02x10 - The Red Queen Crown Affair

[bunniefuu]

[pensive music playing]

Dinah, you'll never believe what happened
to Kim and me at school today.

Hey, how did my candy bag get over there?

Just as I thought.

Half of it's gone.

Dinah, a candy snatcher's been in my room.

Wait. Maybe the person who took the candy
left behind a clue.

Like these dirty fingerprints.

That clue can only mean one person.

Brian. Because he never washes his hands.

Wait. What's Kathy's beret
doing in my room?

You're right, Dinah. This is another clue.

But which is the right clue?

One points to Brian
and the other to Kathy.

I need some time to figure this out.

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here
On the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

[blows whistle]

Here, we have a real historical treasure,
the Wonderland Constitution.

All the rules put down by our forefathers
and foremothers,

to govern Wonderland.

-Wow.
-That's great.

But there's only one rule.

"Whatever the queen says goes."

Some things never change.

And over here...

We have a tea pot, from the very first
Royal Tea Party in Wonderland.

It's hundreds of years old.

A teapot that's hundreds of years old?

-Hare, do you know what that means?
-The tea's cold?

Ah-- No, it's the oldest teapot
in Wonderland.

Hatter, keep your mitts off that pot,
it's an heirloom.

Oh, well, in that case-- Oh!

Not a "hareloom," an heirloom.

Something of value passed down
from one generation to another.

And over here...

Over here, atop this pedestal,

we have the crowning touch to the tour.

-Crowning touch to the...
-[laughing]

Uh, this is the royal crown worn
by the very first queen of Wonderland.

[all] Ooh.

Aah.

Dee, get a picture of me wearing it.

No! No, you mustn't!

[blows whistle]

The tour-- thank you-- is over.

-That was a good tour.
-[chattering]

[Alice] Let's go have tea.

I, uh--

[chuckles]

"Lovely to look at, delightful to hold,

but if you break it,
heads will be rolled"?

Hm. Whoa!

The crown is missing?
What do you mean missing?

You know, vanished, out of sight. Uh...

Disappeared. Gone, bye-bye.

I know what missing means.

I don't understand how you
can let this happen to an heirloom?

Don't worry, Your Majesty,
I've already sent for the Private Eye.

-Your Majesty, you wanted private eyes?
-Yes.

Look no further, we have:

sunglasses, clip-on shades,
tinted spectacles, or smoked glasses.

If you really want to keep
your eyes private, we have this.

Stop this.
I don't want to keep my eyes private.

I want private eyes.

As in detectives.

[in unison] Oh!

"Hatter and Hare. Private Eyes.

Detectives, sleuths,
flatfoots and gumshoes."

Now, when did you last see the crown?

Before my morning walk.

Uh-huh.

What happened after you discovered
the crown was missing?

You two arrived
and started asking me questions.

What did we ask?

-Huh?
-Dodging the question?

-Something to hide?
-Very suspicious.

What? Stop this nonsense.
I didn't steal my own crown.

Do you have a list of the people
that were here on tour?

Yes, Your Majesty.
They all signed this guest book.

Oh, let me take a look at that. Mm-hm.

[chattering]

But, Your Majesty, everyone on this list
is a nice person.

They wouldn't take anything
that wasn't theirs.

At least question them.
Find out if they saw anything suspicious.

I want you to get to the bottom of this.

[jazz music playing]

♪ The crown is missing
It's beyond belief ♪

♪ By royal decree
Go and catch that thief ♪

♪ I want what's mine, I want justice ♪

♪ Get to the bottom of this ♪

♪ Remove my frown, take away my blues ♪

♪ Go and find that crown
If you're real gumshoes ♪

♪ You must be successful
I won't accept less ♪

♪ Get to the bottom of this ♪

♪ It couldn't have vanished
Without a trace ♪

♪ That's why I'm putting you on the case ♪

♪ Get me some answers, I insist ♪

♪ Get to the bottom of this ♪

Mr. Hatter? Mr. Hare?

Gee. What's all this stuff?

Cheap.

Cheaper?

Cheapest.

Priceless?

Gee, I didn't know a rock collection
could be so valuable.

They sure do sparkle.

I'd better make sure nobody takes them.

After all, whoever took the queen's crown
is still on the loose.

A little tea should help pass the time.

[rooster-crow alarm blaring]

A-ha! Someone fell right into our trap.

