05x10 - Dad Day Afternoon/Scary Poppins

[bunniefuu]

Ah ha ha ha ha

The less we know,
the better we feel.

The less we know,
the better we feel.

Happy father's day!

Ha ha ha!

For me?

Oh, you should have.

Ha ha ha!

Ooh.

What is it?

It's a hat!

Well, I've had my eyes on
one of these babies.

Say... I love you son.

I love you, too, dad.

Ha ha ha!

Son!
Tee hee hee hee!

Dad!
Doh h* h* h*!

Son!

Da ha ha ha!

Dad!

[Sobbing softly]
daddy.

[Sniffles]
and on this day honoring the

Father, I present you with this.

Well, thanks, son.

Uh, what is it?

It's a grim dollar.

Gives you use of the grim
reaper for a day.

I decided to have him clean
your garage.

Oh, and one more thing...
[Straining]

I...
Love you.

Ew.

I feel gross.

Oh, daddy.

[Sobs quietly]
grim.

Where is he?

If he's going to clean your
dad's garage, we better find him

Pretty soon.
Wait.

Do you hear that?

[Muffled music]
country rock.

And it's coming from in your
closet.

Daddy?

That you?

Dad?!

Grim's finally lost his mind.

Back away real slow-like.

Ok, that's good.

[Laughs]
leave me alone!

Go away, you two.

I'm feeling depressed.

I'm feeling like a monkey.
Ta-caw!

Ta-caw!

Ok, grim, why are you naked
in billy's closet listening to

Country rock?

I don't want to talk about
it.

Grim, you know what happens
when you say "don't," "won't,"

Or "can't" to me.

Oh, yeah.

Well, see, when I was a boy, my
dad and I used to...

Wait, wait, wait... Wait,
before you flash back, what

About cleaning the garage?

Oh, yeah.

I promised your services to my
dad today, so how about you tell

Us along the way?

Fine.

So like I was saying, when I
was a boy, my favorite thing in

The whole wide underworld was
my dad.

And of course, father's day.

And my dad's favorite thing was
country rock.

Happy father's day, daddy!

Why don't you do something
useful, and turn up daddy's

Country rock?

That a boy.

But when I turned up his
country music, something strange

Overcame him.

This takes me back.

Now, could you step out of the
way of my speakers?

You're blocking the sound.

Little bit more.

Little more.

[Door slams]
farther.

That's when I began to
suspect that my dad loved his

Country music more than me.

Farther!

Farther.

Country rock stole your dad?

A ridiculous notion, I know,
but... Aah!

What does your father do in
here?

I don't know.

Stuff.

Anyways, you can start with
that pile of rat nuggets.

Plenty of room in here for
you, sweet stuff.

So you really expect us to
believe your dad loved country

Rock more than you?

I know, I know.

But one afternoon on our drive
to the country, it was the way

He said something that made me
positive of it.

Oh, I sure love country rock
more than you.

It was in that moment I knew
that to win my dad's love, I had

To become a country rocker.

Of course it was just a toy
guitar, but that made no

Difference to my dad.

So I got my dad back, and for a
while everything was great.

But as much as it made my dad
happy, it left me feeling empty

Inside.

Then one day, my true destiny
called me.

And for the first time, I was
happy.

And when it came time to leave
home, I didn't have the heart to

Tell my dad the truth.

Country rock forever!

And ever since then, I've
walked the path of the reaper.

So your dad still thinks
you're a country rocker?

Right.

So you see, every father's day
I dress up like this because I

Miss him.

So why don't you just call
him and tell him the truth?

I've tried, but I don't got
the nerve.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Who needs nerve when you've got
us... Right, mandy?

Right.

Aaah!

Who'd you just call?

Your dad.

Give me that!

That's your phone.

No!

Oh, and I told him
everything.

Everything?

[Brakes screech]
everything.

And I say, shame, shame, shame
on her for telling such vicious

Tall tales.

