01x20 & 01x26 - Shrinking Stars/FitzPatrick

[bunniefuu]

- Hi, I'm Patrick Star,
and I live with my parents.

Ow!

This is my dad.

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister.

She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room.

And this...

this is my show!

[spooky music]

- You are traveling through
an aquatic dimension.

A dimension not only
of laughs and giggles,

but of uncontrollable nose milk.

When things start to get coocoo,

there's a pretty good
chance you may have

just entered "The Tidal Zone!"

- And we're back!

[together]
Yay!

- Our next guest
on "The Patrick Show"

are the wonderfully
talented Captain Quaaa...

Quaaa...

[growling]

Ahh!

- Captain Quasar and Pat-Tron!

[cheers and applause]

[spaceship beeping]

all: Ahh!

- Welcome to the show, fellas.

Cool spaceship.

Where are you guys from?

- Um, outer space.

- Out her face?

- No.
Just outer space.

- Well, better out than in!

[laughter]

- [zapping]

- Oh! Ooh!

- Pat-Tron, I told you to
turn off your laugh track.

It always strips his gears.

- Don't worry, folks.

I can fix it.

- Ha-ha-ha-ha, Ha-ha-ha-ha.

- [grunting]

I can't fix it!

Let me out!

- Evacuating robo-bowels.

- Ooh, I got something
stuck to my melon.

- That's my shrink ray.

I thought I lost that.

- Ooh!

- Ahh!
It's making my head all spicy!

Ahh!

- Stop!
Give me back my shrink ray!

- Ahh!

- Hola, my little
chatty show hosts.

- Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

- Who wants to order a pizza?

- Ahh... Ooh.

I'll take a large with
pineapple and potpourri.

Both: Ohhh!

- Here you go.

- [squeaking]

[all gasping]

- Um, fear not, studio audience.

I will unshrink them with the
growth ray I have in my ship.

- Woo... hoo?

- Wow.

Our house is gigantic now!

Oh, here's my gum!

- And so cinematic.

- It's cine-gigantic!

Is that even a word?

- Ha, don't be retupulous,
Bunny, of course not.

Being small is gonna
be fun-gigantic!

Last one to the big, stinky
sock is a rotten fish egg!

- Hey, good one, Dad!

- [laughs] Shall we?

Both: ♪ Small, small, small,
small, small, small, small ♪

♪ ♪

- Diminutive.

- [laughs] Yee-haw!

Whoo-hoo!

- Tiny.

- Puny.

- [laughs] Whoa!

- Itty-bitty.

- Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo!

- Teensy-weensy.

- Small.

- Ahh.

Lovely.
- [barking]

[together]
Ahh!

Not now, Tinkle!

[laughter]

- I wish GrandPat
were here to enjoy this.

- Hee-hee! Ahh!

- Hello!
- Ahh!

[electronic beeping]

- [laughs] Ooh!

Ha-ha-ha!

Oh!

Can't an old man play violent
video games in peace anymore?

Grr!

Water?

[grumbling]

[laughter]

- We got shrunk.

- Hey, GrandPat!

- Can you get us
some tiny towels?

- Vermin?

I'll get you with
my bug spray breath!

[munching]

[exhales]

- GrandPat! No!

- Hey!
Where'd they go?

[all shouting]

- You'll be safe in here, Stars.

- Whew.
That was a close shave.

Thank you for saving us.

- Yeah.

We apologize for GrandPat.

He thinks we're vermin.

- Yeah.

Like you.

- No worries.

We were just sitting down
to eat our roasted peppermint.

- It's not much, but we're
willing to share it with you.

- Share what?

- Patrick!
Manners!

- Minty.
[doorbell ringing]

- I'll get it!

Ooh, I do hope it's more guests.

Boop.

Both: Ooh!

Ahh!

- I see you!

- GrandPat?

- To survive in the wild,
we find it best to stay

out of family squabbles.

Dartfishes, scatter!

Ahh!

- Ahh...
- Grr!

- Ooh, take that!
- Ahh!

- GrandPat scared
our new friends away.

This time he's gone too far.

- Then I guess his
beloved family is gonna

have to teach him a lesson.

- That's us, right?

What?

- Ooh, all this pest-huntin'
is making me hangry.

Let's see here.

[mumbling]

both: Cake molds away!

- Huh?

Why you...

Gah! Ahh! Achoo!

Ahh!

Why those little...

Ahh!

Grr. Ahh!

Revenge of the vermin, eh?

Ahh.

Ohh!

You! Ahh!

Ohh! Ohh!

Oh! Oh! Ahh! Ahh!

- Whoa-h*-h*! Ahh! Ahh! Augh!

Ohh, these insects
are smarter than my family.

That's it!
No more Mr. Nice Geezer!

Dentures, go get 'em!

[together]
Ahh!

- Hi.

I am Rube-dor.

