04x02 - One Crazy Summoner/Guess What's Coming to the Dinner

[bunniefuu]

- [Laughing]

- Today's password is
"mmfth yahg."

- For heaven's sake, harold,

What the heck is
a giant anaconda

Doing in my kitchen?!

- Pretty much anything
he wants, I'm thinking,

- Uh, hello.

- Oh, hi, mandy.

Billy's in the living room.

Go right on in.

- I'm kicking your
space alien butt, grim.

Hee hee hee hee.

- Billy, are you aware
that your parents

Are being menaced
by a giant anaconda?

- I told him to keep
his mitts out of me trunk.

You never know what
might slither out.

- So, you are going to stop it,
aren't you, grim?

- Have you seen that thing?!

Not me, baby.

I'm keeping my distance.

- Ooh, ooh!

Oh, oh!

That is so whack!

Just when I was owning
his bony butt.

- I was this close
to closing me trap

When mandy pulled the plug.

- Plug this, skull boy!

- I'm serious, you dweebs.

We need to do something before

Before that snake makes lunch
out of billy's parents.

- Ooh! I know!

We'll get nigel planter.

He can talk to snakes.

Hee hee hee hee hee!

Come on!

Wizards communicate
through the toilet.

Observe.

Hello?!

Are there any wizards in there?

- Who wants to know?

- It's me... Billy.

- What do you want this time?

- I'm looking for nigel planter.

Have you seens him?

Hee hee hee!

- Billy, is that you?

- It's nigel!

- Is that little blonde vixen
mandy with you?

- Yes. Hee hee hee!

I don't think we'll get her to
talk into the toilet though.

[Gasps]

- I really hate wizards.

- Oh!

Now, who left
the toilet seat up?!

Aagh!

- [Gagging]

- Yuck!

- [Grunting]

- Gnarly!

So, are you dudes ok?

- I've been better.

- I'm hungry.

- Technically, I'm dead.

- Who is this jerk anyway?

- Don't you recognize me,
sweet cheeks?

It's me, nigel planter.

- Right.

Make that big jerk.

- Yeah!

You used to be a little
jerk just like us.

What sort of magic
made you so big?!

- Ha ha! Not magic, billy.

I just finally hit puberty.

You know, you get a little
taller every year

As you get older.

- No.
- And your voice changes,

And you grow hair
in weird places,

And you gotta shower
with ninth-graders.

- Gosh!

- All you can think about
is girls, girls, girls!

They make you feel
all queasy inside like,

Like you're gonna hurl,

And you just want to be
with them and stuff

And hug and kiss and...

- You're scaring billy.

And we need your help.

- So, what can I do you for,
baby cakes?

- We need you to
come back with us

And talk to a snake.

- But I don't talk
to snakes, mandy.

I'm a partial tongue, see.

Check it out.

I can only talk to snacks.
Ha ha.

- Can you talk to this
half-eaten hot dog?

- G'day, mr. Hot dog.

- Good?!

You think it's good?

What's so good about it?!

All my life all
I ever wanted to be

Is an astronaut.

But look at me!

I'm half-eaten!

Half-eaten! Oh, no!

- Gosh. That is so sad.

Yum!

- Now where the heck
did grim go?

It's time for us
to blow this dump.

- Wait, mandy.

I need your help!

- Toadblatt's?
- Yep.

Dean toadblatt
magically transforms

The school grounds into
a beach for summer school.

Yeah, I failed remedial hexing,

So I'll be here all summer.

- And you'll be spending
the rest of eternity here

If you keep it up.

Just like your father.

- Well, mr. Planter,

You just barely passed your


You received an "f+."

- Woo-whoo! I'm a sophomore!

- Aah!

A day at the beach.

Free from those little
brats at last.

Sun, surf, sand,
and hot sand witches.

Now, this is living.

- Hee hee hee!

[Laughing inanely]

- Well, that didn't last long.

- Ha ha ha! Hee hee!

- By now, you all
must be wondering

Why I summoned you here.

- Nope.
- Not me.

- Who cares?

- There!

That's why.

- Yep. Sun screen is important,

But never drink it.

I learned that one the hard way.

Woo-whoo. Ooh, hot!
Know what I mean?

Natural gas pipeline.

Whoo! Pttthbb!

- I was talking about
the girl, doofus.

