02x08 - Dinner Fit for a Queen

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

Guess what, Dinah.

Dad said I could use the video camera
to sh**t my home movie.

And guess what my first movie
is going to be called.

Dinah: A Day in the Life Of a Cat.

That's right, Dinah.
You're going to be a star.

But 30 minutes of you sitting there
isn't going to be very interesting.

Do something. Let's go, Dinah.
Keep moving. Come on.

Keep moving.

Dinah.

I can't sh**t you under there. Too dark.

Hard to make a movie

when your star won't come out
from under the bed. So...

I guess I'll take a break.

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here on the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

Mm.

[man] This video is sent in
by the Queen of Diamonds,

showing us her
fabulous lawn bowling party.

Just in case you weren't invited.

Hello. What are you watching?

My favorite TV show,
Royalties' Favorite Home Videos.

Kings and queens sh**t home videos
just like everybody else?

Of course not.
They have their butlers sh**t them.

Boy. I bet there's a lot of money
awarded for a royal video.

Oh, there's no money. That's so common.

Why do royalty submit their videos
to a TV show?

Oh, they send them in
for much more dignified reasons.

They love to show off. [laughing]

I say, Your Majesty.

Would you mind if we watched a few moments
of Wonderland's Silliest Home Videos?

Oh, I certainly would mind!

That show gets cheap laughs

from people caught
in embarrassing situations.

And people who send in home videos
to that show are low, common and vulgar.

Your Majesty, we submitted a video
to that show.

So, what's your point?

Well, Your Majesty, remember last week...

when I was clipping the roses?

I fell off the ladder.

You sent a video of Rabbit
falling on his tail?

Aren't you upset
everyone's going to laugh at you?

I was at first. Yes, Alice.

But then I thought,
"Well, gee. At least I'll be on TV."

Right. Our video could make Rabbit a star.
A big-time bunny.

♪ Mr. Rabbit, can't you see? ♪

♪ This golden opportunity ♪

♪ This show could put you
Where you want to be ♪

♪ Big, big, big-time bunny ♪

♪ Fortune, fun and fame ♪

♪ When you're a big-time bunny ♪

♪ Everyone will know your name ♪

♪ Know your name, know your name ♪

♪ Everywhere you go ♪

♪ Everywhere you are ♪

♪ People everywhere
Will know you're a star ♪

♪ Everywhere you stroll
Every grocery store ♪

♪ Fame will be the key
Opening the door ♪

♪ Now is not the time for napping ♪

♪ Just think of what could happen ♪

♪ Once they start the cameras rolling ♪

♪ And your face lights up the screen ♪

[both] ♪ Whee, ooh ♪

All right. We can watch that awful show.

Just till we see Rabbit.
But I'll tell you one thing.

You'll never see me do
anything foolish on TV.

[Dee] Hey, this is our video.

[man] Another day trimming the bushes
for Mr. Rabbit.

Well, look again.

[audience laughing]

I say, why is it so blurry?

I had trouble with the focus.
It gets better.

Keep your eyes on the background.

The Rabbit's fallen
on something rather important.

See? The picture's perfectly clear.

[audience laughing]

Looks like the Queen of Hearts
is a little behind in her wear.

Oh! Those people were laughing at me.

How dare you send a video in
of your Queen?

So sorry, Your Majesty.

We were busy snickering
at the Rabbit's fall

that we didn't notice you
in the background.

How could you not notice me?

Why, after this, I'll be the laughingstock
at all the royal events.

There must be something I could do
to reclaim my dignity.

I have an idea.

Why don't you make a video
and send it to your favorite TV show,

Royalties' Favorite Home Videos?

Oh, now, Alice.

-You should know that the Queen--
-Good thinking.

Yes, good thinking.

I'll give a perfectly elegant
and dignified dinner party.

We'll tape it and send it in.

When it airs on TV,

everyone will see you're the most royal
of the royal.

Yes.

Now pay attention, Alice,

so you know what's what
at a royal dinner party.

You wouldn't want to make a faux pas.

That's French. It means
anything that makes your Queen cranky.

I thought it was French for mistake.

Same thing.

Now here's your dinner plate.

Your salad plate.

Your bread plate.

And your chewing gum plate.

A plate for chewing gum?

Better there
than stuck underneath my table.

I always put my gum in a wrapper

and throw it away
before coming to the dinner table.

You do? Here, we don't.

Now this is your dinner fork.

Your salad fork.

And, of course, your soup fork.

