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02x11 - Camp Samson/Beany Weenies

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Camp Lazlo". Aired: July 8, 2005 – March 27, 2008.*
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Series follows Lazlo, an anthropomorphic spider monkey who goes to a camp called "Camp Kidney", a Boy Scout–like summer camp in the Pimpleback Mountains.

02x11 - Camp Samson/Beany Weenies

Post by bunniefuu »

[Reveille plays]

Attention, campers,

Attention, campers--

It's time for "camp lazlo!"

♪ There were to scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

[



[Snoring]

[Wheezing]

[Snort, snort]

My health buddies!

Are you all here?!

Oh, oh!

Let's see!

Eyeball buddy,

Asthma buddy,

Allergy buddy,

Foot fungus buddy.

Wait!

Where's my skin rash buddy?!

Oh!

There you are.

You know, sometimes I think you

Guys are my only friends.

Pretty silly, huh?

Ha ha ha.

Who said that?

I heard it, too.

I think there's someone in

The cabin with us.

Guys, it's me.

Oh!

Oh!

Sorry, sampson.

Guess we didn't see you there.

Didn't see me?!

Yeah.

Sometimes you kind of blend in

With the background.

But, don't worry,

It won't happen again.

Guys,

You're talking to my laundry

Hamper.

Sorry, sampson.

Oh, that's ok.

Ha ha ha ha.

I didn't have the heart to tell

'Em they do it every morning.

Ok, everybody,

See you in one hour.

I better hurry or I'll miss

Canoe club!

[Panting]

Here I am!

They left without me?!

I see it, but I don't

Believe it!

Well, I hate to do this,

But they leave me no choice.

I'm gonna wait right here until

They get back!

And when they see me sitting

Here, they'll feel terrible!

So, then I said, "hey,

What are canoe paddles for if

You can't sneeze on them?"

Sounds logical.

Well, it's about time.

What a great canoe day.

I'll say!

Super!

Yep.

Fabulous.

Stupendous.

[Panting]

Hey, look!

Something to tie our canoe to.

[Whistling]

No more!

[Straining]

Hey, it's sampson.

Yes, it's sampson!

So nice of you to remember!

[Sobbing]

No problem, roomie.

I was being sarcastic!

[Gasping]

Sampson, that's quite a glare

You're giving dave and

Ping-pong.

I guess I'm pretty steamed.

Want to talk about it?

Well, canoe club was my idea.

And no one even noticed I wasn't

There.

It seems like I'm always being

Left behind, forgotten,

Unheard.

I feel like my heart is

Breaking.

[Snort]

Hey, what the--

What were we talking about?

Um...

Breaking...

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something breaking

Or break in.

That's right.

Chef mcmuesli's junk food vault.

I say we break in tonight.

You mean his secret stash of

Confiscated snack foods?

h*, h*!

Count me in.

I have a question.

What should we wear?

Something nice.

Dave and ping-pong will be

Photographing the event for the

Camp kidney yearbook.

Wow!

The yearbook?!

Oh, definitely count me in!

When did you get here?

All right, now listen up!

Everything we've trained for is

Right below these cellar doors.

Are there any questions?!

When do we take the yearbook

Picture?

All right, let's get to work!

[Alarm blaring]

Aagh!

Whoa!

Hey, campers.

Sorry about the trap door.

But, rember, only junkheads

Eat junk food.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Some ride, huh, fellas?!

Now, when do we take the

Picture?

What's the deal with your and

Pictures?

Pictures are forever!

Ugh!

All right.

Let's make it quick.

Ping-pong, you ready?

Just about.

Gather around the shrub tunnel.

Say "cheese."

Oh, oh!

Whoa.

Wow.

Oh!

This yearbook is gonna be the

Best one yet!

I'll say!

In fact,

Maybe we should crack one of

Those bad boys open right now!

You'll see it in the morning

Like everybody else!

Ha ha ha ha.