The most beautiful witch
at toadblatt's,

Herfeffenie pfefferfeffer.

Aah. I simply must have you,
herfeffenie pfefferfeffer.

Mmm!

[Sighs]

Oh! Oh, no!

- Why, hello, herfeffenie.

- [Giggles]

Hi, dorko.

- I'll be back for
you later, baby.

[Laughs]

- Aah!

- Who was that guy?

- That's dorko malfly,
my arch nemesis.

He thinks he's so superior,

But I'm as good as he is.

Just 'cause he has muscles
and good looks...

- And he's really cool!

- He's a big jerk!

So, then you'll help me win
herfeffenie's heart, right?

- Sure.
- No way.

- Do we get to eat it
afterwards?

- Oh!

- There she is.

What should I do?

- I think you should
talk to her.

- But what should I say?

- Oh! Tell her to get
you a bologna sandwich

And a root beer.

Yeah, that always works for dad.

- Ha ha. Hi there,
herfeffenie.

Uh... I...

You might remember
me as the winner of

The trying wizard cup.

I'm nigel plant... - Please move.

You're geeking up my beach.

- So, anyway, where was i?

- Who's this little toad?

- Hey!

I'm not a t... A toad,
you big dope.

I'm nigel plant...

Ribbit!

Ribbit.

- [Laughing]

- I think you should
give her a noogie.

Or throw a kickball at her!

That's what we do in school
when we like a girl.

Rrrhrr!

- You dopes are going
about this all wrong.

What you need is a love potion.

That way, she'll fall in love

With the first person she sees.

Just make sure the first
person she sees is you.

- But where will I get
this love potion?

- Granny grim makes
an excellent love potion.

- That was fast!

Thanks, granny grim.

- Hmm!

One minute I'm talking
to me toilet,

And the next thing I know, i...

- [Nigel squeals]

This is for you, herfeffenie.

Ha ha.
It's really delicious

And totally good for you
and stuff.

Drink it. Ha ha.

- Thank you, mr. Planter.

Don't mind if I do.

- But...
- This better not be

Some of your frat house swill,
mr. Planter.

- Oh, no, dean toadblatt, sir.

Ha ha ha ha!

- Good!

Because I'm feeling
kind of parched.

[Burp]

- ♪ Put on your
squid hat, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ah!

- Squidsy!

- Toadsy!

- [Cheering]

- I think you should give
her a box of chocolate...

Enchanted chocolates.

- Now where the heck
am I supposed to get

A box of enchanted chocolates?!

Gosh!

Thanks again, granny grim!

- Grr!

I've gotta stop talking
into that toilet.

- [Nigel squealing]

Hi again, herfeffenie.

I, uh,
I brung you a... [Squealing]

Whoa!

- I'm ready, dorko.

- Hey, we're going
to the drive-in.

Ha ha! You're not.

You're just a stinky
little buffalo

With pig tails and a nerdy hat.

- I'm not a stinky
little buffalo, I'm a...

[Growls]

- I hope they show a cartoon!

Ha ha!

- I can't believe I lost her!

- Well, at least you didn't
lose the chocolates.

[Laughing inanely]

- Get over it, planter.

- Oh, I'm over it.

I don't need that stupid
herfeffenie pfefferfeffer

Because I'm in love
with this chocolate!

Mmm!

- [Screams]

- Hey, wait!

Don't go!

- [Screaming]

- Come back!

I love you!

- Well, this has
all been real fun,

But I can't help feeling that
we got off track somewhere.

- Says you.

[Moaning]

- Hey, gladys?
- Yes, dear?

- Get me a bologna sandwich
and a root beer.

- [Burp]

- Ok, grim, watch a pro at work.

Watch and learn.

Watch and learn.

I think it would be
a good idea to duck.

- Why? Oof!

- Nice catch.

- I'm ok.

- Tuna brain.

But at least he's not trying

To take people out
with magic croquet ba*ls.

- Don't be foolish.

If I wanted to get rid of you

And the king of
stupid over there,

I'd use something
bigger... Like a truck.

- All right, kiddies,
stand back.

This area is cooking with
supernatural activity.

I'm talking a crock pot full
of level 14 bad mojo.

- Oh, oh! Oh!
Is it me?! Is it me?!

'Cause I found a mole
on my butt this morning.

It has two red hairs
and looks like a ghost.

