Future Date (2024)

[bunniefuu]

Good morning,

residents of Los Angeles.

Hi, I'm Ry.

First, I wanna say I'm really

excited about this contest.

This is what I've always wanted.

Computer on.

A

little bit about myself.

I live in LA.

I guess it'd be cool if that mattered.

Here's

what can k*ll you today.

Downtown is experiencing deadly heat.

The west side is experiencing deadly cold.

As always, please do not leave your home.

Like

everyone else, I have a job.

I enjoy a good challenge.

As for hobbies, I like to cook.

Ah.

I love to eat.

And I get some pretty sick views

out of my window.

But I spend most of my

time and money on CNKTR.

If I'm being real, it's the

thing I want most in life.

I wanna find the one-

Hi, I'm Dallas from CNKTR.

Do you wanna live life like

you've never lived life-

No. Let me change that.

I need to find the one.

Good morning

residents of Los Angeles.

Hi, I'm Ria.

Honestly, I don't even

know why I'm doing this.

What are the odds of me

winning? One in a trillion?

A little about me. I live in LA.

I just love all the beach and sun.

Computer on.

Here's

what can k*ll you today.

Downtown is experiencing deadly-

I am

Deputy Vice Director

of software development at Voyanox.

Yup. That Voyanox.

One of the biggest companies in the world.

You could say I have a dream job.

Sure, I'll do it,

even though it's your job

and then you'll probably get

promoted before me, f*ck.

One thing I do love

is being a mom to my beautiful babies.

I have Sandy, Andy, Cornelius, and Todd.

Yes, I'm talking about my plants.

Don't judge me.

So why am I entering this contest

if my life seems so perfect?

Well, if I'm being honest,

I'd say something's missing-

Hey, do you wanna live

life the way people used to?

I need a change.

Now it's

time to answer the prods.

Prod number one.

The last time I truly

connected with someone was,

well, I thought I connected

with someone a while ago,

but it didn't work out.

Hey, do you ever think

about meeting someone?

In person?

I haven't

found that spark since then.

The last

time I connected with someone?

Is it controversial to say

that connecting is a

little bit unnecessary?

I'm perfectly fine on my own,

thank you. Next question.

Prod number two.

I think I should be chosen

for this contest because,

well, finding the one would

give my life real meaning.

I could finally have someone

to share my life with.

Why should

I be chosen for this contest?

Because I want to win,

and I'll do whatever it takes.

Yeah, I mean, I could

hardly believe it myself.

Prod number three.

I'll know I've connected

with someone when,

I don't know, when she

connects with me too.

That's so funny.

Well, I mean, it's true.

You're funny.

Right?

Ah....

Hey, you know,

I think this is actually

going pretty well.

Do you wanna maybe keep doing this

like, everyday?

You know, as boyfriend slash

girlfriend or something?

Well?

Ry, we just met.

That's a lot to put on

someone you just met.

Oh no.

We could be friends though?

Do you wanna be friends?

Yeah...

Okay, bye.

You can ignore me,

but you can't escape me, alright?

Because, why would you want to?

We have the opportunity of a lifetime.

If you miss it, oof.

It's not coming back, baby.

That's right.

You could win our first

ever true love contest.

You get to spend three full

days in an actual house,

just like the old days!

And you won't be alone,

because one other person

selected by our state of the

art algorithm will join you.

If you prove to be truly

compatible with this other person,

you get to live in that house forever.

So what are you waiting for. Who knows?

You might just meet the one.

So that's my story.

And if I win this contest

and do meet the one,

I know this sounds cheesy,

but I think my life will be complete.

So let's do this.

Bro. She said that?

Yeah, and I thought that

things were going well.

Bro, that sucks.

But there's still a lot of

lovely ladies out there.

Yeah, I just don't why it

keeps happening to me though.

What am I doing wrong?

Speaking of ladies, you

check out that link I sent?

I can't stop watching it.

And you know what else I do?

Hey, Culver?

Yeah, Ry Ry?

Can we switch off friend mode?

What? No. Friends talk about jacking it.

I need counselor mode tonight.

Oh.

Very well.

The link I sent. Do you

plan on masturbating to it?

You're still talking about that?

Sexual release is very

important for mental health, Ry.

Well, I think I've been

doing just fine without it.

Very well. Let's talk

about your loneliness.

Whoa. Loneliness?

I'm not lonely. I'm just

trying to find the one.

There's more to life, Ry.

Why not try seeking a

non-romantic connection?

Well, I have you.

Non-romantic and non-paid.

Wait, weren't you just telling me

to look for other ladies?

Well, what I said or did not say

during friend mode is immaterial.

You wanted to know

what's wrong? Here it is.

You're seeking external fixes

instead of looking inside.

Can you truly find the one

if you haven't found yourself?

Can we switch back to friend mode?

Oh, that's time.

Oh, check out that porn though, brah.

Cheer up, Ry!

Hi, Ria. Counselor

mode or friend mode today?

You're entering the contest.

Ria, I am so proud of you.

So what caused this change?

Change?

You starting to look for people.

By entering the contest,

I'm assuming that means

this is the start of a new journey.

Oh, sure.

You are doing this to

meet people, correct?

