01x09 - Float Trippers/The Wig of Why

[bunniefuu]

[Trumpeting]

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for "camp lazlo."

♪ There were two scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

[Shatters]

[



Hurry up, you two.

We're going to be late for the

Canoe trip.

Hey, why aren't you guys eating?

We kind of lost our appetite

Staring at your stinky old

Retainer.

Do you have to take it out at

The table?

Well, if you have lost your

Appetite, I know a simple

Solution.

[Burping]

All done!

Let's get going.

I have been looking forward to

This trip for weeks.

Nothing could keep me from

Having the time of my--

My retainer!

Aah!

Where is it?

Where is it?

Where is it?

[Groaning]

My retainer!

Aah!

[Boom]

Not there.

[Stuttering]

My retainer, it's gone!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,

No...

All you all right, raj?

Did you find your retainer?

No, I did not.

I have had to wear it every

Single day for the last 5 years.

I had only one day left.

Well, what difference could

One day possibly make?

What difference?

What difference!

My brother never wore a

Retainer, and look what happened

To him!

He ran away and got a job at the

Circus...

In the freak show, and that's

Exactly what is going to happen

To me unless I find my retainer.

[Crying]

Raj, don't be ridiculous.

You're not a hideous freak.

I...i'm not?

No, you're a smelly, mutant

Weirdo.

Sitting in a garbage can.

[Laughing]

[Sighs]

Oh, no!

[Crash]

[Sniffing]

Ahh.

Hey, raj, can you just smell

That fresh mountain air?

I mean, my goodness.

Not every day that you get to

See beautiful scenery like this.

If you'll turn your attention

To the right, you'll notice the

Great pine trees of prickly

Forest, and on your left is the

Pile of smelly garbage called

Smelly mutant mountain.

[Laughing]

Hey, I don't get it.

I do.

I don't care.

I don't care about the mountain

Air, I don't care about the

Scenery, and I don't care about

This stupid float trip!

All I care about is my retainer.

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

Ooh, look at that.

Neat.

We should go that way.

Is that the way to my

Retainer?

Well, maybe not the way to

Your retainer, raj, but you know

What they say about the river

Less traveled.

My retainer travels with it?

[Bird squawking]

Lunchtime, raj.

It's your favorite: peanut

Butter and pickle.

You know, I used to love

Cleaning my retainer after

Eating peanut butter.

No, you didn't.

You complained about it all the

Time.

Sometimes you don't

Appreciate what you have until

It's gone.

I've got a good idea.

Let's go canoe dancing!

Canoe dancing.

Nothing's more fun than

Dancing in a can--whoa!

[Splash]

Isn't this great?

Sure.

Whatever.

Hmm.

Oar fight!

Hey, yeah.

Oar fight, raj!

[Laughing]

Isn't this fun, raj?

Sorry.

Ha ha.

Hey, raj, check this out.

Ta-da!

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

Well, raj, I really don't know

What we can do to make you feel

Better about losing your

Retainer.

And, you know, when I'm feeling

This way, there's really nothing

Left for me to do except to play

Some there's-nothing-left-for-

Me-to-do-but-play-some-sad-

River-banjo-music music.

[Tuning]

Ahem.

♪ Oh

[Off-tune]

Roses are blue

Violets are too

Candy is so sweet

But not as sweet as-- ♪

Well, actually, it's also

Sticky, just like your hair

Right after you comb it with

Your mom's comb that has globs

Of sticky hairspray on it, so

Then your cowlick gets all

Sticky and won't go down,

And you look like a sasquatch

All day--

♪ I got the no-good lousy blues

Oh, birds, they gotta swim

And fish, they gotta fly

Sometimes I feel like living

Sometimes I want to forget-- ♪

All about having to leave camp

And go back to school and have

The teacher call on me when I

Don't know the answer 'cause she

Has some kind of radar that

Tells her when I don't have a

Clue and I'm gonna look like a

Dummy in front of our whole

Class until recess when I can

Scream and have fun again--

♪ And forget about the no-good

Lousy blues ♪

Lazlo, you're right!

You are right!

It's time to forget my blues!

Here I am, heading down stream,

Surrounded by a wonderland of

Nature with my two best friends,

And I am letting some dumb old

Retainer ruin my fun.

Well, I don't need it.

Even if my retainer floated past

Me right now on a tray--

Ooh, milk--

I wouldn't pay it any mind.

I'd just let it float right on

By.

It means nothing to me now.

Well-done, raj.

You did it.

Did what?

You passed on the perfect

Opportunity to retrieve your

Retainer.

I'm so proud of you, raj.

Today you've proved that you can

Let go of something you really

Want, even if it's in reach.

That you don't need perfect

Teeth like mine to find

Happiness.

Happy.

And that you're completely

Comfortable with the strong

Possibility that your smile will

Now one day look exactly like

Your brother's.

Aah!

My retainer!

[Groaning]

What did I say?

Aah!

Retainer.

