01x11 - A Christmas Cruella

[bunniefuu]

-[theme music playing]
-[barking]

[engine revs]

♪ I'm seeing lots of spots ♪

♪ Plenty of polka dots ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ Can't catch a furry flurry ♪

♪ Running in a blurry hurry ♪

[barking]

-♪ Get those puppies! ♪
-♪ 1-0-1 ♪

-♪ Canines on the run ♪
-♪ 1-0-1 ♪

-♪ Them doggone dogs are fun ♪
-♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Without fail you'll wind up
Chasing your tail ♪

♪ What's the harm
In revelrous adventures ♪

-♪ On the funny farm? ♪
-[clucks]

-♪ 1-0-1 ♪
-[barks]

-♪ Life's just a bed of roses ♪
-♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Fast friends with cold, wet noses ♪

-♪ 1-0-1 ♪
-♪ Through thick, thin, push and pull ♪

♪ It's 1-0-1 oh wonderful! ♪

♪ Just tons of fun ♪

♪ 101 Dalmatians! ♪

[sniffs]
Mmm! Cheese log.

[sniffs]
Ohh! Sausage pack.

[sniffs]
Sweater. Cotton, poly blend.

[sniffs]
Computer software.

My guess is the sequel to Nerve Baster.

Rolly, you really shouldn't
be guessing people's gifts.

It'll ruin the surprise. What'd I get?

[sniffs]
The same as last year, chew toy.

Oh, well, it's the thought that counts.
Besides, I can always return it.

There, done.

[clock chimes]

Just in time.
They should be home any minute.

Hmm, that tree's missing something.

Allow me.

-[Cadpig screams]
-Ta-da!

Oh, dear!
[laughs]

Well, I suppose we could do worse.

♪ Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree ♪

♪ How steel and chrome you are ♪

♪ Made from lots of shiny parts ♪

♪ We lifted from a car ♪

-Yikes!
-[both scream]

[Cruella] Merry Christmas!
Buy, shop, spend!

Merry Christmas! Buy, shop, spend!

Merry Christmas! Buy, shop, spend!

[Cruella]
Work, toil, sl*ve, labor, produce!

Oh, how I love Christmas!

Such a joyous celebration of capitalism.

Anita, darling,
how's that design coming along?

I want to get it out in time
for the Christmas sale.

But, Cruella, it's Christmas Eve.
Everyone's finished their shopping.

Oh, tut, tut. There's always one
or two last-minute shoppers to gouge.

Knock, knock. Merry Christmas, Cruella.

Ready to go home, Anita?

Roger! Oh, how's Lucky?
What'd the vet say?

Oh, fine. He just had a pine needle stuck
in his paw, that's all.

[Cruella] How tragic.

Okay, sympathy moment is over.
Back to work, Anita.

Work? But it's 6:00.

Don't lock horns with me, Rump roast.

Just because it's the night
before a silly holiday

is no excuse for her to leave on time.

Why can't she work late
like the other 364 days of the year?

Because it's not a silly holiday.
It's Christmas Eve, you big...

But, Cruella, I really would like
to be home with the family tonight.

Just this once?

Oh, I see where this is going.

Tonight you take off early,

tomorrow you'll want
to take off the whole day.

Take, take, take!

Oh, come on! Anita's been working
around the clock for weeks.

She is not working Christmas.

You people don't have
any Christmas spirit.

Christmas is about giving.

Giving me more designs, more to sell,
more of your time!

Oh, really? Well, I want her
to spend more time with our family.

Fine! Go on,
celebrate your selfish little holiday.

You are downsized.

Oh, you mean fired?

But, Cruella..,

No buts. Now you can hang up
your stocking and stuff it.

[humming "Oh, Christmas Tree"]

Aim them 'em up high this time.

It's Christmas.
We should just sh**t over people's heads.

Move it!

Merry Christmas, Miss De Vil.

Don't start with me!

Ooh!

Well, you're fired.

[grunting]

[groans]

Where are those egg-noggins?

I suppose they left early, too.

Are Santa and his elves the only people
who work on Christmas Eve?

Ohh! Memo to myself.

Orchestrate hostile
takeover of North Pole.

[groans]

Huh!
[grunts]

This should cover the damage to my door.

Get off my property!

Oh, nobody wears plaid any more.

♪ Jingle bells ♪

-♪ Jingle bells, jingle all... ♪
-Out of my way!

Safety first.

Please face security camera
for retinal scan.

Ooh!
[grunts]

[echoing]
Cruella.

[echoing]
Cruella.

Oh. Horace, Jasper?

I wonder if that tree topper hit me
harder than I thought

and I'm hallucinating.

I hate that.

[yawn]

[wind howling]

[ghostly howling]

Who are you and what do you want?

We're from Scrooges Anonymous.

Yeah, we're here
on a paranormal intervention.

