01x03 - Howl Noon/Easy on the Lies

[bunniefuu]

-[theme music playing]
-[barking]

[engine revs]

♪ I'm seeing lots of spots ♪

♪ Plenty of polka dots ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ Can't catch a furry flurry ♪

♪ Running in a blurry hurry ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Canines on the run ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Them doggone dogs are fun ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Without fail you'll wind up
Chasing your tail ♪

♪ What's the harm
In revelrous adventures ♪

-♪ On the funny farm? ♪
-[clucks]

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

[barks]

♪ Life's just a bed of roses ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Fast friends with cold, wet noses ♪

-♪ 1-0-1 ♪
-♪ Through thick, thin, push and pull ♪

♪ It's 1-0-1 oh wonderful! ♪

♪ Just tons of fun ♪

♪ 101 Dalmatians! ♪

[slow music playing]

[dog barking in code]

[hooting in code]

[screeching in code]

[snoring]

[screeching in code]

Huh? Huh? What? What?

-[screeching in code]
-"Coming... to... see Pug."

-[screeching]
-"Noon tomorrow."

Who's coming? Who?

-"Signed..."
-[screeching]

Oh, no! At noon? Not him!

[puppies snoring]

I'm, uh, gonna bivouac
with you guys, okay?

Aw!
[yawns]

Did the bogeyman creep
into your subconscious and go boo?

No, it's, uh...

Private Bunny, tell them.

[high voice]
Please let me sweep with you.

It's cold outside
and my little ears are frostbit.

[normal voice] Don't worry, we're light
sleepers. Won't hear a sound out of us.

[snoring]

[muttering]
Oh, no, Persian Pete,

not the laundry chute! Oh!

I'm falling!

You're dead, Persian Pete.

Who's Persian Pete?

Let's wake him up and find out.

[screams, grunts]

[screams]

Call me kooky,
but I sense some anxiety here. Spill.

Forget it. Name, rank, and serial number,
that's all you'll get from me.

-[gasps]
-All right,

but the bunny sleeps outside.

Huh. Coercion, good tactic there.

Okay, it's like this...

When I was a pup,
there was a bully cat... cat next-door

who beat the bow-wow out of me.

[whispering]
Persian Pete.

The biggest, meanest furball
on the face of the earth.

[giggling, babbling]

[menacing laughter]

[screams]

[whimpers]

[screaming]

[tires screeching]

[menacing laughter]

[Pug] One time he said
he was taking me out for a bite.

[gasps]

[screams]

[cats screeching]

[menacing laughter]

It was like that every day.

So why is he coming here?

Revenge.

The day my family moved away,

I dumped a can of roofing tar on him.

[laughing]

But you're the Bark Brigade leader now.

You shouldn't be afraid.

Oh, personally, I fear nothing.

It's, uh, it's, um...

Private Bunny.

He's... He's a nervous wreck.

[meows]

He's here!

Rolly, how could you?

Lieutenant Pug needs a friend right now.

[scoffs]
Get real, Cadpig.

This is the same pug who makes us run laps
through pig slop.

Okay, just thought I'd mention it.

[yawns]
Night.

[snoring]

I wonder where Lieutenant Pug is.

He's never late for cadet training.

Maybe Persian Pete ate him.
[laughs]

[gasps]

Where's your superior officer, Cadet?

Beats us. He never showed up.

Huh? Pug never misses a chance

to scream at subordinates.

Must be serious.

I'm putting you cadets in charge
of finding him.

Dismissed!

I'd rather have scooper duty.

It's no use.

He could be anywhere.

Don't be so negative, Lucky.

Rise to the occasion.

Huh?

Easy for you to say.

Excuse me, have we been introduced?

[Pug] Get your butt off my periscope!

Lieutenant Pug, there you are.

[Pug] No, I'm not. I'm not down here.

It's, eh, uh, a submarine.

-Dive, dive!
-[submarine alarm bell]

We know it's you, Lieutenant Pug.

[sing-songy]
Let us in.

[screams]

Do you know the secret password?

-Uh-uh.
-No, can't say I do.

-I do.
-Rats. Didn't think anyone knew.

Okay, you can come in.

The rest of you stay outside.

Simple minds, simple answers.

Oh, I love what you've done
with the place.

The paranoid, delusional,
isolationist motif is really you.

Thanks.
Uh, just threw it together, really.

Now, let's talk about Persian Pete.

[gasps]

You know, Lieutenant,
thinking clearly is difficult

when you're half mad with terror.

Perhaps we need to help you relax.

You are getting sleep--

[snoring]

Well, at least let me finish.

Okay, let's go back and confront
those childhood fears.

[Cadpig] Back, back...

Where are you now?

Rome, 213 A.D.

[Cadpig] Oops, went back too far.

Must be a past life.

Run with it.

