03x01 - 7 Deadly Sandwiches

[bunniefuu]

Camp lazlo 26



["Reveille" plays]

Attention, campers,

Attention, campers--

It's time for "camp lazlo!"

♪ There were two scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside-down-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

[



Oh, slinkman.

If jane doe only knew how I felt

About her.

Why, I'd even give her this

Tasty sandwich.

I mean, if she wanted it.

Uh, that's true love, sir.

Ok, maybe half of it.

Ok, ladies.

Melons ready?

Fire!

I'd even throw in a potato

Salad.

Incoming, sir.

Although, potato salad could

Get her sick.

I wouldn't want her to get sick,

Would i, slinkman?

Yes, sir.

I would want her to get sick?

No, sir.

Well, is it yes or no,

Slinkman?

Make up your mind!

And look at me when I'm talking

To you!

Yes--

Sir.

Ok, ok, settle down.

The rock buckskin fan club will

Now come to order.

Yay!

Now, last week we were all in

Agreement rock buckskin is our

Favorite actor.

[Sigh]

He's so dreamy.

And that we would forgive him

For his latest flop "caribbean

Caribou 2: back in action."

It really had no plot.

Anyhoo, getting down to this

Week's business.

Ok, here we go.

[Knock on door]

Ooh, [gasp]

Another fan club member.

Oh, h* h*.

[Gasp]

Scoutmaster lumpus!

Oh...

Hi, jane.

I was just--

Well, I didn't know you were

A rock buckskin fan.

Oh, please, come on in.

Oh, and I see you brought your

Pet slug.

It's slinkman, ma'am.

I'm his assistant, rember?

Oh, oh, yes.

I'm sorry. Of course.

Slugman.

Well, why don't you slither on

In.

Ha ha ha!

Isn't it great that we all share

A love for rock buckskin?

Rock whoskin?

[Sigh]

Leading men like rock send my

Heart aflutter.

They do?

So, we were just about to

Discuss our latest field trip to

The theater.

We love theater.

Tonight we will be attending

A play called "7 deadly

Sandwiches," about knowing your

Poisons in the forest.

Sounds high concept.

So, who are the lucky actors

Getting all of your undivided

Attention?

I'm sure you know because

It's at camp kidney.

It is?

Yes, sir.

The campers are putting it on.

Will we be seeing you and

Your slug there, scoutmaster

Lumpus?

Uh, why, yes, yes.

In fact, I'm playing the lead.

What?!

But, sir, you--

[Gasp] the lead!

Oh, how exciting!

Yes, yes it is.

But, sir--

They don't call me "leading

Man lumpus" for nothing.

Oh, well, we can't wait to

See you perform.

Me neither.

Well, I must be going.

Dress rehearsal, you know.

Come along, slug.

[Muffled speaking]

Break a leg,

Scoutmaster lumpus.

Yes!

Look for me.

I'll be the one with all the

Attention.

Sir, I can't believe you told

Such a blatant lie.

It won't be a lie when she

Sees me in the lead role.

Sir, the play has already

Been cast, and it's tonight.

Ha ha ha.

Slinkman, what director in their

Right mind wouldn't replace the

Lead to have me in the starring

Role?

Hey, look, everyone.

Look what I'm doing with my

Lips.

Hi-ya.

Hi-ya, hi-ya, hi-ya...

Hey, edward.

What part did lazlo give you?

I'm poisonous tree sap.

The part he was born to play.

All sandwiches to the stage

For dress rehearsal.

Has the skunkberry sandwich

Arrived yet?

I specifically asked for rye

And I got wheat.

I'm wheat intolerant.

Lazlo, I don't feel so good

In this costume.

Raj, you're the lead.

You look great.

But I am in lederhosen and

They are shaping me.

Here, I rewrote some lines.

The lederhosen are very

Important to your character.

Are tights important?

Because they're demanding a lot

Of attention.

Script change.

Script change.

Oh, another one?

This is the fifth one today.

Where's our poisonous

Mushroom?