I shrunk you down
with my futuristic

shrink suckers
to save you from harm.

- Thanks, Rube-dor.

- And to introduce you to
the shimmering, shiny city

of Shmandor.

[together]
Ooh.

- Shmandor is the place to be.

Shmandor has fine dining,

spacious homes,

a state-of-the-art
transit system,

shopping centers.

And conveniently located
under the sea,

Shmandor is entirely made
of hand-blown glass.

[together]
Amazing.

- Oh, boy, can we live here?

- Sure, we can, kids.

Shmandor is so beautiful,
it makes me feel like...

♪ Singing ♪

- Hold on!

There's no singing
allowed in Shmandor!

And that's why!

- Yuck.

Who wants to live in a
place where you can't sing?

♪ That was a close one ♪

- ♪ And here comes
a closer one ♪

[together]
Ahh!

- We're too small
to be run over.

- Whew.
- Ha-ha.

- Now, where would I hide
if I was a filthy flea?

- I think it's time to
resume GrandPat's lesson.

- I picked this one
up inside Pat-tron.

- Whoa! Guh! Ohh!

My scooter is haunted!

Ahh!

[panting]

Ha!

Ahh!

Ohh! Ahh!

Aha!

Quit spookin' my wheels
or I'll roast you ghosts!

Ahh!

Egypt?
I love Egypt!

Ohh! Ahh!

Ugh!

But I hate mummies!

I gotta get home!

- [giggles] That was fun,
but what if we're

too small for the
audience to see us?

- Hey, guys, look what I found.

Jumbo Grow plant food!

- Be careful!
- It's time to grow up!

- Now I can see
the fine print, Patrick.

It grows plants,
but it shrinks people.

You shrunk us down
to the sub-atomic

teensy-weensy level.

- Ohh, now I'll never
finish tonight's show.

- Stay together, Stars.

I think there's
a way out of here!

[all shouting]

- Look, we're home.

Everything's back to normal.

Right?

[together]
Right!

- Ahh! Except the Moon
is a big eyeball now.

All: Ahh!

- Micro-critters
are fascinatin'.

How can be they be
so sophisticated

when they're so dang little?

Heh!
Glad no one's watchin' me.

[belching]

- Ahh!

[spooky music]

- Grandma Frenchy always said
"Don't sweat the small stuff."

And in this small world,
where good things

come in small packages,
it's no small wonder

that it's the little
things that mean a lot.

Especially in the wee small
hours of "The Tidal Zone."

Ahh!

[jazzy version
of "The Wedding March"]

♪ ♪

- [sobbing] My boy.

My boy!

- Oh, I love a good wedding.

They've got almost as much
crying as a good funeral.

[chuckling]

- [chuckling]

- Ladies and gentlefish,
we are gathered

here today to smoosh
two souls together

into one gooey soul pulp.

By the power vested in me by
the Fish & Wildlife Service,

I declare you husband and wife.

You may now eat the bride.

[all cheering]

- That frosting becomes you.

- Surprise!

[all gasping]

- FitzPatrick?

My long-lost evil twin cousin?

Is it really you?

- In the flesh,
my corpulent companion!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

- Who is this guy?

He ruined our big wedding scene.

- Pfft, relax, Squidina!

FitzPatrick is family.

I guess.

Eee!

- Come on, Patrick,
let's hit the town!

I can't remember
the last time I saw you!

- I can't remember
ever remembering.

All: Huh?

[all gobbling]

Mmm.

- So, evil twin
cousin FitzPatrick,

what brings you to town?

- Oh, you know, I thought
I'd assume your identity,

ruin your life,
standard evil twin stuff.

- Yeah, that sounds great.

- Hmm?
- Hey!

While you're doing
whatever is it you said,

we should hit the Goofy
Goober and tie one on!

- [coughing]

- Come on!

[chuckling]

[ragtime music]

♪ ♪

- Two ice cream sundaes,
scoop-jockey!

Extra-large!
And make it snappy!

What're you gonna have, cuz?

- Hmm.
[cackling]

- [gasps]

[munching]
- Oh, nothing for me, thanks.

I came for the music.

- ♪ Chocolate, vanilla,
and strawberry ♪

♪ Buttered pecan
and black cherry ♪

♪ All of these flavors
make me merry ♪

♪ When I'm eating ice cream ♪

- [cackling]

[zapping]

[hard rock music]

- ♪ Hey there, kids,
who ruined your day? ♪

[together]
♪ Patrick Star, Patrick Star ♪

- ♪ Messed up your music,
took your ice cream away ♪

[together]
♪ Patrick Star, Patrick Star ♪

- ♪ Remember my name
when you scream and cry ♪

[together]
♪ Patrick Star, Patrick Star ♪

- ♪ I hope you hate me
till the day I die ♪

[together]
♪ Patrick Star, Patrick Star ♪

- ♪ Hey, ice cream boy ♪

♪ I see you eating ice cream ♪

♪ My name is ♪

[together]
♪ Patrick Star!