Ok, fellas.

[Snoring]

I want to see the pictures of...

[Snore]

Who is that?

[Coyote howls]

I want to see...

[Snoring]

[Snoring]

The yearbook!

At last!

Photographic evidence of me

Fitting in!

Let's see!

Where to start?

Hmm!

There's the genius society.

Well.

That's disappointing.

Ok, let's see, what about the...

The whiney sickly gray furry

Guys with glasses club?

Oh, boy, I thought I'd be in

That one for sure!

Well, there's always nerd club.

Wait a minute!

I was there that day!

Good thing I'm in the junk food

Heist club photo or I might go

Crazy or something.

[Gasps]

The glare from my glasses!

Who said that?

When did you get here?

Sorry, sampson.

Guess we didn't see you there.

[Voices yelling]

So, nobody notices sampson,

Huh?!

I'll give 'em pictures!

Pictures are forever!

[Snoring]

Pictures...

Oh.

Health buddies!

Oh!

There you are.

Last night, I dreamt the most

Vid dream.

It seemed so real.

That ever happen to you?

Hey, what about you guys?

Dave, ping-pong?

Guys?

Hello?

[Murmuring]

Hey, fellas!

Is that the new yearbook?

[Muttering]

[Clamoring]

Hey, everybody.

[Booing]

Well, I've heard of throwing

The book at people, but this is

Ridiculous.

I'll tell you what's

Ridiculous--this yearbook!

Am I in it?

In it?

You're on it.

You're all over it.

Oh, boy.

Oh.

Oh!

Ooh, not bad.

You're even where the ads are

Supposed to be.

So, it wasn't a dream?

Poor sampson.

Nobody notices you.

This guy doesn't even have a

Name, but you don't see him

Hijacking yearbooks!

Yeah!

You're not supposed to talk

Either.

Hey, guys,

What's a few pictures?

Can't we just forget the whole

Thing?

The only thing we want to

Forget is you!

Oh.

Now the only thing I'll be

Remembered for is being a jerk.

Not even my health buddies can

Help me now.

Aah

Comfort food.

[Door slams open]

Hey!

Where'd you get that?

What?

This old thing?

I got it from the junk food

Vault.

[Gasps]

That's impossible.

No one can get past that

Security system!

What security system?

I just walked right through...

Just like I always do.

[Gasps]

Show us.

Ok.

But then I want to talk about

Making up for the whole yearbook

Thing.

[Owl hooting]

Pah!

Good luck getting past the

Trap door.

What gives?!

Look!

His orthopedic shoes didn't

Trigger the sensors.

Go, sampson!

He'll never get past

Mcmuesli's security cameras.

[Stammering]

Oh!

[Whistling]

[Gasps]

What's his name is in the

What-a-ma-call-it.

Nobody's ever made it to the

Cellar before!

[Wheezing]

Oh!

Come on.

Don't you know I have asthma,

You stupid inhaler?!

He'll never get past the

Lasers.

It's as if the laser beams

Were completely ignoring his

Existence.

He's definitely not breaking

Into the safe.

[Klaxon blares]

[Gasps]

The safe!

Yay, sampson!

Whoo-hoo!

Chef mcmuesli!

Not so fast!

Where you going, junkhead?

[Upbeat music playing]

[Cheering]

Head rush!

Will you sign my yearbook?!

Sure!

Sampson.

Huh.

Nice to meet you.

Edward...

Don't you think we owe sampson

An apology?

You're right, lazlo.

I'd like to propose a toast to a

Good friend.

He's had a long and bumpy road

Here at camp kidney, but he's

Finally found his place among

Us.



Camp kidney's most unnoticeable

Camper!

Hip, hip, hurray!

Hip, hip, hurray!

Hip, hip, hurray!

Uh, hey, fellas,

That's not a...

Oh, nerts!





]

Oh, nerts!

[Reveille plays]

Attention, campers,

Attention, campers--

It's time for "camp lazlo!"

