02x40 - Beauty Pageant Pandemonium/Hog Tied

[bunniefuu]

-[theme music playing]
-[barking]

[engine revs]

♪ I'm seeing lots of spots ♪

♪ Plenty of polka dots ♪

-[barking]
-♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ Can't catch a furry flurry ♪

♪ Running in a blurry hurry ♪

[barking]

♪ Get those puppies! ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Canines on the run ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Them doggone dogs are fun ♪

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Without fail you'll wind up
Chasing your tail ♪

♪ What's the harm
In revelrous adventures ♪

-♪ On the funny farm? ♪
-[clucks]

♪ 1-0-1 ♪

[barks]

-♪ Life's just a bed of roses ♪
-♪ 1-0-1 ♪

♪ Fast friends with cold, wet noses ♪

♪ Through thick, thin, push and pull
It's 1-0-1 oh wonderful! ♪

♪ Just tons of fun ♪

♪ 101 Dalmatians! ♪

[Amber] Come on, Lucky. Come on, boy.

[pants]

Ready? Here we go.

[barks]

[Cadpig pants]

[barks]

-Hmm?
-Nuh-uh.

[clucks]

Ha! [clucks triumphantly]

Way to go, Spot.

That was sensational.

You know, nobody likes
a show-off chicken.

Well, Amber does,

and she's the greatest.

Yeah, I wish Anita
had 10 more nieces just like her.

Okay, Rolly, it's your turn, boy.

[gulps]

[pants]

-[grunts]
-[squawks]

Rolly!

[Amber] Rolly, are you okay, boy?

[groans]

Aww, poor baby.

You know Rolly.
He'll milk this all the way to a snack.

[Spot] Hey, look at this.

[wind rushes]

Big Foot's beauty secrets?

No, this!

"The Junior Ms. Grutely Pageant
is looking

for contestants
with talent and personality.

Winner gets a 5,000-dollar scholarship."

[all gasps]

[all] Hmm.

[all]
♪ There she is Miss Grutely ♪

An email flash from Grute-net.

The winner
of the Junior Miss Grutely Pageant

gets a 5,000-dollar scholarship.

Hmm.

[Cruella] Anita! Ruffles! It's me!

We figured when the mailbox
flew into the washer.

No use crying over spilt mail.

Just look
who I've brought for a visit.

[screams]

[Lucky] It's the demon's seed.

[Spot] The devil's spawn!

[Cadpig] She who casts no shadow!

[Cruella] My niece, Ivy.

[both coo]

I kept thinking
of poor dear Amber

dejected, alone, without companions!

So I brought Ivy for a visit
while I have my toes waxed.

These are for you, Amber,

my sweetest and dearest new friend.

-It's a b*mb!
-[gasping]

Uh, maybe not.

[growling]

You darling little puppy,

give my dolly a kiss.

-[metal squeaks, clangs]
-[whimpers]

[gasping]

You're so lucky
to have such cute little friends.

I know, and wait till you hear
my really great news.

Aunt Anita gave me permission to enter
the Junior Miss Grutely pageant.

Pageant?

My, isn't that a happy coincidence?

I'm in it too.

Aren't I, Auntie Cruella?

[scoffs] Don't be ridiculous.

Beauty contests are all shams.

They've never once picked me.

So I'm afraid the answer
is absolutely not.

Gee, then I'm afraid
I'll have to report

all your naughty
secret bank accounts

to the mean old tax collectors.

[gasps] ♪ There she is ♪

♪ Miss Grutely ♪

That's better.

And whatever it takes,

I just know I'll be the winner,
Auntie Cruella.

-Understand?
-Hm-hmm.

[growling]

[crowd chatters]

Welcome to the Junior
Miss Grutely Pageant.

As your mayor, it is my privilege

to introduce our first two prominent

and distinguished judges:

-Horace and Jasper.
-[snoring]

[crowd applauds]

Ugh, okay,
that's two crooked votes for Ivy,

courtesy of Cruella,

but maybe the third judge
will be more fair.

And in the interest
of total impartiality,

I have resigned
as the third judge,

and my replacement
will be that beloved civic leader

Ms. Cruella De Vil.

-[clapping]
-Great.

And we thought
it was gonna be rigged.

I wonder how much that cost her.

Five thousand.

And you also pay
for the scholarship

your niece is going to win?

Correct.

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

It's costing me 10,000 dollars,

but now you have
a 100% guarantee of winning.

Sorry, Auntie,

but I want at least 200%.

Now excuse me, please,

while I go crush
my only real competition.

[chuckles]

[whistling]

[barking, gasps]

Now that your totally impartial judges
have been selected,

our first contestant
is Anita Dearly's charming loser--

uh, niece Amber.

-Amber, darling?
-[crowd gasps]

Amber?

-[crowd murmurs]
-Where could she be?

My very best friend Amber
is terribly shy.

Too bad.
If she doesn't show up soon,

she'll be disqualified.

[evil chuckle]

Hurry, Lucky.
Picking a lock can't be that hard.

It can't? Then stick your beak in it!