Oh, the grim reaper.

Now there's a guy with some
guff.

Oh, what I'd give to be his
father.

Aah!

Aah!

But I'll settle for a plain
old country rock star like you.

No, no, wait.

But I am!

Nah.

I wish I had the grim reaper as
a son, and there's nothing you

Can do to change it.

No, dad.

The country star thing was just
a lie.

I...
A lie?

Well, how could it be a lie when
you've got such hits like,

"Lies, lies, lies,"...
"Yes, I lied,"...

"Lying like an angry woman"?

No, no.

I made those.

They're fakes.

Look.

I'm actually the grim reaper.

See?

I've got the magic scythe and
everything.

And I go on adventures with it.

And that's billy and mandy.

I hate them.

Oh!

And I can even fly.

I have so many things to tell
you.

Oh... Ahem.

Thanks, miriam.

Who you calling?

Your mother.

She says that when you lie,
you're grounded.

Go to your room.

But I don't even have a room.

You can't... But... Fine.

I don't need your stupid rules.

[Chuckles]
what a boy won't pretend to be

To get his dad's love.

I once pretended to be a
peanut butter and bologna

Sandwich.

My dad loves those.

I still have teeth marks.

Why are we at the country rock
wax museum?

Well, if dad won't listen to
me, maybe he'll listen to his

Country rock idol, stank
williams.

[Raspy voice] hey.

Excuse me, stank, i...
I am alive!

Yeehaw!

Heh heh heh heh!

Look at me.

I can move!

Yippee yo yeehaw!

I'm alive!

[Humming softly]
hey, dad.

I got someone I want you to
meet.

A wax replica of stank
williams' head?

Yeah!

He's the grim reaper, all right.

You believe us now, you
stubborn bag of bones?

Who you calling, daddy?

Oh, he just won't listen to me.

Yeah.

The only thing he'll listen to
is country rock, y'all.

That's it!

[Whistles]
all right, you slugs, front and

Center.

[Growling]
they're perfect.

Heh heh heh!

Welcome to endsville's annual
father's day country rock

Picnic.

[Crowd cheers wildly]
howdy, folks!

You enjoying your baked beans,
sausages, and coleslaw?

[Crowd cheering]
enjoy the show.

Great!

Now, if you like that, then
you'll love our first

Performer... Slim grim!

[Cheering]
let's make this work, people.

[Crowd clapping rhythmically]
you ready to rock?!

Are you ready to country rock?!

[Crowd cheering wildly]
[upbeat country rock music]

Dad, I'm not a country rock
star.

♪ He ain't no country rock
star ♪

I told you, I'm the grim
reaper!

♪ Heeee
I hate country rock!

♪ He hates country rock
ooh hoo ooh hoo ♪

[Music ends]
why won't you believe me,

Dad?

What is this?

Behold, the awesome power of
the one and only grim reaper!

[People screaming]
[laughing maniacally]

So wiggedy-wack, ya'll!

[Snarling and growling]
[people screaming]

[Maniacal laughter]
oh!

So beautiful!

Dad!

You believe me!

Oh, yes, son!

I do believe you now.

Well, you hope you all
enjoyed the lame song here

Today.

And I even learned something.

What?

Grim's dad has terrible taste
in music.

If lovin' country rock is
wrong, I don't want to be right.

Dad, can you forgive me for
lying to you for the past



Nope.

Harold!

Billy!

Dinnertime!

Coming, dear.

Your dinner's going to get
cold.

On our way.

I am not reheating your
dinner if it gets cold, you

Know.

We're walking into the
kitchen as we speak.

Harold!

Billy!

Get your hairy butts in here
now!

Consider us at the table.

That's it!

Where's my rusty chainsaw?

Uh-oh, she's busting out the
chainsaw again.

Every man, woman, and child for
himself.

[Chainsaw buzzing]

Oh, hi, honey.

Yeah, we were just on our way to
dinner.