-[gasps]
-[roaring]

[snarling]

[shouting]

[grunting, screaming]

[Cadpig]
Oopsie. Let's find another incarnation.

Roam around your subconscious.

[roaring]

[panting]

[growling]

[roaring]

[screams]

Cats. Cats everywhere!

Everywhere! I'm out of here!

-Huh?
-I'm not letting you go

until you face your fears.

Don't want to face them. Let me go.

If you don't confront your past,

you'll have no future.

No more Bark Brigade,

no chance to make general,

no more yelling.

No more yelling?

That does it.

I'm drawing a line
in the kitty litter right now.

There you go.
We've made a real breakthrough.

Say...

this key doesn't work.

Uh, heh... that's, uh, not the right key.

Swamp Rat sold me the cuffs,

but the key was too expensive.

What? So let's go get the real one.

Can't. It's almost noon.

Time to face the enemy.

Uh, uh, no. Wait. Not yet.

No. You were right.

Got a date with destiny.

Look, uh, Private Bunny wants you
to stay here where it's safe.

[clock chimes]

[heavy footsteps]

[whines]

[heavy footstep]

[chattering]

[screams]

You've gotta get me out of these.

Swamp Rat has the key.

[growling]

Stop retreating.

I'm gonna fight like a dog.

Fine. But first I'm gonna run
like a pair of old pantyhose!

-[grunts]
-[thudding]

[gruff voice]
[Pete] Come out and play, Pug.

If you don't, the hostage gets it.

What hostage? You're bluffing.

[imitating Bunny]
Please don't hurt me, Mr. Pete.

[gasps]
Private Bunny. You... you wouldn't.

[Pete] Here's a little proof.

[crying]
You did.

That's it, furball, you're going down!

No! No! Focus!

You are terrified.

You are scared out of your wits.

Not anymore.

I'm tired of getting bullied.

[menacing laughter]

[growls]

[growls]

So, how about those Mets?

You're getting sleepy.

And you're a yellow-bellied,
chicken-livered...

Huh?

[Pug]... scaredy cat.

[softly] Woof.

Meow!

Hey! That hypno-hooha stuff really works.

Thanks, Cadet.

You did it! You faced your fear.

You have grown today.

And I was here to see it.

Don't ever do that to me again!

[panting]
We got the key.

Too late. I already saved the day.

Spot's not gonna be happy

when she hears we traded her for nothing.

I'll get the chicken.

I like standing up for the oppressed.

Must have been a caring,
nurturing type in a past life.

What have you done?

[light music playing]

So there I was. Snow to the right of me,

ice to the left...

[yawning]

[Colonel] The rest of the platoon
thought we were goners.

But those Eskimo sled dogs
had taught me a thing or two

about survival on the frozen tundra.

-[yawns]
-And so, I guided my men to safety.

Just seconds before the avalanche
came crashing down

with a boom!

-[applause]
-Wow. Great story, Colonel.

Yeah, the old days were awesome.

[clapping]

Uh, Colonel, as many times
as I have heard that story...

Many, many, many times.

...it's still as thrilling as ever.

[chuckles]
Shucks.

[yawning]

Right. I could listen to it over and over.

[gasps]

[Colonel] Why, Cadet Rolly,
I didn't know you felt that way, son.

Well, of course you may listen to it
over and over.

Tell you what.
Why don't you come back after lunch

and I'll tell it to you in more detail.

[groaning]

[Lucky] Rolly, are you nuts?

Did you forget we're going swimming
this afternoon?

Oh, man, and I trapped myself into hearing
that boring blizzard story again.

What am I gonna do?

Maybe you could ask the Colonel
to tell it in hyper speed.

Or wear earplugs.

But then you'd still miss swimming.

I say, you just don't show.

But that'd hurt the Colonel's feelings.

Well, then, tell him
you have to do something for Mom and Dad.

You want me to lie?

It's not a lie, exactly.

It's just a... small spin on reality.

[Lucky] Besides, your own spin about
liking the story got you into this mess.

That was just a little white spin.

I, uh, don't think
this is such a good idea, Lucky.

Rolly is the worst liar in the county.

Relax. A smart story
can get Rolly out of this.

And the old spinmeister
will come up with the perfect one.

[barking]

[snoring]

[Rolly moaning]

[stammering]
What's going on?

[moaning]

Gracious. Cadet Rolly. What's wrong, son?

He suddenly keeled over, sir.

His eyes are fuzzy, and his teeth itch,

and he doesn't cast a shadow.

Looks like macadamia jungle rot to me.

[Rolly] Fading fast...

I see a tunnel, a bright light.

And spots! Spots are everywhere. Mother!

He's crossing over.

We're taking him back
to the barn, Colonel, sir.

I'm afraid it looks like
he'll miss your storytelling date.

Let me hear that blizzard story
just one last time.

