02x07 - Bully Boogie/Here Thar Be Dwarves

[bunniefuu]

- Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- The call is coming
from inside the house.

- Rahhh!

- Aaaaahhh!

- Aaaaaahhh!

What happened to your face?

- Dude, I'm, like, 15.
We all look like this.

What are you, my mom?

- No, I'm the boogie man.

- I don't even believe in you.
Go talk to my little brother.

- Yeah, go to bed.
Sheesh.

When did kids
get so hard to scare?

I blame cartoons
and video games and the tuba.

What happened to
the good old days

When the mere mention
of the boogie man

Could sully
even the whitest undies?

[Slurp]

Ahhh.

Man, I haven't had
times like that

Since middle school.

Ah, the old
middle school yearbook.

Oh, yes, the grim reaper...

Always thinking
he was scarier than me.

Chump.

Maybe it's time to relive
some of the old glory days.

Yes. Ah ha ha ha!

- Ah, shut up!
I'm trying to sleep!

- Welcome back to
the suppertime surgery network.

- This show is awesome.

- Hey, doc,
what are you doin' with my legs?

Aaaahhhh!

- Oh, stop it.
I'm just shaving you.

- So, this is where grim lives.

Let's see what he thinks of me
scaring these two kids to death.

Here we go.

- Ok, mrs. Stevenson.
One more stitch.

Oop, sorry about that.

- Rrhooar!

- Hey, billy, is this a new tv?

- Roooar!

- Cool.

- Rooar!

- Rewind.

- What?
- I gotta see that again.

Fast forward.

Rewind.

Fast forward.

Rewind.

- Wait, wait, wait.

I'm sorry, child, but is this
the grim reaper home?

- ♪ Oh, grim

- Who dares disturb
the grim reaper?

'Cause I have billy biscuits.

- Billy biscuits!

Aaarrruuugha!

Gggggrrrr... Billy biscuits!

[Snort, snort, sniffle, sniffle]

Ohhh, they feel chocolaty.

Oh, grim,
the tv wants to talk to you.

- Tv?

- Hello, grim.

- Hello, tv.

- Hmm.

Ha ha!

- Boogie!
What are you doing here?

- What? An old classmate
can't swing by and say hello?

- No. I thought I was done
with you after graduation.

- Hey, grim, who's the stiff?

- You may know him
as the boogie man.

He was the worst bully
in school.

He used to torment all the kids
and make us look like idiots.

- Wow! Been there.

- Oh, come now, grim.
Things weren't that bad.

- Don't believe him, kids.
Boogie was the worst.

One time I had a recital
in front of the whole class.

- Put your hands together
for grim.

- Good luck, grim.

- I don't need luck.
I practiced.

- Well, I hope you practiced
your humility.

- To be or not to be.
That is the question.

- I think you mean,
wedgie or no wedgie.

- Owwww!

- Wedgie!

- Hey, everyone,
grim just got a nuclear wedgie.

Let's all point
and laugh at his humiliation.

- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Boy.

- I never lived that down.

Everyone called me
wedgie shakespeare.

- Well, all this reminiscing
has been great,

But I just stopped by
for a few things.

Nice seein' you, jerk.

- What just happened?

- A dark figure
from the underworld took billy,

Freeing up my afternoon.

- Oof! That's it.
I've had it!

- What? It's only billy.

- That's not the point.

I'm tired of being
boogie's punching bag.

I'm gonna teach him a lesson
once and for all!

Aauggh!

- Well, mandy,
it's just you and me now.

- Uh... No.

- Yet another night
of one-man twister?

- Are you ready
for a roller coaster ride

Of pure terror?

- I love roller coasters!

- Well, then, you'll love this.

- I love this!

Terror!

I wonder what terror is?

It sounds like chocolate.

Ooohhhh, prickly!

Hello? Hello-oooo?!

- Grrrrr...
- Boogie?

Grim? Hello-oooo?

Ahhhh!

- [Shrieking]

- So, what's your plan?

{\An5}- I'm going
to pull a trick on boogie
and teach him a lesson.

- And how do you plan
to do that?

- Hmm. I have an idea.

Hmm. Not the soda,
not the purple stuff.

Ah, boogie's milk.

Here, hold this.

- Give me the milk.

- You know, there are
better ways to get revenge.

- Don't worry. I saw this
in the halloween special.

- Well, well,
if it isn't the grim reaper

And his little master.

