05x01 - Billy Ocean/Hill Billy

[bunniefuu]

Ha ha ha!

Violets are blue.

Roses are red.

We're coming aboard.

Prepare to eat lead.

[Pop]

This was a brilliant
idea, mandy.

Spending the whole day at the
beach.

Eh, it's all right.

Ahh, so relaxing and calm.

Uh.

Grim?

Can I bury you in the sand?

No, absolutely not.

Aw, pretty please?

I said no, you little puke.

I'll only bury you up to your
knees, I promise.

[Sighs]
fine.

But only to my knees.

You got it!

All right, he said yes.

Let her rip!

Get me out of here!

You're gonna get it, just wait
till I get out, boy.

Billy, what are you doing?

Burying grim in the sand.

But only to his knees.

I'm not playing around no
more, billy!

Get me out of here!

Billy, why don't you go play
in the water?

g*ng way!

g*ng way!

Ya ya ya!

Ya ya ya!

Ya ya ya!

Ya ya ya!

Aah!

[Thud]
[jamaican accent] billy,

Mon', we been waitin' for ya.

Welcome to the sea, where
everyone is free.

But don't you ever think about
escapin', because...

♪ Under the ocean
under the ocean

Where everything's wetter
and it sure beats the ghetta

So try to behave
or you'll rot in a grave

Of water and salt
and it'll all be your fault

So take it from me
your crustacean m.c.

Don't drink the water
'cuz it's full of fish pee

So don't bring no drama
leave that for your mama

Come, ah
chillin' in the bahamas

Riding a llama
sweating in a sauna

While eating a banana ♪
♪ eh, I don't wanna

Grim!

Mandy!

Look, mandy, billy is out in
the water.

But he's out pretty far.

Grim!

Don't move.

I will swim back to you.

Ahh, oh, stupid stomach cramp.

Uh, I shouldn't have gone
swimming after I just ate.

Serves you right, mon'!

What's wrong with billy?

Oh, I hope it's a barracuda
attack.

Or a whale attack.

That works, too.

Hey!

I know you.

Your pin...
Marachioo... Chioyogiddio.

Oh!

Billy, is that really you?

Can I eat your flesh so I can
become a real boy?

Mm, not today.

I need my flesh to hold
my doody in.

Pinocchio!

Where are your manners?

That's no way to treat a new
guest.

My name is gepetto.

I carved pinocchio from wood.

But you're not like pinocchio,
are you?

Well, I'm not a cannibal!

Hey, I'm not a cannibal,
either.

See?

I never had a real boy as a son.

So, I had to build one to
fulfill my own selfish desire to

Be a father.

Anyway, that's why I have to
pretend that a lifeless piece of

Wood can return my love.

Wow!

That's pretty pathetic if I may
say so,

Geppetygetjiggywithit-oh.

I know.

But I believe in my heart that
someday I will make a wonderful

Father to some lucky son.

I know!

Billy, you can be my real son.

Really?

I've never been a real son to
anyone before.

Except to my real dad.

Sure, I'll do it!

Billy, you've made an old man
happy.

And I promise I won't use you
for a doorstop,

Like I did with pinocchio.

Oh, pappy!

That whale that swallowed
billy has got to be out here.

You see anything, grim?

Grim?

[Vomiting]
yeah, you're probably right.

We should give up looking.

But then again, we do need him
to carry all our beach junk back

To the car.

Me carry it?

Are you crazy?

You've got a point there.

But still, we've got to find
this whale.

Arr, I know of this whale you
speak of.

Around these parts,
he be known as blubbery joe,

The most feared whale in the
seven seas.

He be the one that robbed me of
me right leg,

And the rest of me body.

Now, all that's left of me be me
little pinky finger.

And who are you?

They call me captain
deadwood, the heartless!

Arr!

But don't let the name fool ya,
I'm not really a captain.

Captain!

Captain! Captain!

Blubbery joe has just been
spotted off the port bow!

Hi, grim!

Hi, mandy!

Ha ha!

I've still got me pinky finger.

You scurvy dog.

Ahh.

Ok, truth or dare.

Umm, who's your favorite son?

Me or...
You! My turn.

Who's your favorite real dad?

Your real dad or me?

I got, I got... You!

I love you, not real dad!

Let's hug!

Grr!

Hello, pinocchio, I am the
blue fairy.

Here to make sure all is well.

What seems to be the problem?

Help me become a real boy,
so that my father will love me

Again.

You know I can't help you do
that.

Oh!

But I can help you get out of
this whale.

All you need to do is build a
fire.

Yes!

I'll build a fire so I can
roast billy and consume his

Flesh so that I can become a
real boy!