-You're overdoing it.
-Oh, the pain.

-Great Scott!
-[Rolly] The pain!

It's a good thing I prepared the
Bark Brigade for this kind of emergency.

Sergeant Tibbs, first aid kit!

[siren blaring]

Tibbs, we have a sick cadet here.
We'll need to examine him.

Uh, sir, shouldn't we get a real doctor?

Nonsense. Now, boy.

[Colonel]
Where's the pain? Here? Here? Here?

Tibbs, adjust that spine!

[crunching]

Chiropractor-ficate that sikogitation!

[drilling]

Reconfigure that splaten!

Secure that epidermal layer!

-[Rolly screams]
-Well, that ought to do her.

All right, Cadets,

evacuate the casualty
back to the barn. Pronto!

[all] Yes, sir.

Now put him to bed, make him rest,

and no food for 24 hours.

What? No food? No food?
Wait, uh, I'm healed,

I'm healed. It's a miracle!

[grunts]

No, no, nonsense, lad.
There now, now, you need bed rest.

And don't you worry, Cadet,

We'll reschedule the storytelling session

as soon as you're well.

[groaning]

I don't know, Lucky.

Maybe it'd be easier for me
to just go hear the Colonel's story again.

Out of the question.

Trust me. You'll thank me later

when you're splashing
in Hiccup Hole. Now...

Here's us. Here's Hiccup Hole.

Our mission: to get from here to here.

[laughing]

Ooh wee, this strategy session tickles.

[giggling]
Take it easy, girlfriend,

or you'll be making milkshakes.

[laughing]

Okay, Lucky, the Colonel's headquarters
is right in between.

So how are we gonna get past it
without the Colonel spotting us?

Uh... all right. Let's think this through.

The road is being retarred, so that's out.

And the forest trailer
is too close to Tibbs' place.

So, logically, the only route left
is through Cruella's yard.

No sign of Cruella. Let's go.

Oh, Cruella, you sly minx.

Breeding ostrich feathers
was a stroke of genius.

Soon my ostrich plume fashions
will be bigger than fur.

Memo to me: spend more time
admiring myself in mirrors.

[snarling]

What is it, Scorch?

[chattering]

[gasps]
Those furry little pests!

This is unacceptable!

How about we discourage them, Scorchy,

with a little game of puppy pinball?

[yelling]

[laughing]

Ten thousand points.

[beeping]

[grunting]

Oh, this is more fun
than firing old people.

[chuckles]
And now for the coup de grace.

[yelling]

[groaning]

[groans]
This is getting worse and worse.

Why don't we go home, and I'll just listen
to the Colonel's story again?

No! You can't quit now,

just when things are starting to go great.

Great? There is nothing on me
that doesn't hurt!

Well, at least
we got through the hard part,

Cruella's yard.

Right. Now, come on.

We got a date at Hiccup Hole.

I think I really am getting
macadamia whatsit.

[Rolly] I'm starting to hallucinate.

Ostriches. A whole herd of them.

I'll handle this. It's a bird thing.

Greetings, fellow fowl!

We, uh, come in peace... and harmony.

Annihilate the invaders.

I'm, uh, guessing this isn't a good time.

[all] Run!

[barking]

[rumbling]

-Run!
-[screams]

Oh! How do you stop this thing?
Where's the brakes?

[barking]

Yeow!

[rumbling]

Hmm, sounds like thunder.

[barking, clucking]

-[crashes]
-What?

-[rumbling]
-Whoa!

[groans]
Memo to myself: sell ostriches.

Buy a herd of parakeets.

Okay, Spot, hop on.

No way, not this plucky pullet.

But... but you're my official
aeronautical advisor.

Yep. And I'm advising myself
to stay on the ground.

Suit yourself.

Okay, ready?

Launch!

See? I told you it'd be a cinch.

[all yelling]

Do something, Lucky!

You're the spinmeister.

This isn't the kind of spin I meant.

Bail out! Bail out!

[all yelling]

Well, Jasper, old partner,

I sure will miss
riding the range with you.

We're gonna crash! Do something!

-Give me the control stick!
-Okay.

[screams]

One little lie got us in all this trouble.

That's the last time I take any advice
from you, Lucky.

And that's the last time I give advice.

There must have been a better way

to get out of hearing that story.

Without hurting
the Colonel's feelings? How?

Well, he's seen everything,
done everything.

I bet he's got a lot of stories to tell.

Maybe even some interesting ones.

You could've just asked him
for a different one.

At ease, Cadets.

Just came to cheer you up...

with a nice story.
[chuckles]

Oh, say. How's about Rolly's favorite,
the big blizzard of '89?

Sir, do you know any others?

[chuckling]
Do I?

[clears throat]

The wind was howling that night
in Tanganyika.

And I'll be darned
if I wasn't down to my last chew stick.

[theme music playing]