[loud expl*si*n]

[together]
Ahh!

- [munching]

- [cackling]
- Mmm.

- Patrick!
I saw what you did!

You are banned
from the Goofy Goober!

Oh, Big Jim?

- Huh? Ohh!

Ahh!

[piano plunking]

- Ha-ha!

Fitz, one.
Patrick, zero.

I hope you enjoy
your banishment!

- Huh?
Oh, that's okay.

He bans me every week.

Hey, we'll see
you Monday, Barry!

- Say hi to your dad for me!

- Well, that was
a disappointment.

- Well, don't you
be a frowny, cuz.

Oh, I know!

Let's go to the comic book shop!

That always makes me happy!

- Ow! Oh! Oh!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

- This is my secret
stash of comic books

that I don't own yet.

- Ooh, this funny book
emporium is ripe for chaos.

I just need to
distract me cousin.

I think you'll enjoy this one.

- Ooh!

Oh, thanks, FitzPatrick!

[grunting]

- Ohh!

Hey!

Who had the big idea
to put castle in my way?

- It is I, Beelzebass,
evil wizard extraordinaire!

And I didn't put my
castle in your way.

You just walked into it!

You boob.

- Don't try mind games on me,
sorcerer!

I demand hand-to-hand combat!

- Buzz off!

- Whoa!

- [grunting]

- Hey! Stop that!

All right, peon,
you asked for it!

[zapping]

[whinnies]

- Oh!

- [grunting]

- Ahh-ahh!

Hmm?
Ahh!

Ugh!
- Now we battle!

- Is that drool?

[creaking]

- Ahh!

[rock music]

- [grunting]

Ha-ha-ha!

- What the?
Who did this?

- Hmm?
- Whuh?

[together]
It was the bald guy!

- All right, buddy,
consider yourself banned!

- Ahh!

- Alas, poor Patrick,
banned forever once again.

Whatever will he do?

- Oh, it's no biggie.

There's plenty
of other shops here

in the comic book district.

Come on, Fitzy.

I'll bet this place has
even more comics to eat.

[phone ringing]

- Ugh!

- Patrick, where are you?

It's time to host
"The Patrick Show!"

- Is that some sort
of malevolent spirit?

- Nah, just my
malevolent sister.

I swallowed my shell phone.

Okay!
I'm coming back now!

[dial tone droning]

[tires screeching]

[tires squealing]

- You mean to tell me
you have your own TV show?

- Yeah, every day it's beamed
out to millions of people

all over the world.

Or maybe it's just the people
out front, I don't know.

- Tick tock!
You need to get into costume!

We're about to go live!
[tires screeching]

Hey! Be careful with that
invisible boat mobile!

- Huh?

This TV show
is the perfect means

to ruin Patrick's reputation.

I can make everyone
hate him all at once.

[cackling]

Oh, Patrick?

I believe your costume
is right in here.

- Thanks, Fitz.

You know, it was really
great seeing you again...

Oof!

Ha-ha-ha!

[cackling]

- Showtime.

[cheers and applause]

- A group of fish
is called a school.

A group of whales
is called a pod.

But what do you call
a group of dopes?

You!
[together] Huh?

- Ha-ha-ha-ha!

[all murmuring]

I am offended!

- Not me.

I love the abuse.

- Patrick, what're you doing?

[all grumbling]

- Where's everyone off to?

If you leave now,
you won't get the big prize

under your seats.

[together]
Huh?

- Jellyfish for everyone!

[all gasping]

[all grumbling]

- Oh, come on!

The show's not over!

You haven't seen the big finale.

[all mumbling]

- Tell me, sir.

Where are you from?

- Bikini Bottom.

- I'm sorry?
- I said Bikini Bottom.

- Oh, no, I heard you.

I'm just sorry.

And you, ma'am?
Did it hurt?

- Did what hurt?

- When you fell out
of the ugly tree

and hit every branch
on the way down?

[laughs]
Huh?

- Incoming Patricks
from every time line.

[all mumbling]

- No!

- [chuckling]

Let me go!

I'm not done ruinin'
Patrick's life!

- I knew there was something
off about that guy.

Boy, am I glad to have
the original Patrick back.

- Yeah.

Ooh, cool crank.

All: Ahh!

- Patrick!

You crushed the whole audience!

Well, there goes the show.

[laughter]

- Is that...

Ooh, Cork-in-the-Bottom
brand ice cream?

My favorite!

Mmm.

- Now that's what I call
a finale.

- I am not offended!
[laughs]

Boop!
- Ahh!

[munching]

- Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

Huh?

Well, well, well,
my similar-looking friend.

I'm going to steal your identity

and ruin your reputation!

They'll all hate you,

friends, strangers,

even your own... ahh!

Hey! You!

Get back here!

I'm going to ruin
your reputation!