He is sitting on a cow patty

Method acting.

[Flies buzzing]

Lazlo, these lines are totally

Out of my character.

I cannot work this way!

Ok, everyone.

Let's do a run-through.

Places, everybody.

Here comes fred, our ignorant

And famished lead character.

Raj!

What?

Oh!

I am but a famished traveler in

The woods, and gee, I am

Ignorant as to what I can eat.

Ok, chip.

Now enter stage right.

Greetings, famished--

Wrong, chip.

Stage right.

Oh, this is confusing.

Greetings, famished traveler.

Please eat me.

I am a poisonous frog sandwich.

That's a very picklely

Looking frog.

Wrong line, chip.

Yeah, that's my line.

I'm the frog.

What frog?

I'm the frog guy.

I know.

What frog?

Where is it?

Raj is right, skip.

Where's your frog?

Oh, I took him off.

He kept eating my flies.

[Ribbit ribbit]

Lazlo!

I cannot get into my character

If frogs are going to be a

Distraction.

Ok, ok.

Could the animal trainer please

Feed the frog before curtain

Tonight?

[Whip cracks]

Sorry, I'm on it.

Ok, samson, you're next.

On my cue.

And...action!

Hello.

I am a poison skunk sandwich.

Skunkberry.

Huh?

It says you are a skunkberry

Sandwich.

Read your script!

Oh...

Lazlo, are you sure there isn't

A part for a lighter bread

Sandwich?

Maybe sourdough or something?

Hey, laz, there goes my frog.

Skip, could you forget about

Your frog for long enough for me

To get a line out?

Animal trainer?

I cannot work under these

Conditions!

Poison mushroom!

Poison mushroom!

Cut!

I cannot believe this play is

Tonight.

[Muttering indistinctly]

If anyone needs me, I'll be in

My trailer!

Stupid tights!

See, slinkman.

They need a lead actor with

Strong commitment to do whatever

It takes to hog up that

Spotlight.

Step aside, step aside.

Your ne--

Hey, scoutmaster lumpus.

Did you come to watch our play?

Um, watch it?

I'm in it.

I'm the lead.

[Laughter]

That's a good one.

Why...

Ha ha ha.

Why is that so funny?

Because raj is the lead, and

He already knows all the lines.

I don't know why that

Matters.

He rewrites the script every 10

Seconds.

Um, actually, there is a new

Part we haven't found someone

For.

I just wrote it.

Is it big?

Only an actor with true

Strength could even play this

Role.

Oh, well, I am the strongest

Actor at camp kidney.

I know.

That's why I chose you.

You're the only one who could

Handle this role.

Lazlo, for the good of this

Play, I accept.

Great!

Here, read the script.

You'll need to know this play

Inside and out before tonight.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Ooh, that's funny.

Ok, why don't you just feed me

My lines?

Um, all right.

I'll cue you when it's time.

What about my costume?

We're still making it.

We'll have it by tonight.

But I really think I should

Rehearse in costume.

Places, everyone.

Let's try it again.

Here's your hat, raj.

Cue the most poisonous sandwich.

Action!

I am still a famished

Traveler.

I hope I stumble on something

Soon so I can eat.

Maybe you should eat me.

I am the most poisonous sandwich

Of all.

Why are you flying?

Dramatic effect.

Dave, be more poisonous.

Poison it up!

Amateurs.

Ooh, this might make something

Dashing to put on.

Ok, why is he flying?

Just go with it, raj.

You know, improv.

What is this improv?

It's like being spontaneous.

There.

Now all I need is a rope to--

Oh, ha ha ha.

Spontaneous?

Like a surprise?

Yeah.

Just let things happen.

Aah!

There, see?

Improv.

Common rope.

What's wrong with you?

[Screaming]

But you look like a sap.

Don't push me, ping.

[Screaming]

Hey, where's my cue?

Great, everyone.

We're ready!

[People chattering]

"The weekly bean" gives this



How can you read that

Garbage?

[Gasp]

Oh, look, almondine!