What's wrong, grim?

Come back
to save the big-nosed brat?

{\An5}- I came for an apology
for all the t*rture
you put me through.

- And we probably should
bring billy back.

- But mostly we want an apology.

- Why, grim, I had no idea
you were so... Tortured.

Wow. I am so sorry.

I joked with you
because I respected you.

All I wanted was a friend;

{\An5}someone who would
hang out with me
and buy me things.

[Whimpering]

- Oh, it's ok, boogie.

- No, grim, I was wrong,
and I am sorry.

You know what?

Here, take this milk as a token
of our new friendship, buddy.

- Oh, thank you, boogie.

- Uh, grim...

- Ahh.

- Oh, he's good.

- Yeah,
I guess he is pretty good.

- He really thought
that hot sauce bit
was gonna get me, huh?

- Yep.

- You make this too easy, grim.

- Hey, everybody,
grim is hanging by his underwear

From the clock.

Let's all laugh
at his humiliation.

- Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Boogie!
Where you goin', princess?

This isn't over.

- [Clucking]

- What's wrong, boogie?

- [Excited clucking]

- Are ya... Are ya...
Are ya... Ya...

Are ya scared like some sort of
small, tasty bird?

{\An5}- me? Scared?
I am the essence
of scary itself.

Everybody fears the boogie man.

- Only till they're like 11.

Then they're mine.

- I was always scarier than you.

- Grrrrrrr!
- Grrrrrrr!

- Ok, ladies,

Looks like we're going to have
a scare-off.

In this challenge,
you will each scare
one little kid.

The one who scares
the kid most wins.

- Ok, but if I win,
no more boogie, ever!

- Grim...

- All right.
And we get billy back.

- Ok, but if I win,
you disappear,

And I become the boogie reaper.

Ha ha ha ha heee!

- Fine. Just choose your weapon.

- Ok. Rharrrr!
Rrharrr! Rrhaarrr!

- A werewolf.
How passe.

- Well, what about you, chump?

- Quack, quack.

- What? A duck?

- Quack, quack.

- Oh, you'll see.

- The gentle elephant

Delicately meanders
down the forest path.

♪ Hmm-hmm-hmmm
the elephant stops,

Perhaps sensing danger.

Then, all of a sudden,

The kind elephant
shoots in the air,

And his head snaps off!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

- Jason, have you seen
dominique's retainer?

- No.

Retain that.

[Farting noise]

Did I do that?

[Farting noise]

- Rharrr.

Rhhoooarrr!

Roar?

- Doggie!

Oh, and now that
I have a doggie,

I won't have to act out
to get attention.

[Farting noise]

- Quack, quack.

Quack, quack.

Quack, quack, quack, quack.

Quack, quack.

Quack, quack.

Quack, quack, quack, quack.

Aaacckk, aaackk, akkk, akkk.

Aaccckk, akkk, ackkk, aaackkk.

Rhhhhoooooooaaaarrrrhh!

Boo.

- Aaaaahhhh!

Mama!

- Well, boogie,
looks like I win.

And you remember our deal.

You're gone forever.

- Oh, come on, grim.
We're buddies.

- Good-bye... Buddy.

- Well, good work, grim,
but we forgot billy.

- Did we, mandy?

Did we?

- Hee hee hee hee!

Terror is fun!

Yeee, ooohh, hee hee hee!

- [Gasping]

- Aaaaaaaahhhhh!

- Hey, sluggie monster,
you gots a boogie in your nose!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

A boogie!
I said boogie!

- Now that's-a
what I call a sandwich.

- Look at this ding-dong mess.

Everything is all sticky.

- [Meow]

- Man, I hope
you don't expect me

To clean up all this filth.

- This isn't filth.
It's our picnic fixings.

- Picnic? Oh, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

No.

You remember what happened
last time, don't you?

- Please pass the egg salad.

- Braggle-fraggle!

- Aah! Somebody help me!

Yeah, that was pretty special.

Want to see my emotional scars?

- What happened in here?
Did the refrigerator throw up?

- Billy wants us
to go on a picnic.

- No way, jose.

You remember
what happened last time.

- Please pass the egg salad.

- Braggle-fraggle!

- Aah! Somebody help me!

- Have you crazy kids
been flashing back in here?

- Yeah.

{\An5}we've been trying
to talk billy out of
going on a picnic.

- A picnic!
Oh, honey, no, no.

You remember
what happened last time.

