01x06 - Swine Song/Watch for Falling Idols

[bunniefuu]

-[theme music playing]
-[barking]

[engine revs]

♪ I'm seeing lots of spots ♪

♪ Plenty of polka dots ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ Can't catch a furry flurry ♪

♪ Running in a blurry hurry ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Canines on the run ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Them doggone dogs are fun ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Without fail you'll wind up
Chasing your tail ♪

♪ What's the harm
In revelrous adventures ♪

-♪ On the funny farm? ♪
-[clucks]

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

[barks]

♪ Life's just a bed of roses ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Fast friends with cold, wet noses ♪

-♪ 1-0-1 ♪
-♪ Through thick, thin, push and pull ♪

♪ It's 1-0-1 oh wonderful! ♪

♪ Just tons of fun ♪

♪ 101 Dalmatians! ♪

[upbeat music playing]

Gwendolyn.

Oh, Gwendolyn, my dear.

Oh, your hair, your eyes.

[sighs]

My hair,

my eyes.

Be mine tonight.

[sighing]

Oh, that is so sentimental.

[weeping]

Oh, give me a break.

Or a barf bag.

How can you be so...

so insensitive?

Have you never felt the pangs

of toujours l'amour?

I pulled a groin once.

I had ringworm.

Does molting count?

Molting!
[laughs]

That's a good one.
[laughs]

I'm sorry, Cadpig, but I just don't
believe in all that mushy-gushy,

tear-jerky, lovey-dovey junk!

You just wait, Rolly.

Some special star-lit night,

you'll gaze across a crowded barnyard,

and there she'll be...

a glow around her,

the air filled with music.

Huh?

It'll hit ya like a bolt from the blue.

Yeah, yeah. Right.

When pigs fly.

[lively music playing]

Daddy, don't you just love my new bow?

I spent hours arrangin' it.

Am I not a swine divine?

Darlin', you are prettier
than a sty full of day-old slop.

[murmuring]
Try that again.

Hmm.

What a bunch of mush.

Cadpig doesn't know
what she's talkin' about.

I guar... oh!

Huh?

[snorts]

[screams]

[gasps]

[snorts]

Ohh...

Uh, sorry, Dumpling.

Not as sorry as you're gonna be.

[snorts]

[snorts]

[screams]

[grunts]

Aha!

[radio plays romantic music]

[groaning]

[snorts]

Grr!

[grunting]

[grunts]

Huh?

The bolt from the blue.

[sighs]

[giggles]
Whee!

[Spot] What's up with Rolly?

[Rolly] I think I'm in love.

In love?

With Dumpling?

It all happened just like Cadpig said,

so it must be love.

Uh, right?

Eh! Maybe it's just gas.

Oh, Rolly, I am so happy for you.

It's ever so wonderfully...

romantique.

So, what am I supposed to do now?

Why, you gotta let her know how you feel.

Sweep her off her haunches.

Be romantic.

Get real.
That's the last thing you wanna do.

Ya see, Rolly,

the trick with girls
is to play it real cool.

Well, I think you gotta impress her.

Show her you're a dog with means.

Shower her with gifts.

I don't know, guys.

I'm not sure that's really my style.

How do you know
all that stuff's gonna work, anyway?

Trust me. It'll work.

Uncle Phil just loves
these joke birthday candles.

[giggles]

Oh, Anita, come look!

You blow them out,

and they light right back up.

[grunting]

Oh, mirror, mirror, in the sty,

no one's gorgeouser than I.

One step closer,
and you're compost, Spotty.

I... I...

Uh... Here.

Ooh! For me?

[gasps]

Why, I'm all a-twitter.

Now, let's see, I need a wish.

I've got it.

I wish to be even more lovely,

as if that were possible.

[blows]

[growls]

[whimpers]

[screaming]

[grunting]

Hmm?

[sighs]

[Rolly] You sure this makes sense
and it's gonna work?

Positive. Like I said,

the way to make girls notice you
is to be cool.

And to be cool, you gotta look buff.

[Rolly] But this thing is real right.

That's the whole idea.

Nanny wears pantyhose all the time

to hide her unsightly bulges.

What's wrong with a little bulge?

