01x04 - Two for the Show/An Officer and a Gentledog

[bunniefuu]

-[theme music playing]
-[barking]

[engine revs]

♪ I'm seeing lots of spots ♪

♪ Plenty of polka dots ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ Can't catch a furry flurry ♪

♪ Running in a blurry hurry ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Canines on the run ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Them doggone dogs are fun ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Without fail you'll wind up
Chasing your tail ♪

♪ What's the harm
In revelrous adventures ♪

-♪ On the funny farm? ♪
-[clucks]

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

[barks]

♪ Life's just a bed of roses ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Fast friends with cold, wet noses ♪

-♪ 1-0-1 ♪
-♪ Through thick, thin, push and pull ♪

♪ It's 1-0-1 oh wonderful! ♪

♪ Just tons of fun ♪

♪ 101 Dalmatians! ♪

[lively music playing]

Yeah! Look at him go!

[audience all talking]

[squeaks]

[screams]

[Lucky] Aw, man.

I could have nailed that
without even trying.

Oh, my!

No winners today.

But tune in for the next
Squeal of Fortune,

when fabulous farm animals
make fools out of themselves...

[squeals]

For next week's grand prize,
a genuine autographed Thunderbolt bone.

Wow.

I'd give anything for a shot at that bone.

-[Swamp Rat] Psst! Lucky.
-Huh?

[Swamp Rat] Over here, my boy.

Couldn't help overhearing
your plaintive cries

for consumer assistance.

Now, what do you suppose...

this is?

"Admits two animals to Squeal of Fortune."

I'll take it.

[man]
Tune in for the next Squeal of Fortune,

when fabulous farm animals
make fools of themselves.

Oh... vulgar, disgusting program.

It's the perfect place to promote
my new line of fashion petwear:

Ferret frocks,

doggie dungarees,

kitty culottes.

National television exposure...

-Why, it's pure genius.
-[screeching]

You two are going to be teammates
on Squeal of Fortune!

[Lucky] Let's see now.
I'll need a teammate.

The only question is, which one of you?

In order to win on Squeal of Fortune,

you gotta be energetic, a... a go-getter.

Put me in, Coach!

I love game shows!

Ah, it takes more than enthusiasm.

It also takes intelligence
and problem-solving ability.

To approach a game show strategically,

first, one must identify the obstacles,

then marshall all available resources

to kick the other team's pants!

And of course it takes athletic ability.

Oh, brother.

[deep breath]

Ouch!

This is gonna be a tougher decision
than I thought.

It's gonna require some objective testing.

[Lucky] I know you're smart, Spot,

but how do you handle pressure?

Solve this simple word problem
in, say, 30 seconds.

[chuckles]
No problem.

"Two Trains are headed toward each other,

"one at 25 miles an hour, the other at 40.

"They're, uh, 15 miles apart
and getting closer on the same track,

but with no time to throw the switch,
they collide!"

All aboard perish, and it's all my fault!

Poopsie. Floopsie.

I wonder if Lucky found a teammate.

I wonder if we were too hard on him.
What do you think, Rolly?

Hey, where's Rolly?

Rolly!

Shh! It's starting.

[man] Okay, you animals,
it's time for Squeal of Fortune.

Let's meet today's contestants,

whom we chose earlier
from our studio audience.

This unbearably cute Dalmatian

and his slightly less-adorable partner...

[growls]

-Steven!
-Steven!

...will go up against this smartly-dressed
ferret-and-dog team

in today's chilling event...

the steeplechase of doom!

Through the city-traffic obstacle course,

down the water-slide rapids,

off the death-defying diving board,

and across the ocean
of fruit-flavored gelatin dessert.

The first team to ring the bell
in under one minute wins!

And they're... off!
[bell ding]

[horns honking]

[laughs]

[screams]

[truck beeps]

[chuckles]

[honking]

Whoa!

[growls]

[skidding]

Hey, it's not so bad having an alligator
for a teammate.

If you don't mind consorting
with a future handbag.

Now, was that called for?

[gasps]

[chomping]

Bandanna?

Is there a plastic surgeon in the house?

It's a... a first, folks.

The alligator contestant
has been disqualified for...

eating another contestant's tail.

[audience exclaims]

[burps]

[hiccups and belches]

His team will have to forfeit,

unless there's another pet in the audience

who'd like to be this pup's teammate.

[man] Any takers, huh?

[barking]

Rolly!

You'd do this for me?

Yeah, well, you don't deserve it,

but you're still my best friend.

Besides, I want that Thunderbolt bone.

[man] The remaining team
has just 20 seconds left

-to finish the course.
-[bell dings]

[screaming]

Whoa!

I'm not gonna make it!

This I can do!

[bell rings]

[buzzer sounds]

We have a winner!

[burps]

Can we do that again?

I owe you guys an apology.

I was really being...

-A creep?
-A schnook?

An energy vampire

slurping up our positive energy?

