02x03 - Knight and Duck/The Color of Bunny

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, okay, just a few
more jokes before
I best be heading out.

"Beheading"?
I'm not talking to you, pal.

This guy takes his job
super seriously.

You mess with him,
heads will roll.

-[YELPS]
- Delight, ye folk,
one and all!

It is I, Sir Littlechin,
triumphantly returning
from another epic contest,

- after 12 fortnights.
-"Fortnights"?
English, please!

[CROWD LAUGHS]

Ooh, a fortnight
is two weeks.

"Two weeks"!
My goodness.

What's twelve times four,
plus the square root
of Pi, that's...

That's almost six months!
Took you long enough.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Ahem! Do you mind?

Please. Regale us about
this epic contest.

Well! There I was,
at the mouth of the cave...

Cut to the chase!
Were you successful?

[GROANS] If you weren't
such a fool, you'd know

- I am always successful
in any contest.
- Any contest?

What about Miss Idaho, 2016?

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Enough! Dirk and I
don't find you amusing.

"Dirk"? Who's Dirk?

My sword.

You named your sword?

Yes. Dirk is my best friend,
he's always at my side.
[SMOOCHING]

[LAUGHING] Okay.
You think that's weird?

When you ask him
about his horse, he says
"It's complicated."

[CROWD LAUGHING]

So let me guess, these must be
the twins, Maxwell and Tybalt.

And Aunt Rose.
I haven't see you since
the gauntlet run. [KISSES]

-[CROWD LAUGHING]
-[SIR LITTLECHIN GROWLING]

Well that's my time,
you've all been
a wonderful crowd.

I'll be back for my second set
in one one-hundredths
of a fortnight.

- Uh-huh, right.
Uh-huh. No way!
-[INDISTINCT TALKING ON PHONE]

Of course!
I was k*lling 'em out there,
Jackie, k*lling 'em! Phew.

Okay, you got it Jackie,
talk to you soon.

Can I help you, buster?

You mocked me, jester!

I am the greatest
swordsman in all the land,
and I will not be mocked!

Don't you mean, you and Dirk
will not be mocked?

[GROANS]

That's it!
I challenge you to a...

Hey, wait a minute!

- A duel?
- Yes, but you
didn't let me finish.

Oh, by all means, continue.

Thank you. As I was saying,
I challenge you to a...

A duel?

- Stop that!
- Stop what?

You're hitting me
just before I say the word...

- A duel?
-[GROANS]

Let me explain how
this works. In order to
challenge you to a... [GASPS]

[STAMMERING] To a, uh...

...a confrontation...

I need to take off my glove
and slap you in the face.

- Like this?
-[YELPS]

I challenge you to...

- A duel!
- Ah! Oh! Ugh! Argh!

- Like that?
- Yes. Exactly.
Now give me that glove...

[SCREAMS] Come on, that time
I didn't even say...

-[GRUNTS]
- A duel?

Look! If you won't hand me
the glove, how can I
challenge you to a...

To a... [GROANS]

Say it.

To a duel.

Listen bub,
you don't need a glove
to challenge me,

you can use a bass!

- How about a barbecue?
-[GROANS]

- Or a bazooka?
-[SCREAMS]

So, you wanna duel?

Dirk and I accept.

[GROANS] Tonight
we dine on duck.

Tally-h*!

Hold it right there.
Wouldst thou allow me
a moment, good knight,

to don
the satisfactory regalia?

Of course,
of course, your armor.

'Tis a knight's code to never
engage the enemy
when they are ill-prepared.

'-Just let me know
when you're ready.
-[CLOTHES RUSTLING]

Okay. How do I look?

[CHUCKLING] Why,
you look splendid.

Well, off to my knight shift.

[EXCLAIMS] Ah!
He gave me the slip.

[GIGGLING]

En garde!

[GIGGLING]

[GRUNTING]

Our world-famous
chopped salad.

Hope you like fast food!
[GIGGLING]

[GAGGING]

[GRUNTS]

[GIGGLING]

[YELLS]

[SCREAMING]

What what what?
That's my horse!

-[NEIGHS]
- Horse thief.
Give it to me.

Oh, I'm gonna
give it to him all right.

All you had to do was ask.

At last, we finish
this duel on my own turf.

Squires! Bring me my...

You leave me
no choice but to...

[GASPS] My Dirk!

[MOANING] Yet another
triumphant contest.