Retainer, retainer, retainer,

Retainer, retainer, retainer,

Retainer, retainer.

Retainer.

Retainer, retainer, retainer,

Retainer!

Clam, we gotta stop raj!

Must get retainer before the

Waterfall!

Waterfall?

[Groaning]

Raj, stop!

Let your retainer go before it's

Too late!

Must have retainer!

[Groaning]

Aah!

[Screaming]

Ha ha.

We're not falling.

We're safely hanging 500 feet

Above deadly rapids.

Aah!

I love the sound of

Waterfalls.

It's music to my ears.

Sounds more like screams of

Terror from those jelly cabin

Guys.

Now that's music to my ears.

Boy, I'd give the shirt off my

Back to see lazlo and those

Jelly cabin dweebs in harm's

Way.

Hey, what's the idea?

See?

Aah!

Here, take my pants, too.

Lazlo, can you see my

Retainer down there?

It's too far to see.

It's at least a 500-foot drop.

I'm going to jump for it.

What?

No, raj.

Bad idea.

Raj is gonna jump!

They're goners!

Go for it, raj!

Rember when you said you

Didn't need a retainer?

But that was before I knew

Where it was.

Is a smelly, slimy, filthy

Retainer that can only offer an

Eternity of straight teeth more

Important than your friends?

Your best friends?

I want to thank all my

Friends for coming to help me

Celebrate my 100th birthday.

You may now sing to me "the

Birthday song."

Oh, sing it yourself.

What?

Who said that?

I did.

You did?

But where are all of my friends?

What friends?

You chose me, you big, pink

Goof.

No, I chose my friends!

Raj chose us!

Us!

Ah, thanks for saving us--

Ahh!

Hooray!

Whatever.

Hooray!

Give me my shirt back.

Do you think he wants his

Pants back, too?

So, what was I saying?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I guess I won't ever have

A perfect smile, but who cares

When I have two great friends

Like you.

It's a good thing we landed

Without injury, huh?

You said it, pal.

[Screaming]

Aah!

[Trumpeting]

[Trumpeting]

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for "camp lazlo."

♪ There were two scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

[Shatters]

[Cracking]

Aah!

Help!

An angry juice machine!

Juice machine!

I am the treacherous machine!

I am a robot.

What is that?

Hey, robot, pick that weird

Thing up.

I am not a robot.

I am a juice machine.

I know what it is.

It's a wig.

Look!

I'm a caveman.

Ooga, ooga.

Ugh, ugh.

I'm a hippie, man.

I'm madam lazlo, the psychic,

Predictor of the future.

I predict the arising of...

Um, a great water beast.

[Dolphin sounds]

Wow, what a strange coincidence.

Madam lazlo, you are

Clairvoyant.

Do it again!

Do it again!

Again. Again.

Hmm...i predict that samson

Will get hit in the face with a

Volleyball.

[Cheering]

Madam lazlo, our small minds

Are humbled in the shadow of

Your magnificent wig.

Why don't you do a prediction

For me, lazlo?

Oh, hi, edward.

Sure.

Whoop, whoop, whoop.

Hold on.

Madam lazlo does not just give

Predictions away.

Ok.

So, what does madam lazlo want

For one of his predictions?

Hmm...how 'bout...

How 'bout one of these?

One of what?

A smile.

A smile?

No way.

Just give me the prediction.

You heard madam lazlo.

One smile for your prediction.

Not a chance, trunky.

Suit yourself.

If you want to risk the future

To chance, that is your

Business.

A smile is a sign of

Affection, which I do not have

For you, lazlo.

Step right up if you care to

Be amazed and astonished by the

Potent powers of the mysterious

Madam lazlo and his wig of why.

And who are you supposed to

Be?

I am raj, the wig keeper.

One smile, please.

You may enter.

Welcome.

I am the magnificent madam

Lazlo, truth-teller,

Sooth-seeker, seeker of the

Sooths.

You may be seated.

We are seated.

Oh, yeah.

I knew that.

He predicted we would sit!

After we did it.

He knows the past.

And the present.

He said we would sit, and we

Did.

We should ask when we'll sit

Again.

What can madam lazlo do for

You today?

My brother, dave--

[Coughing]

Said you give--

[Coughing]

Predictions.

Oummm...

I predict that you, ping pong,

Will...

Ahh...ahh...

Become allergic to my

Predictions.

[Sneezing]

Wow, that's amazing.

[Sneezing]

Next!

Madam lazlo, I have this

Problem--

[Chattering]

Madam lazlo, you're becoming

Very popular.

Ok, who's next?

Psst.

Uh, madam lazlo's presence is

Being requested by a very

Important but anonymous patron.

Ah, madam lazlo.

Please come in.

Have a seat.

It's kind of dark in here.

Yes.

I don't usually do this sort of

Thing.

Yes, I know.

I have this friend, you see,

Who is a scout master, and he,

Let us say, has dreams.

Dreams that are bigger than any

Scout camp can contain.