- Please pass the egg salad.

- Braggle-fraggle!

- Aah! Somebody help me!

- What is this, a party?

- Dad, talk some sense
into your son.

He wants to go on a picnic.

- After what happened last time?

You all remember that, right?

- Please pass the egg salad.

- Braggle-fraggle!

- Aah! Somebody help me!

- Hee hee hee hee!
I say we let the boy go.

- Rock on!

This is gonna be
the best picnic ever!

Who's ready for fun?

[Crickets chirping]

Well, they don't know
what they're missing.

♪ Walkin' in the woods,
walkin' in the woods ♪

♪ Just lookin' for a place
where to eat all my foods ♪

- Pssst! Psssst!

Hey, little girl.
Come here for a second.

That's a nice pic-a-nic basket
you got there.

- Yeah, it's ok.

[Birds chirping]

- You got some nice sandwiches
in there, I bet.

- Sure, I suppose.

- I think this is a good place
for your pic-a-nic.

- Uh, I don't know.

- Here,
let me set it up for you.

- Did you
get the food yet, yogi?

- Sssshhh!

- Look, I really
gots to get going.

- Hey, that's cool, man.
Let me just...

Give me that basket!

- [Panting]

- Don't let him get away!

- Llwww-llwwwoool-wllwoow!

[Sniffing]

I know you're close,
you dirty human.

- Hey, I'm not dirty.
I just had a bath 15 days ago.

Ooop!

Aaaaaahhh! Aaaah!

- Hey, you dumb bears.
You can't get me now.

I'm in a cave.

- He's right, boo-boo.

We bears
are terribly afraid of caves.

- Why are we so lame, yogi?

- Wow! A giant door.

And there appears
to be some sort

Of ancient writing on it.

"For a good time call..."

- What are you doing?

Who said you could read
our sacred door?

Hands in the air,
you dirty, stinkin' elf.

- What is it
with everyone calling me dirty?

I oughta... [Sniffing]

Oh.

- Thought you could sneak up
on us, did you, elf?

- No.
- Shut up.

Your smooth elf talk
won't work on me.

- Ok.
- Shut up.

{\An5}you're about to enter
the dwarvin mines of
boringya.

Guarded for 3,000 years
by ulik and mulik,

The giant, blind cave fish.

- Wait.
- Who said that?

- Is someone there?

- Hello?

- And here we have
the dwarvin closet
of cleaning supplies,

Which houses
the mop of falthig

That was used
to clean up the puke

After the great celebration
of mothrogdal.

That guy in the corner
next to the bleach is our king.

And this is our king's
friendship bracelet,

Given to him by a girl named amy
who has a crush on him, but...

- Enough!

Why is there a stranger

In the dwarvin closet
of cleaning supplies?

- Your highness,

I captured this elf
spying on us.

- Hmm.

- Phhhfftht.

- Hmm.

[Squeak]

This is no elf.

'Tis a human.

- A human?

- Tell me, what is your name?

- Root rot.

- Not you, dummy!
The human!

- Billy, sir.

- Well, billy,
I am king beardbottom.

Welcome to the land
of the dwarves.

{\An5}we're the world's largest
supplier of mushrooms
and mushroom products...

Stuffed mushrooms,
fried mushrooms,

Mushroom pizza.

Here, try it.

- It tastes like my cat.

- They taste like
everyone's cat.

It's been 3,000 years,
and I still hate the taste.

I've eaten so many mushrooms,
even my sweat smells like 'em.

Take a whiff.

- Whew! You ain't kiddin'.

- And it's all
because of those thieving elves

With their beardless faces

And their intoxicating aroma
of summer lilac.

Curse them!
Curse them all!

- Tell me
the story of your rage.

- Very well.
It was many, many years ago,

{\An5}after the great battle
for midwestern earth
had been won.

A council of representatives
from each race

Met to divide up
the food service industry.

- All right,
I just want to make sure

We're all totally clear
on who's in charge of what.

Mankind gets
the hamburger business.

The druids are in charge
of lentils and soy.

The halflings
will make chicken nuggets.

The elves
are in charge of mushrooms,

And finally, the dwarves
will bake the cookies.

- Pardon me. If I could just
interject for a moment.

- The floor is open
to daddy elf.

- It seems to me like the camera
took the picture,

But the flash didn't go off.

I mean, really, now,
beardbottom.

Can you honestly tell me
you'd be happy

Spending the rest of your life
standing in front of a hot oven

While wearing
a starched white apron?