-[CRASHES]
-[THUDS]

Sometimes Mommy
makes me cinnamon
toast before night-night.

[GROANS]

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Don't quit your knight job.

Dirk, I think this is
the beginning of
a beautiful friendship.

Well, well, well,

it all comes down
to this final shot.

This one's for all the nuts.

I guess you could call it,
"all or nuttin'"!

[EXCLAIMS]

Aww, too bad.

[GROANS]

[LAUGHING]

Better luck next time.
I'll beat you again,
if you want.

But you're all out of nuts,
so why bother?

[LAUGHING]

BUGS: Hey.

Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?

If you wanna play,
you gotta have something
to play for.

- How about this?
- That ain't no good here.

I'm talking nuts,
lots of nuts.

-[GRUNTS]
- Is that enough?

Yeah. That'll do.

All right, Squeaks,
rack 'em up.

Brought you own pool cue, huh?

Of course. I never
leave home without it.

Oops. [CHUCKLES]
Wrong pool. Here we go.

[CHIRPS]

That's better.

- Don't... Miss!
-[YELPS]

Huh? Oi...

[LAUGHING]

What the... What?

[POOL ba*ls KNOCKING]

Oops, they all went in
at the beginning,
is that okay?

You hustled me!
You ain't leaving
till I beat you.

And I'm breaking this time.

- Now watch this.
- Call your shot.

You don't call
your shot on a break!

Maybe not
for a novice like you,
but for us professionals...

Hey, I am a professional!
One in the corner pocket.

- Oh, so close.
Now it's my turn.
-[GROWLING]

Eleven-ball
in the corner pocket.

Thirteen in the side.

Wait a minute.
That ball didn't
go in the side pocket.

I didn't specify which one.
Check your side pocket.

What the? Okay...

- This time you
play me blindfolded.
- If you insist.

Ah, ah, ah, no peeking.

No, I'm not supposed to wear
the blindfold. You are!

No way! That's impossible.
How could I see?

-[SQUARE DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
- Now, nine bows to the ten
and swings to the corner.

Thirteen and twelve,
do-si-do to the side.

Fourteen and eight,
promenade to the corner.

And skip to the lou
my darling!

All right, no more
messing around.
Best outta three.

- But I beat you twice already.
- I meant best outta five!

And this time,
I choose the cues.

This one's mine,
and this one's yours.

This cue is
as crooked as he is.

-[LAUGHING]
-[WHIMPERING]

[MOCK LAUGHING]

[BOTH EXCLAIM]

- Ooh, this cane's
got some sugar.
- Gimme that thing.

All right. I'm gonna
show him how it's... Ow!

Wow, doc, that last
sure was a knockout!

- Lemme give you another cue,
the cue to leave.
-[GRUNTING]

All right, I've had it!
One final game.
Winner takes all the nuts.

So, lemme get this straight,
winner wins?

- Yes, winner wins.
- For all the nuts?

Winner wins all the nuts.

- All of them?
- Yes!

- For all the nuts?
- Yes!

Your loss, pal.

I'm gonna have to pull out
all the stops, if I'm gonna
beat this rabbit.

-[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
-[SNAPS FINGERS]

[LOUD DRUMMING]

[REVVING]

[AIR HORN BLOWING]

Hmm. This is gonna be tricky.

-[SQUEAKS]
- That shot's impossible!

The nine-ball's gotta go in
before the eight-ball,
or you lose!

Then I guess I better
make this shot count.

- Ha ha! You missed!
- Did I?

Huh?

- And eight-ball
in the corner pocket.
-[SQUEAKS TRIUMPHANTLY]

I will not be made a fool of
in my own pool hall!

- Enough.
- BYSTANDERS: [MURMURING]
Oh! It's Rats.

Holy smokes, is it really him?
Minnesota Rats, the greatest
pool player who ever lived?

I've been watching these
events unfold, and frankly,
I'm disappointed.

You don't play fair,
and that ain't right.
Ramses, show him the door.

-[CRASHES]
- SHIFTY: Ow!

- Now open it for him.
-[DOOR OPENS]

-[SHIFTY YELLING]
-[CRASHES]

Hey there, you're pretty good.
Care to join me for a game
at my reserve table?

Thanks, but no thanks.
I know when
I'm out of my league.

I'm gonna play in a real pool.
Come on, Squeaks.

[SQUEAKS HUMMING]