01x07 - Dosey Doe/Prodigous Clamus

[bunniefuu]

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside down-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yodel-ay-eee

Now hear this, scouts.

Time to wake up and get to work!

Everyone to the flagpole at

Once!

Let's get a move on, campers!

[



We have a lot of work to do

Today, and I don't want to see

Any slacking off, or I'm giving

Out demerits!

Everyone get to work!

Dave!

That is not the way we coil

Here!

Raj!

You have put oak leaves in a

Spruce pile!

Clam!

You dropped a pine cone!

Very sloppy, scout heads!

I am very disappointed in all of

You!

This stinks.

Lumpus is going to work us to

Death!

Something is not quite right

With him lately.

Guys, this is too much, even

For lumpus.

I'm going to go find out what's

Wrong with our scoutmaster.

Try to relax, sir.

You're getting yourself a little

Worked-up.

Jane doe is a very unique

Woman--i mean, doe.

And what do you know about

Does, slinkman?

Well, sir, i--

Nothing!

Right, sir.

Oh, jane.

Cruel, cruel jane.

I spoke with her only yesterday.

How did it go, sir?

Be safe, squirrels!

Oh, slow down, almondine!

Put those mushrooms down, amber!

I'm pretty sure that those are

Poisonous.

Hi, jane.

Play nice!

Um, I was thinking that I'm a

Scoutmistress and you are a

Scoutmaster, and maybe we could

Get together some time and, uh--

No!

Absolutely not!

Ok, never mind.

Take that out of your mouth,

Susie!

It's, uh, bad, very bad.

I am sorry to hear that, sir.

[Banging]

It's...just...not...fair!

Hmm.

It's serious.

Lumpus is in love.

Lumpus likes jane doe, but he

Doesn't think jane likes him.

That's why he's been working us

To exhaustion.

But I have a plan.

I propose we throw a dance party

And invite the squirrel scouts.

Dance?

We don't dance, lazlo.

Not to worry, edward.

Nobody has to actually dance.

Just leave it to me and my

Friends from jelly bean cabin.

Ok, lazlo, but if this

Backfires, you guys are

Finished!

What do you know about love,

Lazlo?

Nothing.

Coo-coo, coo-coo!

But I do know squirrel scouts

Can't possibly resist a cute,

Little dove.

Be mercury, yoko, and take this

Invitation to acorn flats.

Fly like the wind!

[Yoko passes gas]

That should do it.

Ah!

The squirrel scout rsvp.

Hmm.

What did they say?

They prefer to be invited in

Person, so why don't you guys go

Over to acorn flats and have a

Little chat with them...

But, lazlo--

While I convince lumpus to

Come to the dance?

We're gonna see some real sparks

Tonight between lumpus and jane!

There'll be fireworks!

Fireworks?

But, lazlo, what do I tell them?

I trust you, raj!

I'm sure you'll think of

Something!

[Whimpers]

Quick, clam, think of something!

Oh!

[Door creaks]

Ah, slinkman, you're back.

I'm sorry I kicked you out the

Window, slinkman.

Please come in.

I have just been under a lot of

Strain lately with this jane doe

Business, and I could use a

Friend.

You know, slinkman, i--

[Gasps]

[Shouting]

Lazlo!

Don't you have work to do?

Scoutmaster lumpus, what if I

Were to tell you that you could

Be the man you always wanted to

Be?

What are you talking about?

Charming, confident,

Romantic--

Get to the point.

What would you say if I were

To deliver unto you a certain

Jane doe?

J-jane d-doe?

What if I were to say that

The forces were being set in

Motion that will have you on

That dream date with destiny?

We already told you, we're

Not going to any stupid dance!

Grrr!

[Whimpers]

D-did I say dance?

Ha ha ha ha!

No, no, no, no dance!

Um, lazlo said there will be...

Sparks and, um, fireworks and--

Lazlo said fireworks?

[Sighs]

Sounds romantic.

Um, I mean, uh, sounds stupid!

We don't care what lazlo

Said!

Yoo-hoo!

Are you girls playing nice?

Oh, hello, den mother doe.

So, aren't you going to

Introduce me to your little

Friends there?

Oh, um, yeah.

Uh, they're just a couple of

Bean scouts.