Shouldn't that be soup spoon?
Can't eat much soup with a fork.

That's the idea.
Keeps everyone from filling up on soup.

Hmm. It's clear you'll need
some etiquette lessons

if you are to attend
one of my dinner parties.

I'll teach you.

After all, I am the queen of etiquette.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ When you sit at the table
Before you start to eat ♪

♪ It's extremely important
To place your napkin on your feet ♪

♪ I'm the queen of etiquette
I'll teach you royal style ♪

♪ The queen of etiquette ♪

♪ My rules will make you smile ♪

♪ Identify utensils
And know their proper names ♪

♪ Chopsticks are quite useful
To eat pizza or chow mein ♪

♪ Always use a straw
When you're eating ice cream soup ♪

♪ Whoever finishes last
Gets an extra jumbo scoop ♪

♪ I'm the queen of etiquette ♪

♪ I'll teach you royal style ♪

♪ The queen of etiquette ♪

♪ My rules will make you smile ♪

♪ I recommend this highly
While you sip your favorite drink ♪

♪ Put your spoon on your head
And toss the dishes in the sink ♪

Her Majesty said that if this party
were going to be videotaped,

then dinner music had to be perfect.

But of course.

Music washes from the soul
the dust of everyday life.

-Unh! Who said that?
-You did. Just now.

I knew it sounded familiar.
What kind of music does the Queen want?

Well, something you can talk over.

Oh, then how about some tunes on the tuba?

[playing tuba]

I said... [yelling]
I said something you can talk over!

We are talking over it!

But I have to shout to be heard!

You don't. We're standing right here.

[in normal voice] Tuba music is wrong
for a dignified dinner party.

Besides, rather than have someone
play a musical instrument,

it might be easier to play records.

Oh! We've got lots of records.

Wait, Hare. You don't know
what kind of music he wants.

Her Majesty wants
a dignified eight-course meal.

I'm glad we asked.
These are for a four-course meal.

That's okay. He can play them twice.

May I borrow them?

Sure. Be our guest.

I thought we were going to be the guests.

Oh, no. I just meant take the records
with our compliments.

[clearing throat] Here, Rabbit. And may
I say you look especially marvelous today.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I say, what kind of dinner music is this?

This record says Hayride Hoedown.

Oh, our set of elegant dinner
slash square dance music.

-Dinner music's on the flip side.
-Read the labels.

-Yeah...
-Oh, yes.

I think the Queen will love...

[indistinct chatter]

Other meal music...

Hello, Mr. Caterpillar.
Are those for the Queen's dinner party?

Gracious, no. They're my midday snack.

Finger sandwiches. One for each finger.

Were you invited
to the Queen's dinner party, weren't you?

Naturally, but I declined.

You turned it down?

Mr. Caterpillar, are you camera-shy?

No. Camera horrified is more like it.

Imagine the humiliation.

A caterpillar
with butterflies in his stomach.

Well, I'm going.

I wish I could do something,
to help make it a success.

I have an idea.

Since every elegant dinner party
serves up an after-dinner speaker,

I'll send you to the party with a story.

"This is a story
about a bull named Elliot.

Everyone thought
he was the meanest bull of them all.

But, truthfully, there wasn't a mean bone
in Elliot's body.

So he gave up fighting
and bought a china shop.

The store was so successful
that Elliot had to hire an assistant.

Unfortunately...

Elliot's assistant was a little clumsy.

The little mouse was afraid
to tell his boss the truth,

so he attempted to cover his tracks

by putting the broken dishes back
together again.

And Elliot, not knowing any better,
turned around and sold the damaged china.

Alas, Elliot's china shop
went out of business

because the people thought the bull
had deliberately sold broken China.

And to this day,
people still think it's a bad idea

to let a bull in a china shop.

So Elliot decided to open a pillow store
and enjoy the soft life."

Thanks for the story.

Maybe I'll be able to tell it
at the party.

Since you're not going to be there,
would you like a doggie bag?

I'd rather you fill up a caterpillar bag.

They're bigger.

[Alice laughs]

Man, after embarrassing the Queen,

we better be sure that this camera
is working properly for her video.

Okay, you stand over there
and I'll check the focus.

Okay. All right. Bingo!

-Am I in focus now?
-Clearly.

Wait. Something wrong with the camera.

Seeing an ugly, fuzzy blob.

Hey! Who are you calling
an ugly, fuzzy blob?

Would you shoo, Cat? I'm trying to check
the focus of this camera.

Then focus on
something worth focusing on, me.

