06x10 - Wrath of the Spider Queen pt. 2

[bunniefuu]

Mandy: exit, stage left
[ suspenseful music plays ]

Billy: ooh! Ooh, let me tell
it.

Uh, you see, there was all
these scary spiders everywhere!

And there was this big fat
ugly spider named jeff

And he didn't see my son
but he was being really gross

And then there was this one
lady who was all weird,

Had the body of a spider
but the face of a lady

That had too much make-up.

She was gonna try to eat grim's
head because then she'll get

His powers and become more evil
because once they went to

High school together
and they use to be friends

And there were these
two talking milk cartoons

And I picked the chocolate
and just broke it.

And I hate it so much!

That I joined the space patrol
and they gave me a hat

And irwin's a nerd
and there's spiders everywhere!

What's going on!

I can't take the suspense...

I grow impatient.

Curtis was foolish trying to
patch the reaper's head in

Through the dvd player.

Shut up, kalgoron.

The show's starting.

[ Screeches ]
[ grunts ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Grim: oh, great.
It's the boogeyteen.

Hey, guy.

Some jerk over there said he was
gonna give you a wedgie.

Grim: really?

Oh, yes.

I'll protect you, but it's gonna
cost you your lunch money.

Grim: no way, boogey.

I don't need help from the likes
of you.

I can handle this myself.

Well, okay.

Oh, look!

There he is!

Grim: [ gasps ]
[ laughs ]

What do you say?

I'm some jerk, all right.

[ Laughs ]
grim: remind me why I wear

Underwear again.

Tell you what -- you hold out
on me again, and I'll give you

Nightmares that'll make you wet
yourself for a week.

[ Laughs ]
boogey, you're a creep.

Leave grim alone.

Nerds are people, too.

That's a lie.

Nerds are not people.

That's why they're called nerds
and not people.

Grim: you might not have
known it back then, velma, but I

Was sort of embarrassed when you
stepped in like that.

[ Crying ]
why?

Why?!

Oh, don't look at me.

Mandy: wow, grim, you were an
even bigger wuss back then.

Well, well, if it isn't
velma green the spider queen.

Don't call me that.

Who's gonna stop me,
velma green the spider queen?

[ Laughs ]
[ hisses ]

Aah!

You okay, grim?

Grim: wow, velma.

You sure can be scary when you
want to be.

Oh.

It's all the pent-up rage.

You have it, too.

You just need to know how to
harness it.

[ Screams ]
I hear there's going to be a

Big announcement in class today.

Let's get going.

Grim: you'd better come on,
boogey.

If you're late, you'll get
detention.

[ Both laugh ]
oh-h*-h*-h*!

Oh!

I hate it here.

It smells like your locker,
mandy.

Mandy: shut up and listen.

I've got a plan.

I hate to say this, but I think
if we work [gulps] together, we

Can get out of here.

Me? You?

Mandy: desperate times call
for desperate measures.

You in or what?

I'd rather be in your smelly
locker.

Mandy: suit yourself.

Okay, I'm listening.

Billy: hee-hee hee-hee
hee-hee.

It's okay, billy.

It's okay.

You can do this.

You can do it, billy.

You can do anything you set your
mind to.

Did you come back here to
apologize to a friend whose

Feelings you hurt?

Billy: oh, hello, gross plain
milk.

No, I just came back in here
because I had a shipment of

Liquids and/or solids to
deliver.

Oh.

Well, there's a bathroom right
down the hall.

Billy: nah, I don't need it
anymore.

You scared me pretty good when I
came in.

[ Laughs ]
billy, you need to let go of

Your fear and your irrational
anger.

The chances of you being
attacked by a spider on any

Given day are about a million to
one.

I mean, that doesn't count
today, obviously.

Today it's like 98% or
something.

I don't know.

You got a calculator?

Well, it doesn't matter.

The point is, you just have to
accept that you're probably

Going to be eaten alive by
hungry, giant spiders.

So you may as well enjoy the
little time you've got left.

Be good to your friends.

Let go of your fears.

And fill the time you have in
this world with peace and love.

Billy: master, teach me.

[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ clears throat ]

Before we start today, I have an
announcement.

The board of underworld affairs
has a new position opening up.

They need a reaper.

[ Excited chattering ]
this is an opportunity that will

Come along once in an eternity.

It is an important position in
the universe.

Lots of responsibility.

Anyway, this is sort of a big
deal.

You'll probably get some sort of
cool hat to wear, and people

Might take pictures of you, that
sort of thing.

The only real requirement is
that you be scary.

Grim: wow.

The reaper will be chosen by
scare election.

You'll find the sign-up sheets
in the hall after class.

[ Screams ]
[ indistinct conversations ]

Grim: [ gasps ]
ooh, ouch, man.