They were just telling us about

Some party or something.

[Whispering]

Help...us.

Ooh!

A party?

What kind of party?

A hootenanny.

A hootenanny!

Ooh, how fun!

What kind of hootenanny?

A shindig.

You mean like a hoedown?

A hullabaloo.

Ooh, hee hee hee hee!

Oh, that sounds just great!

Oh, I'll go get ready.

Ok.

You guys just dodged an arrow on

That one.

We'll show up to your

Whatever-it-is-you're-having,

But it better be good.

And if lazlo said there'll be

Fireworks, I want fireworks.

Aaah!

A dance?

No, no!

I can't dance!

But, scoutmaster lumpus, jane

Doe is gonna be there.

No, no, no!

Call it off!

There will be no dance!

[Crash]

The dance is on!

Oh, oh, oh!

I just love a good

Shin dootenannebaloo!

[Giggling]

Hello.

Welcome to camp kidney.

This place is a dump.

Ha!

For chumps.

A chump dump.

They are sure evil.

[Fiddle playing]

Thank you all for coming to

Our--our shin dootenannebaloo

Here at camp kidney's beautiful

Mess hall, an evening I'm sure

None of us will ever forget.

Ok, guys, I got 'em warmed up

For you.

Just stall 'em for a sec while I

Get scoutmaster lumpus.

Don't leave me alone with

Them!

[Microphone feedback]

[Chuckling nervously]

Get on with it!

And just where do you think

You're going, huh?

Wouldn't want you to miss the

Fireworks.

Fireworks?

You said there would be

Fireworks, lazlo.

I was just on my way to get

Them.

Be right back.

Scoutmaster lumpus!

Scoutmaster lumpus?

Go away!

Scoutmaster lumpus, you're

Supposed to be getting ready for

The dance.

I--i--i can't!

I don't know what's wrong with

Me.

Every time I think about ja--

Ja--ja...my mouth gets dry, I

Start to sweat, my hands start

Shaking, and I can't breathe!

Ok, ok, scoutmaster lumpus.

Just relax and you'll have

Nothing to worry about, ok?

Of course, these clothes will

Have to go.

Anyway, enough about my skin

Disorders.

Heh heh!

What do you say we start this

Dance?

[Girls murmuring]

Uh, i--i mean this shin--shin

Doo--dooten--

Get off the mike!

[Girls booing]

C-clam?

[Festive music playing]

[Woman yodeling]

Ooh, I love this song!

[Yodeling continues]

[Wolf whistle]

Look out, jane.

Here comes tarzan.

Perfect.

Well, how do you feel now?

I think I'm going to be sick.

[Yodeling continues]

[Record playing at lower speed]

Oh, goodie!

A slow dance!

Now, now, almondine, don't be

Shy.

Amber, you, too.

♪ Someone's had their eyes on

You, nina ♪

Oh, gretchen.

Now there's a looker.

So romantic.

I know judo.

Ewww!

Wipe that grin off your face,

Creep, before I take it off

Myself!

All right, lazlo.

This dance is over.

Get 'em, squirrels!

You're mine!

[Sighs]

To be young and in love.

Come on, bean scouts.

We're not gonna let a bunch of

Squirrels push us around.

Do not listen to him.

He does not speak for the rest

Of us.

Lazlo!

Hello, party people!

[Babbling]

Ja-ja-ja...

What's goin' on, ladies?

I'll tell you what's going

On!

This shindig--

Hoedown?

Hullabaloo.

This whatever-it-is!

Are you talking about the

Dance?

[Girls growling]

Ok, girls, that's too close.

Oh!

Ha!

I could sure use some help.

Heh!

Where is that other chaperon?

Ja-ja-ja...

[Sniffing]

Oh!

Well, there you are.

I've been looking all over

For you.

Sh-she's been looking for me?

She's been looking for me?

Little...old...me!

[Girls growling]

[expl*si*n]

[Girls gasping]

[Parade music playing]

Ooh!

[Fireworks popping]

That was, like, so cool!

His head, like, totally

'Sploded.

Ahem!

Yes, that--that was really

Quite, um, something.

Heh!

Well, lumpus is in great

Spirits now that his head blew

Up.

I guess that means

Everything's back to normal?

