03x25 - Bonjour, DarkBat/Renaissance Fair-Thee Well

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Here you go,
Monsieur Henri.

Ah. Your cheese
is magnifique!

It puts my
taste buds
on a carousel.

(LAUGHING)
Merci beaucoup!

Our French cheese
shop is going
g*ng busters.

Yeah, yeah.

If I knew
we'd be making
this much money,

I'd have come
to Paris
years ago.

BLACQUE:
Hey, you mice!

Get away
from my
cheese shop!

Hey, we got a right
to sell cheese here.
Same as you do.

Not if you don't have
any cheese to sell.

- Now, beat it!
- Whoa!

-(THUMPS)
-(GROANS)

Now, the only cheese
that can be sold
on this street

is by me,

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Blacque Jacque
Shellacque.

That was too close
for comfort.

- Yeah, yeah. Not a riot.
- Oh, hey guys.

I would've been
here sooner, but
I forgot my keys.

So, I had to go back to
my house but I couldn't
get in my house 'cause

I didn't have my keys,
so I just kind of wandered
around the neighborhood

until I realized I had my keys
in my pocket the whole time.
Can I have some cheese?

We don't have
any cheese, Sniffles.

The French guy
fouled our fromage.

Time to call Darkbat.

Darkbat?

Uh, I gotta go.

But you just got here.

Yeah, I gotta do
some Christmas shopping.

But it's mid-July.

So long.

Black Friday
is pretty rough.

Yeah, yeah.

Time for
the Darkbat
signal.

(YELLING)

No need. I'm already here.

BOTH: Darkbat!

How did you know
we were in trouble?

(SNIFFS) I can smell trouble
from a mile away.

Especially when trouble
smells like stinking cheese.

Darkbat, away!

(MOTOR WHIRRING)

Now that is a nice,
sharp cheddar.

(GASPS)

Put down the cheese
and back up slowly.

Are you...

What? No, no,
no, no.

The name's Darkbat.

A completely original
Lone Crusader

in search of justice.

You bullied
my friends out of
their cheese shop

and I'm going
to cut your cheese.

Oh, no,
you don't.

In my shop,
I am the only one
who cuts the cheese.

(LAUGHING)

Missed me.

Ha! Missed me again.

(GRUNTING)

I'll stay really still
right on your nose

- so you can get me.
-(GRUNTS)

Just kidding.
I moved.

(GROANING)

(ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING)

(EXCLAIMING IN AGONY)

Now that's what I call
hip-hop dancing.

Oh, you are
a nuisance,
Darkbat.

No, I'm your
worst nightmare.

I'm a rodent
who touches
all of your food.

Now I'm touching
this cheese.

Stop touching
that cheese!

♪ Cheese cheese cheese
cheese cheese cheese ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ Cheese cheese
cheese cheese ♪

(YELLING)

♪ Cheese cheese
cheese cheese ♪

(YELLING)

Stop touching my cheese.

Then how about I take it?

(THUMPS)

Despica-brie!

BLACQUE: Get out
of my shop!

You know what goes
with a cheese hat?

Cheese pants.

A cheese shirt.

(GROANING)

And a cheesy smile.

Get this cheese
off of me!

Hmm, if you insist.

Now you're really
Camem-baring it all.

(EMBARRASSED SHOUT)

Come back here, you...

I'm impressed
by your dead-pan
delivery.

(CRASHES)

You will pay for this.
Since I don't have
a rolling pin,

I will have to take
what I can baguette.

Time for you to feel
the pinch of my loaf.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

It ain't over
until the
fat ladle sings.

(GRUNTING)

All right.

That is a whisk
I'm willing
to take.

"Ha ha,"
some more.

You need to be a little
more spoon-taneous.

(BOTH GRUNT)

Uh? Spoon?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Hang on.
Cheese-plate break.

(BOTH CHOMPING)

This is a real
Havarti party.

I'm more of
a mozzarella fella.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING HARD)

All right,
break's over.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

You should have
known better

than to pick
a fight with me.

Do you feel
the pressure now?

No. But you will.

-(MACHINE WHIRRING)
- What?

-(GURGLING)
-(GUSHING)

To brie
or not to brie.

Ow!

Is that
a question?

Looks like I
turned the brie
into debris.

Darkbat,
you did it.

Bad guys
never win.

Only Gouda guys.

Darkbat, away!

There he goes,
off to save some
other mouse's cheese.

- What a guy!
- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, guys.
I'm back
for some cheese.

Sniffles,
you missed it.

Darkbat saved
the day.

Oh, yeah?
What did he do?

Uh, It would take
too long to explain.

Yeah, yeah.
You had to
be there.

Actually...
(DARKBAT'S VOICE) I was.

Oh, boy,
I love fairs!

I can't wait
to ride the
bumper cars

and eat all
that funnel cake.

Actually, Horace,
this isn't that
kind of fair.

This is a
renaissance fair,

where everyone
dresses and acts like
it's the medieval times.

You mean like castles
and knights and princesses,
and stuff?

That's lame.

We're not here
to have fun.

We're here
to solve
the case.