[Cheshire Cat scatting]

By the way,
loved seeing your new video on TV.

It showed me a side of the Queen
I'd never seen before.

If this next video doesn't show
the dignified side of the Queen,

we're sunk. So move, please,
so I can focus on Dum.

Why would you want to do that

when you have a perfectly handsome kitty
to focus on?

If the cat won't move, I'll move.
Focus on me over here.

Hi, Mom. [purrs]

Okay. Let's try it over here.

A lot of people tell me this is
my best side. What do you think? Hmm?

All right, Cat, I give up.

-Dee, go ahead and focus on the Cat.
-Aha.

Oh! Gotta go. I think I hear the alarm
on my mousetrap.

[scatting]

Hare, I don't understand why people
don't like going to the grocery store.

I have a lot of fun.

Well, next time it's my turn
to be pushed around in a shopping cart.

-All right.
-You remember the mice cream?

Now, Dormouse, you know we only have
mice cream on Sundays.

That's what I want, a mice cream sundae.

No. Sunday, the day of the week,
not sundae, the dessert.

See you Sunday for a sundae.

-[Hare laughs]
-Oh.

Let's check the menu
the Queen gave us one more time.

Right. Read what's on the menu

-and I'll check the ingredients.
-Righty-roo.

Pate amandine.

-Check!
-Onion soup okra.

-Check!
-Cornish game hens.

-Check.
-Rice pilaf.

-Check. Check.
-And cherries jubilee.

Hey, sounds like we did a perfect job.

We didn't get the ingredients
for anything on the Queen's menu.

No, indeed.

We found out the Duchess served
the same menu at her last dinner party.

The Queen won't look like a copycat.

She'll thank us when she sees the menu
we have planned for her party.

It's the latest. It's trendy.

It's my mumbo jumbo gumbo.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Got a taste for jambalaya ♪

♪ Red and black pepper too ♪

♪ Lots of onion, oh, yeah ♪

♪ A secret sauce from the bayou ♪

♪ And I'm gonna make some dumplings
With fresh leeks ♪

♪ They're gonna talk about this meal
For weeks ♪

♪ Making mumbo jumbo gumbo ♪

♪ The Hatter's special Cajun stew ♪

♪ Ooh, ah, mumbo jumbo gumbo ♪

♪ How to start 'em on the Queen's menu ♪

-♪ Taters from the Mississippi
-From the Mississippi ♪

-♪ Two red chilies for when it's nippy
-Oh, so cold ♪

♪ Par-boiled rice and black-eyed peas ♪

♪ A little honey from the bayou, please ♪

♪ Spices from the Mardi Gras ♪

♪ Make the dancers sing la la la ♪

♪ Making mumbo jumbo gumbo ♪

♪ The Hatter's special Cajun stew ♪

♪ Ooh, ah, mumbo jumbo gumbo ♪

♪ How to get started on the Queen's menu ♪

Well, I guess that's everything.

Not so fast, Hare. Shh.
We still have to add my secret ingredient

that even the best chefs forget
to put in their gumbo.

A soothing liquid for stomach distress
and that bloated feeling?

No. Gumballs.

Oh! I can't wait to see the look on the
Queen's face when she tastes our gumbo.

Oh, yeah.

-[glass clinking]
-[clearing throat]

Do we have to wear these penguin suits?

Their called tuxedos, and yes.

The whole point of this video
is to prove to everybody

that life here at the palace
is the height of dignity.

Ah.

Sorry, Your Majesty.

I haven't worn a tuxedo
since my senior prom.

Just fix it. Alice, your tiara is tilting.

Well, Your Majesty, it is a little big.

Of course it's big.
I don't have any small tiaras.

Oh! Now, Rabbit, remember.

At an elegant dinner party,
the dishes are served from the left.

You pick them up from the right.

And whatever you do, don't drop anything.

Drop...

Oh, wait a minute.

What can we give you
to make you more dignified?

I know.

Glasses always look dignified.

Have a spare pair to share, Hare?

-Nice rhyme, Your Majesty.
-Oh, thank you.

Much more dignified.

-Can you see with them on?
-Well, actually, Your Majesty...

-uh, that is the focus...
-Oh, yes. I was getting to the focus.

-Dee, is everything in focus?
-Let me check.

[Hare] This is so much fun.

-Let me help you.
-Fix this. Yes. Thank you.

Oh, very nice.

Okay, Your Majesty, we're set to roll.

All right. Start videotaping
and I'll make my usual simple entrance.