Ja-ja-jane!

Try to relax, sir.

Well, it looks as though

Everyone is satisfied, lazlo.

I guess I do know something

About love after all.

Hi, lazlo.

I just wanted to thank you for

Tonight.

Really?

Yep.

You said there'd be fireworks,

And you meant it.

Well, patsy, you know--

That was the worst

Shin dootenannebaloo I've ever

Been to!

You realize that you were

Destined for greatness?

Well, nigie, it all started--

Excuse me, sir.

Here's your lifetime supply of

Waffles, compliments of

Waffle-teria.

For me?

Waffles.

And your plane is waiting to

Take you to your moose lodge

Appearance in palooka.

Palooka?

Oh, gee, palooka.

I can't keep track of my busy

Tour schedule.

And here are two seats near the

Kitchen for our next appearance.

[Toot]

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside down-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yodel-ay-eee

No!

I cannot watch!

Come on, raj.

It's not every day you find a tv

In your meatloaf.

It's even black and white.

That's the best.

The juniper tree can look

Friendly...

I am not wanting to look at

It.

...but watch out.

We are not allowed to have

Technological advantages in

Camp.

Don't worry, raj.

It's the tree channel.

...can be cannibalistic.

It's educational.

Slinkman!

Confiscate that tv!

Yes, sir.

Oof!

Scoutmaster lumpus, you're a

Totem pole?

Don't give me that!

You know that tvs are forbidden!

But, scoutmaster lumpus, we

Were watching nature.

I did not watch!

I did.

Nature?

You shouldn't be watching

Nature!

This is camping!

Camping is about having nothing

To do...

In nature!

How did we do today, slinkman?

Very good, sir.

Some gum, candy, toys, and a tv.

Any kazoos?

No, sir, not this week.

Darn!

Well, let's see if this tv

Works.

Yes, sir.

Ah, kinda junky.

No reception.

Sit here.

Hold this.

Ah, no, no.

Wait a minute.

Nope, that's not it.

No.

Come on!

Here, have some chocolate.

There we go.

[Muffled]

You're watching "scout

Chatter"...

Oh, great.

With your host, nigel

Slothworm.

Hello.

I'm nigel slothworm.

This week, the chatter around

The scout camps is in about

Scoutmaster wesley and...his...

Uh...scout genius.

Yes, that's right!

He plays the piano upside down.

Really?

Well, let's see it.

This ought to be good.

♪ Oh, little genius

Wake up, little--

[Playing classical music]

[Applause]

Bravo.

You must be very proud of your

Little camper there.

Yeah, real proud.

He's changed my life.

I used to have to deal with lots

Of scouts and all their little

Headaches.

Now I'm famous, I make lots of

Cash, and I'm touring the world.

Hmm, some guys get all the

Luck.

Isn't it true that one out of



Yes, yes, that's right.

Slinkman, how many scouts do

We have?

14, Sir.

That's it!

What's it, sir?

This is my ticket out of

Here!

I can finally say good-bye to

Camp kidney and hello to the

World!

All I have to do is find that

One genius.

I wonder who it is.

Apples.

Well, we know who it's not.

Slinkman, put me on the

Loudspeaker at once.

I want my genius before lunch.

Apples.

Ok, scouts, settle down.

Is everyone here, slinkman?

Meeting, meeting!

Everyone's here now, sir.

Find a seat, uh, campers.

Seat, seat.

It has come to my attention

That--

[Chanting]

Meditation's over!

Psst, lazlo!

Ooh, look.

A puzzle.

Now, then, it has come to my

Attention that one of you is a

Genius.

And, therefore, to find this

Genius, I will test each one of

You until the shoe fits,

Metaphorically speaking.

The box in front of you contains

A 1,000-piece picture puzzle.

You have 10 seconds to put it

Together.

Can I have a lick?

Ready, go!

[Tweet]

Hey, that's my piece!

No, that's mine!

Give me that!

Puzzle done.

Back in box.

Time's up!

Um, how do I open the box?

This is gonna take longer

Than I thought.

Next test!

[Blows whistle]

Next test, next test.

Ok, you have 10 seconds to

Paint me a masterpiece.

Ready, go!

Time's up!

I am one with the canvas.

Do any of these scouts look

Like geniuses to you, slinkman?