- Well, no, but...

- Let me see your arm
for a second.

Look at these thick,
sinewy muscles

And these bulging,
compact thighs.

- So, um, your point is?

- Quite simply, this.

Who's better suited
to the exciting,

Physically rewarding task

Of chopping down
giant mushrooms...

Little tiny me
or great big you?

- Oooh! Oooh!
I am! I am!

- So, it's settled.

The elves get the cookies,

And the dwarves get
the stinky fungus.

- Wait a second.
Hold up.

How can you be mad at the elves?

You chose to trade cookies
for mushrooms.

- Hey, did that kid
just step into the flashback?

- What manner
of sorcery be this?

- I'm mad because they got rich!

They knew the cookie business

Was a trillion-dollar
growth industry.

- No, we didn't.

- Yes, you did.

- No, we didn't.

- Yes, you did.

- No, we didn't.
- Aaaaugh!

Enough!
This flashback is over!

Billy the human,

Will you not aid us
in our great upcoming battle?

- Wait.
What battle?

Where'd that come from?

- Didn't I mention
the battle earlier?

- No.

- The big final as*ault

On the elves' cookie factory

We've been planning?

Oh. Well, yeah.

There's gonna be
a big battle!

So, you wanna help us?

- Ok. Sure.

- This is a hologram
of the elves' factory.

- Cool.

- As you can see,
it's surrounded by...

Knock it off!

- Sorry, king.

- It's surrounded by
a dwarf-repelling force field.

That's where you come in.

- Oh, boy!

- We need you
to infiltrate the factory

Disguised as an elf

And then disable the shields.

- That sounds dangerous.

- If we win, you'll get
all the cookies you can eat.

- Well, what are we waitin' for?

- May the winds of pookrood
fly you safely, billy.

- Lave en sus manos!

- Lave en sus manos!

- Lava blah ma blah!

- I wonder
how billy's picnic is going?

- Hey, grim. Hey, mandy.

- That answers one question,
yet raises so many others.

- Oomph!

- Caramel pecan crunch?
Double chocolate macadamia?

Oatmeal cranberry raisin?

No!

- What if we drizzled
white chocolate?

- Excuse me, where's
the force field generator?

- Ohh! Next to the cappuccino
machine where it's always been.

- Thanks.

- And, stevie joe,

Don't even think
of bringing up toffee bits.

You know how I
feel about... What?

Stop! Do you realize
what you've just done?

- Not really.

[Boom]

- The dwarves
are trying to break in!

- Heave!

- h*!

- Heave!

- h*!

- Hey, that was an antique door.

- All right, listen up,
you little radish-munchers!

This battle is about
to become way too exciting

To show our younger viewers!

So instead, I will show you
this soothing image

Until the fight is over.

Sweet mother of fog!

You should see this.

Cookies and mushrooms
flying through the air

Like june bugs in a swamp!

Whew! It appears to be over.

Let's go back to the... Whoa!

That was entirely my bad.

I misread the signals.

I knew a guy named joe.

He misread the signals
in a combat situation.

Now he eats everything
through a mechanical straw.

Wait. Battle's over.

Carry on.

- [Moaning]

- Cookie dough too sweet.

- Dirty, dirty dwarf!

- Beardless elf!

- Stop it!
Stop the fighting!

Why do you have to
hate each other?

Can't you see you're just like
peas and mashed potatoes?

Some people don't like them
to touch each other

If they're on the same plate,
but it's ok.

It's ok if they touch,

Because they both
get chewed up by the mouth

And sent down the esophagus

And dissolved into the stomach
and absorbed in the intestine,

And we won't go
any further than that.

But the point is,
we're all just nutrients

In the great big
digestive system called life!

- Here's an idea.

What if we put your mushrooms
in our cookies?

- Split the profits 50-50?

- 60-40.
- Deal.

- Hooray!

This calls for a karaoke.

♪ Better than candy,
you're so dandy ♪

♪ Buttercup dancer,
I love you ♪

- Oh, chocolate chip
cookies again?

When is someone gonna come out
with a new cookie?

- Ten-hut!

Whining gets you nothin'
except this!

- Wow! Mushookies!

What are these?

- Mushookies are the magic
that happens

When beardless elves

And swarthy dwarves
work together.

- They taste like my cat!

- New mushookies.

You'd have to be meshugeneh
not to love 'em.