01x14 - How the West Was Wonderland

[bunniefuu]

[birds chirping]

-Yahoo!
-[Dinah meows]

Oh, Dinah, sorry about that.

I wish you could've gone with us
to the rodeo today. It was so much fun.

But I'll tell you what,
I'll give you this bandanna...

so you can be an official cowgirl.

Or cowcat.

Anyway, now let me show you my lasso.

Yahoo!

Dinah, I didn't mean to scare you.

Well, I guess it's like they say
in old cowboy movies:

This room isn't big enough
for the both of us.

[theme song playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here on the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

[footsteps approaching]

Whoa.

[clears throat]

Howdy, ma'am.

I reckoned you were hungry,
so I rustled up some grub.

Excuse me?

Oh, uh... [clears throat]

Here's your breakfast,
Your Majesty. [chuckles]

It's a Western omelet
with ranch-style potatoes.

[sniffs] Mmm.

Smells delightful.

But what's with this cowboy get-up?

Oh! I'm trying to capture
the flavor of the Old West,

in honor of the rodeo
coming to Wonderland.

Rodeo? What do you mean?

Oh! It's right here in the papers.

[clears throat]

"Come on down to the Wonderland rodeo,

with Western barbecue, Western dancing,

and the queen of the rodeo contest."

What? "Queen of the rodeo"?

That can't be right. Let me see that.

[gasps] This is an outrage!

I'm the only queen around here.

If they need a rodeo queen,
they should come straight to me.

But I-- That--

I believe the rodeo queen
has to know about, uh...

well, rodeoing.

So? How hard could it be?

I already know all the queen stuff,
I just have to learn the rodeo part.

What do I do?

Uh, I've never actually been to a rodeo.

But I believe it has something to do
with yelling "Yeehaw!"

and telling little doggies to get along.

Doggies get along?

Not with us cats, they don't.

We're talking rodeos.

I'm afraid it's not something
cats know much about.

[clears throat] It so happens
my great-grandcat was Billy the Kitten.

[laughs]

The famous cowboy cat?

Yes. One of the original
Riders of the Purr-ple Sage.

Really?

Then how about some tips
on how I can become queen of the rodeo?

That's easy. If you don't want
to look like a tenderfoot,

I suggest a fancy pair of boots.

I don't get it.

What's wrong with having tender feet?

In the Old West,
a tenderfoot was a newcomer,

someone who didn't know
what they were doing.

[laughs] Well, I'm no tenderfoot.
Right, Rabbit?

[both laugh]

No, indeed, Your Majesty. [laughs]

You have the toughest tootsies
in town. [laughs]

[laughs, then clears throat]

Anyway, if it's boots I need to be queen
of the rodeo, then boots I shall have.

-Rabbit?
-Yes, Your Majesty.

Get hopping and go shopping.

-Yes, Your Majesty.
-[purrs] Yeehaw.

More boots, Your Majesty. Ooh...

Ooh... Oh...

Oh, Rabbit, so I see.

Hi, Your Majesty.

Mr. Rabbit says
you're shopping for cowboy boots.

Yes, I am.
So far, I've narrowed it down to 23 pair.

Oh, these are pretty. May I wear them?

Oh, be my guest.

Ooh, I didn't see these before.

They're perfect.

Oh, dear, what are those doing in there?

Not those boots, Your Majesty.

They only come in the small si...

Well, as we all know, I wear a small size.

-Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Come on.
-[Red Queen] Harder.

[Red Queen groans]

[all grunting]

Ooh! Oh...

-Lovely, Your Majesty.
-Yes.

I can see me now,
waving to the rodeo crowd,

adored by all.

Ooh! Uh, hello. Nice to see you.

Happy rodeoing. [chuckles]

Actually, Your Majesty,
there's a little more to being rodeo queen

than just wearing a nice pair of boots.

You know much about rodeos, my dear?

Yeah, and they're really fun.

[laughing]

Well, tell me, then,
what exactly is a rodeo queen like?

Well, she's usually very pretty.

So far, so good.

And of course, she has the boots.

No problem there, either.

And she knows about being a cowgirl.

That one could be a bit tricky.

Maybe I can help.

First, you need to learn
how to talk like a cowgirl.

Instead of "hello," say "howdy."

