02x11 - Face Off Model/5 Star Restaurant

[bunniefuu]

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

♪ ♪

This is my show!

♪ ♪

[bright music]

♪ ♪

- [crows]

[screeches]

- Presenting
the Cecil Breakfast Special:

burnt pancakes, burnt toast,

and, to wash it all down,
burnt orange juice.

Let's dig in.
Mwah!

- [yawns]

Morning, Dad.

- [sputters]
- Oh!

- Morning, Mom.

- [sputters]
- [blubbering]

- Morning, Squidina.

- [sputters]
- [blubbering]

- Morning, GrandPat.

- [gulping]

[sputtering]

- Gee, what's everybody
spitting at?

[dramatic music]

- Son, what's happened
to your face?

- Huh?

- Did you have
an accident, Patrick?

- Uh, I don't know.

Did I?

- I think I know
what's going on.

Patrick is off-model.

[both gasp]

- Off-model?

Does that mean I'm pretty?

- Mm, not exactly, Patrick.

It means you look a little...

different.

- Deh, I'm sure my fans
won't notice.

Speaking of which...

- It's "The Patrick Show,"

featuring your beloved host,
Patrick Star.

- Hey, everybody!

[all scream]

- Oh, it's hideous!

- It's unappealing!

- It's unnervingly symmetrical!

- I think he's cute.

- Change Patrick back!
Change Patrick back!

- No, it's OK, folks.

It's still me.

Squidina, cut to commercial.

- I wish we could, Patrick.

But all our sponsors
got so grossed out,

they fled for the hills.

- You can't sell anything
with a face that ugly!

- Let's got out of here!
- Oh, we need help!

- We got to get you back
on-model

before our viewership
is completely gone.

- What do we do?

- If there's anyone
who can help you

look like your old self,
it's Granny Tentacles.

- Wow.
[giggles]

[doorbell rings]

- Ooh.
Uh, who is this?

- Oh, hi, Granny Tentacles.

- It's Patrick.

- I'm not home.

- Can... we...

come... in...

please?

- [groans]
Fine. Come in.

I don't know how much more
my door can take.

- We've got to put Patrick's
correct face back on.

- Well, I always put my face on
first thing in the morning.

I just don't feel ready
until I do.

[alarm blaring]

Come on. Come on.

Let's have a look at you.

♪ ♪

[bell rings]

- [grunting]

- Well, what do you think?

- Huh?
What the...

I look like that hideous
old hag next door,

Granny Tentacles.

[screams]
So do you!

- What do you want
for free, kid?

I can only do the one face.

- [groans]

Guess I'm still off-model.
[glass shatters]

- Maybe we need
some fatherly advice.

[drill whirring]
Don't worry, Patrick.

Dad can fix anything.

He's always working
on the family boat.

[drill whirring]
- That ought to do it.

[expl*si*n]

Ah, perfect.

[knock at door]

- Hey, Dad.

- Do you think
you can fix my face?

- Well, gee, son, I've never
fixed a face before.

- Hmm.
[bell dings]

There you have it, then.

Just pretend that my face

is something
you've fixed before,

and absolutely nothing
will go wrong.

- Um...
- Great idea, son.

Let's get to work.

- Um!

- [grunts]

- All right, son.

This is gonna hurt you
a lot more than it hurts me.

- [laughing] Stop it!

[jackhammer rattling]
- [grunting]

[blowtorch roaring]
- It tickles.

- Phew!
That ought to do it, son.

Now you look shipshape.

[ship horn blows]

- [blubbering]
- Oh.

- Oh, I'm so sorry, son.

I forgot about the christening.

[glass shatters]

- You OK, Patrick?

- That depends.
[grunts]

Am I on-model yet?

It's gonna take a miracle
to get my face back,

maybe even
the strongest miracle of all,

a Christmas miracle.

- One problem, Patrick.

Today is Easter.

- [gasps] An Easter miracle?

That's even better.

Let's turn the TV
to the Easter Bunny tracker.

