03x18 - A Day in School

[bunniefuu]

[rock music]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Something's wrong with that kid ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ His head don't work, it never did ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ You better not cross his path ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ He's a chain smokin'
alcoholic sociopath ♪

♪ Sociopath ♪

[laughs]

[car crashes]

[intense music]

[police sirens blares]

[pants]

[intense music]

[laughs]

[car doors closes]

[intense music]

Narrator: Kevin was
going to ask the old man

where he took fatty, but then
he decided he didn't much care

one way or the other.

Kevin wanted to go to sleep,

but the T.V. was keeping him awake

and he couldn't find the
remote to turn it off.

So he threw a beer bottle
through the screen instead,

since it was a whole lot
easier than getting up.

Then Kevin drank from a
bottle full of cigarette butts

and stuff he picked off the carpet.

Then Kevin realized that the
bottle he threw at the T.V.

was the full one, and
he had to get up anyway;

which was pretty ironic,
but Kevin didn't know that

because he didn't know
what the word ironic meant,

and probably never would.

Even though it was the
middle of the night,

Kevin couldn't fall asleep.

Mostly because he'd
spent the last four days

lying on the couch in a drunken haze,

only coming out of it long
enough to have a few smokes.

[upbeat music]

Ah Jesus my f*cking head.

Hey Percy give me a smoke.

Ain't no Percy in here, love.

Who the hell are you?

My name's Lucy.

How the hell did I get here?

They brought you in last night,

you were passed out drunk
through the whole thing.

They didn't strip-search me did they?

No.

Ah good, I hate to
think I slept through

some good action, you know.

So uh, what did I do?

You don't even know
why they arrested you?

I've been on a four
day bender with my kid,

I don't know what the f*ck I
done, or who I done it with,

but I could've sworn I made
it home before I passed out.

Ah well, live and learn.

Hey, you got any smokes?

No.

Then I'm going back to sleep
sos I don't miss it as much.

Wake me up when I get paroled.

All prisoners up for head count.

[cell opening]

Tomlinson.

Morgan.

Lupai.

Goldberg.

Spencer.

Spencer?

Shut up f*ck, I'm trying to sleep.

[gasps]

Get your sorry a*s out here, convict.

Anastasia: Ah blow me.

[thudding]

Narrator: It was Tuesday morning

and Kevin had been unconscious
from food poisoning

for two whole days.

Strangely, he felt better
than he had in weeks.

Mostly because it was the first
time in almost seven years,

that Kevin had gone two whole days without

drinking or smoking and his
body was enjoying the break.

But part of Kevin was sad,
because looking at his dad

lying face down in a drunken
stupor, clutching an empty

liquor bottle made Kevin
realize that he must have missed

some good times while he was unconscious.

[chugging]

[lighter flicks]

Kevin usually liked to
spend his Tuesdays hanging

around the arcade, bumming quarters

and carving biblical prophecies
into the bathroom walls

with his homemade shank.

But he had been banned from the arcade

for breaking one of the machines,

with a stolen prosthetic leg.

Kevin was going to ask his
imaginary friend Alan what to do.

But Alan was busy having a three-way

with protagonist from
Farn's Cofcus of Trial

and a stereotypical comic strip girl

drawn by a lonely and socially
awkward loser who idealized

huge breasts and an abnormally thin waist.

And it didn't look like they were

going to be finished anytime soon.

Kevin didn't much feel like
doing his usual things anyway,

so he figured he would
break with tradition,

and go to school.

If for no other reason,
than just to remind himself

why he dropped out in the first place.

Then Kevin figured he'd help
himself to his old man's wallet

and glued the unemployed
b*stards head to the table.

[funky music]

[birds chirping]

Kevin wanted to make sure
the other kids waiting

for the school bus knew he was cool,

so he chugged his beer in one swallow.

Then he decided to crush the
can against his forehead.

[thudding]

[bus revving]

By the time Kevin got up, the
bus was already driving away.

So Kevin figured he'd just
steal a car and drive to school.

[upbeat music]

[police siren]

Even though Kevin hadn't been
to school for over a year,

most of the other kids
still recognized him

and knew enough to keep their distance.

[school bell ringing]

Kevin didn't know where his homeroom was,

so he just picked a room at random,

because he didn't figure it
didn't matter a lick anyway

since he didn't plan
on doing much learning

in the first place.

