01x01 - Gone Fishin' (Sort of)/Beans Are from Mars

[bunniefuu]

- Attention, campers.
- Attention, campers.

- It's time for "camp lazlo."

- ♪ There were two scouts
who made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

- ♪ L
- ♪ a
- ♪ z-l-o

- ♪ L-a-z-l-o

- ♪ And lazlo was his name-o

- ♪ And then that trio
went to camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

- ♪ L-a-z-l-o

- ♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

- ♪ Yodel-ay-eee


Turner entertainment group

- I think it bobbed.

- No. I don't think so.

- Yes, I think I saw something.

- That was a bob.

- No, a wiggle.
- That was a wave.

- Hey! It moved! It moved!

- [All talking at once]

- You guys, we can't keep
pulling in the line

Every time a wave
moves the bobber.

[Teeth rattling]

- It moved again!

- [All talking at once]

- Aw, for crying out loud!

All right, I'll reel it in!

- Another snow globe.

- Cool. New mexico.

- Hey, guys, what if next time
we tried bait?

- [All talking at once]

- Slinkman, how did I ever
get put in charge of
such derelicts?

They can't do anything
for themselves.

Make sure you tie that lure
good and tight.

- Yes, sir.

- Slinkman, are you aware

That the whole time
I've been scoutmaster

Here at camp kidney,

Nobody, including myself,
has ever caught a fish?

- Pathetic, sir.

- Well, that's gonna change

Because i,
algonquin c. Lupus,

Am going to pull a fish
from this lake

If it's the last thing I do.

So keep quiet
while I cast this baby,

And see how it's done.

- Help! Help!

I'm being chased by cannibals!

- Aah!

- They're gonna eat me!

- Here I come!
Yah, yah! Yah!

- h*, h*!
You got me, raj.

I'm stew.

- Next time, I am captain cook,
and you are the cannibals.

- Cannibals.

- Oh, great.

Here come the fishing pros
from jelly cabin.

- Hey, scoutmaster lumpus,

Is that a special
swim-with-the-trout
fishing technique?

- [Mutters]
swim with the trout.

Yaagh! You mark my words.

A fish will be caught
in this lake
by this camp someday.

But the only way it will be done

Is if I get as far away
from you loud, clumsy scouts

As possible

And do it myself!

- But maybe there aren't
any fish in this lake
to be caught.

- Yoo hoo! Scoutmaster lumpus!

Oh! I hope you don't mind us

Sharing your fishing spot
with you.

Well, where else
can you find the fish

Actually jumping into your boat?

Ha ha ha!

Look at this--whoops!

A pike! Oh! Ha ha ha!

- That does it.

- Sir. Sir.

- You have my new
bass eliminator boat

And my fishing gear ready
first thing tomorrow morning.

This fishing drought
has gone on long enough.

- But, sir, the new boat's
never been tested.

- "Where else can you find
fish jumping in your boat?"

- Poor scoutmaster lumpus.

What do you say we help him
and catch him a fish?

- Ha! The only thing biting
off this dock are snow globes.

- All right.
Then we'll go out on the lake.

Fishing is better
on a boat, anyway.

- Yeah, right. Heh heh heh!

- Like you're gonna get us
out on the lake.

Heh heh heh!

- What's wrong with
going out on the lake?

- Uh...
- Uh...

- You haven't heard about
all of the weird, creepy stuff

That goes on in leakey lake?

- No. Like what?

- Only that the bodies
of dead outlaws are in there,

And their fingernails
are still growing.

- And sometimes
they get so long,

They reach up
and grab your boat.

- Grab your boat?

- There's also a drain
in the middle of the lake

That sometimes comes unplugged.

[Thunder]

- Yeah. It sucks down fishermen
in two seconds.

- Like a spider in a toilet.

[Thunder]

- Are you sure this all
isn't just legend?

- Wait! You haven't heard
the scariest one.

- D-don't say it.

- There's a serpent monster
who lives in the lake

Who feasts on the flesh
of anything in a scout uniform.

[Thunder]

- Anything?
- Anything.

- [Gulp]

- Wait a minute!

This is scoutmaster lumpus
we're talking about helping.

I think we should
put aside these stories,

Get on a boat tomorrow morning,

And catch ourselves a fish,

Not just for scoutmaster lumpus,
but for good, old camp kidney.

Are you with me?
Who's with me?

- [Bawk]

- Raj?

- Excuse me, but I am busy
questioning your sanity.

- Come on, guys.

- Ok. Help lumpus.

- Wait. You're not going to
leave me here alone, are you?

- Catch a fish.
Help lumpus.