- Jolly old EB
has already made it

halfway around the world
at breakneck speed.

[gasps]
But what's this?

He appears to be stuck

inside Plankenstein's castle.

[thunder booming]

- [laughing maniacally]

- Please, let me go.

The children need my eggs.

- Silence,
you cotton-tailed freak!

You're not going anywhere
till we cut you open

and figure out how you lay
those technicolor eggs.

Why, it goes against
the laws of nature.

- Mm, afterwards I'll whip us up

an Easter egg omelet.

[door bangs open]
- Out of my way!

[all yell]

- Wait up, big brother!

- Oh, almighty Easter Bunny,

I've been such a good boy
this year.

Getting my face back
is my one Easter wish.

- I don't usually give
extra handouts on Easter,

but I guess you did save me.

Maybe there's something
that could help

in my magical
Easter Bunny basket.

- Oh!

It's just a stinky old
Easter egg?

- [roars]

- [screams]

- [snarling]

- [with high-pitched voice]
How do I look?

- Ew!
- Yeesh.

- Huh?

[screams]

[glass shatters]

- [grunts]

- [normally] You got to have
something, Easter Bunny.

I'm at my wits' end.

Maybe a lucky rabbit's foot
will do the trick.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold it, kid.

How's about a... a... a lucky

chocolate rabbit's foot instead?

- [munching]

Hmm?
[groans]

- Patrick, look, there's a note.

"To find your missing face

travel forward
through time & space."

- "Lucky numbers:


- Wow, rabbit's feet
really are lucky.

To the time closet.

- Thanks, Easter Bunny.

[screams]

[all moaning]

- As for you three
troublemakers,

you want to see how I lay
those Easter eggs, huh?

[grunts]

[all screaming]

Ha! There's plenty more
where that came from!

- How far into the future
should we go?

- How about...

to season five
of "The Patrick Show"?

[electricity crackling]

- Huh, everything
looks the same.

- h*, h*.

Welcome to the new
"Patrick Show."

Today we're gonna talk
about friendship and feelings.

[giggles]

[laughter and applause]
- I love feelings.

Both:
Ugh!

- Not the Patrick
we're looking for.

- We must have moved
to a different network

for season five.

- [speaking backward]

both:
Nope.

- Nuh-uh.

- Not that one.

- [snarls]

- Stop! That's the one
we're looking for.

- [snarls]

- Yup, classic Patrick.

- I don't think so.
- Hmm?

- [grunts]

Stupid dial won't turn anymore.

- Patrick, stop.

I think we made it
to the end of time.

[mysterious music]

sh**t, we went through
all that time,

and no sign of on-model Patrick.

Guess you'll be
off-model forever.

- Hey there, end-of-timers.

- Huh?
Well, you seem chipper.

- I didn't say anything.

- And welcome
to the final episode

of "The Patrick Show."

both:
On-model Patrick?

- Huh?
Off-model Patrick?

Both:
What are you doing here?

[laughter]

I remember now.

- Wait, what?

- We switched times...

- So that I could try...

- My time's version of...

both:
The Cecil Breakfast Special.

- We went through all that

just so you could have
some burnt pancakes?

- Well, duh.

My time's Cecil
makes these gross,

buttery, fluffy pancakes.

Hey, where'd they go?

- Beats me.

[gulps]
Mmm.

Disgusting.

Well, I think it's high time
I head back to my time.

- Aw, leaving so soon?

- We're gonna miss you,
on-model son.

- I'll miss you too,
off-model family.

All:
Aww.

[cheers and applause]
- Hooray!

- Oh, yes, this was
the best final episode.

[electricity crackling]

- Let's agree to never
go off-model again.

- You said it, sis.

- Hiya, kids.

- Mom? Dad?

- We got plastic surgery
so you'd feel less bad about...

uh, about your hideous face.

- But we see that's not
a problem anymore.

- Aww.

Well, in any case,

I think you guys
look more beautiful than ever.