-[Spot grunts]
-[lock clicking]

Well, it appears that Amber

-has decided to drop...
-[Amber] I'm here.

-[applause]
-Bravo, bravo!

[cheering]

Isn't that peachy keen?

I couldn't be happier.

[evil chuckle]

-[snipping]
-[whistles]

[Mayor] And our next event
will be the fashion parade.

[gasps] Oh, no,

my fashion parade dress!

What am I gonna do?

[cries]

[barking]

Huh?

You got to help her!
Quick! Grab some scissors.

Great! Amber's in a crisis here,
and you're cutting coupons.

No, no, no.
I saw this in an old movie once.

This poor downtrodden girl
in a dysfunctional family

needed a dress so her mice
and bird friends got together

and made her a beautiful gown
from bits of nothing.

[cries]

-[thuds]
-[gasps]

Wow.

That's the ugliest dress
I've ever seen.

[sighs]
It worked a lot better in the movie.

Oh, well, it's either that
or my underwear.

Thank you, guys.

[clapping, cheers]

The audience loves her outfit.

Did you make it?

-[cheering]
-How dare these peons

applaud that fashion fiasco!

Memo to myself: steal that design.

Tell me again,
is she the one who bribed us?

You dolt!

I bribed you,
and my niece must be the winner.

You're out of order, Horace.

-[bangs]
-Oh, owie!

-Ow, ow!
-I like being a judge.

[phone rings]

Ahem, hello?

They're applauding!
Do something.

You'll win. I guarantee it.

Just wait until the judging.

I don't want to wait.

[Mayor] Our next event,
the sports competition.

I will be performing my sport,

aerobic flower arranging.

[music plays]

[clapping]

I will do gymnastics.

[audience member] Wow.

Heh, heh.

[gasp]

[screams]

[crowd cheers, applauds]

Now that's what I call talent.

Let's go into the agent business
and sign 'em up.

Sit down, you buffoons!

[crowd] Give her a ten! Give her a ten!

Give her a ten! Give her a ten!

I'll give her more than ten.
I'll give her a hundred.

Oh, yeah, I'll raise you ten.

I'll give her a thousand.

You dimwits!

You just made Ivy lose.

Oh, she'll ruin me.

[Mayor]
The judges have reached a decision.

Amber is our new Junior Miss Grutely.

[cheering]

B-b-b-but it wasn't my fault!

I'll call my lawyers.
They'll demand a recount.

I can't discuss
your lame excuses now.

I'm on the phone to the IRS.

No!

Don't believe her.
She's an enemy agent!

-[electrical buzzing]
-[screams]

Good news, Auntie dear,

the IRS can see you in five minutes.

Have a nice audit.

-No, stop!
-[engine whirs]

[Cruella screams]

[whistles]

[Amber] Ivy, guess what?

We've all voted you Miss Congeniality.

Gimme!

My only regret
is that my dear Auntie Cruella

can't share this touching moment.

She was called away
on crucial government business.

[kisses]

[screams]

What do you want to do?
I don't know.

What do you want to do?

Swell, I'm so bored,
I'm talking to car parts.

-[barking]
-[Lucky] Pick it up, guys!

Okay, everybody, let's go!

-Hurry, you guys.
-What's the rush?

Cruella's gonna blow up Hooper Dam.

So she can flood the farm.

And me without my rubber booties.

Wow, how exciting. Can I...

-Got to go!
-Let's go!

-Come on!
-Let's go!

Ouch! Hey, wait for me!

[sighs]

[frustrated grunts]

Any way you lie in it, it's still mud.

[puppies barking]

Hi, what's happening?

Trouble in the herd again.

Farmer Bill got a hold
of an electric clipper.

They're giving
the whole flock haircuts!

Um, say, I'm good with sheep.

A pig herding livestock?
No way, babe.

[cries]

Bored, bored, bored.

I'm bored!

I am going barn crazy!

Come on, we don't have much time.

What now?

We got an S.O.S.
on the barking chain.

Lieutenant Pug
is holed up at the cat show!

He's taken
all the Abyssinians hostage!

That does it.

I want in!

[Rolly] Yeah, I hear Nanny
has her birthday presents

-hidden in the chow tower.
-How cool!

All in favor of a midnight raid
on the chow tower, say "Aye."

Aye.

-Aye.
-[Dumpling] Aye!

[grunts]

Ah! Ooh!

-[Spot yelps]
-[sighs]

Dumpling, we're in the middle of...

Deciding how to scope out the presents.

Duh. And I will tell you
just how we'll do it.

Did you just say "we"?

Yes, you all and me, the team.

Hmm.

[embarrassed chuckles]

[Lucky] Uh, Dumpling,

you can't just join.

Besides we're all filled up.

I'm sure you understand.

Right, now, I worked out

our schedule of adventure for today.

After we break into the chow tower,

we'll go wing-walking
on Peterson's crop duster,

then onto white water rafting in, um...

Guys?

Guys?

Sheesh! Can you believe her?

Do this. Do that.

Yeah, thinking she can
just boss us around

like she was the queen
of the puppy people or something.