Long time no see moron,
these are grade 10 students.

You probably don't recognize any of them

because they used to be two
years behind you in school.

You're still in grade nine.

Next door down on the right.

[kids laughing]

[upbeat music]

[door closes]

It isn't worth it
Billy, just walk away.

As I was saying class,
Shakespeare was the most

pre-eminent writer of his time.

And his work remains as valid
today, as when it was written.

Yes, Charles.

How comes he wrote so funny?

[laughs] He didn't
write funny for his time.

The English language is
organic and has continued

to evolve throughout history.

Shakespeare wrote in the
language of his time,

and that language has evolved

to the English language we use today.

The fact that he is
still as relevant today

as he was in his time, further proves

that he is one of the most
gifted and complex writers

in the history of literature.

Yes, Kevin.

Narrator: Kevin was confused,

so he asked the teacher who's
bright idea it was to try

and get 12 and 13 year old
kids interested in literature,

by making them start by reading history's

most complex writer.

And wouldn't it make a whole
lot more sense to have the kids

in class work towards
understanding Shakespeare,

by first having a stronger
understanding of proper grammar

and narrative structure as it exists

in today's English Language,

so when the time came to
decipher Shakespeare's writing,

they would have the
adequate academic foundation

required to appreciate the
nuances the bard was trying

to impart to the reader.

Well, I means it's, you
have a valid point but.

The school board makes
us teach Shakespeare

I'm just following orders.

Narrator: Kevin told the teacher,

if that was the case then the
next time he saw the president

of the school board, he could
tell 'em to take a long hard

suck on Kevin E. Spencer's rod for him.

Then he told the teacher
that the Nuremberg defense

for teaching Shakespeare,
made him nothing more

than a spineless pawn,
unable to think for himself,

and that he and all the
other teachers like him,

were a plague on the
public education system.

Then Kevin told him he
stunk like an armpit full

of hillbilly a*s juice and
said he was f*cking off

for a smoke.

Kevin kinda liked the feeling
of standing up to the teacher,

and since he didn't plan on
finishing high school anyway,

he figured he'd spend
the rest of the day going

from classroom to classroom,

questioning authority until
they threw him out for good.

But first things first, Kevin figured

he'd go to the cafeteria
and steal some food.

Since the only thing he'd
eaten for the past three days

was 14 food poisoned eggs.

Get my client some clothes now.

Who the f*ck are yous?

I'm Ms. Atkins, your
court appointed attorney,

this is Mr. Higgins, the crown prosecutor.

Any of you assholes smoke?

We don't allow smoking
while in solitary confinement.

Speaking of which,
what exactly did my client

do to warrant such barbaric treatment.

She gave a little
bit too much sass mouth

to one of the guards.

My client is in solitary
confinement because she spoke

out of turn to a guard?

No she is in solitary
because when the guard told her

to stop giving him sass
mouth she hit him in the head

with a toilet seat from her cell.

I ain't a morning person, so sue me.

Listen, I want to meet
with my client in private

in a proper holding cell in 15 minutes,

and she better be
properly clothed and fed,

or I'll have you, the warden and the city

in court quicker than you
can say David Milguard.

Yeah, and what about
that cavity search?

You conducted a cavity search?

We did nothing of the sort.

That's the f*cking problem,
I asked at least six times

and them sons of b*tches won't go near me.

I got rights too, you know.

For the last time, neither
I nor anyone on my staff

has any legal obligation
to conduct a cavity search.

Ain't them ignoring my basic
needs some sort of violation

of my constitutional rights?

I don't think your desire
to have strange men insert

their gloved hands into
your various orifices

constitutes a basic need
as defined by the charter

of human right and freedoms.

Yous a women too, don't you never get

that certain kinda itch?

We'll discuss that later,
I'm just going to go, wash up.

Bring me some f*cking
smokes when yous come back.

Oh and hey, what the f*ck did I do anyway?

You haven't even been told
what you've been charged with?

Maybe, I probably
just weren't listening.

Charges are break and enter,

destruction of public
property, public indecency

and grand theft auto.

What did I do that was so indecent?

According to the police report,

you broke into a
government welfare office,

destroyed some furniture,
set the files on fire,

broke three computers and defecated

on the branch managers desk.

What the hell's that mean?

[whispering]

That son of a b*tch.

Narrator: The closer
Kevin got to the food,

the hungrier he became.