There's scoutmaster lumpus,

Just like a star.

Oh, h* h*!

Oh, my, he looks so lifelike.

Hello, jane.

Oh, my!

Aah!

Glad you could make it.

I was just doing my "sticking my

Head through a sign" relaxation

Technique.

It limbers me up for my big

Dramatic scenes.

You look so leading mannish

In your costume.

Oh...

You like it?

Just a little something my

Personal costume maker monsieur

Slinkman whipped up.

Hee hee.

To lead or not to lead.

That's the--

Ow.

Oop, sorry, slinkman.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Curtain in 5 minutes.

Psst, scoutmaster lumpus.

Sir lumpus, I believe you're

Being cued.

Oh, these pesky directors.

What is it?!

We need you in wardrobe.

Your costume's ready.

Keep your shirt on,

Monkeyboy.

Sorry, jane, I must run.

Ow.

May I present a complimentary

Gift bag for the lady to help

Her enjoy the play?

Oh, ha ha ha!

Sir lumpus!

For moi?

Now, if you will excuse me,

Miss doe, I have to get to

Wardrobe.

Makeup!

Places, everyone, places!

Chip, that's where I stand.

No, it's not.

Rember, pickle's in front.

Oh, right.

No, wait.

It was frogs, then pickle.

Right.

No, wait.

All right, everyone.

Calm down, I'm here.

Quick, over here.

Your costume's ready.

Oh, goody.

I need you at your mark now.

Curtain's in 30 seconds.

Is this it?

It's, uh, kinda bulky.

Cue the orchestra!

[Organ playing]

Oh, this is gonna be great.

I've never been to a play

Before.

Well, then get ready to live.

I can't believe scoutmaster

Lumpus went through all this

Trouble.

Ooh, look, almondine!

Binoculars.

And, um, oh, a photo from the

Play.

Oh, see.

Look!

Wait, miss doe.

It's starting.

Oh, whee!

[Drum roll]

[Rattling]

Huh?

[Organ playing]

Hear ye, hear ye.

Just sit right back and I'll

Tell you the fate of the

Famished camper fred,

Who wandered into the forest in

Search of his lunch, a sandwich

Betwixt two slices of bread.

[Organ playing]

Ah.

Very nice, mr. Slug.

You ready, raj?

Of course, of course.

Do not rush talent.

Curtain in 10, 9, 8...

[Loosening lips]

7, 6, 5, 4...

Eat your heart out, jane.

It's showtime.

1!

Uh...

Knock 'em dead, raj.

[Heart beating]

Raj?

Raj!

Hello!

"My name is camper fred."

Me fred!

"Sent to bed without

Being fed."

Sent bed, no fed.

"Went looking for a sandwich

With two slices of bread."

I could really use a sandwich

Right now!

[Echoing]

[Wind blows]

[Organ plays]

Gee whiz.

I wonder what is in the forest

To eat.

Let's find out.

Oh!

Oh, hello.

My name is fred.

Hello.

I am a sand...

Wich.

A deadly skunkberry sandwich.

What's going on here?

Lazlo!

You're doing great,

Scoutmaster.

What is this?

Who am I supposed to be?

You're a rock, remember?

Strong.

A rock?!

[Echoing]

Um, where was i?

Oh, oh, right.

But you look so...

Yes, I am delicious.

Delicious.

I've heard skunkberry is quite

Delicious.

Indeed.

Well, when do I go on?

It's in your script.

Script?

Dumb script.

I am above this nonsense.

Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock,

Where's the rock?

There it is.

Page 357.

"Fred: and thusly, I cannot eat

You, dear mushroom sandwich."

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

"Mushroom exits.

Fred--" etcetera, etcetera.

Oh, right here.

"Rock: did somebody order a

Pizza?"

Wait a minute.

Where's the rest?

That's it?

"Did somebody order a pizza?"

Grrr...

Do you see him yet, miss doe?

No, almondine.

Not yet.

That's odd.

Well, they're obviously building

Up anticipation for his

Entrance.