-Hit it!
- ♪ You are a great big meany ♪

♪ You cause a lot of fuss ♪

♪ You better learn to love and share ♪

♪ Or you'll end up like us ♪

I'll become a tone-deaf nitwit?

Tonight, you'll be visited
by three spirits, not counting us.

That would be... more.

They'll show you the way to change.

Meet you on the other side.

I... I must be experiencing
a, uh, a para-abnormal phenomenon.

Ohh!

Don't worry, Scorch.
There's nothing to be afraid of.

[ghostly howling]

[screaming]

[gasps]

You're mean, Cruella De Vil.

I am the ghost of Christmas Past.

But you're just a dog.

Cruella, there's an old concept
we call multi-tasking.

You see, I can simultaneously be a dog
and the ghost of Christmas Past,

Just like you're a world-famous
fashion designer

and pure evil.
[chuckles]

I am here to take you on a tour

through the defining moments
in your journey to person-hood.

And if I don't want to go?

Don't make me use special effects.

[both scream]

[evil laugh]

Surprise!

All right, all right, I'm coming.

Please turn off all electronic devices
during takeoff.

In the event of total emotional collapse,

your pillow can be used
as a flotation device.

[Cruella gasps]
My childhood home.

Such humble beginnings.

Cootchie-coo! Mmm!

[gasp]
Oh, that's me. Wasn't I adorable?

In a dysfunctional sort of way.

Look what your mommy and daddy send.

"Having a fabulous holiday vacation
at Club Latvia.

Sincerely, your parents,
Mr. and Mrs. De Vil."

Puppy!

Want puppy!

Not puppy.

-[cries]
-Ah, is so cute.

Let me put on you. Mmm, mm.

No polyester! No polyester!

Want puppy with spots!

How appalling!

I know.

How could your parents abandon you
on the family day of all family days?

I meant the puppy.

Why would I have wanted
a horrid little creature like that?

Uh, no offense.

[baby Cruella crying]
I want a puppy!

I want a puppy!

[groans]

Hello? Express Federal?

[maid] What is this?

This is cruel and unusual punishment.

Next time, I'd better get a puppy
with spots.

Ah, it's obvious your early yearning
for a Dalmatian puppy

represented a deep-seated need

to substitute the love you didn't get
from your parents.

And that means?

You were a brat! Let's try
another Cruella Christmas, shall we?

"Dear Occupant,

having a wow-wee time in Maui.

Merry Christmas,
Your Primary Care Providers."

I hope it's a spotted puppy.

What part of "puppy"
don't they understand?

-[girl] I like your puppy.
-[boy] I like yours, too.

I'm so glad we all got puppies
for Christmas.

[grunts]

[evil laugh]

[Cruella] Haaa!

Oh, what a painful memory.

How I suffered that day.

You suffered? What about those kids?

Those puppies?

Those snow-persons?

You're my therapist.

Feel my pain.

Cruella, you have to see thing
from the point of view of other people.

I don't care about other people.

What about me, me, me?

Ohh!

I think somebody
needs to crash your little pity party

and spike that punch
with a dose of reality.

But... but...

Ohh!

[Cruella] Mom, Dad?

They're home for Christmas?

[dog barks]

And they brought me a puppy!

Ohh.

Oh, look what your parents
sent from the Dalmatian Coast, huh?

[barks]

[both] Merry Christmas,

allowable tax exemption Schedule C,
line 4.

h*, h*, h*!

[screams]

[crazy evil laugh]

[gulps]

Is that a tear?

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

It's... the smoke.

Now, what are you gonna show me next?

I'm sorry, your hour is up.

It's only been 50 minutes.

That's an hour in my business.

[gasping]
No...

I want the full hour.

[laughs]

Oh, Papa Christmas!

Candy canes,

Christmas cookies,

gingerbread,

and fruitcake!

Who are you,
the ghost of Christmas binging?

No, the Ghost of Christmas Present.

I'm going to take you through the shadows
of this year,

after I finish eating.

[munching]

Well?

Oh, all right.

Can I get the rest to go?

Let's get on with it.

Ooh!

[grunts]

[screams]

[Cruella] What am I doing here?

This isn't my Christmas. Ooh!

Well, thanks to you,
it's not Christmas for anybody.

Merry Christmas, Roger.

Oh, it's the Teutonic track
computer chair-erciser.

Oh, honey, you always know
just what to get me,

even if I don't get to keep it.

[Anita] We can't afford it,
now that Cruella fired me.

At least you'll get some exercise
taking it back to the store.

I've got something you can't keep.

Oh, a monogrammed portfolio.

Yeah, it's for you to carry
all your work into...

you know, where you're not
gonna be working any more.

-Sorry.
-Oh, it was so thoughtful, Roger.

I hope they take it back.

For you, Nanny, from both of us.

[laughs]
Oh, thank you.