Even though it was mostly just slob

and cheap meals made
from the stuff left over

after they made hotdogs.

The line was moving pretty slow

and Kevin thought that he was
going to pass out from hunger

before it was his turn.

So he just took a tray of food

from some kid walking past him.

Then he took the kid's
sunglasses and wallet,

and told him to go f*ck himself.

As Kevin made his way to his seat,

the cafeteria fell silent.

Go to hell, spaz.

[whispering]

Close your mouth, you pig.

Narrator: Kevin didn't much care

for being talked to like that,

so he told the kid to shut
his pie-hole before he took

his fork and spread him open
quicker than a $5 wh*re.

Or his mother, which was
pretty much the same thing

as far as Kevin was concerned.

Do you have any idea who I am, kid?

Narrator: Kevin thought
about it for a minute,

then he told the kid that
as near as he could figure,

he was the next person on
his list of people to hit.

Then to prove his point, Kevin
popped him a real sweet one

in the larynx.

You're gonna pay for
that, mark my words.

[mellow music]

[upbeat music]

One more time, just to make
sure I've got it all straight.

It wasn't me, check my fat
b*stard of a husband's alibi.

Break and enter, arson,
sh1tting on a desk.

That's his M.O.

Why should I believe you?

Check his f*cking rap sheet,

he was arrested for the same
things seven times last year.

And once at a Dairy Queen.

Why a Dairy Queen?

Even he don't know what
that one was all about.

Sometimes he just gets to
drinking and takes a notion.

Even so, we would have to prove it,

and you would have to testify
against your husband in court.

Are you prepared to do that?

Why not?

Hell I testified against him
for things he ain't even done.

The way I sees it, whatever
it takes to get that

fat, drunk prick out of
my hair and into the joint

for a few months is fine by me.

I'll have to run some DNA
tests on the feces your husband

allegedly left behind, that's
gonna cost you some money.

How much?

Around $4000.

Just let me make a few
calls, I'll get the money.

Narrator: Kevin didn't know it,

but he'd taken the food
from Billy Milligan,

and Billy Milligan's older
brother was a senior,

and the captain of the football team,

and he was the biggest, and
toughest kid in the school,

and spent all his time in the gym,

lifting weights and eating steroids,

in a continuous cycle of
validation of false ideals.

That's him in the black ball cap.

Wait here.

Vengeance is mine, save Billy Milligan.

[lighter flicks]

[punch]

This is a non-smoking
building you little p*ssy.

Narrator: Kevin told Billy's brother,

that as far as he was concerned
there was no such thing

as a non-smoking building,
and just to prove his point,

he decided to light another cigarette.

First I'm gonna kick
your a*s for disobeying me.

Then I'm gonna kick your a*s
for stealing my brother's food.

Narrator: Kevin didn't
much care for the idea

of getting his a*s kicked for any reason.

But he didn't figure he was
big enough to do too much

about it, since his smoker's
lungs pretty much ruled

out running away, he decided
to try and talk his way

out of the beating by
coherently expressing

to the bully that no
matter how big he was,

he would eventually
lose the fight to Kevin

because he wasn't a violent sociopath

and he didn't have the
stomach to k*ll a man.

What the f*ck are you
talking about Shakespeare?

Narrator: Kevin was
getting bored talking

to the idiot jock, and he was
really itching for a smoke.

So he figured he'd simplify
things a little bit

and told Billy's brother to
f*ck off or he'd destroy him

in a violent frenzy of
shame, embarrassment

and sweet, sweet rage.

Is there a problem here boys?

This jerk stole my
little brothers lunch.

Is that true?

Narrator: Kevin told the
teacher that whole thing

must've been a simple misunderstanding.

And that he'd be willing to
buy Billy Milligan a new lunch.

If he happened to give a
sweet flying f*ck whether

or not the little cry
baby died of starvation,

but since he didn't care, then
the whole lot of them could

go screw themselves.

Then Kevin stood up and told the teacher

that he was f*cking off
outside for a smoke,

if he cared to tag along and
waste any more of his time.

The only place you're going

is the principal office, Spencer.

This ain't over.

[panting]

[phone rings]

Percy: What, f*ck.

Geez Percy, why you breathing so heavy?

You ain't got a wh*re there does ya?

How many times I gotta tell ya fatty,

yous the only wh*re for me.

So what's with the breathing?