That is one of the requirements.

Ria, I'm gonna switch to

friend mode for a moment.

Okay.

What is your problem, b*tch?

Excuse me?

You're really only entering this contest

to win a f*cking house?

Hey, I tried to get one the regular way.

But clearly, I'm not getting

a promotion anytime soon, so.

Is that all that f*cking matters to you?

A god damn promotion and

a m*therf*cking house?

Now you're just getting a*usive.

Fine. Counselor mode it is.

Ria.

If you're selected for this contest,

will you at least give

the person a chance?

I will be so nice to him.

But you know how I feel

about relationships.

You need connection.

No house or job or plant

will be satisfying if you are

totally and completely alone.

Oh, and that's time.

So in conclusion, I

really think this contest

will give me what I need.

Yeah. Right.

Congratulations, Ria,

you've been selected.

Ugh

Wait.

Did you say my name?

Of course I did. You know why?

Because you've been selected

to be our first participant

in the contest.

I know what you're thinking.

Can I meet this other selectee?

No.

We want it to be like the old days

when people met first in person.

Also, that's gonna help

you win the contest.

And I really, really want you to win.

So let your imagination run wild

and soon it will become reality.

Holy-

Tell me,

how did you two meet?

I met Olympia-

On CNKTR.

She had this profile and

it was all about knitting.

I love knitting.

And I had this profile and

it was also all about knitting.

Lowell loves knitting.

So I knitted her a sweater.

And I knitted him a sweater.

And that was it.

We've been together for 12 years.

So, how often

do you see each other?

See each other? Like, in person?

We've never met in person.

Here's

what can k*ll you today.

North Hollywood is experiencing acid rain.

East Hollywood is experiencing acid air.

As always, please do not-

Ria, today's the day.

You cannot keep doing that.

Head on over to

the door and open it up.

Do I really have to wear this helmet?

Potentially, but probably not.

The human shipping injury

rate's only one in 14.

Oh.

Wait.

Welcome aboard, Ry.

Are you ready for the

weekend of your dreams?

Hell yeah.

Better be.

Great. Strap in.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Oh!

Oh my god!

Ah!

I don't wanna die. I don't

wanna die. I don't wanna die.

You are now outside.

Outside?

No, don't worry.

Those sounds are perfectly normal.

Just sit back, relax.

It's all gonna be a little bit longer.

Approximately two hours.

Two hours? What if I need to pee?

Ah!

Get excited. It's that time.

Just remember to relax.

Have fun. And do not mess this up.

'Cause this is really,

really important to me.

And you.

Thank you for

choosing Personship Shipping.

- Oh!

- Oh.

Oh f*ck!

Uh.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm, uh. I'm Ry.

Ria.

Oh.

What are you doing with your hand?

Oh, it's a handshake.

What is a hand shake?

You grab a person's hand and shake it.

It's what people used

to do back in the day.

I researched.

Really?

Grabbing someone's hand as a

sign of what, that you met?

Uh.

Guess when you put it that way,

it does sound kind of stupid.

What the hell.

Hey there, lovebirds.

Did I surprise you?

Well, that's weird.

You should be used to

me by now.

You're here now too?

Yeah. Are you gonna

be here the whole time?

Well, only if you want me to be.

I mean, you want me to be?

We don't.

Okay, fine. Whatever

helps you win the contest.

Well, telling us how

we can win this contest

will help us win the contest.

Yes, exactly!

The contest is designed to simulate

the start of a beautiful relationship.

The kind you'd have like,

back in the old days.

So we've curated some

old fashioned experiences

for you to do together.

And during each experience,

you'll accumulate compatibility points

to the CNKTR app, which

will be on your phone.

It's gonna track your mood, your status,

your vital signs, stuff like that.

Yeah. But-

And if you get a hundred points,

you get this house and each

other's company forever!

I mean, what more could you possibly want?

Maybe, I don't know, a live elephant

or your father's unconditional love.

Anyway, that's the contest.

On the living room table,

you'll find all the instructions

you could possibly need.

Best of luck.

I really mean that. Please.

Uh. Pft.

Talk about complicated, am I right?

This should help.

Okay.

Let's see.

"Hey there, lovebirds."

Jesus. Did he write this too?

Yeah. Well at least he's not here.

But shouldn't we slow down for a second?

I feel like if we slow

down, he's gonna come back.

All right, here's what's first.

Day one, experience one.

A coffee date.

Okay. Yeah, let's do it.

Yeah.

What's a coffee date?

Alright.

A coffee date is a quick get to know you

over a tasty beverage people

once consumed for energy,

but now is unnecessary due

to our caffeinated cake food.

Normally you'd start with small talk,

but since you're probably bad

at small talk, we have prods.

Why don't we do our own small talk?

I feel like I'm good at it.

Okay. So.

Uh. Okay, so.

Ry, do you wanna blow it?

Didn't think so.

Okay. Prod number one.

"My name is."

Now, these prods are stupid.

Okay. Proceed with your own small talk.

Um. Well, can I first

mention how weird this all is?

Oh my God, this is so weird.

Like, I have an actual person in person

right in front of me.

I can't even remember the last time

I saw an actual person in person.

Me too. It's kind of exciting.