♪ There were to scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

[Reveille plays]

All right, ladies,

Let's hit the showers!

Left, left,

Left, right, left!

Left, left,

Left, right, left!

Gargle, gargle,

Swish, swish, spit!

Left, left,

Left, right, left.

Left, left,

Left, right, left.

Left, left!

Aah!

Like a well-oiled machine.

[Reveille plays weakly]

What in tarnation?!

Aagh!

Oh!

I'm up!

I'm up already!

[Muttering]

Uh-oh.

[Ringing]

Time's up, camp kidney.

[Growls]

Yes, commander hoo-ha, this is

An anonymous caller with--

[Muffled voice]

Yes, that anonymous caller.

I'm demanding that camp kidney

Be closed!

[Muffled yelling]

Because they're the most

Unfit, uncoordinated slab of

Reject scouts who ever donned a

Uniform!

And if you don't shut down camp

Kidney, I'll report their

Ineptitude to the big bean

Himself!

[Groan]

[Muffled yelling]

[Muttering]

Whoever you are, you're

Blocking my sun.

Beat it.

Hey!

Attention!

Scout commander on deck!

At ease, scoutmaster.

This will only take a minute.

Front and center, scouts,

Pronto!

I have an announcement to make.

Ha ha!

That's right!

You have an announcement,

Hoo-ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Go ahead and tell 'em your

Announcement.

Ahem, ahem.

As you know,

Camp kidney is the most unfit,

Uncoordinated slab of reject

Scouts to ever don a uniform.

So, now I'm closing it down,

Humpty lumpty, and I only need

You to sign this because I enjoy

Watching you squirm and sweat!

I didn't see that coming.

Duh.

Close camp kidney?!

Gee willickers.

Boo hoo!

Ha ha, suckers!

It's over!

Sign the order.

That's it!

Uh-oh!

Oh, great!

Going to sharpen a pencil.

How long is this gonna take?

Wait a minute.

Who's this?

Come on, kid.

Let it go.

It's over.

What?

Give me a break!

No!

Wait!

Hoo-ha, don't listen to him!

Slug, where are you?!

Finally!

No!

Aagh!

[Groans]

What's going on here?

Oh, hi, miss mucus.

Hoo-ha here was just about to

Close camp kidney.

And you were gonna sign,

Lumpity, right?

Wrong.

We're gonna get these campers in

Shape.

They've agreed to take the

Annual scout fitness test to

Prove they're a camp worthy of

The scouting world.

I thought fitness would be

Fun, and camp kidney is all

About fun!

You losers couldn't pass a

Fitness test for fleas!

Lovely butterfly.

Hmm.

Perhaps you're right.

Maybe we should just close camp

Kidney.

Ok.

Unless...

You were to coach them.

Squirrel scouts are always in

Tip-top shape, miss mucus.

Surely you could do the same for

These beans.

Does that sound fair,

Scoutmaster?

I don't know.

Ok.

Can I put my pants on?

Slugman, lend her the keys to

The bus so she can haul this

Load to acorn flats for some

Real scouting.

I've got a golf game tomorrow

Afternoon, so let's do this

Fitness thing first thing in the

Morning, ladies.

Fetch my clubs, slugman.

Yes, sir.

It's slinkman, sir--

Never mind.

[Grumbling]

Stupid beans.

[Muttering]

It certainly is nice of

Miss mucus to help us pass our

Fitness test.

Excuse me, miss mucus,

Thanks for helping us pass our

Fitness test.

Fitness can be fun!

Ha ha ha ha.

You want fun?

Try passing that fitness test

After I roller coaster and

Cotton candy you till you drop.

That's right, beans,

Fitness is fun!

[Cheering]

I'm eating seafood.

See my food?!

Aagh!

[Cheering]

[Screaming]

[Laughing]

Whoa, ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ah, ha ha ha ha!

How's that fitness course

Coming, lumpus?