- Whoa, it's coming in stronger.

And it's coming
directly from this.

- [Laughing]

Oop! Whoa! Whoa!

Ooh! Ooh! Oof!

Not exactly the entrance
I had in mind.

A little help, muscles.

Oh, that's better.

[Laughing]

Ah, you two maroons

Falling for the old magic
croquet ball trick.

Huh?

- Great caesar's gout.

Your readings are
off the charts.

According to my proboscometer,

You're either a tricky
pixie or a sea hag.

A gorgeous sea hag.

- Ahem!

That happens to be eris,

The goddess of chaos.

- Yeah. So?

- She'll use her charms
to steal your heart.

- Sounds good so far.

- He's all yours, sister.

- Oh, I won't do anything

To this big hunk's heart.

I'll just banish him to
the puppet dimension

If he gives me any trouble.

- By thor's banjo, woman,
you are a temptress.

- By thor's banjo,
I think I'm gonna puke.

- Oh, oh, oh!

Do it here! Do it here!

[Horn honking]
- hey, billy! Billy!

We're off on our
second honeymoon.

See you in a week.

- But, dad, have you forgotten?

We invited principal goodvibes
over for dinner tonight

To see if he could recommend me

To get me into the rollington
academy for the gifted.

- Gifted?

- Gifted?
- Gifted?

- Oh, yeah. I completely forgot.

Oh! Hey! I got it!

Why don't you build
two robot replicas

Of your mother and me?!

- Come on, dad,

You remember the last
time I did that.

- [Screaming]

- Oh. Yeah.

Man, I'm still
paying off that bill.

Ok, billy boy, how 'bout this?

Why don't you have
the good witch

And rambo there impersonate
your mom and me

Till we get back?!

- He's kidding, right?

- Sounds good to me!

Bye, mom! Bye, dad!

- Bye, son!

- Billy, you can't be serious.

- Oh, what's the matter, mandy?

You jealous 'cause you don't
have the goddess of chaos

And a spectral bounty hunter
to impersonate your parents?

Hmm?

- Yeah. Yeah.

That's it exactly.

- I knew it.

- So, what do you say, big boy?

Want to help the little boy out?

Maybe break some stuff?

- Well, I think
I should stick around

Just to keep an eye on you,

You slinky little weasel.

- Ooh, meow!

- Now I think I'm gonna puke.

- Ok, you guys, remember,

This dinner has to go off
without a hitch

Or I'll never get into
rollington academy.

- No problema.

- Don't worry, honey.

This is gonna be great.

Who wants punch?

I do!

[Gurgling]

Open the pod bay doors, hal!

- Billy, I hate to
break this to you,

But you're never getting in
to rollington academy.

Rollington academy
is for... - Geniuses?

Which I is one of them.

I'll even prove it to you.

Ask me a question.
Give me a challenge.

Anything at all.

- Who developed
the theory of relativity?

- That is a trick
question, grim.

Everyone knows fruit bats
are mammals.

Mandy?

- Let's see you tie your shoes.

- Oh, please!

- I got a question.

Where is the can? I gotta...

[Doorbell rings]

- Oh, boy!

Ok, everybody, it's show time!

- Nice one.

- Hello.
I'm principal goodvibes.

- Goodvibes?

Good golly, man.

What's that on your head?

- Uh, my hair.

- Your hair, huh?

Huh.

Jeez, the only thing
missing is a chin strap.

Anyway, goodwater,
welcome to this uh...

House.

- It's goodvibes.

- I'm robby's dad.

- Billy's dad.

- Billy's dad is back? Where?!

- Hello, mr. Goodchild.

- Goodvibes.

- Whatever. This is billy's dad.

I'm billy's mom.

And this is a trout.

- Why did you just
hit me with a trout?

- Because the mackerel
wasn't fresh.

[Rimshot]

- So, there I was, goodacre.

- Goodvibes.

- Surrounded by 12-foot
zombie poop elves.

Nowhere to go but... - Uh,
excuse me.

But how could they be elves
if they were 12 feet tall?

- It was a leap year.

- But that doesn't explain...

- You sharp-sh**ting me,
goodpudding?

- What?

- You stepping
in my corn flakes?

- No, i...
- Let me tell you something

About stepping in
someone else's corn flakes,

It's a weird way
to eat corn flakes.