It's also kind of terrifying.

Do I scare you, Ry?

No.

No. I mean, not you

specifically, but just this-.

- I'm kidding.

- Whole.

Okay. Wow.

I don't think we could win

this house if I scared you.

Yeah, well, we wouldn't

want that to happen.

I mean, I am here for the house.

Wait, really?

No, I mean, this house is amazing.

It's so f*cking amazing.

I've never even been in a house before.

I used to live in a house.

It was the most beautiful thing.

But I'm here to meet the one.

I've been looking for the

one for a really long time.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's a lot to put on

a person you just met.

Especially when you

haven't seen an actual person

in person in forever.

sh*t, you're right. I blew it.

You did. Big time.

But you know,

I'm assuming we're both

here to meet someone, right?

Actually, I'm just here for the coffee.

Wow. Is it really that bad?

It's so bad.

Well, they're similar names.

Right, right. Well actually

my name's not even Ry.

It's Rainier Yosemite

after my parents two favorite places.

Back when you could go to places.

Mount Rainier and Yosemite

National Park. Right?

That just became RY and

then RY just became Ry.

Oh, so you're named after a place too?

Too? What's Ria?

Short for Victoria, Australia.

That's where my parents were born.

Australia. Okay. So that's

why you talk like that.

Why do you think I talk like this?

You were bored.

Well, I'm not bored now, but-

Hey there, love drinkers.

Jesus.

Are you watching us?

I'm just here to say, it's

time to get your scores,

which you can get on the CNKTR app.

Good luck.

Well, that was a coffee date.

Yeah. Well, do you think we nailed it?

Well, I definitely nailed it.

Let's see if you held up

your end of the bargain.

"Held up my end of the

bargain" is my middle name.

Your middle name is Yosemite.

sh*t, you remembered.

I could never forget a Yosemite.

Okay, now get out your phone.

Alright, alright.

Lets check the scores.

Okay.

I have no idea what that means.

Hey, I should clarify.

While I'm not watching you,

I am watching your scores

and 21 is great.

Aw, with six total planned experiences,

you guys are already

ahead of pace to get 100.

So don't mess it up, okay.

Are you ever gonna tell

us why you care so much?

It's not Important. Bye.

Wow. We did good.

Well, I guess that means

we're pretty compatible.

Yeah, but we are not done yet.

Okay. Well, tell me what's

next, Victoria Australia.

Cooking dinner.

With real food?

Yeah. I've always wanted to cook for real.

Really?

Yeah. You know, it

just seems fulfilling.

Okay. Well you enjoy cooking dinner

and I am gonna go check out

the rest of my future house. K, bye.

Wait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa. Come on.

You can't just let me do this alone.

You look plenty capable.

Fine. How can I help chef Ry?

Ah, so how long have you been on CNKTR?

That's a personal question.

Well, this is a personal situation.

How long have you been on CNKTR?

Hey, I asked first.

Not long.

Really? Wait, well,

how have you been meeting people?

At work.

Work?

Yeah. Hey, I am a workaholic.

Can't you tell from all of

the work that I'm doing?

Yeah, I guess so.

And actually, I think we're done.

Wow.

So, what do you do for work?

Oh, hey there, love chefs.

Hope your meal's ready,

'cause it's time to

check your score again.

But we haven't even tried the food yet.

Are you here to eat

or are you here to win?

Then hit that calculate button.

All right, here we go again.

Yup. Okay. Let's see.

Is that good?

It's even better than last time.

Oh, well, like I said,

compatible.

Uh huh...

But is the food good, Chef Ry?

Oh, okay.

I volunteer as guinea pig.

I mean, what if it's like the coffee?

What, is it bad?

Oh my God.

It's real food.

- Hey.

- Oh, it's so crunchy.

Let me try. Whoa.

Holy moly.

I've never tried crunchy stuff-

But before we eat the food,

we have to prepare for

the next experience.

Day one, experience three,

our first real dinner date.

But don't rush into it.

You want to look your best.

And moving too fast might make

the whole thing fall apart.

What happened to your face?

This is exactly how

they used to do makeup

back in the day.

Oh, well, you know,

I think you actually look kind of great.

Oh, thank you.

You actually kind of look great too.

Except for your torn up face.

Uh. Well, you should see the

shaver that did this to me.

Wait, what's that on your leg?

Nothing.

Let's go date.

Well, I, oh, oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

We ate so much real food.

We did.

Are we supposed to be talking?

In addition to eating?

Okay. Lemme check.

Ah.

Yes.

Ah, okay. Well-

Deputy vice director of

software development at Voyanox.

You asked what I do.

That's it.

Oh, whoa.

What?

You know, Voyanox is huge.

And software development?

That's pretty cool, and-

Deputy vice director? That

sounds really important.

Yeah.

You're like, a huge success.

Yeah.

You don't think so?

I'm trying.

I'm not where I wanna be in the company.

I mean, you'll get there

and you're clearly smart and driven

and I'm sure you're great to work with.

And you know what? If

if they don't see that,

then you can tell 'em to f*ck off

and you could probably

k*ll it somewhere else.

I know you would.

You don't just leave

a company like Voyanox.

Well, what do you like about it there?