It just means there's more of me to love.

[grunting]

[screams]

[panting]

How do I look?

Like a bug on a windshield.

Hmm.

I got a better idea.

[scissors snipping]

[scissors snipping]

[gasping]

[neighing]

Great. That's it.

[Rolly]
Remind me again why we're doing this.

[Lucky] So you'll look cool.

Aren't I cool enough already?

Is this from Roger's jewelry chest?

Actually, his tool chest.

And now, for the final touch.

I can't see.

That makes you the luckiest one here.

Don't listen to her. You look great.

Now let's see you walk cool.

Yeah.

Let's try it again.

[screams]

[Rolly] Am I cool yet?

Close enough.

[grunting]

Excuse me.

[screams]

Hey, doll face,

anybody ever tell you
what beautiful eyes you have?

[snorts]

[screams]

[screams]

Aw, what's the use?

Face it, guys, I'm just a klutzy loser.

Now Rolly, that's negative thinking.

Your only trouble
is you've been going about this all wrong.

[Cadpig] It's time to get in touch
with your sensitive side.

Just what is it you're getting at?

You know, be galant.

Woo her with words.

But ever since you told me I was in love,

I get all tongue-tied around her.

Well, if you can't reach down
into your inner poet,

then I'll just have to supply the words
for you.

[Cadpig] Are you ready, Rolly?

I don't know about this.

It'll be easy.

Just repeat everything I say.

What?

Oh, Dumpling, beloved.

Oh, Dumpling, you mud head.

He's dead.

Uh... Eh...

Your eyes are limpid pools,

and your lips are cherries.

Your eyes are lizard drool,

and your lips are hairy.

No, no, you dufus!

No, no, you dufus!

Oh, yeah, of course he gets that right.

Are you sure this is working?

Grr! Grr!

[screams]

[grunts]

[Rolly] Cadpig! Help!

[Cadpig] No! Dumpling, stop!

You don't understand.

He was trying...

[Rolly] Aw, forget it.

Guys, I'm sick of pretending
to be someone I'm not.

Being me is all I can handle.

But, Rolly, true love is...

If this is true love, you can have it.

I'll take corn fritters.

In fact, I'm gonna stuff myself silly
with them.

Ooh! You have corn fritters?

Oh!

I just love corn fritters.

[Dumpling] Have you ever tried them with
a nice steaming trough of day-old slop?

[Rolly] You know what's really good

is corn fritters with some ketchup...

Whoa. Will you look at that?

All he had to do was be himself.

Who knew?

Corn fritters and cabbage.

Corn fritters in a blanket.

Corn fritters in powdered sugar.
Corn fritters in...

[lively music playing]

Thunderbolt! What's keeping you?

The plague of frogs is coming.

[croaking]

[barking]

[barking]

That's harsh.

Thunderbolt hates frogs.

[ribbiting]

[howls]

[screaming]

[screams]

[growling]

[man] I never doubted you for a moment.

T-bolt rules.

A late-model sport-utility
vehicle arriving.

[car rumbling]

I love it!

[barking]

Rustic charm.

Shabby simplicity.

[all gasp]

[sighs]

Visceral mud.

It's perfect.

We can use these farm animals as extras.

[excited barking]

What is this,

some kind of miniature cow?

That, sir, is a puppy.

-Oh, we'll make it work.
-[gasps]

Who are you?

You are lucky people.

We're going to use your farm

as a location for our TV series.

A TV series?

No kidding. Which one?

The only one that matters.

Thunderbolt P.I.

Wow. Did you hear that, Lucky?

The real Thunderbolt
right in our own backyard.

[sighs]

We're going to need to build a barn

and a silo,

and, of course, a windmill

for the big chase scene.

Uh, Mr. Dallas?

They've already got all that stuff here.

It's a farm.

I want realism!

This is so cool.

Maybe I'll get to be in a scene
with Thunderbolt.

Maybe, but it looks like
you got some competition.

[chicken squawking]

What's this, a television sh**t?

Why, it reminds me
of my own performing days

in the fourth grade.

From The Heartbreak of Cavities.

I played the lead molar.

♪ Widdle toothy bwon and fwail ♪

Ideal.

Perfect.