You're right, Porky.
We're here to
bust some bad guys.

I believe the Captain
said our informant
will meet us right here.

He's got a tip on
who's been stealing
all the giant turkey legs.

Ooh, I love that
we a got stool
pigeon. (LAUGHS)

A squealer,
a rat!

Over here,
officers.

(LAUGHING)
Hey, Porky,
look.

Our rat
is a rat.

(LAUGHING)
That's hilarious!

I got it
on good authority

that this guy,
Littlechin,

is the one
stealing the
turkey legs.

Oh, you're
so cute
and tiny.

Thanks.
Now, look.

If you're gonna
catch this guy,

you two are
gonna need
these disguises.

Oh, man.
I love
my costume.

I feel
so pretty.

I'm like a portrait
in a museum,
or something. Yeah?

I just
wanna dance!

(SINGING)

Hey, look,
it's, uh,
Littlechin.

PORKY: That's the guy
who's been stealing
the turkey legs.

So, now we gotta
get on his good side

and get him to trust us.

Ain't that right, Horace?

Uh, Horace?

Sorry, Porky,
you're on
your own.

I caught
the music bug.

(THUMPS)

I say. Watch
where you're
going, knave.

Are you
challenging
Sir Littlechin?

(STUTTERING)
No, sir.
I'm sorry.

Well, what is it
that you want?

Well, I was wondering
if you wanted or needed...

Hey, there,
Porky.

...a person
you could trust.

Are you asking
to be my squire?

As my squire,
you will have to be
by my side constantly.

Run errands,
do chores,
etc. etc.

Be by your side?

Yes. I'm your...
(STUTTERING)

- I'm your squire.
- Good.

Clean my saddle, squire.

(THUMPS)

LITTLECHIN: Then clean
my shield and my golf clubs

and my antique
sewing machine

and the rest
of this stuff, too.

Here you are,
Sir Littlechin.

Excellent.

Since you've
proved yourself
worthy-ish,

what say we
try something
a little dangerous?

Dangerous?
As in criminal?

- I'm your man.
- Good.

I want you to go
over there, stand
against that wall,

and keep
an eye out.

- Hi, Porky.
- Horace, there you are.

I love
this place.

I made these
scented candles,
all right?

Here, take
a sniff.

Oh, they smell
like the ocean.

-(SQUEALS)
- See you later, Porky.

Gather 'round,
gather 'round,

as I, Sir Littlechin,
put on a dazzling display

of death-defying
ax throwing.

-(LITTLECHIN CHANTS)
-(PORKY SQUEALS)

(CROWD CLAPPING)

Thank you,
and please,
some applause

for my little
piggy squire.

LITTLECHIN:
Squire, take
a bow.

-(EXCLAIMS SHEEPISHLY)
-(CROWD LAUGHING)

(PORKY SCREAMING)

Hey, can I
kiss you-eth?

(IN FEMALE VOICE)
Oh, gee, I think
I'd like that.

(PORKY SCREAMING)

(THUMPS)

Hey, Porky, you ruined
my puppet show.

Sorry, Horace.

I'm just
trying to catch
Sir Littlechin.

Well, what happened
to getting on his
good side?

You need his trust
to make the bust.

LITTLECHIN:
Who amongst you
is brave enough

to take on
Sir Littlechin
in jousting?

You know what, Horace?
I really don't need
his trust.

I need to
stand up to him.

Now, you're talking.

Time to fight
fire with fire.

Fight like
a barbecue?
Oh, I'm in.

Hey, I got some
year-old sausage
that'll be perfect.

PORKY: I'm talking
about bringing
Littlechin to justice.

And I need
your help.

You got it,
dude.

Giddy-up!

Hey! (SCREAMING)

What do you think
you're doing?

I was gonna
ride you.

You were gonna
ride me?

Look, he's
riding a horse.

I thought
I could ride
a horse.

You thought
wrong!

You don't ride
your partner.

That's so
disrespectful.

Yeah, but you just held
pork sausage right in
front of my face.

Totally different.

You wanna ride
something? Go ride
that motorcycle.

I'll joust you,
Littlechin.

Aha, excellent.

I hope
you're ready,
Squire.

This squire
is on fire.

Uh, not
literally.

I mean,
I'm gonna
do good.

Charge!

(WHIRRING)

(THUDS)

RAT: Hey,
somebody get this
lug off of me.

Minnesota Rats.

What're you
doing with
those turkey legs?

You been stealing
the turkey legs?
Not Littlechin?

Yeah,
you got me.

It was me
the whole time.

How could you?

What did
you expect?
I'm a rat.

PORKY: Horace,
take him away.

With pleasure.

Come here,
you little
criminal.

I know you're
a bad guy,

but you're such
a cute little
bad guy.

I just wanna
carry you around
in my pocket.

Congratulations.

You've bested me.

You are no longer
a squire.

You are
a knight.

Well, now that
you're a knight,

I guess we should
show you what we do
for fun around here.

(IN FEMALE VOICE)
I love you,
Mr. Rats.

Can I kiss you,
and everything?

Uh, no!
Please stop!

So disrespectful.

(LAUGHING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)