Um.

You know what? I think

that is enough sharing

for our first real dinner date.

Ugh. Okay.

So do we get our scores now?

It's optional.

What's the other option?

Keep the night going.

Are we supposed to be talking here too?

I thought the details of my job

blew your mind so much

that you couldn't handle anymore talking.

You're right. I'm still

picking up the pieces.

Of, you know, my blown mind.

Right. Get it.

Oh, I got it.

In fact, here's another

piece. You missed it.

Oh, is that right?

You're right. We should talk.

When was the last

time you were on a date?

Never.

Never?

I'm a workaholic, remember?

When was the last time you were on a date?

When have I ever not been on a date?

Really? Then why are you still single?

Oh, sorry. I didn't meant to say that.

And, I guess this is

why I don't date, huh?

No, you know what? Uh.

f*ck it, I'll tell this story.

Her name was Tulsa.

We had been dating virtually

for about two months.

I know that's not that long.

And people go years or sometimes forever.

But I wanted to be different.

I really thought she was the one.

So I wanted to make a grand gesture.

I saved up three paychecks

and I shipped myself to her.

Wow. That's bold and expensive.

So when I got in my shipping box,

I was video chatting with her.

She was acting weird and saying

she wasn't sure about it.

And then when I got to her door,

she said that she couldn't do it anymore.

And she ended the chat.

And then she blocked me.

I had to call customer service.

I was stuck in that box for six hours.

Never heard from her again.

Wow. That really sucks.

Yeah. Yeah, it did.

But it's also kind of funny.

What?

You were stuck in a box for six hours.

You can't give me that image

and expect me not to laugh.

Uh. Yeah. I mean, I

guess it is pretty funny.

You know, probably got a lot

of frequent shipper miles.

What would you have done

if you had gotten there?

Would you have-

No. Uh

No, I mean, I don't even think that it-

Same.

So what would you have done?

Uh.

Talked like we are,

ate like we did

and uh,

I always imagined a hug.

A hug?

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I haven't hugged

anyone since my parents.

And even then it's been

like, I dunno, 13 years.

Yeah. Same.

And those hugs were pretty cold.

Do you wanna hug right now?

Are you serious?

Well, why not? It

might improve our score.

Yeah, you're right. Our score.

Oh.

Oh.

Are we really doing this?

Shut up and just go with it.

Whoa.

Is it good?

It's really good.

It's so good, right. Oh my God.

Oh.

Hug me.

I am hugging you.

Hug me harder.

Oh.

Oh.

I don't think I can go much longer.

Don't stop.

Yeah. Whoa.

Should we check our score?

Yeah.

Tell us your

story. How did you meet?

Sam and I met-

Before the world went to hell.

It was only part way to hell.

Remember safe hours?

Once we stayed out after safe hours.

We were a hot couple.

Gross

And then when we got promotions,

we actually moved into this huge place.

It has rooms, plural.

We did a lot in these

rooms.

Ew. Seriously.

It was so much space. Until we had Alex.

We love Alex so much.

And we love the fact that Alex's a*s

moves out once school is over.

Don't say that.

Fine. We do love that fact.

I am right here.

Of course you are.

Where else would you be?

Good morning, resident of

Los Angeles outer reaches.

Lancaster is on fire.

Palmdale is underwater.

Please do not leave your home.

Hey.

Do you want breakfast?

Sure.

Maybe toast?

Why are you being so awkward?

Oh, sorry. It's on the schedule.

What?

Awkward morning after talk.

It is not on the schedule.

Well sh*t.

That coffee date was pretty good.

Yeah. Best one ever.

That dinner too. You

know. Quite the chef.

Yeah.

Best chef ever.

That hug was super amazing.

Oh my God. That hug was f*cking amazing.

It was better than I imagined.

I'd do it again.

Me too.

Not right now though.

Oh, yeah. Definitely not now.

Man, can I just say, I just,

I really feel like something

amazing is happening here.

Right?

You know, there's so much

that we've gone through

just in this one day.

I feel like-

Ry.

Something is happening.

You know, I know that,

I know it's only been one day,

but you know, it's whole other life-

I don't wanna be in a relationship.

Oh yeah. Me neither.

No, really.

I mean it.

What?

I know this is weird

because things are going really well here.

It's just, I had to say it now.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Why does this keep happening to me?

Ry, it's not you. I just

don't want one at all.

That actually is pretty funny.

Ry.

Why are you even here?

The coffee.

Fine.

I'm here to win the house.

I lived in a house when

I was a little kid,

but we lost it when my parents split up.

And then I saw this contest

and I thought, why not?

Even if it means I have

to live with a random guy

for the rest of my life.

No offense.

Yeah, and you decided not

to tell that random guy

until now.

I wanted to.

I don't like to lie,

but yesterday, when I saw

an actual other person

and we were having such a good time.

Yeah, we were.

Was that hug even real?

Yes, it was.

And it was really good.

It was amazing.

Ry, I understand if you

don't wanna talk to me

or see me for the rest of the weekend,

but I had a really good

time and I know you did too.

And it's not like you live

in some palace either.

So maybe if you want,

we could band together

and try to win this house.

I don't know. It's all up to you.