- Oh. [laughs]
Oh, that's my ear.

My cheek is over there.

- This was the best Easter ever.

- It sure was.

All: Happy Easter
from the Star family.

[bright music]

♪ ♪

[bell dings]
- Order up.

One ultra-double-mega
Krabby Patty.

- Oh!

- With cheese.

- Oh!

- Eee!
- [laughing] Oh!

- Well...[chuckles]
I'll just be going.

- Huh?
Hey.

There's something wrong here.

- No refunds.

I mean...
[chuckles nervously]

Whatever could be wrong
with this perfectly good patty?

- There's no cheese on it.

- Phew.

Yeah, well,
you'll need to take it up

with the new fry cook.

He's still getting his sea legs.

- Don't mind if I do.

- Ah, it's still good.

- [gasps]

- Excuse me, Mr. "Chef,"

but I...
[fire whooshes]

Huh?

[grunts]

[gasps]

You're working here now?

- Howdy, son.

Just started this morning.

- Oh, my Neptune.

[alarm rings]

Dad, can I please help you
make Krabby Patties?

It's the only thing
I've ever wanted today.

- To tell you the truth, buddy,

I've pretty much
got things under control.

Oh, what the heck?

Welcome to the team.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Here's your hat, team member.

- I need an extra...
huh?

Patrick, what are you
doing back here?

I ain't paying you a salary too.

- I don't even like celery.

- Welcome to the team.

[fire whooshes]
- Whoa!

- Order up.

- Dad, I'll treasure this
always.

- No, you are going
to serve it to the customer.

- [yelps]

One Krabby Patty.

- Huh?

- Wonder where it went.

Hold on.

Got you a new one.

Oops.
Hold on.

Got you a new one.

What the...

Got you a new one.

- Oh, boy.

- [moans, gulps]

Enjoy your lunch.

- Has anyone seen Patrick?

He's supposed to be on
"The Patrick Show" right now.

- Sorry, Patrick's
working for me now.

- Oh, well, we'll just
film the show here.

- No, you don't.

No one distracts me employees
while I'm around.

- Hmm.
Not while you're around, eh?

Did I say "The Patrick Show"?

I meant
"The Eugene Krabs Story."

- "Eugene Krabs Story"?

I like it.

Finally, a chance to share
me stories with the world.

Where should I start?

- At the beginning.
And talk real slow.

- Oh, gee, I don't know.
I guess...

[dramatically]
There I was,

adrift in a sea
of amniotical fluid.

I could see a light.

- [grunting]

Time for some
reality television.

- Hey, lady, when's somebody
gonna take our orders?

- This is ridiculous!

- But I don't work here.

- Food, food.
- [whimpers]

all: Food, food,
food, food, food.

- Whoa!
[grunts]

OK, satisfying a bunch
of angry people...

I can do that.

I work in television.

Listen up, people!

We're on a tight schedule here!

Form a line, and no back talk!

All:
Yes, ma'am.

- And I want this tip jar full!

I need 57 hockey pucks,
walk them through the garden,

and don't spare the bride.

And I need them yesterday.

Oh, hi, Dad.

- Oh, hey, Squidina.

I'll have that for you
in uno segundo.

Patrick, how are those
cheese slices coming?

- Sharper than I thought.

I have a couple
of ouchie boo-boos here.

- My mother's intuition
is tingling.

Someone in here
has an ouchie boo-boo.

[grunts]
- Huh?

- [grunts] Mwah!

My brave boy.

I'm never letting you
out of my sight again.

- It looks like we've got
our newest hire.

- Wow, we've got me, Mom,
Patrick, Squidina,

the whole Star family.

- Yeah, the whole Star family.

We're not missing anyone else.

- Hey, coming through.
Move aside.

I'm on a fancy date.
Move it.

Right this way, mon poubelle.

- [groans]

- Ooh, now, this
is some great footage

for our senior citizen segment.

What can I get you?

- [inhales deeply]
- She'll take a small...

