07x11 - Treble Charger

[bunniefuu]

[water burbling]

[upbeat music]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Something's wrong with that kid ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ His head don't work it never did ♪

[surf rock music]

♪ Something's wrong with that kid ♪

♪ He's a chain smokin'
alcoholic sociopath ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ You'd better not cross his path ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ He's a chain smokin'
alcoholic sociopath ♪

♪ Sociopath ♪

Ah not this crap again.

[static crackles]

[rock music]

That's the house?

What a sh*thole.

Are you rolling?

Soon.

Jesus H, is it your first
time running a f*cking camera?

In five.

You stupid, useless sack--
Four.

Of m*therf*cking--
Three, two.

sh*t!

What up, peeps?

Pepper here with my main
man cameraman Lucas.

Oh you're the best, baby.

And you're watching "Hanging,"

the show where we
surprise one lucky viewer

and take them away from the everyday,

and let them hang with
the band of their choice.

This week, we're outside
the crib of Kevin Spencer.

He's probably still asleep,
but he won't be for long

once we tell him he's gonna be hanging!

[upbeat music]

Wake up, Kevin Spencer!

You're gonna be hanging!

What the hell?

Narrator: Kevin wasn't
much of a morning person,

so he pulled a homemade
shank on the people

that had woken him up, and was
fixing on stabbing them all.

Oh, we're not here to hurt ya.

I'm a music VJ.

Anastasia: Who the f*ck woke me up?

Cover your snapper, Ma.

We's gettin' arrested on TV again.

That's the f*ck' baker's dozen.

Woohoo!

Kevin entered Tune TV's
"Hanging" contest, and won.

We're gonna fly him to Toronto,

and he gets to spend the
day hanging out with a band,

interviewing them for the station,

going to their live
show, that sort of thing.

Psh, music videos.

They's just another f*ck' fad

like the hula hoop or
the w*r on terrorism.

Quit staring at my chest.

Narrator: Like a good
number of things in his life,

Kevin had no recollection
of entering the contest,

but he figured he'd go along for the ride,

since just about anything

was better than spending
time with his parents.

Besides, he thought, if it meant

he got to hang out with a rock band,

then things would be pretty cool,

since bands have a boatload
of booze and drugs,

not to mention slutty groupies.

Kevin said, "I'll do it."

Not so fast, idiot boy.

Geez, it sounds neat and keen and all,

but Kevin's such an innocent child,

and I'm not sure we feel comfortable

letting him go on his own.

He'll be fully chaperoned at all times.

Well that's all fine
and dandy in theory,

but since we don't really
know what that word means,

I think my wife, excuse me,
I mean my fat wife and I

would feel more comfortable
if we went along.

Fine, you can all go.

Quit staring at my chest!

I, I was just tryin' to
read the logo on your shirt.

There is no logo on my shirt.

Well that's all for the best anyway,

since I don't even know how to read.

[Percy chuckles]

Who's the idiot now?

Let's just go.

[upbeat music]

Narrator: Kevin's
parents were pretty upset

about not flying, because
they'd really hoped

to get nice and hammered
on free airline booze,

but things turned out okay

because the bus had a beer fridge.

This is f*ck' livin', eh Percy?

Uh, yeah sure.

Geez Percy, youse all distracted

like youse thinkin' about something.

That ain't like you, thinkin' and all.

The day is upon us.

This is my in into the music industry.

Maybe now I'll be able to
keep my promise to my mother.

You had a mother?

Yeah, the family split
up before I knocked you up

and we's got married.

She's dead now, but I still
remember her last words to me.

[harp music]

Get the f*ck out of my house,

and never set foot back in here again!

And if you get a chance, k*ll Chilliwack!

Those were her last
words before she died.

Your mom kicked you outta the house

while she was dyin'?

Nah, she died 20 years later,

but that was the last time we spoke.

I always meant to go back and
see her, send a letter, call,

but I was busy with my
drinkin' and whatnot.

What's a Chilliwack anyway?

Some band.

Ma thought their music was
a crime against humanity.

I figure if I go ahead
and k*ll all of them,

maybe that'll make things
right between me and my ma.

You're a good son, Percy.

Pfft, yeah like you'd f*ck' know.

Anyway, there ain't jack
sh*t I can do about it now

until we get to TO, so here's
to me gettin' hammered.

[Percy glugging]

Are your parents always this pathetic?

Narrator: Kevin told the VJ

with the contrived personality

to just sit back and wait,

because dumb dumb and fatty
were just getting started,

and she ain't seen nothing yet.

[rock music]

So what f*ck' band
is we hanging with anyway?

Pepper: Treble Charger.

Treble Charger, f*ck' poor
man's Trooper if you ask me.

Now they rock!