- Catch a fish. Help lumpus.
What about get eaten alive?

Is that in your vocabulary, huh?

Get eaten alive?

- [Mooing]

- Ahh. Smell that, raj?

It smells like...

[Sniffs]

Pine air freshener.

I love the morning,
don't you, raj?

- The thought of going
to this creepy lake

Is making my uvula
do the cha-cha.

- Hey, raj, look!

- Ooh! It's gleaming.

- Is that for fishing?

- Nice boat. Nice boat.

- Wow!

What an impressive watercraft.

- Lazlo, this looks like
lumpus' boat.

We should not be messing about.

- Come on, raj, it's cool.
We're just gonna look.

- This does not look
like a fishing boat.

Ooh!

It looks more like a spaceship.

- Yeah! Let's play spaceship!

- Ground control to major clam.

Initiate launch sequence.

- Initiate launch sequence.

- Ground control to major lazlo.
Pressurize cabin. Over.

Major lazlo pressurizing cabin.
Over.

Close pod bay doors.

- Closing pod bay doors.

- Rotate tires.
- Rotating tires.

- Oh. Lazlo?

- Engage wipers.
- Engaging wipers.

- I think we should be careful.

- Eject cd changer.
- Ejecting cd changer.

- Aah! Lazlo, I'm not
comfortable with--

- Turn on hazard lights.
- Defog windshield.

- Engage passenger-side airbag.

- Lazlo! Lazlo! Lazloooo!

[Screaming]

- Whoo!

- [Laughing]

- Houston, we have liftoff!

- Let's go, slinkman.

The fish are calling collect.

- I'm coming, sir.

- Time to show those bean scouts
what real fishing is all about.

- Yes, sir.

- Slinkman, did you remember
to get my tackle box ready?

- Yes, sir.

- My net?

- I have your net, sir.

- And did you remember

To get my x5000 bass eliminator
watercraft ready to launch?

- All ready for launch, sir.

- [Cheering]

- Slinkman, was that my boat?

- Ahem. I believe so, sir.

- With that jelly cabin
trio of derelicts driving?

- Ah, yes, sir.

- That does it!

- Where are you going, sir?

- To get my boat back!

- Why did it stop?

We are in the middle
of the lake.

- I don't know.

There was a beep-beep,
and then a boop,

And then it just went kaput.

Well, I guess we should fish
since we're here.

Got to help lumpus.

- It is very spooky down there.

I think I see fingernails.

I'm going blind!

- It's just lake fog.
It'll lift.

- [Teeth chattering]

This is quite scary.

- [Roar]

- What was that?
- What?

- That sound.
There is a definite sound.

It's--it's growling
and splashing.

- I don't hear anything.

- Oh, no, lazlo.

- [Growl]

- There it is again.
It's coming closer.

It's the drain of leakey lake.

It's the dead outlaws
with long fingernails.

It's--it's--it's a lake monster!

[Yelling]

- Wait! Wait!
It's scoutmaster lumpus!

- Sorry, scoutmaster lumpus.

- That's lupus, you thieves!

- Uh, raj?

- Great holly!

It's the plug
to the leakey lake drain!

I've pulled the plug!
Put it back! Put it back!

[Grunt]

Uh-oh.

- Isn't this great?

- Oh, great. Lovely.

- I'm sorry we sunk
your fancy boat

And mistook you
for a lake monster.

But you've got to understand,

We were just trying to
help you catch a fish.

- Help me? Help me?

You really want to help me?

- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.

- Help me catch a fish?

- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.

- The only way you 3 bozos
can help me catch a fish

Is to get as far away from me
as possible

And not help me at all!

- Hey, scoutmaster lumpus,

Do you think
we're far enough away?

- No, no, just a little farther.

- Good luck, scoutmaster.

- Yes. Thank you.

- Look how happy he is.

We're helping him
by not helping him.

- We are very good
at not helping him.

- Let us know if there's
any more not helping we can do.

- Oh, you're doing just fine.

I have a feeling that
with your help of not helping,

I'm going to catch the biggest--

[Sputters]

Lake monster!

Help! Aah!

- Lazlo?
- Yes?

- Scoutmaster lupus is being
attacked by a lake monster.

Do you think he needs our help?

- No, I think
he's just testing us.

We promised not to help.

- Help me now!

- No, lazlo, I think this time
he really needs us to help him

By helping him.

- Really?

- Mother of mercy,
help me, please!

I beg of you!

- No, I think he said
under no circumstances

Do we help him by helping him.

- But if we don't help him,

The circumstances
for helping him could change

And be more flexible
in the direction of
actually helping him,

As opposed to not helping him.

