01x21 & 01x22 - The Uncredible Journey/Host-a-Palooza

[bunniefuu]

- Hi, I'm Patrick Star,

and I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

This is my mom.

[giggling]

This is my sister.

She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

[cheering]

This is my show!

[upbeat music]

[tranquil music]

[birds twittering]

- Well, hi, everybody.

This is your old pal Rube
here.

And boy, have I got

a tale to tell you.

Ahem.
- [yawns]

- It's morning at
the Star family home,

and everyone is still
tucked snugly in their beds.

[chomp, pop]

That is, everyone except
Ouchie the sea urchin

and Pinkeye, the sea bunny.

In the wild, these two
are natural enemies.

But today is different.

Today, they're going
to visit their best friend,

Tinkle, the upstairs toilet.

- Hooray!

- And when those three
get together, heh,

they have nothing but fun.

- Whee!

both: Ta-da!

[laughter]

- [shouts]

What?
[slurping]

[groans] Ah, bluefish!

I'll have to use
the downstairs bathroom.

Oh, I got to go.

I got to go. Ooh!

Wah!

[grunting, groaning]

[clank]

Aah!

[shattering]

I broke the toilet again!

[sprinkler rattling]

[upbeat music]

- Hello, Mr. Plumber!

The broken toilet is inside.

- We're taking GrandPat
to the restroom at the mall.

- Hey!
- Hurry, son.

My back teeth are floating!

- [chuckles] OK.

[engine starts]
[clanking]

- Hmm.
- Mr. Plumber doesn't know

that the downstairs toilet
is the broken one.

He only hears the sounds
of a toilet flushing

coming from upstairs.

[laughter]

[suspenseful music]

[laughter]

- Aah!
[door creaks]

[dramatic music]

[whimpering]

- [growling]

- This toilet
isn't just broken.

It's dangerous.

- Uh-oh, Mr. Plumber thought
Tinkle was the broken toilet.

He replaced him
with a regular toilet

and took Tinkle away.

[crash]
Are you with me?

- Toilet's all fixed!

I'll send you the bill!

- You're an inspiration!
- I love you!

- Thanks, Mr. Plumber!
[interposing voices]

- [whimpering]

- Ah.

[quirky music]

- D'oh!

- Patrick, dear,
go upstairs and feed Tinkle.

It's past his lunchtime.

- [laughing excitedly]

[screaming]

Everybody, come upstairs now!

- What's the hubbub?
- Oh, no, what's wrong?

- Patrick, what is it?
[gasping]

[mournful music]

- [whimpers] He won't eat.

He won't bark.

He won't bite.

Did he turn blue?

Tinkle is d--d--

- Dainty?
- Delightful?

- Decalcified?

- Dead!

[all gasp]

[bell tolls]

- [whimpering]

[wailing]

- Oh, no.

I wish I could tell them that
Tinkle isn't really dead,

but I'm just the narrator.

I'm not supposed
to get involved.

Anyway, next scene!

[thump]
[crows calling]

- [yelping]

[growls]

[yelling]

[clunk]

- Tinkle, Ouchie,
and Pinkeye

had never heard
of a junkyard.

But they knew they needed
to get out of there, pronto.

[splat]

- [moans]

- [growling]

[screaming]

- Yikes!

That old junkyard worm
didn't like

to be disturbed
when he was napping.

- [roaring]

- And he meant to teach
Tinkle and his noisy friends

a lesson.

[screaming]

- [roaring]

[dramatic music]

[all screaming]

[roaring]

* *

- [giggles]

[grunts, groans]

[roaring]

- [barks]

- They're giving that
old junkyard worm a swirly.

- [growls]

Brrr. Huh?

[wailing]

- That is one wimpy worm.

- [yelping]

- To find their way home,
Tinkle would follow the sun.

The uncredible journey
had begun.

[upbeat music]

- [gasping]

- [whistling]
[laughter]

- Huh?
- Oh!

[triumphant music]

- That junkyard rumble
led to some rumblings

in their tumblings.

[slurping]

[cheering]

- Shoo!

No toilets or vermin allowed!

This is a food store!

[whimpering]

- Looks like our friends
have come up with a plan

to rustle up some vittles.

[jolly music]

[clattering]

- [moans]
- Hmm.

- [blathering]

[gasping]

[grunting]

[clattering]

- That will be 12 bucks even,
sir.

- Huh?

[groaning]

- Aah! Halt!

Thief!

Stop that man
in the trench coat!

- Hmm.
[grunting]

- Oh?

- [grunts]

- Pshew, they made it.

And now, suppertime.

So they ate a hearty meal
and rested for a spell.

[all burp]

Our trio soon realized
if they stayed in disguise,

no one would know
they were really

just two animals and a toilet.

- Help!

There's a baby
in that building!

[sirens wailing]
- [giggling]

- Huh?