[gasps]

Why, Alice! I'm shocked.

Another child falls victim
to the mean streets of Wonderland.

Okay, Alice, what did you do
with the queen's crown?

I didn't do anything with it.
How could you think that of me?

What are we supposed to think?

You were reaching for the one thing
on the table marked priceless.

I was reaching for the tea.

Then this doesn't add up at all.

We're looking for a crown snatcher,
not a tea snatcher.

It makes perfect sense.

Alice is obviously guilty
in our next case.

But to solve this case, we need to know

"Who, what, when, where, why and woh."

-"Woh"?
-It's how, spelled backwards.

We wanted six W's.

-We know what was taken.
-The crown.

-Where.
-At the palace.

-Why.
-Because it's valuable.

-And when.
-Sometime during the tour.

If we could just find out who and how...

Hm.

[crunching]

Wait. You can't eat rocks.

Oh, that's okay. This is rock candy.

Oh. Thanks. Very nice.

Want some?

I just can't imagine what happened
to the queen's crown.

Yet, I can't shake the feeling
that we're very, very close to it.

-[sighs]
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look. The Tweedles.

They're on our list of suspects.

Man, am I happy we got the crown.

Yeah, it's the one thing from the tour
I really wanted.

Not so fast, you two.

We were hired by the queen
to find her missing crown.

We just heard you say you had it,
and were glad you took it.

What we took was a picture of the crown.

-That's nice.
-Good.

[Hatter] Very nice lighting.

What kind of exposure?

So does that take us off
of your list of suspects?

Hey, I'll ask the questions around here.

Okay, Dee, where were you
on the afternoon of the 23rd?

I don't remember, why?

Just curious. You missed a good tea party.

Dum, where will you be
on the evening of the 14th?

It's a week away,
why you're asking me that?

I just thought I'd have a few friends over
for pizza, chit-chat--

Wait a minute. The two of you
were on the same tour as we were.

Which means you also have
a few questions to answer.

Right. Two can play at this game.

[pop music playing]

♪ The tables have turned ♪

♪ Now you're the ones on the spot ♪

♪ Better loosen your collar ♪

♪ 'Cause things are gonna get hot ♪

-♪ Hand me that lamp ♪
-♪ Two can play at this game ♪

♪ Have you got an alibi
To back up your claim? ♪

-♪ Is there really any proof ♪
-♪ That you're not to blame? ♪

♪ We'll ask the questions this time
'Cause two can play at this game ♪

♪ Where were you
At that particular time? ♪

♪ Can you prove
That you did not commit this crime? ♪

-♪ It's even stevens ♪
-♪ It's tit for tat ♪

-♪ Any questions you can ask ♪
-♪ We can ask right back ♪

-♪ It's our turn now ♪
-♪ Two can play at this game ♪

♪ Have you got an alibi
To back up your claim? ♪

-♪ Is there really any proof ♪
-♪ That you're not to blame ♪

♪ We'll ask the questions this time
'Cause two can play at this game ♪

♪ Yeah, two can play at this game ♪

♪ Two can play at this game ♪

Who do you think took the queen's crown?

We don't know. Honest.

And you call yourselves detectives.

As long as we can get away with it.

Hare, you're sure acting nervous.

How do we know
you didn't snatch the crown?

-I didn't.
-Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. I didn't take it.

Someone else took the crown.
Don't you think I'd know if I'd taken it?

Come on, Hare, why don't you confess?

-All right, I confess, I did it.
-You did?

Yes. I used an irregular verb.

And it's not like saying walk and walked
or talk and talked.

Take is an irregular verb because it's
different tenses don't sound at all alike.

Take. Took. Taken.

[sobs]

It's not a crime to use
the English language correctly, Hare.

Calm down.
In fact, you should be commended.

Oh!

This is ridiculous.
You're never gonna find the missing crown.

Say, if you're looking for something
that's vanished,

why don't you ask the expert on vanishing.

Uh...?

The Cheshire Cat.

Oh!

[chattering]

[snoring]

-So, Cat.
-Hm?

What's the word around the forest?

Heard anything about the queen's crown?

Maybe, yes. Maybe, no.

Maybe a catnip mouse
will refresh your memory?

Maybe.

Hm. [sniffing]

Now that you mention it,

I heard something.

But I can't quite remember what it was.

A bowl of cream might jog my memory.

Hm. Ah!