♪ Here I am ♪

♪ I have a sports car that's white ♪

♪ Why are my arms in your hair ♪

♪ Why are they thinking who they are ♪

♪ Where is my car ♪

Oh my god, you just pissed your pants.

Does that excite you?

Because if it does, there's plenty more

where that came from.

Narrator: Even though Percy

didn't seem to be much of a fan,

Kevin was excited because Treble Charger

sang "American Psycho,"

which spoke to Kevin's inner desires,

because he liked to destroy things,

and because he was a sociopath.

You're missing the point of the song.

It's got nothing to do with
wanting to be a serial k*ller.

Narrator: Kevin didn't much like

the tone of Pepper's voice,

so he expressed his displeasure

by discreetly threatening her

with his homemade laser
guided annihilator sword.

[Percy laughing]

I can't believe I turned down

a weather girl gig for this sh*t!

Give up, Percy, you f*ck' rock!

[rock music]

♪ Yeah ♪

Narrator: At that moment,

deep in the steaming cesspool of Toronto,

the guys from Treble Charger

were talking to their friends from Sum 41,

and waiting for the Spencers to arrive.

How we doing this?

We'll comp the tickets to my show.

Yeah, we got roped into
some Tune TV promo bullshit.

Gee whiz, I don't think anything

that helps you connect
with your fans is bullshit.

f*ck the fans.

I know Cone does!

[all laughing]

Yeah, like I've knocked up

any more groupies than you guys.

How long's this gonna take?

All day.

It's like we've adopted some
third world kid, only worse,

'cause he's actually
coming to hang out with us

instead of just sending pictures.

They're just pulling in.

Careful what you say, guys.

This kid's coming with his parents.

I don't wanna catch
any heat from the press

thinkin' we're a bad influence.

Have fun babysittin', guys.

[all laughing]

There's the bus, let's just
smile and get this over with.

[brakes hiss]

Remember guys, best behavior.

Geez, relax.

I didn't know you was g*y.

I'm not g*y.

You must be.

No heterosexual man can resist

the hypnotic lure of my glorious honeypot.

[suspenseful music]

What the f*ck is
you looking at, Fonzie?

Nothin'.

Every single one of
you has a stupid haircut.

[funky music]

You must be Kevin Spencer.

Great to meet you.

I bet you're excited, so here you go.

Kevin, this is Treble Charger.

You can't smoke in here.

Uh-uh, no way.

Either you start filming,

or you start looking for a new job.

I ain't goin' near that woman.

If that means quittin' my job, so be it.

Amateur.

Just give me the camera,
and I'll do it myself.

I'm freelance.

This is my camera, and you can go to hell.

Oh by the way, there's
nothin' hip and cool

about going on 30, and
still acting like a teenager

to hang onto a $22,000 a year job

under the self-absorbed delusion

that you're part of the music biz.

How we doin' this?

We're not.

The cameraman just walked.

No camera, no footage,
no footage, no show.

Connect the dots.

You don't give us the prize
what we was goddamned promised

and I'll goddamned connect your dots

and youse lucky I don't
even know what that means.

Narrator: Kevin didn't much
cotton to gettin' stiffed,

so he told Pepper and the
man from the music company

that if they didn't give him
everything he was promised,

then he was going to run to the media,

and tell them that Treble
Charger had lied to him

and ripped him off, and
he would even dress nice

like a normal kid, and fake
cry when he was doing it,

and that if that didn't work,

he'd tell them one of them
touched his bathing suit spot.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
no one's touching anyone.

Ha, we'll see about that.

Look, I can't control
the TV part of things,

but since we're all here,

the band will make good
on our end of things.

You can hang with us,
do what the band does,

and we'll comp tickets for tonight's show.

Family meeting.

What's a family meeting?

I don't know, I saw
it on some TV show once

about a family that loved each other.

[all laughing]

Only on TV.

You shake a lot when you
laugh, 'cause you're so heavy.

[Percy groans]

The Spencers will do it.

[Percy panting]

Great, first off,
this is Treble Charger.

Greig Nori, Trevor MacGregor,

Rosie Martin, and Devin, he's the new guy

and I don't know his last name.

We's the Spencers.

That's Percy, he's my husband,

but don't let that stop none
of you from having a go.

I'm Anastasia, but most
people just call me

really f*ck' good in bed.

[Anastasia laughs]

Oh, but I kid.

Oh, and this is the boy.

Narrator: Kevin said, "Kevin."

Hey.
Hello.

Hi.
How are you?

Nice to meet you.

Why don't we start
with a tour of the office?

Narrator: Kevin
couldn't help but notice

that his mother was being

even more overtly whorish than normal,

and he figured she must
be up to something,

and as it turned out, Kevin was right.

Mom figured a famous rock and roll band

must be a*s deep in cash,

so she aimed on tricking one
of them into knocking her up,

so she can milk them for child support.