Ohm, I am releasing
the stress of the day.

-[Dumpling] Hey!
-Ah!

I didn't know
we were going swimming.

Heads up!

Ah! Dumpling, don't!

Pushy pork at 12 o'clock!

[screams]

[groaning, sighs]

Hmm, must be a leak somewhere.

[snoring]

We got to get
that safe deposit key away from Scorch.

Yeah, if we don't,
Cruella can go to the bank

and steal the deed to the farm.

Okay, let's sneak up on him,

but remember be very, very...

[shouts] Ah, there you are!

-Shh!
-Keep it down!

-[Cadpig] Quiet.
-[Spot] Hush.

[loudly]
What? I'm not talking loud!

[echoes]
Am I talking loud?

[echoes]
I don't think I'm talking loud!

He's getting away!
Nice going, Dumpling.

-Wasn't that nice?
-Smooth move, bacon.

Hmph, like it was my fault.

[Spot] What a waste.

Thanks to Princess Roaring Mouth,

it took us all day
to get the key away from Scorch.

Then we agree,
Dumpling's got to go.

You said it, self-centered control freak.

Right, that's your job.

Hey!

I don't know.
I mean, she is a little bossy,

but no one's perfect.

I just kind of feel sorry for her.

She just wants
to bee a part of something.

That's it!
Rolly, you're a genius.

I am?

Okay, here's how it works.

We tell her she can join,

but only if she passes certain tests.

I get it.

Then we make the tests so hard

she's got to fail, right?

Then we can say,

well, those are the rules.

[laughs]

That is sneaky and underhanded,

and yet brilliant.

But that's not what I meant at all.

Spots?

Sure, if you really want
to fit in with us,

you got to have spots.

Spots?

Yeah, even I got 'em.

-[forced chuckle]
-Hmm.

[Dumpling] Spots, spots,
spots, spots, spots.

Aha!

Uh-oh, a pig in a blanket.

Spots! Count 'em and weep.

Wow, that is one smart pig.

Well, so much for my exclusiveness

as the only non-dog member
of this group.

Uh, no! We can't let her join!

She'll drive us nuts.

Face it, guys,
you can't scare her off.

Don't be so sure.

You know what I think?

I think we should
give ourselves a name.

Like Dumpling's
Dearly Farm Daredevils

or Dumpling's Dynamic Do-gooders.

Kind of catchy, eh?

Okay, here's your last test,

the old foot bridge.

[Dumpling gulps]

You want me to cross
that little, bitty bridge?

Well, if you want to quit...

No, no, if that's what
you all had to do,

I can do it too.

Cadpig,
you know Dumpling's afraid

of super-duper high heights.

Exact-imento.

She'll never have the nerve do it.

And once she chickens out,
she'll be out of our fur forever.

Oh, yeah? Look!

[nervous mutters]

Ooh, ooh. [screams]

[gulps]

[groans] Ow!

[whimpers] I'm stuck. I'm stuck!

Gee, there's a surprise.

[disgusted scoff]
Enough is enough!

-I'm gonna go get her!
-Rolly, wait.


Okay, calm down, Dumpling.

I'll help you.

No, I can do this myself.

I can pass the test.

[Rolly] Oh, there is no test!

This was just a way
to scare you off,

so you wouldn't
hang around us any more.

Huh?

Okay, now hold still.

[strains]

I could use some help, guys!

-Coming.
-Uh, me too.

Well?

Okay, okay, I'm coming too.

-Focus, focus.
-[nervous muttering]

[yelping]

-[screams]
-Cadpig!

[screams]

[coughing]

[sputters] Help!

She'll drown.
We've got to go in after her.

Okay, hang on.

[screaming]

[coughing]

We're coming, Cadpig.

One side! Make way!
Coming in through!

Wet, wet and cold.

Wet and cold and...

Pain, now mostly pain.

I got you, Cadpig.

[dazed] Cadpig who?

Cadpig, are you okay?

[sneezing]

[shivers] If you don't count
the hypothermia.

Um, Dumpling, I...

Well, listen, we owe you an apology.

We were all real awful to you.
You could have turned your back on us

like we tried to do with you,
but you didn't.

You still risked your life
to save Cadpig.

Not everybody would do that.

Yeah, so we want
to make it up to you.

We want you to join our group.

-Yeah.
-Same here.

Please?

Oh, well, thank you, but no.

No?

See, after all you put me through,

I have learned a lot about myself,

about honesty and self-respect.

That is incredibly evolved of you.

Yeah, heh, what's it mean?

It means I have decided

that I am going to start a team of my own,

and leave you guys in the dust.

Face it, dogs just can't keep up
with a pig on a mission.

See you around the barn yard.

That would be covering
the honest part.

[Lucky yawns]
What do you want to do now?

I don't know.
What do you want to do?

[Dumpling]
Come on, everybody!

Dr. Diablo is plotting
to blow up the salmon hatchery.

We have got to stop him.

[battle cry]

-[clucking]
-[oinking]

Gee, I wish our lives
were that exciting.

Huh-huh.

[theme song plays]