Friend versus friend.

[ Laughs ]
oh, honey, we're so proud of

You.

I just know you're gonna win.

You will win, velma.

And when you do, we spiders will
finally rule this pathetic

Planet.

[ Laughs evilly ]
skippy, ruling a planet is

your dream.

I'm sure our little girl will
grow up and rule two planets.

Don't worry, mom and dad.

I'm gonna be as scary as I can
be.

And, um, I also have the
power to give people terrible

Nightmares.

Uh, so anyone who doesn't vote
for me is in big trouble.

Um, oh, and I hate you all.

Oh, booga booga booga booga!

You're up next, ms. Green.

[ Gulps ]
grim: good luck, velma.

You're gonna need it, spider
queen.

You twerps might as well throw
in the towel.

You can't beat me.

This is a scare election, grim,
not a sissy election.

Grim: you're not scary,
either, boogey.

True, but I'm going to cheat!

[ Laughs ]
[ velma vocalizing ]

[ Laughs ]
[ velma vocalizing ]

[ Screaming ]
you're up, grim.

Try not to make a complete fool
of yourself.

Grim: hi.

I'm grim.

And I think I should be reaper
because i-i'm scary and angry

And, uh, responsible.

[ All grumbling ]
prove it.

Do something that would make me
what to tattoo your image all

Over my body.

Like, I don't even think we
need a reaper.

Anarchy!

Grim: [ clears throat ]
well, i-i just can't be scary at

A moment's notice.

I have to be in the mood, man.

[ Indistinct talking ]
[ booing ]

Okay, okay.

Time to cast your votes.

Please vote for whoever you
think was the meanest, scariest

Candidate.

Grim: [ sighs ]
grim, you -- you didn't throw

The election for me, did you?

Grim: no, velma.

I'm really that bad.

I'm not scary at all.

Grim, you look pale.

Let me get you some bog water.

Grim: boogey!

[ Humming ]
grim: boogey!

Aah!

Grim: I can't let you do
this.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you're too late.

Almost half of the ballots have
been cast already.

And now...almost half of the
ballots belong to me.

[ Burps ]
grim: they all say "boogey."

No duh, scrawny.

The only way someone could win
now would be if every single

Monster up there voted for him.

I've got this one in the bag,
and there's nothing you dweebs

Can do to --
uh!

Grim: looks like you kicked
the bucket.

[ Laughs ]
uh!

Help! Get me out!

Open it up, please!

Grim!

Hello?

You down here?

[ Gasps ]
grim: velma, I --

Grim, how could you?

[ Crying ]
[ growls ]

Grim: velma, i-i can explain.

The time for explanations is
over.

The time to feast on your powers
has begun.

[ Laughs evilly ]
do you understand what it's

Like to live here with your
wicked laughter going off every

Two minutes?

You said you liked my wicked
laughter.

I said I liked your wicked
chuckle.

This isn't about wicked
laughter at all, is it?

This is about how I fold your
t-shirts, isn't it?

No.

But the way you fold my t-shirts
makes me so mad.

You watched the japanese folding
video.

That's how I like it.

Well, well, well.

Look who grew an exoskeleton.

You're gonna do this now, huh,
on my wedding night?

yo wedding night?

Mandy: give us a few minutes.

I swear we'll get this thing
back on track by the time

Commercials are over.

Okay, jeffy, do you feel
better now?

Are you still angry?

I said I'm fine.

I'm gonna go lie down.

[ Crying ]
dr-ama!

Now, where were we?

Ah, yes!

Eating your skull and absorbing
your powers.

Mandy: okay, initiate
operation annoyance.

Excuse me.

Hey, loser sauce, I drank a

Spring water before I got
cocooned, and I need to use the

Little girls' room.

[ Grunts ]
surface dweller takes me for a

Fool, curtis.

I will not free her.

Mandy: really, kalgoron?

You want to clean up human pee?

Hmm?

You are wise, little fellow.

Hey, hey, hey!

Are you nuts?

Duh!

Standards and practices.

Mandy: here, let me hold
that.

Kalgoron, there are little
girls loose in the throne room.

Mandy: here, hold this.

Aah!

Mandy: I love it when a plan
comes together.

Don't look now, mindy, but I
think we're surrounded.

Get them!

Hyah!

Hyah! Hyah!

Mandy: hah!

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

[ Laughs ]
oh!

Wrong number, you freak!

[ Dialing ]
[ crying ]

Hoo! Hah! Hoo!

I got the mad skills.

[ Laughs ]
aah!

Aah!

Mandy: hyah!

[ Panting ]
spiders are losers.

I'm free!

Mandy: let's go.

You're welcome!

Wait up!