Like this:

♪ If you say "howdy" instead of "hello" ♪

♪ You'll be soundin'
Like the queen of the rodeo ♪

♪ With your hat on high
And your boots on tight ♪

♪ Twirlin' your lasso ♪

♪ Say "howdy" instead of "hello" ♪

♪ No more saying "yes," try "you bet" ♪

♪ Call people "folks"
And you'll be a cowgirl yet ♪

♪ Put on spurs instead of furs
And sit high in the saddle ♪

♪ Say "much obliged"
When you mean "thank you" ♪

♪ That's half the battle ♪

♪ You can talk and walk the cowgirl way
With a little bit of practice ♪

♪ But don't grab hold
Of the bull by the horns ♪

♪ And don't sit on a cactus ♪

Ow!

♪ If you say "howdy" instead of "hello" ♪

♪ You'll be soundin'
Like the queen of the rodeo ♪

♪ With your hat on high
And your boots on tight ♪

♪ Twirlin' your lasso ♪

♪ Just say "howdy" instead of "hello" ♪

Thank you. I mean,
much obliged, Alice. [laughs]

This rodeo business is fun.

What else can you tell me?

Hm... Well, you need to learn to mosey.

That's walk, cowboy-style.

Oh, Your Majesty, you're a--
You're a natural moseyer.

I don't have any choice
in boots this tight.

I mean, as new as these.

Plain walking is next to impossible.

Actually, Your Majesty, as rodeo queen,
you won't have to walk much.

Why, of course.

I suppose I won't.

I'll be waving to the crowd
from my royal rodeo limo.

[chuckles]

No.

You'll be on horseback.

Horseback?

As on the back of a horse?

Why, sure.
Everyone in the rodeo rides a horse.

And the rodeo queen's horse
is the prettiest one of all.

Well, sitting on the back of a horse
isn't very dignified.

-Is it really necessary?
-Oh, yes.

Crystal, could you show the queen
what I mean?

[chiming]

Oh, I can see Your Majesty now,

racing through the rodeo ring
on a horse as fast as lightning.

[Crystal beeping]

"Fast as lightning"?

Desperately holding on
to a bucking bronco.

[stuttering] "Bucking bronco"?

Showing the whole rodeo
how a real pro rides a horse. [laughs]

[gasps]

How exciting, Your Majesty.

Oh, that's one way of putting it.

[Rabbit] Oh, goodness.

All those stunts on horseback
scared the dickens out of me.

-But, of course, you're not afraid.
-Afraid? Me?

Of course not. It's just...

-Well, I'm not sure I can--
-Find a horse on such short notice?

Never fear.

Why don't you go for a little stroll
to break in your new boots?

I'll find you the biggest, fastest horse
in all of Wonderland.

Rabbit...

-[Alice] Bye, Your Majesty. Good luck.
-Alice...

Oh... Oh.

[playing harmonica]

[playing harmonica]

Hello, Your Majesty.

To what do I owe
the honor of your company?

These uncomfortable cowboy boots,
which have made me quite tired of walking.

I mean, moseying, that is.

Cowboy boots, eh?

So you plan to attend the rodeo too.

I plan to be queen of the rodeo.

Whether I like it or not.

If I may say,
you don't sound very excited about it.

One might even think you were...

roped into it.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

It was my idea, and I'm very excited.

But not nervous.

Not at all.

I mean, what's to worry about?

I must admit, I never pictured you

as a cowgirl before.

Well, I know all about it.

I can walk like a cowgirl,
talk like a cowgirl.

Can you play a guitar like a cowgirl?

What? I have to play the guitar too?

Certainly.

Guitar playing
is something all cowpersons must do.

Allow me to explain.

Once there was a cowboy
who had a bit of a problem.

His herd of cows
just couldn't seem to sleep at night.

-[cows mooing]
-The cowboy had to do something.

Not only were his cows tired every day

from lack of sleep...

but they were keeping
the cowboy up all night too.

Moo!

The cowboy decided to try singing
to his cows to help them sleep.

[electric guitar wailing]

The first song he played was too loud.

-[clears throat] Yoo-hoo.
-Huh?

Oh.

The second song he played
was too much of a toe-tapper.

[harrumphing]

[chuckles]

But the third song he played
was a soft lullaby.

And lo and behold, it worked.

Finally, everyone on the ranch
got a good night's sleep.