Okay, okay.

I get the idea.

I had something you guys wanted,

and I went on a huge power trip.

I'm sorry,

really, really sorry.

Apology accepted.

After all, everybody loves
a game-show winner.

[Steven] Oh, not me.

I love a game-show host.

[chuckling]

[upbeat music playing]

[puppies barking]

So, what took you so long, "poky"?

You think you're so cool, Tripod.

Cool...

and fast.

Listen here, loser-boy!

We don't need no crying babies
whining and squalling

about how they got beat fair and square
by a three-legged dog!

Fall in!

Now, then, I want each and every cadet
here today

to take one step forward.

What do you all think you're doin'?

Get back. Step back.

Move back. Go back.

You are not a cadet
unless I say you're a...

Ohh!

[snoring]

Uh, he is so tense.

And I do not say you are a cadet

until you pass one... and only one...
last obstacle.

And that one last obstacle is...

me!

And the obstacle course,

and your own personal fear of failure.

Uh, that's three, sir.

Hit the deck and give me 22!

You! Three Legs!

[Pug]
I'm expecting you to take the lead here

and not allow loser-boy over here
to take the easy way out.

Give me a break.

Now listen up, you pack of runts.

In order to graduate
to the next cadet level,

you will be challenged
by the obstacle course.

Obstacle course?

Sounds like a lot of work.

You do not know the half of it.

I hear it's an obstacle course
of unspeakable pain...

Ack... and agony.

[gulps]

Pain, agony...

It's all so agonizingly painful.

Hey, Tripod,

prepare to lose.

All right, shut up.

On your mark!

Get set!

[blows whistle]

[barking]

I always say,
"when you can't conquer life's obstacles,

think of an alternative."

It's good to be the chicken.

[screams]

[groans]

Just like in science class.

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Grr... whoa!

[groaning]
Whoa!

[screaming]

[screaming]

[gasps]

All right. Come on.

Stop slouching. Let's go, go, go!

[quirky music playing]

[grunting]

Doggone it.

[straining]

Uh-oh.

My mother warned me about this.

Come on. Come on, cadet.

Move your spotty chicken behind
and cross that road!

Why?

If I wore boots,

I'd have four good reasons why!

Sorry, sir, but I can't cross the road
without a reason why.

It's a chicken thing.

[screams]

[sniffing]

Ohh...

[Rolly] Persimmons.

Plump, juicy persimmons.

-[squawks]
-Whoa. Come on, log.

Stop. Stay log.

Ah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Good log.

Whoa.
[screams]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[screams]

[grunting]

Um, enjoying the persimmons, Rolly?

Good.

Here. Have some more.

Hyah!

You call that dog-paddling?

You ain't nothin'
but a little baby catfish!

[snarls]

[groaning]

[screams]

[gasps]

[mellow music playing]

Hey, whatever happened to Spot?

[screaming]

That was beautiful, Spot.

Leave it to a chicken

to do a spectacular breaststroke.

Hey, looks like you could use
some cardio-poultry resuscitation.

[laughing]

Cut the chicken jokes, beachball.

I am not fat.

[grunting]

[panting]

[both] Uh-oh.

[rumbling]

[groaning]

[screams]

[both screaming]

Help!

Rolly!

[Rolly howls]

[Rolly] Help me, Lucky! Help!

[howls]

Rolly.

Oh, no, you don't, Tripod.

[Rolly howling and yelping]

I'll save him.

I'm comin', Rolly!

Rolly, are you all right?

Looks okay,

except he's about to plummet to his doom.

Oh, how are we gonna get up?

I know.

Come on, guys.

We can still finish.

[all barking]

We made it!

But we finished in last place.

Uh-uh. No, no.

It's not whether you win or lose.

It's how you play the game.

[laughs]

Congratulations, son.

You are top dog of my beloved cadet corps.

Dismissed!

[joyful barking and cheering]

[blows whistle]

Now, as for the rest of you
second-rate loser dogs...

[thuds]

Say, Lieutenant, did you know
the Ushfazi tribe of Hepsitonga honors

those who come in last
with golden trophies

because they've shown endurance
and determination?

[laughs]

Nice try, pig-dog.

Thank you, sir.

Hit the deck and give me 42!

And, you, hit the deck!

And, you, hit the deck!

And, you, hit the deck!

And, you, hit the...

How 'bout you hit the deck, Private Pug.

[sighs]

Lucky, my boy,
Tripod told me what happened

near the end of the course.

I find that kind of sacrifice
highly commendable.

Shows character.

So do I get to be a top dog like Tripod?

'Fraid not.

How 'bout a rematch?

Nope.

[Lucky] Why not?

[Colonel] Oh, it wasn't a race, boy.

You didn't have to come in first.

You just had to come in.

And you not only finished,

you helped a friend,

so what you get, son, is a sense of pride,

and that's a medal
that won't ever tarnish.

[theme music playing]