Mandy: grim, where's your
head?

Grim: help!

Drama!

Mandy: give me my reaper, you
freak.

Ha-ha!

Mandy: hyah!

Aah!

It's the eagles.

Billy has come with the eagles.

[ Screeching ]
billy: there's an eagle on my

Butt.

[ Screeching ]
billy: [ laughs ]

You fight because you do not
know how to resolve your

Problems using compassion.

I now know the truth of the
powers of calcium and vitamin d.

Go home, dad.

I'm all grown up now, and I
don't need you.

Velma and me will just do a
drive-through wedding in vegas.

Billy: don't do that, son!

I will go to your wedding.

Dad.

Billy: you are not really
angry with me, son.

You have been possessed by a
wicked spirit of anger from

Spider planet in galaxy omega-9.

Uh, what you talking about?

That's right, billy.

I'm arachnotour, the spider god
of anger.

Grim: didn't see that coming.

The galactic council chose to
imprison me in your school

Chocolate milk carton.

Moooooo!

When the seal of the milk
carton was broken, I was

Released from my cosmic prison
and entered into the body of

Jeff, where I taught him the
power of anger!

Billy: there is no power in
anger.

Arachnotour, I will defeat you
without ever raising a fist

Through the power of passive
resistance.

You can beat me up all you want,
but eventually you'll just get

Tired and go away.

Bet you I won't.

Billy: aah!

Moooo!

See, honey?

Like I told you during the
commercial break, you're not

Angry.

You're just possessed by some
sort of spider demon.

Give me that skull!

Grim: mandy, what are you
doing?

Mandy: there's something in
there you just have to see.

[ Gasps ]
grim: velma, I --

Grim, how could you?

Grim: I had to do something.

I thought that you deserved to
win the most.

Oh, grim.

I'm sorry.

But how -- how did you win?

Grim: look and see.

The winner of the scare
election will receive this

Prototype scythe, the reaper's
tool.

The final design, I'm told, will
be much cooler.

Grim: boogey!

Aah!

Grim: this is all your fault.

Aah!

Aaaaah!

[ Laughing ]
grim: [ laughing evilly ]

Sorry, folks.

Boys will be boys.

[ Indistinct chatter ]
let's choose grim, right?

I haven't been that scared
since you sawed me in half.

Grim: everyone who hadn't
already voted, voted for me.

But I tried for you, velma.

I really did.

Oh, grim, now that I know the
truth, I almost can't believe

That I plotted to eat your
skull for the last 130

Centuries.

Grim: yeah, it does seem a
little silly, doesn't it?

Phew!

I'm getting bored.

This ain't worth my time.

Billy: [ laughs ]
mooooo!

Dad!

Billy: I'm proud of you,
jeff.

Go now, my son.

Leave me.

No. You're coming with me.

I'll not leave you here.

I've got to save you.

Billy: you already have,
jeff.

You already have.

If you want to get me a milk
from the cafeteria, though, I'd

Drink it.

Sure, dad.

Chocolate or regular?

Billy: mm, chocolate.

Aaah!

[ Neighs ]
uh!

I now pronounce you hideous
spider and hideous spider woman.

You may exchange poisons.

[ Cheering ]
grim: that was disturbing.

Sperg: aaah!

Billy: wait!

I object to this union.

No son of mine is going to marry
a big, disgusting spider.

Wait a second.

If my dad disapproves of this
wedding, then so do i.

This marriage is over.

So be it.

I take it all back.

I'm still gonna need my

All: aw!

You see, billy.

You embraced your compassion,
defeated a giant spider

Minotaur, and regained the love
of your only son.

I am proud of you.

Billy: thank you, master.

Hey!

Are you a giant space-spider
minotaur, too?

No, billy.

I'm not even here.

Milk cartons don't talk.

Billy: well, at least that
means that I can go back to

Being normal again.

[ Laughs ]
this wasn't the most awful

Time I've ever had.

I'd rather have been at the
mall, but still.

Mandy: next time we meet, we
shall be enemies.

Grim: I'm so glad we're
friends again, velma.

What are you gonna do now that
the wedding is off?

I guess since my plans didn't
work out, I'll just take over

The world like daddy wanted.

[ Vocalizing ]
harold: aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Well, age of the spider, dad.

Age of the spider!

Irwin: told ya.

Billy: aaaaah!

[ Both laughing ]
irwin: aah!

[ Engines revving ]
you know, dad, this is

Exactly how I imagined having a
real father would be.

I'm so happy that you've not
only accepted me as a son, but

As a spider.

Billy: yeah.

You're a spider?

Aah!

Get out! Get out! Get out!

Oh, dad.

I love you, too.

Billy: get out! Get out!

Get out! Get out!