
Come on, guys.
It wasn't my fault.
My mother, she left me
when I was very young.
My father was an alcoholic.
It's Cornelius and Veronica's fault.
What I do is good business.
I'm helping the economy.
You guys should be thanking me.
Just hold on, Cindy, we'll
be with you in a moment.
I feel like going for a drive.
Ready, boys?
(upbeat music)
(engines roaring)
(Cindy screaming)
I don't care what anybody
says, she had an accent.
Hi, Ronald.
(Ronald whimpering)
Jump, jump, jump!
(body thudding)
(Mildred chuckling)
What are the chances there'd be
a giant spike right there?
Hey, there you are.
Come give me a big hug.
Whoa, hey now, easy with that.
Get back here, you b*tch.
I'm gonna slice you open
and bathe in your f*cking guts.
Oh, hi there, Joneses.
I was just practicing a skit
that we're gonna perform
next week at church,
it's about violence in movies.
Oh, don't worry about him, he'll be fine.
If you'll excuse me,
I have some business to take care of.
Where are you, you psychopath?
You can't hide from me.
(tense music)
We have police in our
congregation and they'll find you.
They'll deliver you to my doorstep
with a bow wrapped around
your pretty little head.
You're not the only one
with a sword, Veronica.
Yeah, but I've been practicing.
Don't think that matters.
We all know who's gonna win this fight.
(swords clattering) (dramatic music)
(Mildred gasping)
Wow, you have been practicing.
Thank you.
Jesus Christ.
You scared, Mildred?
- I mean, yeah, a little.
- Good.
(Veronica grunting)
Fine, I'll beat you to
death with my bare hands.
It's more fun that way.
Are you kidding me, my tit?
Yeah, doesn't feel good does it?
(fists thumping)
(head thudding)
(body thumping)
Two and oh for Mildred.
Come on, Veronica.
Let's go for a little ride.
(crayon scratching)
[Mildred] Cornelius, this is God.
You have been bad.
Come to the sanctuary to
receive your final judgment.
Someone's getting their a*s fired.
It wasn't God, but someone much better.
Mildred Moyer.
I know.
(pan clanging)
(Cornelius screaming)
You know, not too many
people get crucified these days.
You should feel honored.
(Cornelius grunting)
Fitting end for someone so terrible.
Although, I will look pretty foolish
if you rise again in three days,
but what are the chances of that?
(Cornelius screaming)
(Mildred whistling)
Bow to your new God, Mildred Moyer.
Well, it's not much of a
following, but it is a start.
No, it can't be.
I'm gonna make you beautiful, Mildred.
Thank you so much, Dr. Wash.
Hi, Dr. Wash, remember me?
Mildred.
I wasn't really satisfied with your work.
I'd ask for a refund, but
I'll settle for this instead.
(knife ringing)
Are you there?
[Mildred] Mm-hmm.
I don't know what to say.
My life has been hell this past year.
I've tried drinking the pain
away, I've tried counseling.
I tried support groups.
So now I'm trying religion.
Hi Dr. Wash.
Don't turn to religion, it won't help.
Don't hurt me.
I won't hurt you,
but it's not like I can do much more damage
to you anyway, am I right?
You know, it wasn't even
me that cut off your nose.
It wasn't?
No, it was these two
guys I owed money to.
Huh.
And here I thought it was
because of your gross negligence.
Yeah, no, no, I...
They beat me up and cut off your nose.
Huh, so I probably shouldn't
have cut your d*ck off then.
Yeah.
That had crossed my mind.
Well, I don't know what to say.
I'm truly sorry. Dr. Wash,
is there anything I can
do to make up for it?
Unless you're in the new
p*nis business, probably not.
You know what?
I know someone who might
be able to help with that.
Really?
Yeah, she's a real angel.
I'll give you her number.
But first, you might wanna get out of here.
This place is about to burn.
(rock music)
Delmont and the Goon, boy do
I have a surprise for you.
(engine roaring)
Ready?
(ball thudding)
(Delmont clapping)
Good job.
Where is my nose?
What?
My nose.
Last summer, you cut off my nose?
Oh, hey.
You're Dr. Wash's girlfriend.
I don't know what happened to your nose.
I threw it away.
I think the dog got it.
(Mildred scoffing)
That is very rude, you know?
What can I say?
I'm not a nice guy.
See this?
This was used on another
person who crossed me.
(rock music)
And what to do with you?
(saw grinding)
That was easier than I thought.
Damn. Need more practice.
Dr. Wash gave me this
to help with my revenge.
He sends his regards, by the way.
(rock music)
There.
Now all is right in the world.
Bye, guys.
(engine roaring)
(engine whirring)
(Dr. Wash knocking)
Come on in, let's take a look.
(gentle music)
What's next for Mildred Moyer?
My blood thirst is satiated, for now.
But when and where will I strike next?
I think your k*lling spree is over.
Remember me?
(dramatic music)
(Geordie panting)
f*ck' b*tch.
Don't just stand there.
Help me.
Uh-oh.
(g*n firing)
(body thudding)
(soil thudding)
So, what now?
Karaoke?
Yeah, let's do it.
(ominous music)
(upbeat music)
Willy, what are you doing here?
(fabric ripping)
(upbeat rock music)
Peace out
We'll be a team
Now
We'll be a team
Everyday
So we rock
Like yesterday
When you hear my voice on the radio
Will you hear me sing when I say
Remember when rock and roll
Was rock and roll and
all those good times
That we had
We had our best years
Way out there
Will we ever be here
Again
It's time to stop singing
It's all about waiting
This house so come back here
Where we're cleaning out
The walls are wrapped in
The time's manipulated
I feel like I just
hear the sleepless now
And hey
Skilled in rock
Like yesterday
I can hear my voice on the radio
When you hear me sing when I say
Remember when rock and roll
Was rock and roll and
all those good times
That we had when I wrote back then
Bleed
As
Well
Will we ever
Had
Never stop going
We'll never going
Remember what you wrote and you
Never stop turning
The wheel wheel to stop burning
The deal, what you wanted is revenge
And now
And now
Remember when rock and
roll was rock and roll
And all those good times that we had
When I wrote back
(rock music fading out)
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