So, what instrument do you play?

Drums.

Oh, well, good for you.

You don't mind movin' over,

so's I can talk to them other fellas?

Narrator: Mom quickly
moved on to plan B,

because despite being a
fat, middle aged, alcoholic

who had had more STDs
than days of employment,

even she had higher standards
than to bang a drummer.

[rock music]

Okay, here's some people
workin' on computers.

Meeting room, some more
people workin' on computers.

This is the room where April Wine

is kept cryogenically frozen.

They get thawed out every
summer to go on tour.

We don't rep them.

They came with the building.

No one's really sure how
long they've been here,

but they have been officially designated

as a historical site so
we can't demolish them.

God help us all.

What's that?

Dave: More people workin' on computers.

f*ck, this is boring.

I thought you A-holes was a rock band.

We are.

Well, you sure as hell
don't drink and wreck things

and have promiscuous sex like it.

This is our job.

We take it seriously.

I'll say this just once,
so listen the f*ck up.

Jobs are for assholes.

Now let's go drinkin'.

It's only 11 in the morning.



f*ck this, we're going Dave.

Narrator: Kevin said bathing suit spot.

Hang on, guys.

Excuse us.

Why, did ya fart?

[all laughing]

I still got it.

One drink, that's all I'm asking.

We've got the radio interview
in a couple of hours.

We can each nurse a beer beforehand.

Fine.

Percy Voiceover: k*ll
Chilliwack, k*ll Chilliwack,

k*ll Chilliwack, k*ll Chilliwack.

We'll stop for a drink on
the way to the radio interview.

Percy: I don't feel like drinkin'.

You guys go ahead, but
hey thanks for everything.

[plucky music]

Narrator: Percy had a
plan, and the first step

was stealing Dave the
record company guy's wallet

so he could assume his
identity, buy airline tickets,

and fly across the country to assassinate

all the members of Chilliwack.

Now all he had to do
was sweet talk someone

into giving him the addresses.

[plucky music]

Hey, ain't that the
guy who won Canadian Idol?

Oh, and he's playing here.

Boy, that takes the shine
off the trophy, don't it?

Oh, my mistake.

I'm just gonna step
out and make a few calls.

Narrator: Now that the
A-hole record label guy

was out of the way, Kevin
decided to up the ante,

and see if he couldn't
jump start the party.

What do you have in mind, kid?

Narrator: Kevin told the band

that as near as he could figure,

they wouldn't be a real rock
band and cool and everything,

unless they were involved
in some sort of scandal

involving drugs and breakin' the law.

And sex, cheap, dirty sex.

I don't mind pulling no
drain if it helps you out.

'Cept that guy, f*ck' drummer.

Drums are just as valid
an instrument as any other.

[all laughing]

You guys too?

I don't think we should be doing drugs.

Narrator: Kevin said,
"The new guy is a p*ssy,

"the new guy is a p*ssy!"

Fine, I'll do it, just
quit makin' fun of me.

I don't know guys.

Look, we're adults.

He's a snot-nosed little teenager.

I say we put him under the table,

and teach him a lesson.

♪ Over and over I keep wondering why ♪

♪ Then I give up and see
that look in your eyes ♪

♪ 'Cause if I took that fall ♪

♪ I'll be to blame ♪

♪ And if I hit the wall ♪

♪ I'll still be the same ♪

Uh, we gotta get to
the radio interview.

[all laughing]

I think that it would be best,

for safety reasons, to let my
underaged alcoholic son drive,

'cause he's the least hammered.

[both laughing]

I'll drive.

♪ Yeah ♪

Reason for traveling?

k*ll Chilliwack.

What?

I mean, I, meaning me,
not Percy, Dave, Dave,

I's flying out west to k*ll

all the members of the band Chilliwack.

I mean business, no pleasure, f*ck!

Why did I do that?

Welcome back.

In the studio with us today

is none other than Treble Charger.

And, as an added bonus,

they have one lucky fan with them today,

who's going to do the interview.

You're in the hot seat, Kevin.

Are you up to the task of getting the 411

on one of Canada's best bands?

Narrator: Kevin told the
DJ that fat, middle aged

balding men shouldn't
say things like the 411,

and that he should just
count his lucky stars

he even had a job, since
when you thought about it,

he was pretty much just a
jukebox who spent his work days

playing what he was told to

by some useless emasculated eunuch.

Whoa, looks like
someone's got an attitude.

Narrator: Kevin said,
"Whoa, looks like someone

"needs to be learnt not to talk sass."

Then he busted the DJ a
real sweet one in the larynx

with his good friend, Mr. Fistyfist.

Kevin figured that oughta
straighten the son of a b*tch out.

Hey, you should
probably ask a question.