Almost finished, sir.

Nice shot, sir.

Thank you, slugman.

Slinkman, sir.

You've got 5 minutes, lumpus.

I'm teeing off at noon.

All done--whoa!

Ah, yes.

Very good.

Fine obstacle course for young

Scouts to test their skills.

Miss mucus, are those scouts

Ready to go?!

Ready to go, commander!

They're ready to go, all right.

[Groaning]

So,

Do we all still think fitness is

Fun?!

[Cheering]

Yeah, fitness fun!

Fun!

Ready for more fun,

Miss mucus.

Who ever thought that staying up

All night at a carnival would be

The perfect exercise regiment

For our scouting skills?!

All right, camp kidney,

Time to slog 1,500 yards through

A maze of randomly-placed lumber

And bog slimes so you can earn

Your camp back!

So, let's go.

On your mark.

Get set--

Hold it!

Oh!

What is it now?!

Uh, just a little extra

Credit fitness for a few special

Cases.

Ha ha ha ha.

Well, hurry it up.

Extra credit fun!

Credit fun!

Miss mucus, what kind of fun

Fitness extra credit is this

Anyway?

It's the inescapable dark

Tower of eternal fun!

The place where all fun

Mysteriously disappears into.

Ha ha ha ha.

Hmm.

This is an interesting

Type of fun.

On your mark,

Get set,

Go!

[Groaning]

[Snoring]

Come on, chip!

Try to stop throwing up on skip

And cross the moat!

[Groaning]

[Snoring]

How they doing, slugman?

Slinkman.

Uh, not so good, sir.

Oh, that's too bad.

What a shame.

Lazlo?

Raj.

I don't think this is fun.

Depends what you mean by fun.

Well, by fun, I mean the type

Of activity that creates a

Certain tickle-like sensation

Around one's stomach region.

Uh, yes.

I see.

Tickle!

Tickle, tickle, tickle!

Stop that!

We're trying to think here.

Tickle, tickle!

Ha ha!

Stop it!

Ha ha!

Got ya!

Oh!

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

It's just so sad.

I don't think a single

Bean scout has finished

The course yet.

Sad indeed.

And to think I tried so hard

To train them.

So hard you tried.

Ha ha!

Tickle, tickle!

No, no, no, no, no!

Tickle, tickle!

Ha ha!

Ha!

Tickle!

Ha ha!

Tickle, tickle!

Oh.

Dave?

Ping-pong?

Hello?

Someone?

Oh!

I stink!

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo

Oh, nice shot, sir.

Huh?!

Oh!

Thank you, miss mucus.

Well, off you go then.

You don't want to be late for

That tee off, sir.

Well, slugman, it's been

Great.

Slinkman, sir.

But I'm not seeing any fit

Scouts around here.

You?

No, sir.

Lumpus!

Attention!

Commander on deck.

Where's those closing orders?

Here, sir.

All right.

Where were we?

Pencil.

Ah, yes.

[Whirring]

Raj, this feels like

It might be fun!

I...

Think you're right!

Ha ha!

Fun!

Aagh!

Hey, chip, skip,

Are you having fun?

Yeah, lazlo!

Hello, edward!

We are having fitness fun!

Oh!

It is like having a carnival

In my tummy!

Tummy!

Hey!

Look at that!

The fitness course finish line.

How about that!

Didn't know the test even

Started.

Miss mucus!

That wasn't extra credit.

You wanted to make the

Fitness test fun for us,

And you did!

That was one of the most

Astonishing displays of physical

Fitness I've ever seen!

Did we pass?!

Well, of course you passed,

Son!

[Cheering]

Wow!

Miss mucus, you are incredible!

All that dedication to a camp

That's not even your own!

Hats off to you, ma'am.

Oh!

Gonna miss tee off.

Toodles!

[Engine starts]

[Tires squeal]


Commander hoo-ha,

Can I put my pants back on now?

Oh, nerts!