It's electric underwear,
with a 200-foot cord

to reach all the way
to the chow tower on cold mornings.

Oh, well, I have plenty
of natural insulation.

[chuckle]

And these are for you guys.

[Roger] Well, these were for you guys.

[disappointed whimpers]

Shame, shame, shame.

Lucky, something special for you.

[whimper]

Why is he still limping?

It was just a pine needle in his paw.

It turned into piny pawitus.

The vet could save his leg,

if the Dearlys had the money
for the operation.

There, boy, this is just what you need
to get around, huh?

[Roger] But, it'll have to go back
to the puppy medical supply store.

Oh, come on!

It's Dickens.

Dickens, my derrière.

[Anita] A merry Christmas to all.

[Nanny] Oh, yes, to everyone.

I wouldn't waste my breath
wishing Cruella a merry Christmas.

She'd charge us for the air we breathe,
if she could get away with it.

Mmm, memo to myself.

Buy up Earth's atmosphere
and charge user fee.

Oh, aren't you learning anything
from this?

Christmas is about love and...

[grunts]
...and sharing.

Well, precisely.

They've just shared
a wonderful idea which I love!

[thunder]

Cruella, think about other people!

The Dearlys, don't their feelings count?

All you ghosts keep saying that.

The Dearlys, other people.
Other people aren't me.

Oh, what does it all mean?

Tell me, Spirit, I'm so confused.

Well, that's it for me.

Maybe the next spirit
will have better luck.

Got this big sharp thing on his stick.

Very strict.

[mumbling]

[thunder]

Whew!

[thunder]

[screams]

Who are you?

What are you here for?

[sinister clucking]

-Get, get, brawwk, brawwk!
-All right, I'm going.

Don't need to get extra crispy about it.

[pounding gavel]

Who will give me a buck 50

For this genuine
Picasso-like rendering of Miss De Vil?

Give ya a nickel for the frame.

Sold to the sassy gentleman in green.

My hard-won possessions
are being auctioned to swamp creatures?

Oh, did I file for bankruptcy?

Redecorate?
Relocate to the South of France?

-[sinister clucking]
-Well, you're rather one-note.

I must know what this means.

Tell me, spirit.

[gasps]

Fluffy?

Whoops!
[chuckles]

Oh, I'm buried in a pet cemetery?

I'm reduced to this?

Why? Oh, Spirit, why?
[sob]

You know, I had a great song and dance
number here.

They cut it.

Oh, you mean, if I don't change my ways,

I'll... I'll end up here,
surrounded by decaying animal carcasses?

Bawk!

No, it can't be true.

Tell me it's not too late.
Tell me I can still change.

[clock chiming]

[yawning]
Change... I'll change.

Oh... What...

Oh, where are the talking dogs
and that... that cranky chicken?

Oh, it was a dream, a hideous dream.

A long, hideous dream.

It's morning, but which morning?

You there, what day is this?

Halloween. Trick or treat, lady!

What do you think? It's Christmas!

Oh, it's not too late.

There's still time for me
to change my ways.

Starting today, I'm gonna be the most
loving and giving person on earth.

Get up, you talented boobs.

It's Christmas.
I have to get gifts for everyone.

We have shopping to do.

Nothing's open on Christmas,
except the House of De Vil.

Then I'll improvise.

[Cruella] Merry Christmas, everyone!

Here, have a photocopier.

[all scream]

Merry Christmas!

This is deductible, isn't it?

Merry Christmas!

Ohh!

♪ Joy to the world, the Lord is come ♪

[off-key]
♪ Let Earth receive her king ♪

♪ Let every heart prepare... ♪

Merry Christmas... Critics.

Merry Christmas!

Feliz Navidad!

Joyeux Noel!

Mele Kalikimaka!

[tires screeching]

[banging on door]

How dare you?

How dare we what?

Celebrate Christmas without me.

I brought gifts for everyone.

Merry Christmas, Ninny.

Merry Christmas, Roger.

Merry Christmas, Anita.

-"Susan"?
-Oh, I must have grabbed the wrong one.

I meant to give you yours,
because, well...

I'm giving you your job back.
You can have Susan's desk, too.

-I'm firing her tomorrow.
-[Perdy growl]

[Cruella] I am so filled
with the Christmas spirit.

I've even brought gifts
for all the Dalmatians.

Office supplies!

Some gifts.

Not one festive cheese log.

Think positive.

Think of all the collating you can do.

Um, thank you for the gifts, Cruella,

But, well, I'm afraid
we don't have anything for you.

We didn't know you were coming.

Oh, tut, tut, darling.

You're giving me a wonderful gift.

This is the Christmas
I've been wishing for.

Puppies! Puppies!

Woof, woof!
[laughs]

Cruella, no, not Wizzer. Ohh!

Mmm, God bless us, every one.

[dogs bark]

[theme music playing]