05x05 - The Wrongest Yard/Druid, Where's My Car?

[bunniefuu]

[Laughs]

[Exhales]

Eh, I'm out of here.

♪

One!

Shaka-laka.

Two!

Shaka-laka.

3!

Shaka-laka.

2... [Sobbing] 98!

299... 300!

Whoo!

All that nerd lifting's
got me tired.

Better save my strength for
football tryouts tomorrow.

Irwin, I can't feel my legs!

Legs?

It feels like my underpants are
pulled through my body!

Oh, billy.

Yes, irwin?

I can't take it anymore!

I'm sick and tired of being
treated like this, and besides,

I'm running out of unstretched
drawers, yo.

Ooh! Ooh!

Irwin, look!

Go endsville football join.

The team now?

That's it, irwin,
I know what we can do!

We'll hang flyers!

Nobody beats up the flyer
hanging guy.

Aah!

Ok, so, I was thinking,
what if we were

Football players?

We'd be so cool that we'd never
get beaten up again.

Oh! Oh!

Better yet!

We could be football players!

We'd be so cool that we'd never
get beaten up again!

Yeah!

Why didn't I think of that?

Ahhhh!

Sssss!

Prepare for pain, nerds.

I thought the point was not
to get beat up by bullies.

That's right!

Oh, wait a minute.

My plan takes effect only
after we make the team.

Irwin, look!

I got the ball.

Now what?

He has the ball.

Get him!

Uh-oh!

[Grunting]
where'd the ball go?

The other twerp's got it!

Nerdalize him!

Aah!

I don't want the ball.

Take it! Uhh!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[Panting]
[whistle blows]

You!

I'm sorry.

I don't know what to do, yo.

I just got here and my doctor
says I'm allergic to sports,

And then...

Do you have any idea
what you've done?

Oh, my gosh!

I'm sorry! Aah!

Sorry?

You better be sorry, for not
telling me about that amazing

Arm of yours!

Wiggity what?

You heard me!

An arm like that will take us to
the pee-wee league state

Championships!

For reals?

For reals!

Son, I want you to be
our new quarterback!

Ooh! What about me, coach?

You?

You can help train the team.

All right!

We'll finally be cool!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys
and girls, welcome to the very

First game of the pee-wee
league.

Yay.

Oh, boy!

I get to train the team!

Ooh!

Eeee! Good one, sperg.

[Laughs]
all right. Who's next?

Uhh! My spleen!

The violence, the spectacle!

All wrapped up in an organized
sporting event.

I can't believe you dragged
me to this circus, grim.

Oh, now look.

They've brought out the clowns.

Are you ready to cheer?

[Crickets chirping]
ready, ok!

♪ Endsville, never
wins the game!

Even the principal thinks we're
lame, sh**t the basket from the

Base, it doesn't matter
cause we're always last place! ♪

Gooo, endsville, yeah!

All right, as long as I avoid
having the ball, I just might

Survive this game.

[Whistle blows]
no! Uhh!

This kid is something else!

Ooh!

First down!

Um, b-b-blue 5?

Hut, hut, one, hut, hut, two,
red hot jabba the hutt?

Just hike the ball!

Hike!

Now pass the ball!

Go long!

Farther!

Deep! Deep!

Yeesh!

I'm ok!

Pass it to some other guy.

Now you run!

Faster!

Touchdown!

Endsville scores!

That was a-ma-zing!

You single-handedly coached the
endsville underdogs to their

First ever touchdown!

Scary girl, I want you to be the
new captain of the cheerleaders!

That's not fair!

I'm the captain!

And if I go, I'm taking
all my girls with me!

Fine!

Mandy's way better
than you anyway!

Listen here, mandy, if you
become captain, I swear, I will

Never speak to you again.

Well, I can't pass up
that offer.

I'll do it!

Oh! Rrrr-you!

Aah!

[Muttering]
[whistle blows]

[Muttering]
[whistle blows]

[Whistle blows]
[whistle blows]

Mandy, your unique
cheerleading style has led us

To the state championships.

Well done!

Uh, thanks, coach, I guess.

You know, I'm so glad we got
rid of what's-her-face... Cindy!

What a loser she was.

Always bringing us down.

[Screaming indistinctly]
[sobbing]

Why won't coach kilgore
let me be captain?

It's just not fair.

♪ Hey there, girl, don't you
frown, turn that smile

Upside down! ♪
What was that?

Who is there?

I'm carrie ann, patron saint
of cheerleaders!

♪ I heard your whiny chatter,
now tell me what's the matter! ♪

Oh, carrie ann, this total
loser named mandy stole my spot

As captain of the cheerleaders,
and now she gets to cheer at the

State championships.