- Would you and your hair like
an hors d'oeuvres, mr. Goodpoop?

- It's goodvibes,
and, yes, I would.

- Just be careful.
They're messy.

- Ah, my wife.

She's a scamp, eh, goodburger?

- My eyes! They... They burn!

- [Slurping]

- Uh, pardon me, billy,

But who is that dour-looking
chap at the end of the table?

- Oh, that's just
the grim reap...

I mean,
uh... That's my aunt pearl.

- Aunt pearl?

- Aunt pearl?!

Why, I ought to... - Easy,
aunt pearl.

We wouldn't want to ruin
our billy's chance

To get into rollington academy
for the gifted.

And keep him from being
there instead of here.

- Why, of course, child.

We wouldn't want that at all.

So, mr. Goodbread,

How did our little billy
do on his test?

- Well, I happen
to have the results

Of billy's iq test with me.

And, well, i,
uh... I think that maybe...

- Come on, goodlamb!
Out with it.

Is our little remus...
- Billy.

- Billy...

Is he on the b*llet train
to smartsville,

Or is he riding the slow pony
to the rubber forest?

- Uh, well, I'm sorry to say

That billy's scored
a negative 5.

- What's wrong with negative 5?

- Well, we gave the same
test to a shovel

And two candy bracelets.

- And?

- They scored a positive 17.

- Negative 5, huh?

Goodcare, you want to
know what it's like

To hunt a bloodthirsty werewolf
though the canadian outback?

You're lucky to come back
negative 5% alive.

- And that has to do with what?

- I think he...
- Zip it, aunt pearl!

- Mm-hmm.

- So, goodtoaster,

What you're saying
is our little randy...

- Billy.
- What she said...

Isn't smart enough
for rollington academy?

- I think...
- Think hard.

- I think that if billy
applies himself

And is diligent in his studies,

He has the potential
to be a very gifted

Research monkey.

- Yehaw!

Yes! Yes!

I mean, what?!

- Ok, who's ready
for a yummy dinner?

I hope you like lobster,
mr. Goodpotty.

- It's goodvibes!

And, yes, I love lobster.

- Hows about giant alien
zombie lobsters?

- Well, I can't
honestly say if...

[Screaming]

- It's go time.

Nothing like a little
surf and turf, huh?

- Help! Help!

Aagh!

- Incoming!

- Don't worry, aunt pearl!

I'll save you!

- Oh, shut up, billy!

- Oh, dear.

This is terrible.

I forgot to buy
lemons and butter.

- Time to make some chowder.

Oh, you want some of this?!

Oh, you want some, too?!

How 'bout you?!

[Grunting]

- Oh!

You people are insane!

Do you hear me?!

Insane!

That was the worst
dinner I've ever had,

And you can forget about
rollington academy!

- Listen up, goodmanners,

Either you reconsider
our little otis...

- Billy.
- What?

- Billy for your
hoity-toity school

Or I'll send you
back to your mama

With a jelly jar
shoved up your nose.

- Oh, oh! I,
uh... No! What I meant was...

That I'd be happy
to recommend billy

To rollington academy.

- That's more like it.

- Come back anytime,
mr. Good-you're-an-idiot.

- Uh, that's mr. Good... Oh,
never mind.

- Bah-bye now!

Don't be a stranger.

Come back any time.

- Good night, mr. Goodbar.

- Aagh!

No!

- Well, baby, this is it.

I love you, but you're just
too darned dangerous.

I'm gonna have to bring you in.

- Now, don't forget, handsome,

I told you if you
tried anything,

I'd banish you to
the puppet dimension.

- Just as long as
you do it alone.

- Oh, that's just wrong.

- This is a kid's show,
for gosh sakes.

- Ew! Make it stop!

- And to think I had
a crush on her

When she was going through
that valley girl phase.

- I think we'd all like
to forget that phase.

So, billy, looks like
you're on your way.

- On my way to what?

- Billy, you're going
to rollington academy.

- I am?!

I'm going to rollington academy!

Whoo-hoo!

Do you know what that means?!

- You won't eat
my homework any more?

- Stupid people seem to
always come out on top?

- No!

What it means is...

I'm going to military school.

- [Belching]

- [Barking]

[Triggers c*ck]

- Where am i? What happened?

What the...

Huh? What?

Oh, no! It can't be.

No!