Oh! That's what the reviews said

in Playground magazine.

I must have this car in my scene.

[screams]

[grunts]

Star on the set.

He's here!

[all] Ah! Thunderbolt!

Come on, people.

Can we get a chew treat for the star here?

Hi, Thunderbolt.

We met once... at the Grootly County Fair.

You autographed a picture.

Remember?

Uh... Oh, yeah. Sure thing, pup.

Where's my trailer?

Over by the oak tree.

I'll show you. I'm your biggest fan.

I've seen all your movies...

Indiana Bones, Dog-Star Wars,

First Bloodhound, Part Two.

Yeah, yeah. Great.

Uh, listen, how would you like
to scrounge up some lunch for me?

-Huh, pup?
-Okay!

A croissant and mineral water,
if you can find it.

[Thunderbolt barking on TV]

You're okay, pup.

Pass the poupon.

Ah, there's a sport.

Mm! Mmm!
[slurps]

[sighs]

Okay. Quiet on the set. Lights! Camera!

How totally cool.

And... action!

[barking]

[growling]

[barking]

That crook doesn't stand
a dog biscuit's chance in a kennel.

Thunderbolt can climb like a monkey.

[barking]

[growling]

[Dallas] Cut!

Great work, Bolt.

Bring in the stunt double.

Huh?

All yours, Francoise.

[Dallas] And...

Action.

[barking]

[growling]

[Dallas] Cut!

[barks]

A stunt poodle?

[Dallas]
That's a print. Everybody take ten.

A poodle.

Then I use an aloe moisturizer,

which really brings out
the highlights in my fur.

Oh, with my naturally curly tail,

I couldn't live without moisturizer.

Thunderbolt,
you don't always have that poodle

do your stunts, do you?

Like that pyramid stunt in Indiana Bones,

that was you, right?

You're the world's bravest dog.

Excuse me, but I was talking.

[grunts]

[whimpering]

[Thunderbolt] Get me down!
I'm afraid of heights.

Stand-in!

Mommy!

The words "deep emotional scars"

spring to mind here.

[crane descends]

[whimpering]

Uh, thanks, kiddo.

[chuckling]

I can't believe it.

You're nothing like the real Thunderbolt.

You're just a... a stuffed sweater.

Yeah, but it's a designer stuffed sweater.

[chuckling]

You're a fake.

I'll bet you never did a brave thing
in your entire life.

[thunder rumbles]

I bet I wouldn't be afraid
to do my own stunts.

Just like jumping into a haystack.

And I wouldn't need some bogus poodle.

Whoa!

These TV windmills
are just as fake as TV heroes.

[grunting]

[gasps]

Whoa.

[groaning]
Yikes!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Help!

Help! Help!

You really let that pup down,
didn't you, big shot?

Maybe he's right.

Maybe I am just a stuffed sweater.

[Lucky] Help!

Lucky?

[Lucky] Help!

-Lucky!
-Help!

Hang on, pup! I'm comin'!

I'm on my way.

Yeah. I'm... I'm as good as there.

Yup. Here...

Here I come.

Oh, boy.

[teeth chattering]

Bring in the stunt double.

You're a fake.

I'll bet you never did a brave thing
in your entire life.

[Lucky] Help!

[grunts, screams]

Hang in there, Lucky!

Get... me... down!

[groans]

[grunts]

Just don't look down.

Thunderbolt!

Uh-oh!

[grunts]

Hey, you're not...

afraid of heights.

Look how... high up you are.

Jump!

[grunts]

[crashes]

I'm so sorry I called you a chicken,
Thunderbolt.

You don't know the meaning of fear.

Ah, you're wrong, Lucky.

I was plenty scared just now.

But I thought heroes were fearless.

Yeah, so did I, but maybe not.

Remember in Indiana Bones

when my character overcame
his fear of frogs to rescue his pal?

Sure. That was awesome.

He was a hero, all right...
not because he didn't have fears,

but because he overcame them.

Hmm. Well, if that's what makes a hero,

you're still the biggest,

bravest, best hero ever.

And maybe if I overcome my fears,

I could be as big a hero as you.

Eh, don't push your luck, kid.

[theme music plays]