-[snoring]
-[knock on door]

Well, almost everyone.

[chuckles]

-[soft guitar playing]
-[snoring]

[soft snoring]

And from then on,
cowboys sang their herds to sleep.

Okay. I see your point.

But where am I supposed to get a guitar?

Here, Your Majesty, borrow mine.

-♪ Home, home on the range ♪
-[playing discordant notes]

Um...

Are you sure you know how to play it?

Certainly I can play it. Can't you tell?
I'm just a bit out of practice.

Um... [clears throat] If you like,
I could give you a short lesson,

just to refresh your memory.

Short lesson?

Yes, I suppose that wouldn't hurt.

♪ Home, home on the range ♪

[plays discordant notes]

Mm. Very impressive.

Will you be performing at the rodeo?

Sure, as long as we're not tied up.

Say, we've heard that you've been
practicing to become queen of the rodeo.

Yeah. I've got the boots,

I know how to say howdy,

I can mosey with the best of them,

and I got this guitar-playing down pat.

[playing discordant notes]

Well, Your Majesty,
we can show you something else

to help you become queen of the rodeo.

Queen of the rodeo plays jump rope?

This isn't a jump rope, Your Majesty.

It's called a lasso.

Or a lariat.

It's a special rope
that cowboys use to catch cows.

-[clears throat]
-Oh.

Moo.

If you don't have a cow handy,
almost anyone will do.

All cowhands know how to handle a lariat.

Cowhands?

Cows don't have hands. They have hooves.

Cowhand is another word for cowboy, ma'am.

-Oh.
-Here. You try the lariat.

Well, all right.

I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

I'm getting it. I don't get it.

Your Majesty,
why don't you relax for a minute?

And let us show you the ropes.

♪ Swing it, Dee, show her how ♪

♪ They use that rope to catch a cow ♪

♪ Roping's easy, don't you know? ♪

♪ You'll soon be queen of the rodeo ♪

♪ We're masters at ropin' ♪

♪ And we're a-hopin' ♪

♪ That we can show you how ♪

♪ To earn yourself a bow ♪

♪ As queen ♪

♪ Of the rodeo ♪

♪ Swing that lasso round and round ♪

♪ Try to keep it off the ground ♪

♪ Don't swing too fast
Just keep it goin' ♪

♪ Try and keep that rope from slowin' ♪

♪ We're masters at ropin' ♪

♪ And we're a-hopin' ♪

♪ That we can show you how ♪

♪ To earn yourself a bow ♪

♪ As queen ♪

♪ Of the rodeo ♪

I see what you mean.

A few minutes of practice,
and I'm sure I'll have it figured out.

I'm getting it.
I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

See? I'm getting better already. Howdy.

-Ma'am.
-Ma'am.

So the queen needs a rodeo hat, eh? Hmm...

Let's see what I've got.

[crockery smashing]

This model comes in regular and longhorn.

No, no, no.

The queen needs a cowboy hat,

not a cowhorn hat.

-Right.
-Of course.

What was I thinking?

I've got cowboy hats in 10-gallon...


and 30-gallon sizes.

I wonder which size the queen would wear.
[chuckles]

[all] Thirty-gallon.

So the queen
is going to be in the rodeo, eh?

Yes, indeed. She's very excited about it.

I only hope I don't let her down.

Down from where?

No. I mean disappoint her, I--

I'm having a terrible time
locating a horse for her.

-A horse?
-A horse?

Hold your horses. We'll be right back.

[gasps]

What in the world is that?

A horse of a different color. [chuckles]

You can't be serious.

[Mad Hatter neighs]

I'm afraid this just won't work.

[Mad Hatter] Don't say nay
until you've let us have our say.

[snorts, then neighs]

[both] ♪ We love to horse around ♪

♪ Up and down through the town ♪

♪ We love to horse around ♪

♪ And no one does it better ♪

[Hare] ♪ We make an excellent horse ♪

[Mad Hatter]
♪ The very, very best, of course ♪

[Hare] ♪ We can jump, we can run ♪

[Mad Hatter]
♪ We can whinny, we can kick ♪

[Hare] ♪ We can gobble sugar cubes ♪

[Mad Hatter]
♪ We can nibble carrot sticks ♪

[both] ♪ We can do anything
That a real horse can do ♪

[Hare] ♪ We can count with our hooves
To 102 ♪

[both] ♪ We make an excellent horse ♪

♪ The very, very best, of course ♪

♪ We love to horse around ♪

♪ Up and down through the town ♪

♪ We love to horse around ♪

♪ And no one does it better ♪

[Mad Hatter] So? Are we hired?