Good job making the awkward

morning after talk awkward.

Ry

Why don't you want a relationship?

Because people always let you down.

Well, opposed to your

job, which is going great.

Hey, I'm trying.

Besides, why does everyone

have to be with somebody?

Why can't I just be really successful?

Get the promotion I deserve.

Use that money to buy a house

and take really good care of my-

f*ck! My plants!

What? Ria.

I forgot my plants.

Ria, your plants are fine.

What?

Yeah. I saw them yesterday

before your shipping box went away.

So I set them up here and gave them water.

Sorry I forgot to tell you.

I wanted it to be a-

Whoa.

Wait. You gave them water?

Yeah.

How much?

Enough?

No, no, no, no, no.

What did you do?

I thought I was helping.

Well, clearly you weren't.

Ugh.

You know, I got them

out of the shipping box.

Right. Because I f*cked up.

Because I'm a f*ck up.

But you could've told me,

instead of trying to make it

into another grand gesture.

How can I fix this?

Oh, I don't know, Ry.

Can you go back in time

and find someone else for this contest

who's not gonna drown my plants

and then drown me in relationship talk.

Hey there. Is everything okay here?

You know, you should have

checked your scores by now and-

You can get your score later. Yeah.

Oh, hey. Hey Ry.

Hey. This is an important-

Ria! Ria!

Okay. You need-

sh*t.

Ry Ry.

Hey Culver.

You've literally never called me

outside of your work-sanctioned time slot.

I need to talk.

It's uh, it's pretty late, bro.

But I will give you five minutes.

Whoa.

You really did f*ck up.

Wait, I thought you

were on counselor mode.

I am. That's how much you f*cked up.

Do I just leave?

Do you wanna?

Oh, good.

Because if you said yes, I

was gonna have to k*ll you.

But what's the point if he

wants something that I don't?

And she wants something that I don't.

The f*cking point, Ria?

I'll tell you the point.

And look, I mean, I'll

show you how serious I am.

Hang on a second.

You were having fun. Yes?

Yeah.

And you were connecting, right?

I mean, I guess we were.

Then keep going.

Keep connecting.

Keep learning about

yourself in the process.

You never know where

it's gonna lead you.

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah!

That was a very

uncharacteristically

enthusiastic yeah, Ria.

By connecting with her,

I'll make her come around.

No, bruh, no.

I'm gonna make him drop

the whole relationship thing.

Oh no, no. Ria, that's not what I meant.

This is great, Culver.

Ry.

Tomorrow, it's happening.

Ria-

I hear the two

of you share an apartment.

I used to live in a house.

Here we go.

What?

I did.

Wait till you hear

how it was really big.

867 square feet.

Then I was cheated on.

Turns out that piece of

sh*t had another house.

953 square feet.

I've never lived in a house.

But then I met Ojai here.

A studio's perfect.

You got a bed, a desk,

a counter, a window.

What more do you need?

Now I live in 154 square feet

with another person.

But, the important thing is, I'm happy.

I'm actually the happiest

I've ever been.

Actually, me too.

I do miss that house though.

Good morning, resident of

Los Angeles Outer Reaches.

Highland Park is

experiencing locust swarms.

Silver Lake is just gone.

As always, do not leave your home.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm sorry about your plants.

It's okay. They might survive.

I'm sorry for not telling you

that I didn't wanna be in a relationship.

It's okay. I might survive.

Where's Dallas when you need him?

"Hey there, lovebirds."

"You ruined everything,

but please keep doing the contest."

So, are you still in this contest?

Are you still in the contest?

I mean, I can stay.

Me too.

Okay.

We should probably check our scores then.

Gotta see where we are.

If we can get to 84 by day one-

We could definitely

get to a hundred today.

Right?

We went down?

I didn't even know that was possible.

Yo. Hey there, lovebirds.

- Whoa!

- What in the f*ck?

This is nice.

Well, sorta nice.

Blorp me, Zorg.

So, I guess I owe you guys an explanation.

Yeah. Like 20.

Okay. Uh.

I...

Oh, god.

I want my dad to love me.

How's that an explanation?

Oh, right. Yeah. Okay.

Context.

My dad is the CEO of CNKTR.

My boss.

Okay...

Well, he's never taken

me seriously. Ever.

So finally I go in his office and I say,

"Dad, I've got this idea to

take CNKTR to the next level."

'Cause we connect people online.

Why don't we connect people in person?

He said I'm an idiot.

And then I went out and cried a bunch.

And then I reminded him

that I'm his only son.

So he let me launch it as a pilot program.

And that's-

That's supposed to get him to love you?

Yeah, maybe.

But if I fail, then I

have to leave the company

and I get totally cut off, and uh.

Then it's, um, over.

Yeah.

Why don't you rig it so that we win?

No, he would know.

Yeah. He would know,

then he would think I'm

even more of an idiot

than he already thinks,

which is,

I don't know if that's even possible.

That's a lot of idiot.

But you're allowed to come here?

But I'm allowed to come

here and help you guys.

Yes, exactly.

So long as you guys are

actually genuinely connecting

to get to a hundred points,

which, oh my god, you

guys are doing really bad.

What?

We know.