- I...
- Fries...

- You...
- From the dollar menu.

Here's a coupon.

And I'll have a deluxe patty

with the expensive fancy sauce.

- That'll be $159.95.

- Sure.
Let me just, uh...

I, uh... [chuckles]

Ah, you've got this,
right, sweetie?

- Well, I got your wallet,
I got your wheels,

and I got to get out of here.

So long, sucker!

- Ah, OK.
[chuckles]

Hey, Squidina,
how's about hooking me up

with the old family discount?

- Sorry, GrandPat.

If you can't pay for your food,

you'll have to work off
your debt.

- Debt?
Work?

[sighs]

All told, one of our
better dates, actually.

- Welcome to the team, Dad.

- [sputtering] Thanks, son.

[indistinct chatter]

- We're serving customers
at record speed.

If only there was some way
we could serve even more.

[sharp crash, glass shatters]
[yelps]

- Oops.

- Great idea, Patrick,
a drive-through.

- A what, now?

- Uh, yeah, can I get
a Krabby Patty...

[tires screech]
Ah!

- Uh, yeah, can I get
a Krabby Patty?

[indistinct chatter]

- OK, now we're getting
a little behind schedule.

[all clamoring]

- Yeah!
Who's running this joint?

- Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Come on, Squidina.

You can do this.

Dad, we need 150 Krabby Patties.

How many do you have ready?

- Uh, one.

- We need help.

You're hired.
You're hired. You're hired.

Hey, you're hired.

- [gibbering]

- You're hired too.

- [gibbering]

And you're hired.

- [gasps] M-m-m-me?

Hired at the Krusty Krab?

- Not you.
Him.

Squidward, we need your help.
- [yelps]

Get in there.
Get to work.

- [screams]

Ow!

- [groans]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, no.

Patrick, we have
too many workers

and not enough customers.

What should we do?

- I know where we can get
some customers.

- Ah!
- From my time closet.

[electricity crackling]

- [grunting]

- [hooting]

- [yells]

[people clamoring]
- [chomping]

[whinnies, chomps]

- Whoa!

- Huh?
- Need food.

[breathing heavily]

- No hygiene, no service.

Hmph!
- [growls]

[roars]

[chomps]

- Uh, enjoy your meal.

[whistle blowing]

[all clamoring]

[electricity crackling]

- [hooting]

[objects crashing]

- And that brings us
to yesterday.

[sharp crash]
Huh?

Newfangled technology.

[dull thud]
What's going on out there?

- [hooting]

- [screaming]

- [shrieking]

- [gobbling]

[yells]

[glass shatters]

- [grunting]

[expl*si*n]
- [yelps]

- [whimpering]

- [humming]

- [sniffing]
Is that your recipe?

- Yes, it's mine.

[expl*si*n]
[all screaming]

- Who did this to me restaurant?

Star family!

You ruined me!

[sobbing]

- Crybaby.

- Dear Neptune,
please send me someone

who can help me fix
me dining establishment.

Huh?
- [groans]

[dinging]

[electricity crackling]

[dramatic music]

Huh?
What's happening?

- Whoa!

- Whoa, whoa!

- [yelps]

- [yells]

- [grunts]

[all whimpering]

- Well, that wraps up
this segment.

- What's on next?

- The schedule says
customer testimonials,

but I think
that's getting bumped.

[all screaming]

- Hey, it's 6:00.
[watch beeping]

We're off the clock.

All:
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Great day's work.

- A job well done.

- Quitting time.

[both screaming]

♪ ♪

[electricity crackling]

- Huh?

The Krusty Krab, as good as new!

And it's all thanks to you,
young Mr. Squidward.

- Really?

I saved the day?

- Aye, lad, you did.

So I'm hiring you official-like.

Now get to work!

- Right away, Mr. Krabs...

I mean boss.

[laughs]

[humming]

[breathes deeply]

Things are looking up
for Squidward J. Tentacles.

Huh?

[sighs] Typical.