Heh heh heh.

No, sweetie, I meant a fire
will make the whale sneeze,

And then you could escape,
and then... Never mind.

Psychotic rage.

Just go with that.

Well, little boy, looks like
your friend billy is lost

Forever.

He's probably being slowly and
painfully digested in the

Whale's enormous belly
as we speak.

His flesh is probably being
ripped away from his bones,

As the stomach acids churn,
slowly being dissolved into the

Whale's bodily fluids.

Urp!

[Vomiting]
enough of this.

Arr, now that be impressive.

Eh, seen it.

There's your stinking whale.

Now, go get billy out of that
thing.

I'll be blowing chunks off the
starboard bow.

Ah yah yah!

Truth or dare?

Dare.

I dare you to sniff your own
butt.

Again?

Yah yah yah yah yah!

Do you smell something funny?

Like innocent young flesh slowly
being roasted over a rolling

Fire?

Pinocchio!

What did I tell you about
roasting real boys alive?

I-it wasn't me, the blue
fairy told me to do it.

Liar!

You've been jealous of billy
this whole time.

Look, pinocchio, it's not that I
don't love you anymore, it's

Just that I love billy more.

And you're dead to me.

I smell hot dogs.

Don't eat out, or you'll
be dead to me, too.

I'll be good.

Arr.

So, how do we get your friend
billy out of blubbery joe?

Well, we just got to wait
until billy is completely

Digested, and has passed out of
the whale's...

But, mandy, that might take
hours.

It's our only hope.

Look!

Blubbery joe, someone started a
fire in her belly.

[Blubbery joe sneezes]
arr, 'tis a boy made entirely

Of wood.

Hmm, just like myself, arr.

So, you must know how hard it
is not being a real person then.

Or wishing you could have
someone who truly understands

You, like a father would.

Arr, I do laddie.

When you be chasin' whales for
months on end, you miss out on

The opportunities to have a son
of your own.

It was nice meeting you.

Likewise.

Come on, billy, out of the
whale snot.

It's time to go home.

Wait!

Billy is going home with me.

He's my new real son.

Billy, what is this geek
talking about?

You remember when I said
what happens in the whale

Stays in the whale?

Plus, I already have another
family with a real dad to get

To, so I can't be your son
anymore.

But you understand.

I don't understand.

Now I've got no son in my life
to love.

What's the point in
living anymore?

That's the spirit.

See you around,
jennifer-lopezio.

I'll be your son.

You will?

Woo ha ha!

Here at freckle burger, we
add whole eggs to our freckle

Sauce for more freckle flavor.

All right, grim,
it's a commercial.

Now's our chance.

Billy?

No! You can't have the tv!

See, mandy.

But, billy, haven't you heard
that watching too much tv

Is bad for you?

Yeah, and it rots my brain.

And if you waste too much
time on tv, your dreams will

Slip away.

[Cricket chirps]
oh, come now, billy, you must

Have a dream.

You want to live before I rip
your immortal soul.

Yeah, but, you'll think it's
stupid.

There are no stupid dreams,
billy.

Only stupid people who never
live them.

Now, go live your life's
dream before it's too late.

And for goodness sake, go put
some clothes on.

♪ Chasin' my dream
chasin' my dream

I'm walkin' down the sidewalk
chasin' my dream

Chasin', chasin'
chasin' my dream

Chasin' my dream
got a little gas

But I'm chasin' my dream
chasin' my dream

Da da da da da ♪
[peeping]

Congratulations, wayward
dreamer.

You have just purchased your
first set of live juggling

Chickens.

My dream.

And remember, always follow your
dreams...

No matter how dumb they are,
because they don't get any

Dumber than this.

Signed, uncle chokey.

Oh, ahh!

Ha ha ha.

[Peep peep]
[peeping]

Chickens.

Yo yo yo, dawg, anyone seen
my tennis racket?

Me and my missus are gonna have
a game of t-ball.

[Peep peep]
so, you seen my racket or

What?

Billy, I should've known.

Child, whatcha' doin' dressed
up like a chicken?

It's my dream.

What, to give away free
chicken samples at flaming

Chicken?

Actually, that's my back-up
plan, but if you must know,

My dream is to become a world
famous chicken juggler.

There is no such dream,
billy.

There's snot?

No, it's just a way to get
idiots like you to buy junk.

There is so such a dream,
uncle chokey says.

Uncle chokey?

Yes, uncle chokey.

He's my new reason for living,
saved me from a life of eternal

Struggling...

It's all here in the fold out
pamphlet.

Hmm.

This stops here.

Uh, billy's mom?

Did you know that billy's life
dream is to juggle chickens?