I don't get it? You were

doing so well. What happened?

No, no, no. Don't tell me.

You got it figured out.

None of my business. I'll just...

We figured it out.

Yeah, totally.

Great.

We just need to do one

more big grand experience

to take us there.

A wedding.

A wedding?

Not like, legally binding though.

Yeah. I don't wanna

question your methods,

but how does a wedding

even make sense right now?

It doesn't, unless you think about

all the emotions you're gonna be feeling.

And according to our compatibility tech,

emotions equal points.

You guys, you guys need a lot of points

because you really messed up somehow.

I just don't get what happened.

- You we're going so-

- But didn't you say

that if we moved too fast,

that would put things in jeopardy?

Let's not get hung up on who said what

and focus on the fact

that this is an emergency.

Yeah.

Yeah what?

Let's do it.

Okay. Yeah, let's do it.

Let's do it.

Traditionally, the bride and groom

don't see each other beforehand,

but since separating you

isn't gonna help your score,

we're gonna do something

a little different.

This is quite the experience, huh?

Decorating our own wedding?

I just think Dallas

didn't wanna do any work.

No. Just this whole thing.

It's interesting.

I don't know what

you're talking about, Ry.

This is how I always pictured my wedding.

You really never thought

about getting married?

No, not really.

Not even as a little kid?

I'm supposed to, because I'm a girl.

No, because you're a person.

My parents were...

Yeah, you don't need to hear the story.

Well, maybe telling this story

will make us more compatible.

Fine.

My parents despised being together.

They always told me, "People

will always let you down."

But I didn't listen to them. Not at first.

I got a job at Voyanox

right out of college.

Being a young woman in

a company like that,

it was overwhelming.

But there was this guy, Eli.

He was really nice.

He started around the same time as me.

He was friendly, supportive, there for me.

I felt like we were friends.

Maybe more than that?

He would listen whenever

I had frustrations,

and I had a lot of frustrations.

And then one day a job opened up above us

and he told me that he

wasn't going to apply

and that I should apply.

That I deserved it.

And that I was way more

qualified than him.

And apparently he showed

all my messages to our boss.

All the ones where I was complaining.

So he got promoted and I got stuck.

So yeah,

I did let someone in

and look where it got me.

Alright, who's ready

for the happiest day in their lives?

Lotta- what the hell's going on in here?

Is there a gas in here?

Whatever. No time for that crap.

You need to write your vows.

What

in the hell are vows?

Vows are

where you express your love

for the other person.

Love?

Love, like, tolerance.

It's all the same. Just write nice things.

You think this can support my weight?

I'm just kidding.

All right, now's the time.

Uh, first, we'd like to say thank you

to our esteemed guests and witnesses.

Hi, I'm Culver, Ry's counselor.

Hi, I'm Ash, Ria's counselor.

Ria, you can enter now.

Wedding day

It's the day of the wedding day

She's coming on down the chute

She's walking with

those nice little shoes

And he's all ready to say yes

And she's wearing that dress

Its what we call the

W-E double double D-I-N-G

Ria, you look amazing.

Thank you.

Are you sure you

wanna go through with this?

Ry Ry.

You sure you wanna do this, bro?

Shut up. Do not, I can shut you down.

Well, just, uhhh! Okay?

Hey everybody. Hi.

So this is a wedding.

Uh huh.

I've never officiated wedding before.

Real or fake, but I do know this.

We are here to celebrate

two people's love.

We'll make this quick.

Back in the old days,

the only be reason people

would go to a wedding

is for the free alcohol, so.

We'll just get right to the vows.

Ria, you're first.

Me?

It's alphabetical order.

It's just kind of how they-

Like in the old days, right.

Okay.

Ry,

when I first got here, I

didn't really care about you.

You were just some guy

who was gonna help me win.

Oh, but then I got to know you.

I actually enjoyed talking to you

and experiencing things with you

and listening to your jokes.

Some of them.

Then there was that hug.

Hug?

You challenge me, Ry, in a good way.

You look at things in ways I don't.

You make me think about

things I never did.

These past three days have been

the happiest I've ever been.

I hope I...

I hope we win this contest.

Great. Really good.

Now, over to you, Ry.

Ria.

I've been looking for someone

for as long as I can remember.

And then I saw you.

And from that moment, I

knew you were special.

You saw the world differently,

you questioned everything,

and you were so fun.

From our coffee day to

our dinner to that hug,

which was really, really, really amazing.

What's with this hug?

I've enjoyed every minute.

I've had the time of my life,

and I wanna keep having

the time of my life.

Ria, I truly think you might be the one.

Great.

Oh you're done, right? Okay.

That was really great.

Okay, now I get to the best part.

Please join hands.

Ry, do you take Ria

to be the person that you

will live in this house with

forever?

Unless you sell it, or-

I do.

You do. Okay.

Ria, do you take Ry to be the

person that you'll live with

in this house forever,

et cetera, et cetera, et

cetera, et cetera, you know?

Yeah, I do.

Amazing. Okay.

And now it's the part where

we see if anyone objects,

but given there's only two witnesses,

I highly doubt any-

Wait.

Wait?

What's happening?

You just said I might be the one.

It's a fake wedding.