Dreams of fame and fortune!

Can you help me--him?

Help him what?

Help me--ahem--i mean

Him--him get as far away from

His camp as possible

And never ever come back.

Uh...

I am prepared to pay you

Handsomely.

Please accept this beautiful

Gift in exchange for your

Services.

Just like yourself, I hear it

Comes from the old country.

So...anything?

Anything?

Come on!

I paid you.

Start predicting something!

Oh, oh, yes.

The great madam lazlo sees...

Yes?

Your friend...

Yes? Yes?

Getting fame and fortune.

All right for my friend!

But...

What? What? What? What? What?

He will have to...

What? What?

Dress up as a prima

Ballerina, stand by the camp's

Gate at precisely 8:00 p.m., And

Then, only then a chariot of

Light will whisk him to fame and

Fortune.

I knew it!

A chariot of light!

Fame and fortune!

Prima ball--huh?

Prima ballerina?

Yes.

Prima ballerina.

Oh, madam lazlo, my friend will

Be so happy.

Oh, good.

[Stifles laugh]

[Chattering]

Oh, thank goodness you are

Back.

Lazlo, what are you doing?

You must remount your wig at

Once.

We cannot let them see you like

This.

My wig is worn out.

I think I'm done making

Predictions.

Making predictions?

You can't!

Can't?

Can't.

Why can't i?

Because.

Because why?

Because you have one more

Prediction to do.

One more.

Ok...and that would be for

Whom?

Oh, all right.

Zippity zap, blah, blah, blah,

You'll be visited, blah, blah,

Blah, by the legendary pink

Geek.

There.

What's a legendary pink geek?

Dunno.

There he is: madam lazlo!

[Cheering]

All right, monkey boy, here's

Your smile.

Can I finally have my

Prediction?

Look, we were just playing a

Game.

[Gasping]

What?

It was all for fun.

The booth, madam lazlo, even the

Wig.

[Gasping]

You're just saying that to

Avoid giving me a prediction.

Look!

It's fake!

No, it's not.

You predicted chip and I would

Sit down.

Yeah, and--and we been

Sitting down on and off

Regularly since then.

Lazlo said I was allergic to

Predictions.

Every come I come and get a

Prediction, I sneeze.

He predicted I'd get the

Hiccups.

[Hiccupping]

He predicted breakfast.

He sure did.

That volleyball thing--ooh!

He predicted my toenails

Would grow.

Hey, you know what?

He probably predicted he would

Say he's a fake.

Give us another prediction.

Whoo!

We want a prediction.

We want a prediction.

We want a prediction.

All right!

You want a prediction?

I'll give you one to show you

How ridiculous you're all being.

I'm gonna write something on the

Inside of this wig, something

That can't possibly come true

In a million billion years.

[Chattering]

And I'm not gonna let anyone

Read it until tomorrow, and

You'll see once and for all that

All of this is just a game.

Oh, man.

I gotta get that wig.

Come on, lazlo.

Just tell us what is the

Legendary pink geek?

Tell us!

Tell us!

It's written in the wig,

Isn't it?

Pink geek!

Come on, tell us!

Nope.

No one will know.

Nope.

Just give us a peek.

Nu-uh.

Just a little one?

No, raj.

You have to wait till tomorrow

Like everyone else.

Now, go to sleep.

That's it!

Madam lazlo, where are you

Going?

Gotta put this wig where no

One will get to it.

Shampoo and cream rinse?

The wig looks lovely in

Moonlight.

[Groaning]

Wig's here.

Party!

[Panting]

Do you come here often, wig?

[Screaming]

[Sighs]

There.

That ought to hold till morning.

Aah!

Tell us a prediction, madam

Lazlo.

Ugh, take the prediction.

Just take it now, and you'll see

How wrong--

Ok, madam lazlo, but aren't

You going to charge me a smile

First?

A big old smile like this one?

Is this smile big enough for

You?

[Laughing]

Now can I have a prediction?

Huh?

Is that ok?

Can I have your prediction now,

Madam lazlo?

[Maniacal laughter]

Here comes the prediction,

Campers.

Will smile for lazlo?

What does it say?

Yeah--ugh!

Tell us what the prediction is.

Um...nothing.

Oh!

Madam lazlo's a fraud,

A fake.

You should all forget the whole

Thing ever happened.

My face hurts.

Fake?

And I was so looking forward to

Seeing this legendary pink geek.

Ok, let's see.

Prima ballerina.

Got that.

I'm looking pretty good, too.

It's almost 8:00 p.m.

That's good.

Whoo, what's this?

Well, that'll do just fine.

Ok, now stand where?

Oh, right.

The camp gate.

Yeah, that's right.

And now I wait for the chariot

Of light to whisk me away to

Fame and fortune.

[Gasping]

The chariot of light--i can see

It!

[Siren]

That's it, officer.

That's my wig.

[Gasping]

[Screaming]

Aah!

[Trumpeting]