See what I mean?

- Hmm. Kind of.

- I know it in my heart
to be true.

- Um...ok.
I guess you might be right.

Scoutmaster lumpus,
do you need our help?

Because you asked us
not to help.

- Oh, no.

I'm just getting eaten
by a ferocious lake monster.

Don't worry about me.

What makes you think
I need your--

- Ok.

- Lazlo.
- Yes?

- Eh, I do need your help.

And look!
I caught a fish!

- Wow! Hey! Look, guys!

A fish! We caught a fish!

- Lazlo. Lazlo?

Lazlo? Lazlo?

- Scoutmaster lumpus ordered us

To have you for lunch.

- Ah, gee, thanks.

After I eat my fish sticks,

Can I go back in the water?

- Sure!

- Fish sticks!

- Ha h* h*!

Thanks for recovering

My snow globe collection.

Ever since I lost it,

I've had such odd food cravings,

Don't you know?

I'm--well, I'm really
a vegetarian, you know.

[Moo]

[Toot]
[blatt]


- Attention, campers.
- Attention, campers.

- It's time for "camp lazlo."

- ♪ There were two scouts
who made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

- ♪ L
- ♪ a
- ♪ z-l-o

- ♪ L-a-z-l-o

- ♪ And lazlo was his name-o

- ♪ And then that trio
went to camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

- ♪ L-a-z-l-o

- ♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

- ♪ Yodel-ay-eee

Today we're going to cover
first aid training.

- [Groaning]

- I know it's hot,
but bear with me.

I'm going to go over this
step by step.

I'm a professional,
so I know this by heart.

So...ahem.

"Know this by heart."

First, I need one
of the scout cabins

To show me their knowledge
of first aid.

Pinto bean cabin?

- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Jelly bean! Jelly bean!

- Kidney beans?

- Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh!

Jelly! Jelly, jelly, jelly,
jelly, jelly!

Oh, jelly bean!
Jelly, jelly!
Jelly bean!

- All right. Jelly--

- Jelly bean cabin
reporting for duty, sir.

- Ok. Bean scout bernie
has a stomach ache.

What do you do?

- [Crying]

Someone call 911!

- It's just a stomach ache.

- Oh. Um, yeah.

Clam, elevate his legs.

Raj, check for dilated pupils.

- Aye, aye.

His pupils are dilated...
And googly.

- [Gasp]

I'd better do the heimlich!
Clear!

[Music playing]

- Ice cream!

Ice cream man!

- Yuminy, yiminy
ice cream man!

Unh!

Ice cream man!
Ice cream man!

Ice cream!
Ice cream! Ice cream!

- Wait a minute.
Hold it.

Slinkman, will you please?

Where do you think you're going?

- We're just getting
some ice cream.

- It's so hot, scoutmaster.
Couldn't you just--

- Back, back, back.

No one gets ice cream
until first aid is over.

- Oh, scoutmaster lumpus?

- Uh, slinkman.
Yes? What is it?

- We did it!
I think he's gonna be ok.

- Keep practicing.

- Ahh. There's nothing like
a little bit of ice cream

To help cool off
on a hot summer's day.

Mmm! Mmm!

- Affirmative, patsy,

And nothing goes better
with ice cream

Than a fine piece
of classic literature.

- Ice cream! Ice cream!
Ice cream! Ice cream!

- Unh!
- Oof!

- Ice cream! Ice cream...

- Miss mucus,
why are boys so weird?

- Yeah.

- [Belch]
and gross, too.

- Because they're from mars.

- Mars?

- Miss mucus is just teasing us.

- You girls can believe
what you want,

But I have yet to meet a man
that I knew for a fact

Wasn't completely
from another planet.

- I don't know, patsy.
The evidence is
quite compelling.

Most if not all
of the male characters

In my statistically
male dominated
science fiction collection

Are aliens.

- Well, lazlo is no alien.

- Looks can be deceiving, patsy.

Beneath that seemingly passive
and zen-like monkey exterior

Might lie a strange visitor
from another planet.

Face it, patsy.
Facts are facts.

- I bet his kisses
send you into orbit.

- Mmm, mmm, mmm.

- Can it, gretchen.

Well, you're both wrong,
and I'll prove it.


Pay jelly cabin
a visit tonight,

And we'll settle
whether or not boys are aliens

Once and for all,
squirrel scout's honor!

- Squirrel scout's honor.

- Ok, jelly cabin,
you heard dr. Lumpus.

We've got to get it right.

Quick, dr. Raj, diagnosis.

- I--i do not know.
He looks very hot.