No, no, no.

Billy's going to be a
chiropractor, like his father.

But I work at freckle burger.

Ha ha, he's a chiropractor.

Just like you're going to be
someday.

No, no, I'm going to juggle
chickens.

Chiropractor.

Chicken juggler!

Chiropractor!

Chicken juggler.

Ahh!

Ok, I'll be a chiropractor.

Just kidding.

I'm gonna juggle chickens!

And if I can't live my dream
here, woman, I'm gonna follow

The full color map in this
pamphlet to uncle chokey's farm,

Where I can live my dream...

In peace and love!

[Chickens peeping]
oh, he'll be back, glenys.

Gladys.

Ha ha, gladys.

♪ Chasin' my dream
chasin' my dream

Still got gas ♪
[farts]

♪ But I'm livin' my dream
oh, miracles of miracles!

Chokey farms.

[Ringing]
heh heh heh.

Eh, hello?

Oh, yes, may I help you?

Hey!

A country dirt gnome.

Yes, I am here to see...
We know why you are here,

Heh heh heh.

That's the trouble with dirt
gnomes, they come, they go...

I don't get it.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Heh heh, yes.

He... Is the one!

Hey, give me back my chicken.

[Peeping]
hey!

Give me back my chickens, you
dirty dirt eating mud elf!

Yes, you seek uncle chokey.

You are the one!

I'll take you to him.

Ha ha ha.

Well, ok.

Oh, here are your chicks.

Thanks, dirt dude.

They call me bindle.

Eh, uh, wendell?

Yeah.

Behold!

Uncle chokey.

No, no, over there.

Once a chicken juggling god.

[Cluck cluck]
but he gave it all up to be

An ordinary farmer.

Just why, nobody knows.

So, chokey doesn't juggle his
chickens no more?

Right!

Many have tried to get him to
juggle again, but he calls 911

And has them put in jail for a
lifetime of pain, suffering.

But you... The one?

The one!

Well, I'm pretty sure you are
the one.

If not, we'll come
visit you in prison.

Oh.

Hi, uncle chokey!

Wanna juggle some chickens?

Ok.

The one!

Ha ha ha!

[Music playing]
wow!

Dreams really do come true.

We interrupt this program for
a special bulletin.

We're out of eggs.

That's right.

Someone has stopped the flow of
eggs to the local egg marts.

In the wake of this devastation,
some have tried to lay eggs of

Their own.

Uh...

While the more intelligent
have taken to ostrich eggs,

But with questionable results.

[Growl]

Who is responsible for the

Desecration of our precious egg
supply?

Aah!

Somebody call my parents!

Is it... The clever fox,
the hungry bear,

Or billy, dressed like a mother
hen?

[Slurp, cackle]
these stories tonight at

11:00.

I put my money on the hungry
bear.

Come on, grim, let's go get
him.

Oh, come on, he's got the
best motive.

So, since your scythe is at
the cleaners, we'll have to rely

On my wits to get billy.

And the first thing we are going
to do is stop that music.

Is that music?

Sounds more like a moose giving
birth to an elephant.

Hey!

Check it out, mandy, I'm from
the rubber hose school of

Animation!

Ooh, ooh!

And everything is all puffy...

And black and white!

Oh, hey, remember this one?

Eh? Eh?

I can't see anything but I know
I look good.

Vamanos, billy, got to let
uncle chokey get back to his

Eggs.

Hmm.

My spidey-senses indicate that
whatever is making that music is

Turning everything into a retro
cartoon.

Grim, you don't have
spidey-senses.

Now that complicates things.

Oh!

Hey, mandy!

Yeah!

Uh.

What's this?

That's it!

Mandy, I figured out what's
making that music.

Are you ok?

Do I look ok?

It's hard to tell... You sort
of always look that way.

Ha ha ha ha.

Now that's comedy.

I hate retro cartoons!

She said it!

Quick, behind that rock.

Stop!

Wait, please.

Great, there goes my whole
design ethic.

What now?

What's this?

Why, it's the skeleton dance!

I haven't done this for, like,


All right boys, if we do this,
we do it my way.

Now, it's step left, kick right.

Eat my dust.

I don't think hiding behind
this rock is such a hot idea.

I knew it.

[Quack]
sorry, I don't do rubber hose.

Yeah, now you're swingin'!

Hey, not too hard with that.

[Crash]
[quack]

[Cluck cluck]
get yourself together, grim.

We're going.

Uh!

Bye, uncle chokey!

Ow.

At freckle burger, we care
for our customers with freckle

Customer care, because we care
about our freckle customers.

[Crash]
see, glenys, I told you he

Would be back.