I was just saying what I

thought I was supposed to.

Really, Ry?

You're totally fine with

just staying in this house

with no relationship?

What, no relationship?

Is this really the best

time to get into this?

- Yes.

- Get into it.

Ry, I don't think you're gonna be okay

with this arrangement.

You literally only care

about finding the one.

What? That's not true.

Name one other thing.

Cooking.

Did you ever actually

cook before two days ago?

Right. It's all about me,

and not because you're too scared.

Oh, fine.

Let's go through with this.

I unobject.

Okay, great.

I now pronounce you-

Well, now I object.

Oh, come on.

People will always let you down.

That's the philosophy that

you live your life by?

Well, have I been wrong?

Look at you right now.

You're the one who objected!

After you called me the one.

That's because I-

You just run full speed

at everyone, don't you?

Look at Tulsa.

She showed no interest

in seeing you in person,

yet you shipped yourself to her anyway.

And then when you saw me, you

just couldn't help yourself.

You even drowned my plants

because you didn't know when to stop.

I said I was sorry, okay?

Okay. Is that it?

But lemme just say something.

Damn it!

At least I run to things

instead of away from them.

And I'm sorry about your

parents, and I'm sorry about Eli.

But you can't just hide

behind these experiences

and never do anything ever.

I hide?

You clearly hate your job.

Why don't you do something else?

I don't wanna do something else.

I wanna be appreciated

for what I already do.

Then leave.

What would happen if you even tried

to look outside the company?

What would happen if

you did literally anything

outside of trying to find the one?

Am I really the one,

or am I just the only one left

willing to still talk to you?

Do you really like this house, huh?

Or is it just something to distract you

from the emptiness of

your repetitive life?

Well, sorry for trying to fill it!

What do you think I'm trying to do?

That was some great personal work.

f*cking did it, bro.

Maybe want take a little break, huh?

Shut the f*ck up, Dallas!

So that's all this is, huh?

Yeah, I guess so.

That's it. Get the f*ck out!

You have 30

minutes to vacate the premises

or you will be arrested.

What?

Guess my dad's never gonna love me now.

Do not attempt to hide.

Your net worth will be cut in half

every minute past the deadline.

Please leave all Old Days clothing behind.

It will be sanitized and then burned.

What about the rest?

They didn't make it.

I'm sorry.

So this is it?

Why wouldn't it be?

Why don't you tell us

how you and Cooper met?

Cooper and I met on CNKTR.

It was after my first

husband and I split up.

Some younger ladies at

work told me to sign up.

I refused.

But they did it for me anyway.

And one day before you knew it,

this man was sending me nudes.

It wasn't unsolicited on his part.

My colleagues put in my profile,

"Please send nudes."

He had some good nudes

and a good personality,

but he was a little irresponsible.

He'd be late to our dates.

He'd skip work sometimes.

He was always eating too many pizza cakes

and then exercising too hard

to make up for it.

He'd get hurt all the time.

And it did make for good nudes though.

But it also meant it took him a while

to save up the money to come see me.

When he did, I was so excited.

His drone crashed into a wall

and his shipping box fell 200 feet

onto an abandoned parking lot.

He wasn't wearing his helmet.

They say he didn't feel

anything, but I felt it.

Still do.

At least I still have those nudes!

Good morning, resident of Los Angeles.

Everything's just f*cked.

Computer on.

Finding the one is

literally all you care about.

Name one other thing.

You know, if your job's

not giving you what you want,

you should just tell them to f*ck off

and k*ll it somewhere else.

Shut up.

And put down my plant.

What would happen

if you did literally anything

that wasn't related to finding the one?

What would

happen if you tried to look

outside the company?

Okay, fine.

No, no.

I can't believe they

actually promoted that guy.

I can't believe they

didn't make him CEO.

You know, my company is small,

but we're mighty and we're

gonna be expanding soon.

That is awesome. Congratulations.

But you're at Voyanox and

Voyanox is a big company

and we can't compete with Voyanox,

but a girl could dream, right?

Yeah. A girl can dream.

Oh God. I'm sorry. I gotta go.

I gotta put out a fire.

Startup life. Am I right?

Well, don't forget about us though.

No more CNKTR?

Guess not.

I don't even know who

you are anymore, man.

And I love it.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Ria, you've dropped your

obsession with success

and are finally going after

something more fulfilling.

Yeah, I guess so.

Did you check out that link?

Again with the masturbation stuff?

It's a recipe.

I figured I'd send some

inspiration your way.

It's in your messages.

Oh, cool. Thanks.

You know it's funny,

I think our work here might be done.

It is?

Oh, no, no. Not even close.

But for the first time in forever,

I feel like we're making progress.

Wait, what mode is this?

No modes, Ria. This is just me.

This, it's Culver, your actual friend.

You know what, I'm gonna

go check out that link.

Enjoy that cooking, bro.

I don't know how to cook.

sh*t, wrong link.

Hi, sir.

Ria, I'm gonna level with

you. I'm not very happy.

With me?

With you, with my

life, with my marriage.

But right now we're talkin' about you.

I thought-

What? You thought we were

giving you a promotion?

Of course you thought we're

giving you a promotion.