[Panting heavily]
when I say dinnertime, I mean

Dinnertime!

Well!

Now this is more like it.

Just a nice, quiet dinner with
my loving family.

Oh, my sweet adoring husband
harold whom I love so much.

I'm scared.

My loving son billy.

[Eating noisily]
and how could I ever forget my

Sweet, sweet daughter, mandy?

Go suck a lemon.

Young lady!

In this house, we use a little
word called "please."

Fine.

Go suck a lemon, please.

That's better.

Wait a second.

I... I... I don't have a
daughter.

You're not part of this family.

Yet here you are having another
meal here.

Why don't you go eat at your
own house with you own family?

Tell her, harold.

Take me with you.

I mean, yeah!

Go home to your own...
Hold on.

You mean to tell me that mandy
isn't our daughter?

This whole time I thought she
was!

And what?

Now you say she isn't.

So tell me, who does billy
belong to?

How much of my life is a lie?

Is our marriage fake?
What about this house?

My shirt?

My underwear?

Is this all part of some
interplanetary conspiracy to

Make me think I'm a lowly
construction worker?

So, honey, how was work
today?

Just swell, honeybunch.

I got that new promotion I was
after.

Now we can start planning our
second honeymoon to the

Gilligan islands.

That's wonderful news, dear.

I love you so much.

And I love...
[Gasp]

Mandy!

You love mandy?

No.

Mandy... She's back!

What do we do?
What do we do?

Quick!

Just like we planned.

Ugh!

I hate these things so much.

It's quiet... A little too
quiet.

Is... Is she out there?

Can you see anything?

I don't know.

Let me check.

Hey, y'all.

Say, what are you guys doing in
there?

Go away, irwin.

This isn't the time.

Fine.

If you need me, I'll be in
mandy's room.

[Thunder]
[heartbeat pulsing]

[Pulsing stops]
do you think she can hear us?

Yes, I can hear you.

Aah!

Mother, I am hungry and
require nourishment... Now.

That's it!

I can't take it anymore.

I don't know about you, but I
can't go on living like this.

I'll make the call.

Please pick up.

Please pick up.

Oh, please pick up!

Hello, nanny services
incorporated.

Can I help you, darling?

We need the nanny.

It's an emergency.

Please, oh please!

Hello ma'am.

Are you there?

Hello?

Oh, there you are, mother.

I'd like my dinner, now.

I'm leaving for school now,
mother.

In my absence, I expect my
clothes washed, ironed, and

Pressed, my room cleaned,
saliva bathed, my socks

Color-coordinated, my goth
metal posters framed, the house

Remodeled, the toilet
spit-shined, my room painted

Black, my knives polished, and
my secret mutant army released

Into the streets of endsville.

All done by hand.

Y... Yes dear.

Whatever you want.

That's better.

Farewell, parents.

Do you think our call got
through?

Let's hope it did, dear.

[Car horn]

Pardon me, would you by chance
be the parents of a miss mandy?

What a day at school!

Why didn't you tell me I'd
forgotten to wear pants?

It was picture day.

Hello, mandy.

I've been waiting for you.

I suppose you know who I am.

I suppose you know that I
don't give a...

Wait a second!

I know who that is!

She... She's that one fat lady
with the freaky hair and beady

Eyes and...
I think her name's paul or

Something.

Hold on!

She's the nanny.

Yeah, she's on that television
show, "hey, nanny nanny."

It's another one of those
annoying reality shows that are

All the rage right now.

She travels all over the
world... And burbank... Helping

Parents deal with their spoiled
rotten brats.

So what's she doing here?

[Together] ooh.

Spoiled brat, huh?

Lady, I don't care who you are.

No one is going to tell me what
I can or can't do.

Especially not some imported
babysitter with bad teeth who

Smells like greasy armpit sweat.

Young lady, my greasy armpit
sweat is a serious problem, so

I'd appreciate it if you didn't
make fun of it.