Ah! [laughs] Oh!

I see my dinner guests are here.

I see we're being videotaped.

What a surprise.

I guess we'll just have to ignore
the camera...

and have another
of my elegant dignified dinner parties.

And show the world
that that whole dress-ripping episode

was the work of a clumsy cottontail

and not my fault...

Oh! I see it's time to welcome
my dinner guests.

Rabbit, a little dinner music, please.

Thank you, Alice.

Oh, dear. I can hardly read
with these glasses on.

Oh, yes.

Dinner music.

[regal music playing over record player]

Ah...

What elegant and dignified dinner music.

Looks like it's gonna be a nice party.

I think it's time for the elegant
and dignified appetizer.

Pate amandine.

Oh, Your Majesty.

Ixnay on the pate.

Gelatin mold.

Gelatin isn't elegant or dignified.

-Mr. Rabbit, we're over here.
-Oh!

[crashes]

Rabbit! Just please serve the salad.

Now, why don't we have some elegant
and dignified dinner conversation?

Steady.

Yes, Hatter.

How many legs does a c*ck have?

-What?
-I think they have six, Mr. Hatter.

Six?

Oh. Way to go, Hare.
Now I can't count them.

I'll never know whether
that was a c*ck or not.

[Red Queen] Uh, let's just eat our salads.

Mm.

Uh, Dum, how did you find your salad?

I just looked on my salad plate
and there it was.

[record scratching]

Rabbit, the record.

That is...

Rabbit, kindly adjust the music.

And then you may serve the main course.

[square-dancing music playing]

[man] Y'all join hands
For the Hay Ride Hoedown.

Square dance at an elegant dinner party?

I guess she knows what she's doing.
Let's help her out.

Sit down, you two. This is a dinner party.

-[music stops]
-Oh. Rabbit! Rabbit!

Rabbit, over here! Whoa!

Oh. Oh.

Oh, Rabbit!

Wait a minute! Gumbo wasn't on my menu!

How true that is.

What do you think of the gumbo?

It's awfully chewy.

I can't stop chewing, Alice. Can you?

Somebody forgot to use
his chewing gum plate.

-We won't make that mistake.
-No. No.

-Mm-hm.
-[humming]

Don't tape them. Tape me.

[grunting]

My video dinner party
was a total disaster.

Well, at least it was in focus.

Maybe my after-dinner story
would have helped.

-Nothing could have saved this party.
-Oh, harrumph!

I only did this video
to keep from looking silly.

The way it turned out,

Royalties' Favorite Home Video
will never show it.

I may as well have sent it in
to Wonderland's Silliest Home Videos.

Why don't you, Your Majesty?

Remember, there is prize money.

I know. I don't care
how much money they give away.

Well, they've started paying out
three times their normal jackpot.

They tripled their prize money?

Rabbit, send my video

to Wonderland's Silliest Home Videos
immediately.

What's the matter?

Didn't you know your Queen
has a sense of humor?

Oh, yes.

Yes, of course...

As I've always said,
nobody likes to laugh like the Queen.

♪ By now you have all heard the rumor ♪

♪ That our monarch, the Queen
Has a great sense of humor ♪

♪ Oh, nobody likes to laugh
Like the Queen ♪

♪ It takes her a while
Just to crack a smile ♪

♪ She's the jolliest monarch
That we've ever seen ♪

♪ When it's in fun
She lets the laughter flow ♪

♪ If it's a pun
Our Queen is in the know ♪

♪ Be it a pie in the face
Or a practical joke ♪

♪ She's a fan of the funny
She's no joke slow poke ♪

♪ Oh, nobody likes
To laugh like the Queen ♪

♪ It takes her a while
Just to crack a smile ♪

♪ She's the jolliest monarch
That we've ever seen ♪

♪ She loves to laugh
She really lets it roll ♪

♪ She'll always chuckle at a funny show ♪

♪ If it's really funny, she will allow ♪

♪ A big rolling laugh to come on out ♪

♪ Oh, nobody likes to laugh
Like the Queen ♪

♪ It takes her a while
Just to crack a smile ♪

♪ She's the jolliest monarch
That we've ever seen ♪

♪ Yes, nobody likes to laugh ♪

♪ Like the Queen ♪

Oh, sure, Dinah.

Now that I'm not trying to videotape you,
you're acting all cute and adorable.

Oh, no. I left the video camera on.

Wait. It's pointed right at you.

Okay, it's rewinding.

Aw.

Dinah, I think we've got a hit
on our hands.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