No one will love me
if I'm not a cheerleader.

I need attention!

Mommy, why won't you hold me?

[Sobbing]
♪ right now, mandy's in the

Top percent, but what if she had
an accident? ♪

An accident, huh?

Carrie ann, you is talkin'
crazy, and I think I likes it.

[Laughter]
welcome to the big

Game, the pee-wee league state
championships!

[Crowd cheering]
all right, mandy, the other

Team looks tough, but as long as
you're 100%, I think we can win

This championship!

Just stay out of my way,
coach, and let me do my job.

Ok, carrie ann,
I'm in position.

Now what do I do?

♪ I know what you're
thinking, switch bottles

With what mandy's drinkin'! ♪
What's this?

I don't want to poison her.

Or should i?

♪ It's not poison, it's
chamomile tea, one sip will make

Her super sleepy! ♪
Go, sleep, go! Whoo!

Boy, am I thirsty.

Good thing there is this
conveniently-located bottle.

Ha! [Gulping]
hey, buddy, can we take a

Swig of that?

[Gulping]
[gulping]

Ahh.

Get up! This isn't nap time!

Oh, put me in!

Hmm, lemme think.

No way!

[Inhales, blows]
huh?

[Snoring]

What in tarnation?

[Groaning]
I have the worst luck!

Uhh.

Ok, billy, you're all
I got left.

Get in there!

You can count on me, coach!

Howdy do, buckaroos.

Listen, pukes, we are
the only 3 players left

On the team.

If you help me win this game, I
promise I'll never beat up you

Miserable dweebs again.

Irwin, this is what we wanted
all along!

I know, yo!

Give me that ball!

No wait, billy!

Shotgun, set, hike!

Billy!

You're going the wrong way!

Touchdown!

It's all tied up, folks.

This is anyone's game.

Mandy, you gotta do
something.

Billy's going to lose
this whole team for us.

What else is new?

Ok, jerkwads, the only way
you're going to beat these guys

Is by resorting to old-school,
cartoony shenanigans.

Is it possible to ruin
this part?

Not from a football coach.

Carrie ann, I'm freaking out!

The game's almost over, and I'm
still not head cheerleader!

♪ To be rid of mandy, there's
only one way, use a super plasma

Gamma ray! ♪
Go evil science, yeah!

Ooh, it's pink and it matches
my purse and I like it.

You guys ready?

This is our last play.

[Gulp]
[whistle blows]

[Whimpering]

[Spits]

Irwin, I'm open!

Oh, I have the worst aim!

Oh, that's the game!

That was meant for me,
wasn't it?

Hello?

You totally stole my rightful
spot at captain?

I gotta admit, mindy, I'm
kinda impressed that you would

Go to such lengths to become a
cheerleader again.

Really?

I think you deserve your job
back.

Oh, mandy.

Gimme those!

Oh, my sweet babies,
welcome back to momma.

Oh, I can't wait to start
cheering again and... Hey,

Wait a minute.

Football season's over!

Aah!

Ooh!

We can try out for tennis!

[Sobbing]

[Laughing]

Ooh!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

My kite!

Ooh, ooh, ow!

Stupid lousy dirty master stinky
rotten poopy cruddy tree!

Hey! No fair!

[Whistling]
I just love a picnic.

Who doesn't love a picnic?

Mandy!

[Sobbing]
what's this all about?

Trees, mandy.

Trees are evil.

They should not be trusted.

So you got your kite
stuck in a tree?

An evil tree.

Oh, don't be so stupid,
stupid.

Just throw something up there
and knock the kite

Out of the tree.

Anybody got a chainsaw?

Come on, there's plenty of
junk around here we can use.

Ready?

Are you ready, boy?

Give me that before you hurt
yourself.

Hey!

Don't fret, pud'n.

We'll bring it right back,
brother.

There's my kite, mandy.

Way up there.

Stand back.

You go, girl!

[Gasp] my throwy thingy!

Never say, "you go, girl!"
I want my throwy thingy!

Maybe someone would like to
join it.

Aah!

Right!
What the...

Not me, you dope.

Oops.

Don't worry, mandy.

I'll get something
to knock you down.

Wonderful.

Emergency!

Hey!

[Dog barking]
[whistling]

[Laughs]

Grim, quick!

Use your scythe on it.

Torch it, maybe, or chop it
limb from limb.

Go ahead, grim.

Kick some tree butt!

All right billy, but this is
the last time I save you

From a tree.

I'm afraid my powers are useless
here, billy.

There's just too much nature
in that tree.

This is a job for a druid.

What the heck is a druid?

Druids are down with all that
nature mumbo-jumbo.

They talk to trees.

