02x43 - Amaduckus/Fowl Me Once

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

- KING: Leslie!
- Yes, Uncle?

- Call me, "Your Majesty."
- Yes, Uncle Your Majesty.

Where is
the royal court composer?

My birthday celebration
won't be complete

until I hear
my new birthday song.

Unfortunately, sire,
there was an accident.

A hammer mysteriously
came out of nowhere
and smashed his hands.

He won't be playing piano
for a while.

[LAUGHS EVILLY]

But no matter, I can be your
new royal court composer.

Leslie, you haven't a speck
of musical ability,

so I'm going to say
a big fat no to that.

Oh, I think you'll change
your tune... [CHUCKLES]

After you hear
this song I wrote for you,
Uncle Your Majesty.

No, Leslie, don't!

I'll show the king
I'm good at music and stuff.

[CRACKS KNUCKLES]
And he'll make me
the new royal court composer.

Then, I work my way
up the royal ladder
and eventually become king.

-[PLAYS PIANO OFF-KEY]
- Uh, no, uh, wait.

Wait, uh, no.

KING: Please, Leslie,
you are ruining my birthday.

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

Wait, uh, hold on, no, I'll...

Is that Rachmaninoff?
More like, man, knock it off.

See those little black marks
on the page?
They're called notes.

Maybe try playing a few.
See what happens.

- I'm doing my best.
- Oh, yeah?

[CONTINUES PLAYING OFF-KEY]

Folks, I know he stinks.
You know he stinks.

But let's give him a shot.

Well, if you think
you could do better,
why don't you try it?

Sure, pal, can't do any worse.

[BLOWS NOSE]

[PLAYS CLASSICAL MUSIC]

[GRUNTS]

KING: That's the greatest
music I have ever heard!

This duck will be
my new royal court composer!

-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
- Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you.

KING: Duck, as my
new court composer,

you must write me
a royal opera.

An opera?

I have no idea
what that even is,
but I would love to!

What? [GROANING]
But I wanted that job!

KING: [LAUGHS]
No, Leslie, please.
You're terrible.

[YELPS]

[WHIMPERS]

[GROANS] That duck won't be
able to write his opera
if his piano is out of tune.

[THUDS] Oh, no!

I can't believe
I've gotta write
an entire opera.

Good this I got this
Opera for Duckies book.

Just gotta pound away
on those ivories
and get this thing in shape.

First off, we need
a k*ller opening.
Something like...

♪ The opera begins
Listen to this music
As the opera begins

♪ Open all your candy
And chew very, very classily
As the opera begins ♪

[GRUNTS] Oh!

Then, we need a hit single.

Something that will
make the Top 40.

♪ This ditty is very catchy

♪ It's a melody
you'll never forgetty

♪ You will like it
when it's brand new-uh

♪ Then you'll get
so sick of it
that you will puke-uh ♪

[GRUNTS]

And then a big rousing finale
to send 'em home with a smile.

♪ It's the end
The end of the show

♪ We can't sing no more

-♪ So, grab your stuff and go
Please grab your stuff and go
-[MOANS]

♪ Grab your coats
And grab your hats

♪ Hit the road
And don't come back ♪

I guess this piano
can't handle my genius.

[LESLIE GROANING]

What do you have for me,
royal court composer?

Your Majesty, may I present
my opera, Don Rigatoni.

It's based on a
local pasta maker.

[INSTRUMENTS TUNING]

I know how to ruin
this duck's music.

I'll sing it!

Once I step on stage,
this opera will be a
flopera.

And then the king
will certainly fire that
duck

and I'll finally become
the court composer.

[LAUGHS EVILLY]

[ROUSING MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ba
Moo moo moo moo moo moo

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

♪ Yum yum yum yum yum yum
Cluck cluck cluck
Cluck cluck cluck ♪

Oh, my! That guy is terrible.
It's missing something.

Ah, yes!

- I forgot the badger.
-[SNARLING]

Oink! [SCREAMING]

Needs more badger.

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

Um, I don't know
if we need jackals just yet.

Okay, jackals, go!

-[BARKING]
-[SCREAMS]

[SINGS HIGH NOTE]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

KING: That was amazing!

Who was that wonderful singer
who played Rigatoni?

-[GRUNTS]
- One moment, please.

[MOANS]

[GASPS] Leslie, that was you?
I loved the opera!

But what really impressed me
was your singing.