Narrator: Kevin wasn't
in the mood to reiterate

the usual stupidity of a band interview,

so he decided to have some fun,

and see if he couldn't stir up some sh*t.

So Kevin asked Treble Charger

what they thought of Sum 41

calling them a f*ck' joke band,

and a pack of teenage girl drinkers

who can't hold their booze.

They didn't say that.

They're our friends.

Narrator: Kevin said,
"Uh-uh, honest and true."

He heard Sum 41 slagging them,

and calling them a second
rate Glass Tiger cover band.

I know you're just trying to create

some feud by lying to us.

We know they'd never say that,

but if you want us to
play along, then fine.

I love what you've done
with the place, Steve.

Thanks.

I don't have any formal training,

but sometimes my decorating
ideas just come together.

Sounds like me and every
groupie I've had sex with.

Hey, our good friends Treble Charger

are doing a radio interview.

We should listen.

Greig: Fine, Sum 41 sucks.

They're the worst band I ever heard,

and they drink and party

like a bunch of 14 year
old girls at a sleepover.

Oh my god.

[emotional music]

Those sons of b*tches!

I'm gonna have a stern word

with their management and
public relations team.

I'm gonna make their
women fall in love with me,

then break their hearts.

I can't keep a straight face.

They're great guys.

We're playing together at the Junos.

Narrator: Kevin asked what a Juno was.

That's it, this interview's over.

Bullshit.

If anyone in this room
is disappointing my boy,

it's gonna be me.

Get outta my way.

You ain't got the f*ck'
stones to go through me,

so sit down and shut the f*ck up!

Cop: There he is.

What the hell is going on?

You're under arrest

for uttering death threats at an airport.

I didn't do that!

Save it for the judge.

[somber music]

Teach you to f*ck with the Spencers.

Well Annie, now that that
hump's outta the picture,

it's time for you to work your magic.

Dave bailed on ya,

said he wanted to concentrate
on a band with a future.

Don't worry, though.

Me and the boy will help youse out.

[upbeat music]

Go find some drugs.

If we keep these f*ck drunk and stoned,

then we's can control 'em.

[rock music]

Treble Charger are backstabbing pricks.

Worst band ever.

We'll show them who can party.

Kiss my a*s, Nori!

Are you seeing anyone?

♪ Such a special thrill ♪

Mornin' sunshine, here
I made you breakfast.

♪ Watch your back or
rearrange you I don't know ♪

♪ Even so ♪

♪ I wouldn't take on this oh no ♪

♪ And I don't know how
you can wear me down ♪

♪ In the blink of an eye ♪

♪ If I could just hold my ground ♪

♪ For a tenth of the time ♪

♪ Wearing me down ♪

I don't feel like drinking anymore.

Oh really?

Well I bet Treble Charger's
drinking right now.

Hey hey, peeps!

Pepper here on the red
carpet for the big show

where they'll be handing out the hardware

for the who's who in
the Canadian music biz.

But let me tell you all that

takes a backseat to big buzz news.

We're talking battle royal smackdown style

as Treble Charger and Sum 41

are scheduled to take the same stage.

Longtime friends and now bitter enemies,

they've been having a
public feud for weeks,

and were all arrested
for public intoxication,

possession of narcotics,
disturbing the peace,

and destruction of an
official heritage site

when their much publicized
brawl spilled over

into the April Wine room.

No one knows for sure
what's gonna happen tonight,

but you can know for sure

that we'll be here live
bringing it to you.

Hey, aren't you last year's
winner for the best new artist?

Uh yeah.

You're on guys!

Guys?

Oh my god!

[man retches]

Only one of them's actually awake,

and he's vomiting in a corner.

What are we gonna do?

Put on the accountant that talks about

how we tally the votes.

That'll buy us an hour at least.

Then we'll move Treble
Charger ahead in the lineup.

God, I hope they're in better shape.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,

put your hands together
for Treble Charger!

[rock music]
[crowd cheering]

[crowd booing]

Hey, f*ck all of youse,
I don't need this sh*t!

Come on boy, we's goin' home.

[rock music]

Yeah, it was a long and
horrible road back from addiction,

but once we got the
Spencers out of our lives,

we were able to sober up.

Life's never been better.

Every day is like a gift.

It's made us stronger people.

Honestly, we're just
excited about our new album

and happy that we came through it all,

and we've gotten our
careers back on track.

[upbeat music]

Man, whatta bunch of whiners.

Oh, the Spencers made me do this.

The Spencers made me do that.

I can't believe I banged all of 'em.

All of them?

Yeah.

[Percy chuckles]

I can't believe you f*cked a drummer.

What a loser.

[both laughing]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Sociopath ♪

Anastasia: Kevin's
such an innocent child.

[water burbling]