Besides, your parents called me
personally to ask for my help.

Ha ha ha!

I knew they had something to
do with this.

I'm here to teach you some
manners and respect.

Even a spoiled rotten little
brat like you can be the

Perfect obedient little child.

Remember... Manners are
everything.

You have no idea who you're
dealing with.

We shall see.

Indeed we shall.

Yes, we shall.

All right, mandy, I want you to
march into your room and give

It a good cleaning.

I don't do cleaning.

Not when I have the help,
anyway.

Dad, room, clean, now!

Right away, supreme overlord
master.

No, no, no, no!

You're supposed to do it
yourself so that you can learn

Responsibility.

All clean, mandy.

Shame on you.

Shame!

Shame, I say!

You're her father.

You're not supposed to clean her
room for her.

I'm not?

Absolutely not.

You have to make her clean her
own room!

You're right.

Ugh... You have to show her
who's boss.

You know it!

Show her who wears the pants
in the family.

Yeah!

Show no fear!

No fear!

[Snarling]
get in here now.

You missed a spot.

Coming, mandy!

Ok, claire.

I want you to order mandy to
wash the dishes.

Oh!

You mean actually talk to mandy
without written consent or my

Appointment at least one week
in advance?

Are you crazy?

Are you mad, woman?

Girl, you best get up out of
my grill if you know what's good

For you.

Sorry.

Now go tell mandy!

Uh, mandy?

Can... Can you come here a
minute.

Now remember, be strong with
her.

Don't back down!

She'll respect your authority.

This better be important,
mother.

[Stuttering] mandy, I'd like
you wash the dishes this

Morning.

Good job, mandy!

Thank you so much for your help.

You are such a good girl.

Here, have some money and rare
jewels.

Enjoy.

Ok, listen, nanny.

It's obvious to me that you are
striking out completely trying

To discipline mandy.

It's like trying to reap a
turkey dinner... Pointless.

So I'm volunteering my services
to help you turn mandy into a

Semi-normal child.

My supernatural services, if
you get my meaning.

You want to smooch me, don't
you?

[Gags]
all right, young lady.

Turn off the telly.

It's time for you to do your
homework!

After this show's over.

I said now!

And I said after this show's
over.

Here, boy, put this
somewhere no one will ever be

Able to find it.

Uh... What?

Yeah, that thing's never
coming out.

Now march your fanny
upstairs and do your homework!

Y... Yes sweetie, what is
your bidding?

Turn on the tv, swine.

Oh!

Right away.

Honey, I made some oatmeal
cookies just for you.

It took me 5 1/2 hours to make
them.

You know I hate oatmeal
cookies.

Thank you.

Come on, claire.

You've got to fight this absurd
power your daughter has over

You.

Now's our chance to help the
nanny defeat mandy.

Be careful, grim.

Careful is my middle name.

Huh, I never forgave mommy for
that one.

Uh... Bl... Whah?

Mandy, what are you doing?

You should be in your room
doing your homework.

Yes!

That's right, young lady.

Listen to your mother!

[In strange voice] I don't
have to do my homework if I

Don't want to.

You don't have to do your
homework if you don't want to.

I could watch tv all night if
I want.

You could watch tv all night
if you want.

Nooooo!

So close!

There goes my perfect record.

Face it, nanny, you have no
power here.

I control everything and
everyone.

Isn't that right?

[In unison]
yes, mandy.

This is my world.

I'm just letting you live here.

Get her.

No.
No, no, no, no.

Stay back, you fiends, stay
back!

Nooo!

Shame on both of you!

[Commotion]
grim, I know it was you that

Helped the nanny.

You've got to come out sometime,
you know.

[Whimpers]
it's going down.

Oh, it's definitely going
down.

All the way down.

Down to the ground.

All right, already!

This is boring!

You are boring me!

You guys just keep going on and
on and on and on and on and on

And on and on!

Just move to the part where you
battle with your laser swords!