Well, I hope he's
really hairy.

I am basil tarragon of the
high order of the wilted shrub.

So, have you come to learn
nature's mysteries?

The horrible tree stole my
kite, kidnapped mandy,

And ate a wiener dog!

That's preposterous, boy.

Trees are our friends.

Remember, every plant and animal
in nature loves you.

He's a druid, all right.

There is an ancient druidic
ritual that will get your friend

Out of that tree, but the ritual
is difficult and it takes



But wherever will we get
two more druids, mr. Basil?

I volunteer you, and you.

You two must learn to love
nature, and become druids, or

Your friend will be trapped
in the tree forever!

Hey, wait a minute, guys.

This is where we were before!

Let's face it.

We're lost.

It's all because of this
stupid compass.

It doesn't have up and down!

Course not, doofus!

You need a thermometer!

I'm hungry.

Huh?

You're doing a fine job,
boys.

Keep up the good work.

Whoa.

Come on.

Hmm, looks like the sun's
going down, and I'm not sleeping

In a filthy old tree all night.

Here we go.

[Rings doorbell]
[chattering]

Yeah, yeah, cut the chatter
and take a hike,

You little rodent.

I'm moving in.

Did I say rodent?

Easy, now.

Don't make me go
greystoke on your furry butts.

[Snarling]

Nice timing, boys.

[Chattering]
hey, check out all the cute

Little squirrels.

[Screaming indistinctly]
take that, furball!

Eat this, you little
nutcracker!

You squirrels, keep it down
out there!

Huh?

[All shouting at once]
go on, beat it,

You furry freaks.

Let's see what these squirrels
get on cable.

Nuts about you, baby.

The first step in learning to
love nature is learning

To eat nature.

Harvest from the great
bounty of nature.

Are you joking?

Around here, we call that
primordial stew!

My favorite's the wiggly parts.

Eat up, boy.

[Gulping]

I can already feel
nature's benefits.

[Laughs]
erk!

Must be allergic to nature.

There's no way that blowhard
is getting me to eat bugs and

Swamp muck, not when there's
pork chops.

[Oinking]
gotcha!

Aha!

What's going on?

Aah!

Now, that's the spirit, grim!

Waste not, want not,
I always say.

I will now demonstrate
how to talk to a tree.

Now, listen up, you worm-eaten
puke, don't give me any guff

Or I'll feed you to the
wood chipper!

Whoa!

So what did the tree say?

Ow!

Trees don't talk!

Now, for your final task, you
will learn to take the form

Of your spirit animal.

I will now demonstrate.

[Growls]
aah!

Oops!

Just remember that when you're
in the animal state, you may

Experience an incredible
blood lust!

And now you do it, grim.

Me?
Sure!

Nothing to it.

Just close your eyes
and concentrate.

Now, what do you see?

I see a frozen wasteland
and there's a penguin.

Slide!

Slide.

Now become your spirit
animal.

I did it!

Wait a minute.

My spirit animal is a penguin?

I was hoping for a
tyrannosaurus.

Your turn, billy.

Close your eyes and concentrate.

Now, tell me what you see.

I see a beautiful meadow,
with flowers and butterflies!

And bunnies!

And a moose!

And lions!
And unicorns!

And robots!

And... Wait, oh, wait,
I see a light!

I lost my spirit animal.

No time for that.

Come, we must perform the druid
ritual during the storm!

I now pronounce you druids of
the order of the wilted shrub!

[Laughs]
now we are ready to face the oak

Tree and rescue your kite.

Are you ready, men?

Charge!

Aah! [Crash]

You can have this dump.

[Chattering]

She's good.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, men.

There's a lot of nature
in that tree.

There's a lot of nature
in my pants.

All right, boys,
you know what to do.

Let the ritual begin!

Sing the ancient song
of the druids!

[All singing indistinctly]

I don't think it's working.

Yep, would've worked better
with a chainsaw.

[Whirring]

What's going on?

Mandy!

How did you get out of
the evil tree?

It's just a tree, doofus.

I climbed out.

And I brought a few things back
that I got form the squirrels.

My kite!

Pud'n's throwy thingy!

[Dog barking]
so, you see, billy, that tree

Isn't evil at all.

Now I have to go show some
scouts how to tie a knot.

Timber!

Yes, yes, yes!

Freeze!

Officer, you don't
understand.

It was that kid!

The chainsaw was all his idea,
I'm telling you.

Yeah, yeah.

Tell it to the judge.

Now I'll probably never
find my spirit animal.

It ain't all that.

I gots to try,
just one more time.

[Grunting]

Holy crud!

He's finally here!

My spirit animal.

Ooh, ahh!

Billy?

[Laughs]

♪♪♪