All right, you've got the cream,
now spill it.

I don't want to spill it,
I want to lap it up.

Not the cream.
I mean tell us what you know.

I know the queen's crown is missing.

That's all?

And I know you're easily fooled.

How true that is.

Have you done any fingerprinting?

Oh, yeah. Of course, we have.

What kind of detectives would we be
if we hadn't done any fingerprinting?

Hare, take care of the fingerprinting.

-And, Hatter.
-Yeah.

Don't forget the pawprinting.

[cackling]

Oh, very nice, Dum.
Oh, good use of color, Dee.

Alice, what a wonderful composition,
such bold strokes.

Hey. What in the world is going on here?

I'm taking care of the finger painting.

Uh-- Oh.

So, what do you think?

I've always thought
I had a little talent for this.

Hare, I didn't say finger painting,
I said fingerprinting.

Oh.

Well, we did enjoy the finger painting,
Mr. Hare.

I don't see how this is going to help you
find the queen's crown.

Wait a minute, Hare,
do you realize what we have here?

A big mess.

We have everybody's fingerprints
on their finger paintings.

Let's hurry to the palace and see if
we can match up any of these fingerprints

-with ones left by the crown snatcher.
-Wonderful idea.

Oh! Oh!

What are you two doing?
Rabbit just dusted in here.

We're dusting for fingerprints,
Your Majesty.

-Oh? Did you find any?
-A few.

I had a candy bar earlier
and got a little chocolate on my fingers.

That's all you found?

No. While we were dusting your throne,

we found a quarter behind the cushions.

That does it!

You two have been on this case
long enough.

I want a progress report.

Oh, certainly, Your Majesty. Here we go.

Hare's reading and spelling skills
have improved greatly

but sometimes he talks out of turn.

Not that kind of progress report!
I want to know about the crown.

-We know it's missing.
-And?

And perhaps we'll find a few clues
after we relax with some tea.

Wait a minute.

Until you come up with some clues,
there will be no more tea parties.

[laughing]

Excuse me, Your Majesty,

I thought you just said
that until we come up with some clues,

there'd be no more tea parties.

-She's a kidder.
-I did.

[gasping]

Don't worry, Your Majesty.

We'll find you some clues,
even if we have to plant them ourselves.

-It's all right. I know.
-Hare, it can't happen.

[quirky music playing]

[Hare gasps]

[yelping]

[inaudible dialogue]

[Hatter & Hare] Whoa!

[groaning]

Wait, I wasn't done with that.

Sorry, Alice,
we can't have any more tea parties.

-But why?
-We don't have a clue.

You don't know why
you can't have any more tea parties?

No. We can't have any more tea parties

until we come up with some clues
in this case.

That's what the queen said.

Face it, Hatter, we're clueless.

[h*nky-tonk music playing]

♪ We've been giving it our best shot ♪

♪ Still I can't help feeling blue ♪

♪ A lot of nothing is all we've got ♪

♪ I don't know what we're going to do ♪

♪ Too bad we can't go shopping
And buy ourselves a clue ♪

♪ We're clueless as can be
We've got to solve this mystery ♪

♪ We're clueless through and through ♪

♪ Tell me something new ♪

♪ Redwoods are among
The world's tallest trees ♪

♪ What's that got to do
With this mystery? ♪

♪ Nothing, but you told me
To tell you something new ♪

♪ All I really want
Is to find a decent clue ♪

Oh.

♪ We're clueless as can be ♪

♪ We've got to solve this mystery ♪

♪ We're clueless through and through ♪

-♪ You're clueless ♪
-♪ So are you ♪

♪ We're not shoeless, but we're clueless ♪

♪ What are we going to do? ♪

♪ Keep searching for a clue ♪

-♪ I'm ready ♪
-♪ Yeah, me too ♪

♪ Let's go out and get a clue ♪

[scat singing]

Wait a minute, Hare. I just remembered.

I have a box of clues up in my attic.

I keep them around
just for times like this.

Look. A cracked mirror.

A perfumed letter.

A phone number.

"Beachwood 45789."

A handkerchief with lipstick on it.

A moose head with lipstick on it.

A sled with the name Rosebud.

But these clues don't have anything to do
with the queen's missing crown.

Then we're clueless again.

Why don't you go talk to Mr. Caterpillar?
He's never clueless.

Hm. All right.

So you see, Caterpillar,
we don't know where else to look.