For dramatic effect.

They do that with rock buckskin

All the time.

Oh, I see.

And who are you?

I am yummy.

Please eat me.

But for a frog, you look

Rather poisonous.

Poison mushroom!

Poison mushroom!

Lazlo, clam's stepping on my

Lines again!

[Laughter and applause]

Poison mushroom!

Very experimental, clam.

Good job.

Hey.

Oh, good job, clam.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

They should be applauding for

Me.

That's hysterical.

Ha!

Oh, that's it.

Like it or not, miss doe, this

Play is gonna have a real lead.

[Straining]

Huh, unusually authentic rock.

♪ La la la la la la ♪

I am still famished.

Oh, hello, stranger.

And what is your name?

I am a poison sap sandwich.

Oh, he's a sap, all right.

[Rim shot]

[Laughter]

Lazlo!

Just go with it, raj.

And I am a poison worm

Sandwich.

Would you like to eat me?

No thanks.

Yuck.

Because although I am famished,

I believe thou are poisonous.

But perhaps just one bite shall

Not hurt.

But perhaps just one bite

Shall not hurt.

[Panting]

That rock sure is curious.

All this sandwich talk is making

Me hungry.

I think there's some food in

Here, miss doe.

Oh, sir lumpus even prepared

Snacks.

Oh, h* h*!

Wait, I don't think these

Sandwiches are safe to eat.

I do not think these

Sandwiches are safe to eat!

Is that a rock talking?

Gee, perhaps I will continue

Looking elsewhere.

♪ La la la la la la la la ♪

[Straing]

Oh, my.

I wonder which sandwich is next.

I too wonder which sandwich

Is next!

Oh, found something!

Ooh, what is it?

Sandwich.

What a coinkydink.

Imagine that.

What kind?

Could it be the most

Poisonous sandwich of all?

Most poisonous of all!

Ugh!

Ta-da!

Ooh!

Yummy.

Oh, it is some kind of berry

Sandwich.

My goodness, what a

Good-looking berry sandwich.

What a good-looking berry

Sandwich!

What a good-looking berry

Sandwich.

Miss doe, I think I see

Sir lumpus.

What?

He's right there.

Yes, almondine.

You're right.

Oh, doesn't he look dashing as

A--as a--rock.

Yoo-hoo!

Sir lumpus!

Huh?

Oh, miss doe.

She's noticed me.

But what kind of berry

Sandwich are you?

Well, if you listen, I will

Tell you.

Thank you for the sandwich.

Oh, hoo. Pshaw.

Just made a few hemlock berries

I picked.

I am made of hemlock berries!

Huh?

Hemlock berries?

That's right.

I am the most poisonous--

What?

And the most toxic and

Deadliest sandwich that you will

Ever eat!

Righty-o, down the hatch.

No!

Don't eat that sandwich, jane!

Wow!

Aah!

[Screaming]

Whoo! Hurray!

Yay!

Lumpus!

Bravo!

[Cheering]

Oh, sir lumpus.

What a performance!

I mean, that was the most

Interactive drama I've ever

Experienced.

It was as if we were actually

There.

[Muttering indistinctly]

Perhaps you'd like to join

Almondine and I for some lattes

Later on.

Did you see me?

How was i?

Oh, hello, slug.

You were wonderful, too.

Ha ha.

Latte, hmm?

Sure.

[Muttering]

Take a picture of me with

The rock.

Ha ha ha!

That's one to write home about.

For sure.

Sap!

I'm not a sap.

Sap.

Not a sap!

Itchy, itchy!

Sap.

Great performance, raj.

Think so?

I wasn't sure about act two,

Because I couldn't quite grasp

My motivation.

Well, I thought you were very

Believable, raj.

Oh, thank you, lazlo.

Improv!

Ah, poison frog, poison frog!


Greetings, famished traveler.

Please eat me.

I am a poisonous frog sandwich.

[Ribbit

[Ribbit]

[Ribbit]

[Ribbit]

[Horn tooting]