You ain't having another
heart attack is ya?

Nah some son of a b*tch
glued my f*cking head

to the kitchen table, had
to bust it off with an axe.

[Anastasia laughs]

Yeah yuck it up you big tub of sh*t,

what the hell do you want anyway?

Listen Percy, I know
what you done to me.

I married you didn't I?

Besides how many times
we gotta go over this?

I don't care how drunk you
was, it was consensual.

Not that, you busted
into the welfare office,

stealing a car and framing me.

Percy: Welfare office,
car, sh1tting on a desk?

Why, I don't know what
you're talking about.

Then how'd you know about
taking a dump on the desk?

Yeah well good luck proving it.

Oh I can prove it all right,

along with a lot of other things.

Remember that video tape you made?

You said you destroyed that.

I was gonna, but
then I got to thinking,

it might come in handy some day.

So here's the deal, I'll
take the rap for you,

if you give me $5000.

Five grand, what are
you a f*cking moron?

I ain't got no five grand.

Well how much you got?

Four grand and change.

But that's my drinking money for the week.

Not no more, visiting
hours start at four o'clock.

I better see your fat a*s down
here, stuffed with a zip-lock

bag full of money when I
walk into the visiting room,

or I'm spilling the beans.

[phone beeps]

[phone rings]

Listen I forgot to tell ya,
a lot of the money is coins

from that vending machine I ripped off,

sos I may have to make two trips.

Principal who?

Are you sure you got the right number?

My boy don't never go to school.

Fine I'm on my way.

f*ck I hate being a father.

[glass smashes]

[clock ticking]

Who the f*ck are all you people?

Sit down and be quiet Mr. Spencer.

These are the Milligans, June and Darren

and their two sons, Billy and Daryl.

Pleasures mine, you
wanna step it up a bit.

I got an a*s full of money
and another meeting to go to.

I thought we had rid
ourselves of the problem

that is Kevin Spencer but
apparently I was wrong.

Despite the fact that your son is still

under a three year suspension,

he decided for reasons
unknown, to show up here today

and let me tell you, he
has been nothing short

of a major disruption for all concerned.

Specifically he physically
assaulted Billy here

and took his lunch.

He then proceeded to
vandalize the cafeteria,

and he threatened to k*ll some
of the other students along

with Billy's older brother Daryl.

Well boys will be boys.

That's all you've got to say?

No you didn't let me finish.

I was also gonna tell you to blow me.

[laughs]

Mister Spencer, I
absolutely will not tolerate

that kind of language in my office.

Then why don't we take it outside?

Oh my God no wonder Kevin
has so many behavioral problems.

You're just lucky his
old lady's in the joint,

otherwise it would have
been her coming down here

and you pack of f*cking losers
wouldn't have stood a chance.

C'mon boy, we ain't gotta sit here

and listen to this as*h*le.

Banned for life, that's what
your son is, banned for life.

Geez, no school for you Kevin,

whatever are you gonna
do to fill the time.

[laughs]

You ever wanna know what
it's like to tear one off

with a real man, give me a call.

And you ain't gotta worry
none about getting pregnant,

I drank so much over the
last two years, I'm sterile.

I'll see you around broken head,

I gotta go give some bribe
money to your old lady

sos I don't go back to the joint.

Narrator: Kevin told his
dad to say hi to mum for him

and decided to head back home.

He'd had a pretty busy day at school.

And he was pretty tired.

[crossbow twinges]

[intense music]

What the Christ is going on?

Hey Percy, did you miss me?

This ain't what it looks like.

It looks like you're
contributing to the delinquency

of a minor, violating several
conditions of your parole

and engaged in the
solicitation of prostitution.

Okay so it is what it looks like.

Big f*cking deal.

Not half as big as you
breaking into the welfare office.

You set me up you fat wh*re.

That's right as*h*le,

that $4000 bucks is what paid for it too.

You ain't heard the last of this.

Anastasia: f*ck you.

Listen Kevin, daddy's gonna
be in jail for a while

and I'm going out drinking so uh.

Just keep doing whatever
the f*ck it is you do.

[beeps]

[rock music]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Something's wrong with that kid ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ His head don't work, it never did ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ You better not cross his path ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ He's a chain smokin'
alcoholic sociopath ♪

♪ Sociopath ♪

Billy: Vengeance is
mine, save Billy Milligan.