[tires screech, crash]

[dramatic music]

* *

Huh?

- [giggles]

[speaking gibberish]

[crowd cheering]

- Oh-h*!

- Perch Perkins here.

Tell us, how do you feel about
that man's incredible rescue?

- I never got a chance
to thank him

or tell him this isn't my baby.

- [babbles]

[seahorse whinnies]
[exotic music]

* *

- Our heroes were so exhausted
from saving babies

that they lost their sense
of direction.

It was then they started
to think

they might never find
their way home.

[all sobbing]

[dramatic music]

Hiya, fellas.

I know I'm not supposed
to get involved,

but I can't take it anymore.

You're all just too tired
to see it.

But your house
is right next door.

- Huh?
- Huh?

[laughter]

- [screaming]

- So three devoted friends
came marching back together.

They were finally home,

but they weren't quite
prepared

for what they found
when they got there.

[mournful music]

[all whimpering]

Tinkle could not believe
what he was seeing.

It was a funeral for him!

- If you sprinkle
when you tinkle,

be a sweetie, wipe the seatie.

all: * All clean *

- [whimpering]

- Nearly beloved...
- [wailing]

- Here we sit, brokenhearted,

to pay our respects
to the dearly departed.

Tinkle was a cherished member
of our family.

He loved to frolic and play.

- You know you're talking
about a toilet?

[all shushing]

- If you have some memories
about Tinkle

you want to share,
please come up.

- Tinkle's seat was never cold.

- He never got clogged!

- And he never splashed back.

[sobbing] Oh, you were perfect!

[whimpers]

- When my dad was laid up
in the hospital,

Tinkle paid our bills
for months.

He was the best toilet
who ever flushed!

[sobbing]

- It's still a toilet!

- Shh!

[mourners sobbing]
[bell tolls]

[mournful music]

* *

[flushing]

* *

- Oh!

- [wailing]

- There.

- [blows]

[wailing]

* *

- Huh?

Tinkle?

[upbeat music]

* *

- [chuckles]

- Tinkle!

I knew that old toilet
wasn't you.

I just knew it!

- Tinkle? My little commode!

Oh!
- Tinkle?

What are you doing here?

You get back in your grave
right now!

- [barking]
- [laughing]

- Attention, mourners.

It seems that Tinkle
is alive and well.

So this funeral
is officially canceled.

[flush]
- Aw.

- Aw, man!

[grumbling]

- [laughs] And so we come
to the end

of our uncredible journey.

I hope y'all had fun today.

I sure as heck did.

And this funeral pie
is amazing!

My favorite, straw-burial.

Ow!

Ow! Hey, stop it.

That's my pie!

[chipper music]

[cheering]

- And now,
for today's final act,

Patrick will attempt

to escape from a straitjacket--

[flushing]
- [inhales deeply]

- In a glass tank
filled with air!

[concerned murmuring]

[suspenseful music]

- [shrill groaning]

- And if I may
direct your attention

to the bricks above the tank

and the cannon aimed straight
at Patrick's head.

The bricks will drop
and the cannon will fire

in 10 seconds!

Will my brother escape,
or won't he?

[clock ticking]

Uh.

[panting]

[whimpers]

- [grunting]

[buzzer blares]

Aah!
[shattering]

[cannon blasts]

[all gasping]
[horn honks "La Cucaracha"]

all: Huh?

[triumphant music]

* *

[crash]

Ta-da!

[cheering]

I'm un-destruct-anatable.

[grunts] Oh!

Oof!

[creaking, clattering]

[crashing]

[shattering]

[dismayed murmuring]

- Such delightful destruction.

[crowd murmuring]

- Now, don't you worry
about anything, big brother.

While you're healing,
I've booked a guest host.

- Oh, is the guest host
ice cream?

I love ice cream.

Ahh.

[slurping]

- It's not.

But, uh, she's twice as sweet.
[laughs]

Please welcome
today's guest host,

our mother, Bunny Star!

[confused murmuring]

- What? Boo!

We want ice cream!

- Put your hands together
for Bunny

and her dancing dust bunnies!

[fanfare music]

- Hup.

Yah-ha!

[dust bunnies blathering]

[lively music]

* *

- [singing "Largo al Factotum"]

* *

- Hey, show-off!

That is not what we rehearsed.

Hmph!
[vacuum whirs]

- [screams]

[dust bunnies scream]

- [barking]

[crash]

[chomping]

[crowd booing]

- I don't know why
they're booing.

I love toilet humor.
[flushing]

- No! Mom is bombing.

Bombing!

I need a new guest host.

[groans]

- Well, if you're looking
for a star, I can--

- Yes! Yes!

That's it! A star!

Please welcome
The Patrick Show's

new guest host, Cecil Star!

- [grunting]

[whistle blows]

- And now it's time
for "Fishing with Dad"!

[audience groaning]

- Oh.
- Brother.