In our search for clues,
we've left no stone unturned.

Uh, except for maybe that one.

Take it from me, there's nothing under it.

But your predicament
reminds me of a story.

Oh.

[Caterpillar]
Once, there was a young witch named Freda.

She was a bewitching witch,

but also a very forgetful witch.

Whenever she tried
to cook up a witch's brew,

she forgot the recipe.

Whenever she went out flying
on her broomstick,

she forgot to fill it up with flying dust.

But worst of all,

whenever she tried to cast a spell,

like turning a frog into a prince,

she forgot the right words.

Freda had to do something
about her forgetfulness.

She entered an all-ghouls school
to get some more witch training.

Freda studied harder than anyone.

And eventually all her hard work paid off.

Freda ended up graduating
at the top of her class.

From then on,
Freda never forgot how to cast her spells.

Which eventually
led to a shortage of frogs,

but that's another story.

So you're saying a witch
made the queen's crown disappear?

-Isn't that a little far-fetched?
-Pfft. Yeah.

What I'm saying is,

like Freda, there might be something
very important in this case

that you're forgetting.

You're probably wondering
why I've asked you all here.

To solve the case?

Exactly. Well...

Let's get started.

Because what I have to say will shock you.

It will startle you.

It will remind you
of a hundred old movies.

The crown snatcher
is someone in this room.

[gasping]

Now, I know nobody in this room would
ever take something that wasn't theirs.

But the sad truth is,
somebody here copped the crown.

[gasps and indistinct chatter]

What you looking at?

-[Hare] Hm-hm.
-[Hatter] Mm-hm.

[Alice] Mm-hm.

-[Dum] Mm...
-[Dee] Hm. Hm.

Oh, stop it!

Oh! Hatter, I just wish
you'd tell me who did it.

I just wish you'd tell me.

You still don't know, Hatter?

No. Hare and I seem to have forgotten
a very important clue.

So we're going to recreate the events
leading up to the crown's disappearance.

So we'd like everyone
to get into their places

and do exactly what they did
at the end of the tour.

[chattering]

Oh. Oh, okay.

The crown was still on the pedestal
when the tour ended.

And then I blew my whistle,
and let everyone out here.

[chattering]

Oh, no. But then, I lagged behind,
to admire Wonderland's oldest relic.

Oh, no. The tea pot that was--
Little teapot-- [stammering]

And then I slipped.

And fell against the pedestal.

[gasping]

It's all right, I'm fine.

Hatter, my crown.

Yes, I know you want your crown.

But don't worry.

With me on the case,

the crown snatcher won't be able to keep
this dastardly deed under his hat forever.

Oh! Just give me my crown back.

[gasps]

It was under my hat the whole time?

Boy, I sure hope this doesn't get
into the Private Eye newsletter.

Your Majesty, I had no idea
the crown fell on my head.

You believe me, don't you?

What's not to believe?

Right. It's not that you and the Hare
are bad detectives.

You were just looking for crowns
in all the wrong places.

[country music playing]

♪ So what if you're not master sleuths ♪

♪ You've had bad luck as private eyes ♪

♪ You might not make
The president's list ♪

♪ But we think that
You're two swell guys ♪

♪ You were looking for crowns
In all the wrong places ♪

♪ You just couldn't find a clue ♪

♪ But you're so good at tea and hats ♪

♪ You got lots of other things to do ♪

♪ It's kind of sad, you worked so hard ♪

♪ You might as well have stayed in bed ♪

♪ Because the whole entire time ♪

♪ The crown had been atop your head ♪

♪ You were looking for crowns
In all the wrong places ♪

♪ You just couldn't find a clue ♪

♪ But you're so good at tea and hats ♪

♪ You got lots of other things to do ♪

♪ Looking for crowns
In all the wrong places ♪

♪ You peeked and poked and pried ♪

♪ You couldn't find out where to go ♪

♪ But at least you really tried ♪

♪ At least you really tried ♪

Dinah, I've just solved the mystery
of who took my candy.

And it wasn't Brian or Kathy.

It was me. I just read the clues wrong.

I completely forgot that I brought
the candy bag to softball practice

and passed it around the dugout.

That explains the dirty fingerprint clue.

And leave it to me to forget

that Aunt Carol gave Kathy and me
the exact same beret.

This one's mine.

It didn't take a private eye
to figure this one out.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