I loved it so much

I demand to see the show
every night for the
foreseeable future,

with the duck conducting
and you singing.

And don't forget the badger!

[SCREAMS]

Just goes to show ya,
you can never have
too much badger.

[SHRIEKS] Hoo, hoo, hoo!

[CHITTERING WILDLY]

Huh?

[CLUCKING]

[LAUGHS] Chicken!

[CLUCKING PANICKEDLY]

Boy, I say, boy,
put that back down.

[MUTTERING]

Say, what kind of weasel
are you, anyhow?

[CHATTERING WILDLY]

[COUGHS]

[FOGHORN READING]

Sounds foreign.

Anyhow,
didn't you read the sign?

[READING]

I'm Foghorn,
and this is my farm.

Or what's left of it, anyway.

Look at me
when I'm talking to you, boy.

And stick that tongue
back in your mouth.

Look, it's my job
to protect these ladies.

I can't let you waltz in
here
and eat them for lunch.

But I do love a challenge.
Good luck, boy.

Next time you try to steal
one of my chickens,
don't make it so obvious.

Boy's head is about
as empty as a syrup bottle
in a pancake festival.

[GRUNTING ANGRILY]

Boy, you stink worse
than a skunk
wrapped in Limburger cheese.

Didn't your mama
ever teach you how to bathe?

You gotta scrub, son.

Get into all of your nooks
and crannies.

Now, if you want to
get over a fence,
you gotta use your head, boy.

Why don't you just use
this here giant rubber band,
and take another crack at it?

[CHITTERING WILDLY]

[SCREAMS]

Don't worry, I've got ya!

Played a little ball
in the bush leagues.

Crowd nicknamed me The Missed.

'Cause every time
I went to the plate,
I swung and missed.

Sorry there, son.
I forgot to catch you.

Fall a little closer there
next time, would you?

Listen, boy,
you are sticking out
like a sore thumb.

You gotta blend in
with your surroundings.

It's called camouflage, son.
That's a word. Look it up.

Now, try again.

[GRUNTS]

I said, now, try again.

[GRUNTS]

I told you they called me
The Missed.

[CHITTERING WILDLY]

[GROWLS]

FOGHORN: Feeding time, ladies!

Come and get it. Huh?

Why, if it isn't
a little tree,

sprouting up
in my chicken coop.

Say, looks a little green.

You know, I think I'll just
go
and take a nice long walk.

So long, ladies!

Take care of yourselves,
while I leave you all alone
with no protection for hours.

[CLUCKING PANICKEDLY]

Ow!

You call this camouflage?

Why don't you just wear
a big neon sign that says,

"Look at me,
I'm stealing chickens."

If you're serious
about stealing chickens,

you gotta do
a whole lot better than
that.

[SHRIEKS]

Here's a tip, boy.

If you can't go
over the fence,

and you can't go
through the fence,

what's another way
to get past it?

Hmm.

Under it, boy!
Come on, now, take a hike.

Boy's flakier than
a pie crust in a snowstorm.

[CHITTERING WILDLY]

You might have guessed by now
that I'm messing
with his mind.

If he had a mind
to mess with, that is.

ROBOT: Cluck, cluck, cluck.

Close enough.
It's show time, anyhow.

[YELPS]

Hey, boy,
look at the size of this
one.

It's just waiting for you
to sink your teeth into it.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS AND GROANS]

[SCREAMS]

Come on, boy,
you can get this bird.

All you gotta do
is keep up your left.

Your other left, son.

Now, get back in there.

Boy's dimmer
than a 10-cent light bulb.

[YELPS]

[GROANS]

Well, I've had my fun
for the day.

I think I'll put Mr. Robot
on autopilot for a while.

To say that boy is as smart
as a box of rocks

would be an insult
to the rocks.

He's got one card in his deck.

He's as thick as
day-old tapioca pudding.

He...

Just ate my robot.

You realize
that was fake, right?

Made of metal,
not a real chicken.

[GULPS]

An authentic chicken's
got feathers.

And a beak and a wattle
like this, you understand?

Hmm.

Say, boy, now, take it easy.

I was just trying
to educate you is all.

[SCREAMING]

Easy, boy!
We're all friends here.

Big chicken.

I'm a rooster, son.

I'd teach you the difference,
but I'm too chicken.

He may rule the roost,
but Taz ruled the rooster.

[LAUGHS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]