- Fishing used to be hard,

but now it's stupid easy

with the Cecil 6000
modern fishing rod.

It's got hi-fi, toaster oven,

computer, soda fountain,

laser lights,
and hologram bait.

It's got all the bells
and whistles, uh,

except for actual
bells and whistles.

- [grunting]

You call yourself a fisherman,

with all your modern doodads

and geegaws and knickknacks?

Back in my day,
all you needed was this!

[triumphant music]

Gah!
- [chuckles]

And what'd you use
for bait, old-timer?

A rock?

- Bait!

Only fancy, freshwater
fishermen use "bait."

All we needed was a rusty hook.

- [growls]

- So what are you,
freshwater or brine?

- I'm just as briny
as your heinie.

Let's fish.

[grumbling]

[grunts]

[reel clicking]

[grunting]

- [ghostly wailing]

- No need for catch
and release.

I "specter" to get away.

- [ghostly wailing]

- Ah!

[reel clicking]

[tink]
Oh, oh!

[crash]
- [roaring]

[crash]

- The "Tyranno-saw-us"
and took off!

[chuckles]
[rim shot]

- Dad jokes and granddad jokes?

Ugh!

- Three, two, one, go!

- [laughing]

- [giggles]

[grunting continues]

[groaning]

- Hey, nice catch, GrandPat.

- You caught a real
beauty yourself.

- I'm lost.

What were you two fishing for?

- What else?

Compliments!
[rim shot]

Aw!

- Ugh!

all: [chanting]
We want Patrick!

We want Patrick!

- [whimpering]
Huh?

Oh, Tentacles!

You're on!

- Huh? Finally!

[clarinet music]

[grunts]

- I mean, Granny Tentacles!

- Oh, for the love of--

- "The Patrick Star Show"
presents

"Granny Tentacles'
Zombie Make-Over"!

- Every zombie deserves
to feel beautiful

when they go out
to dine on brains.

Since zombies are
usually barefoot,

it's important to keep
those decaying toes pretty

before the ugly things
fall off.

Let's not forget
the fingernails.

Ooh, they can get awful dirty

scratching their way
out of old coffins.

[humming]

A relaxing back rub can
entice a healthy glow

and get me a nice tip.

Don't worry about skin tone.

We don't want to be
too matchy-matchy.

Plus, they're dead.

So who cares?

And just 'cause you're undead

doesn't mean you can't
look unbelievable.

[blood-curdling scream]

- [growls, groans]

- Oh!

- [grunting]

[whirring]

[upbeat jazz music]

Hmm, hmph.

* *

- [high-pitched voice]
I may be shrunk,

but I'm still a better host
than any idiot sea star.

[vacuum whirring]

Whoa!

- Oh. [gasps]

I'm so sorry.

Did somebody say something?

[crowd booing]

- Ugh! [chomp]

[spits]

Bring on the next guest host!

[buzzer blares]
[chipper music]

- Whee.
- Wah!

[crash]
- Next!

[violin screeching]

* *

Next!
[buzzer blares]

[circus music]

- [yawns]
[music warbles down]

[audience yelling]

- Next!
[crash]

all: [chanting]
We want Patrick!

We want Patrick!

- If they want Patrick...

I'll give 'em Patrick.

[grunts]

Whoa, oh.

Squidward!

- Yes! What should I do?

Tap, ballroom,
the old soft shoe?

Hot-cha-cha!

- Zip me up.

- Oh.

[muttering]

- Hi, I'm Patrick,

and my favorite color is pink.

Oh.

Ooh. That's not right.

Ah--ah--

a-choo!

[mellow ukulele music]

[deep voice] Hi, I'm Patrick.

And my favorite color is 12.

[sea lion barks]
Showtime!

Leedle, leedle, leedle, lee.

[cheers, applause]

[quirky music]

[chuckling]

[unimpressed murmurs]

[squeaking]

- Oh.
- Oh.

- OK.

- [whimpering]

[chainsaws buzz]

[giggles nervously]

Oh.

[angry murmuring]
- You're not Patrick!

[interposing voices]

- [grunts] Oh, yeah?

If you think you could
do a better Patrick,

then come up here
and try it yourselves!

[silence]

all: OK!

[cheering]

- [whimpering]

[loud stomping]

- So many buffoons.

So much buffoonery.

[clamoring]

[crashing]

[pained moaning]

- Oh!

That must have
unbroken my bones!

- Leedle, leedle,
leedle, leedle,

leedle, leedle, leedle, dah!

- Ta-da!

[pained groaning]

- Our next guest
is a real frosty treat!

Let's hear it for Ice Cream!

- Hey, thank you, thank you!

My wife just had a baby.

Guess that now
makes me a Popsicle!

[chuckles]
[rim shot]

- [guffawing]

Mmm.

- Wait. Why--

why are you looking
at me like that?

Aah!
[chomp]