Not as far as I can see, sir.

Painting done.

Ok, everyone, next test.

Painting done.

What?

Oh, yes, very nice.

Worst thing I've ever seen.

Slinkman, when am I gonna find

My genius?

No clue, sir.

Uh, painting done?

[Accordion playing out of tune]

Harmonica.

[All playing loudly at once]

Quiet!

None of you are geniuses!

Why are none of you geniuses?!

All I ask is just one genius.

That's it.

But no, no.

I'll be stuck here in camp

Kidney forever.

[Notes playing in tune]

[Symphony playing]

I don't believe my ears!

I've never heard anything

Like it!

[Man singing opera]

Slinkman?

Heh heh.

It's genius.

[Full chorus singing "ode to

Joy"]

And he's my genius!

♪ I found him, I found him

At long last, my search is over.

[Song ends]

Bravo, bravo!

My little genius!

I've found you at last!

You are looking so brilliant!

This is the happiest day of my

Life!

Hello.

Is this the "scout chatter"

Show?

This is scoutmaster lumpus, from

Camp kidney?

I don't like to brag, but I've

Got a camper that is such a

Prodigy, we would love to have

You over to see him in action.

Name?

Lumpus.

L-u-m--oh.

The camper's name.

Uh, hold on a second.

Now, where were we?

Yes, tomorrow night will be

Fine.

See you then.

Um, the scoutmaster would

Like you to dine with him

Tonight.

Ooh!

Well, hello, my little meal

Ticket--i mean, genius.

Now that you're moving up in

The world, I thought you might

Like a taste of the good life.

More beans and wieners?

Once you ace your genius

Audition tomorrow, you and I are

Leaving this place forever, on

To a life of fame and fortune:

Bingo parties, moose lodge

Dinners, free links at the

Waffle-teria!

What more could you possibly

Want?

Oh, raj, I'm glad that clam

Is getting some recognition.

I recognize him.

He is the short one with the

Very big nose.

But if this audition goes

Well, we might have to let him

Go.

Go where?

To the life of a genius.

He's our friend, and we should

Support him, even if it means

We're gonna miss him.

Hi, clam!

We just want to wish you good

Luck tomorrow, and no matter

What happens, we're rooting for

You.

Thank you for coming,

Mr. Slothworm, sir.

I'm sure you'll just--

I've got a very busy

Schedule.

Just bring out camper

Smarty-pants.

Clam! Clam! Clam! Clam...

Are you ready, sweetie?

Good.

Just do your best, 'cause if you

Mess this up, we'll both be

Stuck in camp kidney forever!

[Honk honk]

[Kazoos blowing]

Welcome to camp kidney's

First annual one-man talent

Show, and let's give a warm

Welcome to a special member of

Our audience who--

Just get on with it!

Oh, uh, right.

Yes, of course.

So, while you are watching the

Act that I taught this young

Scout, rember me--algonquin g.

Lumpus, scoutmaster to the

Stars.

So, without further ado, I give

You the genius!

[Fanfare playing]

[Kazoos blowing]

Any time now, maestro.

[Inhaling deeply]

[Long burp]

Yay!

Yes!

What an idiot.

Clam! Clam! Clam! Clam...

Uh, sometimes geniuses can be

A little eccentric.

Heh heh!

[Raspberry]

This camper's no genius.

In fact, the only bigger loser

Here is you!

You'll never work in cable

Access again!

Wait!

I'm sure I can find another

Genius!

Come back!

[Raspberry]

That was genius, clam!

You're a genius!

Genius.

There goes my only chance at

Freedom.

Here, sir.

I confiscated this during the

Show.

I thought it would cheer you up.

For me?

A kazoo?

[Plays a sour note]

On second thought, I'll give

It back.

Well, it sounded genius

To me.

You realize that you were

Destined for greatness?

Well, nigie, it all started--

Excuse me, sir.

Here's your lifetime supply of

Waffles, compliments of

Waffle-teria.

For me?

Waffles.

And your plane is waiting to

Take you to your moose lodge

Appearance in palooka.

Palooka?

Oh, gee, palooka.

I can't keep track of my busy

Tour schedule.

And here are two seats near the

Kitchen for our next appearance.

[Toot]