Maybe he needs some water.

- [Gasp]

He's got heat frustration!

Code red! Code red!
Clear the trauma ward!

Patient still appears
aquatic and unresponsive.

Patient is flat-lining!

Quick, dr. Raj, call obstetrics
and prep for surgery!

- But I have not
even scrubbed yet.

Eee! Aah!

- Ready for shock therapy.

Clear!

[Sigh]

Patient's eyes are googly again.

- Oh, yes.
Very well done, dr. Lazlo.

- Well done! Well done!

- Hey, lazlo, how did you do
that sparkly thing?

- Easy. You just get
some friction going,

And voila!

Ta-da!

- Heh heh heh!
- Wow!

You mean like this?

- And this?

- Ooh! Ahh!

- All right.
This looks about right.

Let's settle this
once and for all.

Gretchen, your nail file.

- Ok, neckerly, you're up.

- Ooh!
- Aah!

- [Gasp]

- What is it, nina?

- They can't be!
- Who can't be?

- The bean scouts. They're--

- They're what? Nina!

- Electroid space borgs.

They've come to blow up
the earth,

Just like in my book.

- Electroid space borgs?

- Cool! Let me see.
- Me, too! Me, too!

- Ooh! Ooh! Ahh!

- Lazlo's an alien!

- Patsy, calm down!

And get your foot
out of my nose.

[Crash]

- What was that?

- I don't know,
but...let's recharge!

- [Crying]

I never thought my lazlo
could be...an alien.

- Patsy, he's not
just any alien.

He's a...
"An electroid space borg

That feasts off
the host planet's population."

- That's enough!
- Aah!

- Ok. I can accept that
lazlo and the beans are aliens,

But I am a squirrel scout,

And what is the one thing that
squirrel scouts won't accept?

- Uh...getting their brains
eaten by electroid space borgs?

- Let's get 'em, girls!

- [Grunting]

- Who are you?

- What do you want?

- [Sniffing]

And why do you smell so nice?

- Hee hee hee!

- Shut your traps.

- How--how can they
smell so nice

And be so mean?

- Tell us your plans,
you disgusting aliens.

- Aliens? We don't know
what you're talking about.

- Do you think
we're gonna fall for that?

- We're too smart.

- You said it, gretchen.
Uh, ahem. I mean, number 3.

- Aah!

Squirrel scouts.

- Hey, squirrel sc--

- Let me handle this.
I have a plan.

- I heard that!
What plan are you talking about?

- Our plan to take over
the world, of course.

- [All gasp]

- I knew it!

- And we will begin
by eating everyone's brains.

- Our brains?
We love our brains.

- You better call off
your invasion

Because we're keeping
our brains.

- No one can call off
the plan except...

The leader!

- Aah!

- Hey! Give me that!

- Take us to your leader.

Ha! I have always
wanted to say that.

- [Laughing]

[High-pitched vibrating]

- [Teeth chattering]

Yah! It's the alien leader!

- Hee hee hee!

- [Screaming]

- Oh, fearful leader.

Who dares approach me?

It's just me, lazlo the alien.

State your business,
or I'll melt your face off!

Bag ladies from earth
have discovered our plan.

No matter!

We will still carry out our plan
to take over the world,

And we'll start
by eating the brains of...

The bag people!

- [Screaming]

- Because they smell so good.

- [Crying]

But I like my brain! I like it!

- I love your brain, too!

- Hey, who's out there?

- We're just squirrel scouts.

- With unflavorful
squirrel brains.

- Isn't there anything else
that would appease your hunger?

- Well, there is one thing.

Snickers

- Mmm!
- Mmm!

- It is even better than
I imagined it would be.

[Slurping]

- [Slurps]

It's so cold,
I can see my breath.

[Exhales]

Hey, what's wrong with clam?

- Oh, h*, h*!

- He has what we call
the brain freeze.

Mmmph! Mmmph!

- Ha ha ha! Brain freeze!

[Screeches]

- [Laughing]

- Be careful.

- Your faces could
stick that way.

- Especially since you just ate


- And, uh, everyone knows
that aliens don't eat ice cream.

- Oh, yeah? Let's recharge.

[Squirrel scouts screaming]

- Scoutmaster lumpus ordered us

To have you for lunch.

- Ah, gee, thanks.

After I eat my fish sticks,

Can I go back in the water?

- Sure!

- Fish sticks!

- Ha h* h*!

Thanks for recovering

My snow globe collection.

Ever since I lost it,

I've had such odd food cravings,

Don't you know?

I'm--well, I'm really
a vegetarian, you know.

[Moo]

[Toot]
[blatt]