Sorry. You're not bad, as horses go.

But you're not the kind of horse
the queen can ride.

-[Mad Hatter] How true that is.
-[Hare] How true that is.

Yes...

Thanks anyway.

Goodbye.

[neighs softly]

I'm at the end of my rope.

I don't know how I'm going to get out
of this rodeo-queen business.

Hi, Your Majesty. Are you getting excited
about the big rodeo?

Of course. Isn't it obvious?

Your Majesty, about that,

I'm afraid
I have a little bit of bad news.

I haven't been able to locate a horse.

You haven't?

Oh, well, too bad.

[stammering]

I guess I'll have to give up
being queen of the rodeo.

Easy come, easy go.

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

No sense on crying
over spilt milk. [chuckles]

She's taking it better than I thought.

Wait a minute, Your Majesty.

If Mr. Rabbit can't find a horse,
well, maybe you could borrow one.

Borrow? A horse?

I'm sure it would be no problem.

There are so many horses at the rodeo.

I'm sure there will be an extra.

No, I can't do it.

But, Your Majesty, why not?

Well, surely you don't expect me
to ride a used horse.

No, it's out of the question.

But you can't be queen of the rodeo
without a horse.

-I know. Of course, I'm simply crushed.
-Well--

I'm going to the royal chambers
to celebrate.

I mean, to try to get over
this terrible disappointment. Yes.

I don't get it.

What about all the work she did?
The guitar, the lasso.

-Yes, to say nothing of the moseying.
-[sighs]

It doesn't make sense.

[chiming]

Unless...

You know, Crystal, I think you're right.

I think she's quitting
because she's afraid of horses.

The queen, afraid? Never.

Well, riding a horse can be very scary
if you've never done it.

Well, I've got an idea.

[inaudible whispering]

[Rabbit sighs]

That's everything, Your Majesty.

Are you sure you want
to return all of these things?

All that and these boots.

I know they're my size,
but, uh, they're not well-made.

Wearing them has made my feet hurt.

-Here, help me take them off.
-Oh, uh, yeah. Yes.

[straining]

[chuckles] A little tight.

Oh. [clears throat]

Pull harder, Rabbit. Pull harder. Pull.

Rabbit, where did you go?

Oh, Rabbit, he's just...

Rabbit! Rabbit!

Oh... You aren't-- Rabbit.

Rabbit! Rabbit!

What's going on here?

-[Rabbit] Surprise!
-[Dee] Yahoo!

Yippee ai ki-yay!

What's the meaning of this?

Simple, Your Majesty. We've decided
to make you the queen of our rodeo.

What? Where are the bucking broncos?

There aren't any.
We couldn't find any horses.

[Mad Hatter] Hey, what are we,
rolled oats?

Any real horses. I hope you don't mind.

Not at all.

Now you need your cowboy hat.

And now, Your Majesty,

we hereby declare you queen of our rodeo.

[Dee & Rabbit chuckling]

[chuckling]

[sighs]

Much obliged. [chuckles]

♪ I'm queen ♪

♪ Of our rodeo ♪

♪ I'm queen ♪

♪ And it's fun, you know ♪

♪ I have learned so many things ♪

♪ About this Western show ♪

♪ And I'm proud to be queen ♪

♪ Of our rodeo ♪

♪ I'm queen ♪

♪ Every night and day ♪

♪ I'm queen ♪

♪ And I get my way ♪

♪ I don't need any crazy bulls ♪

♪ Or wild bucking broncos ♪

♪ To be a wonderful queen ♪

♪ Of our rodeo ♪

♪ I love being queen ♪

♪ Of our rodeo ♪

[all whooping]

Howdy, Dinah.

Still wearing your bandanna, I see.

You know, I've been thinking
about how much fun it would be

to have a horse.

On one hand, think how great it would be
to have a pet you could ride.

[meows]

And on the other hand,
I don't think a horse could fit in my bed.

All in all,
I think a cat is the best kind of pet.

Especially a cat like you, Dinah.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