Now look, I wanna be honest with you,

my bosses are swimming around my a*s

over the fact that

you're looking for a job

outside of this company.

Well-

Which is why we are

giving you a promotion.

How does VP of Undersight sound?

Wow.

Oh, sorry, what's undersight?

It works under the VP of oversight.

Now look, this is gonna be a huge step up

in your responsibility, okay?

Your duties will increase,

and my bosses will be

swimming around your a*s too.

Swimming?

But you'll have an impressive title.

Your salary will be moderately higher,

and I think you'll really enjoy the house.

So when you say swimming, do you...

Did you just say house?

Yes. Yes.

We're throwing in a house as

a token of our appreciation

for you not leaving the company

and making us look bad.

You're giving me a house?

Yes, yes. It's a dream come true. Okay?

And you're gonna be just as happy as I am.

But I thought you

said you weren't happy.

How can I not be happy?

I have a house, okay?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go.

My bosses are swimming

again, around my a*s.

Soon you're gonna be

getting a shipping box

and you can tour your new place.

Congratulations on your success.

Sorry.

Does that mean I start when-

They're swimming!

Oh my gosh.

We-

Did you hear that?

We're getting a house.

We're getting a house!

Hi, Ry.

Hey, Tulsa.

Wow. You look great.

Oh me. Well, I woke up like this.

You're so funny.

Oh, you always were so funny.

Thanks. So why are we-

Oh, why am I here?

Well, that's a fair question

after what I did to you.

That's why I was so sad to

read about you in that contest.

Wait, read about me?

It was all over the tech news.

I mean, they didn't say much,

but they did say that you failed

and that you were doing so well.

I know, I know.

What happened?

You know what? Don't tell me.

What I mean is, I just

felt so bad for you,

picturing how sad and

lonely you must have been,

searching for a relationship

and then failing like that.

I mean, it was-

But then I realized, I had

a relationship in my hands,

and then I pushed it away.

I don't wanna make that mistake again.

What are you saying?

I want a relationship, Ry.

I know that's a lot and

I know that it's sudden,

but I feel like maybe

it's what you want too.

Is that a yes or?

I...

Are...

Am I really the one?

The one?

Yeah. Or am I just

someone who said yes to you?

I mean, there had to have been a reason

you didn't want me to ship myself to you.

And besides, is the relationship

just for the sake of a relationship,

really what's best for us?

Oh my God.

I'm sorry, Tulsa. It's not-

You're exactly right.

Wait, what?

I don't need to find the one.

I need to find myself.

I mean, I've known all of this

deep down. It's so obvious.

I just needed to hear

it from someone else.

Is that what happened to you?

You just needed to hear it

from someone else one time?

Something like that.

I'm gonna go figure myself out.

I'm glad you've got

yourself figured out too.

Okay, bye!

What the hell?

Hey, Ry, is that you?

Ria? What are you doing here?

Making a grand gesture, obviously.

But I just, I can't get the door to open.

It's stuck!

Wish you liked lifting

weights instead of cooking.

That's hilarious.

Ria, why are you here?

I needed to see you.

I got offered VP, and a house.

Holy sh*t.

Yeah.

So you just came to brag about

how everything worked out for you?

I'm not gonna take it, Ry.

A promotion and a house is

not gonna make me happy.

Ry?

No, it's funny.

I had something like that

just happened to me too.

You got offered VP?

No, I got offered to

be in a relationship,

but I turned it down.

You were right, Ria.

A relationship won't make me happy.

Oh, there's an unlock switch.

Nice helmet.

Hey, the injury rate

is every 1 in 14. Okay?

Why are you here?

I think you should be in my life, Ry.

Well, didn't you just hear what I said

about relationships?

Hey, I didn't say anything

about relationships.

Plus, don't act like you're the one

who invented avoiding relationships, okay?

That was all me, baby.

I think I want you in my life too.

I just don't know in what way.

Why do we have to decide that now?

I mean, it's not like

we've got this whole life

thing figured out, Ry.

Maybe we can help each

other figure it out.

It'll be a journey.

What do you think?

Okay.

Hold on.

Someone sent me a plant?

Oh yeah, that...that was me.

That is your grand gesture?

It's perfect.

So, what do we do now?

Hi, I'm Ria.

This is how they used to

do it back in the day.

I researched.

Easy. It's not one of those hugs.

So how did

the two of you meet?

At a wedding.

A fake wedding.

We were holograms.

He was the cutest hologram I ever saw.

Cutest hologram I ever saw.

After the wedding, I

just had to find this guy.

And I had to find this lady.

We messaged each other

at the exact same time.

The wedding itself was a bust.

But not for us.

Yeah, it was meant to be.

What

happened to the two people

from the wedding?

Well, they're clients of ours.

That's privileged information.

But we can tell you that they're good.

Yeah, they're good.

CNKTR.

It's not just for romantic

relationships anymore.

It's for all kind of connections.

That's right, son.

Because the most important

thing in this world:

Connection.

Yes.

I love you, dad.

Let's not get carried away.

We're not gonna get carried

away, but we are CNKTR.

We're not actually a couple.

It's just sex for us.

Real sex too, not that VR stuff.

But do you want more sex details?

We can give you lots of details.