01x27 - The Captain's Chimp

[bunniefuu]

[knife thuds]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold adventurin' man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪

- In 1830, New Orleans was a boomtown,

with money in its pockets and mischief in its eye.

I had both but I'd ridden clear in from Texas.

By the time I'd reached my favorite hotel,

I was so hound dog tired

I had a hard time recollecting my name was Jim Bowie.

I'm going out on the town and have myself some fun.

[Jim sighs]

[slow choral music]

[door knocking]

- [Sailor] Captain!

- Espinosa!

Espinosa, what are you doing here?

[head bangs]

[feet shuffling]

[ominous choral music]

- Ha!

[water can thuds and splashes]

- Alright, if you don't wanna get k*lled, step out.

[knife thuds]

[knife thuds]

Well, now, look at this.

[chimp chattering]

[jovial choral music]

You could've got yourself k*lled, you know that?

[monkey murmuring]

I thought you were a burglar.

The town's full of them.

[monkey whimpering]

My name's Jim Bowie, what's yours?

[monkey chattering]

Howdy.

Hey, that's my money pouch you got there.

Hey, wait a minute.

Oh, of all the sneaky underhanded schemes!

So, you are a burglar, you, you little burglar!

[monkey chattering]

Well, you're not gonna get away with it, I'll tell you that.

I've been robbed by pickpockets,

th*gs, swindlers, road agents,

but this is the first time I ever had

a chimpanzee after my money.

[monkey chattering]

[dubious choral music]

[moves to intriguing choral music]

- [shrieks] Oh, get off of me!

Get out of here!

Get out, burglar! - It's alright!

Be calm, it's alright! - Get out of here!

[woman yells in a foreign language]

- I don't mean any harm, miss.

[woman shouting and shrieking]

Now miss, can I come talk to you for a minute?

[woman speaks in a foreign language]

- Criminal! - Miss, it's alright!

- Get out of my room! - Look, it's alright.

- Get out of my room! - Easy now, easy.

- No, let me go! - Be quiet!

- Ease off please.

I command it.

- This brigand, he attacked me,

he come in through the window

and then he grabbed my wrist like this.

- Sure, sure, I grabbed her, I thought she was a thief.

I mean, a man thief and she is.

Well, not a man, I mean she's a thief.

- He lies, I am not a thief!

- Oh no, well what's this under your bed?

- Oh, Giuseppe [speaks in a foreign language].

[Jim speaks in a foreign language]

- You brute!

To frighten such a poor innocent little thing.

- Poor innocent little thing?

What was the poor innocent little thing

holding in his paw, Henri?

- A money pouch.

- Right, my money pouch, stolen from my room just now.

- Trouble, Henri? - Oui, Philip.

This lady has a trained chimpanzee

which slips into guests' rooms and steal purses.

- Giuseppe was only given to me today

by my father, the captain of the ship, Buona Fortuna.

From Africa he brought him, a gift for me.

- That's a c*ck and bull story if ever I heard one.

- Look, I am Seniorina Bernadina Paulo,

the daughter of Captain Victorio Paulo

and he is in the next room, you have but to ask.

Papa!

Papa?

But he was here.

You can see he was here.

- Someone was here but it would not necessarily

have to be Papa.

- You will prefer charges in the morning, monsieur?

- I sure will.

- You will clothe yourself, mademoiselle, and come with me.

- To the jail? - Yes, mademoiselle.

Oh, the chimpanzee will stay here.

We do not make accommodations for chimpanzees.

- Yeah, he'll stay here alright.

He'll be the star witness for the prosecution.

I'll take care of him.

[Giuseppe whimpers]

[ominous choral music]

[Giuseppe whimpers]

[Giuseppe screaming]

[bodies pounding]

[men grunting and groaning]

[sheets flap]

[Jim sighs]

Well, dog my cats, what kind of a night's sleep is this?

[Giuseppe chirping]

[tranquil choral music]

- Last night I am a thief.

I spent the whole night in a dirty jail.

This morning, you drop charges.

I do no understand this.

- Listen, I changed my mind.

I made a mistake, I'm sorry.

Allow me to introduce Mr. Justinian Tebbs of The Courier,

now that's a newspaper.

He'll go with us.

- He's really only trying to help you, Seniorina.

- Why? - Why?

Because I feel responsible.

Because I got you into all this.

Because you cried such big tears last night.

Because, well, I like the chimp.

[Giuseppe whimpers]

Well alright, if you don't want it, don't go with me.

- I will go with you to the waterfront.

- Well, come on then.

[tranquil choral music]

Seniorina Paulo's key please. - Oui.

- Has Captain Paulo returned yet?

- No he has not. - Oh, thank you.

Here you are.

Don't worry, he'll be back soon.

Why don't you come and have some breakfast with us?

They have wonderful croissants here.

- No, I don't want breakfast.

I want a bath and I want my papa.

You give the croissant to Giuseppe.

- Excuse me, sir.

May I have a word with you?

- What about?

- About him, sir.

- Who are you? - Timmons, sir.

Able bodied seaman off the Italian ship, Buono Fortuno,

and this little feller here, he's mine.

[Giuseppe squeals]

- He doesn't seem to like you very much.

- [chuckles] Of course he does.

He remembers his old Uncle Horace.

We used to play with the little tyke,

all of us on board, sir.

- Well, I don't know about that Mr. Timmons,

you'll have to ask the young lady who just went upstairs.

He belongs to her, Captain Paulo's daughter.

- I'll do that.

- Alright, just a minute.

She's busy right now.

Why don't you come back this afternoon?

- I want my chimp.

- Later, this afternoon.

- Would $50 change your mind, sir?

- You get outta here, Uncle Horace.

- Run along.

- Well, let's eat.

Shall we?

[Giuseppe mutters]

Good morning, bacon and eggs for me, please,

and bananas for my friend.

[lips smack]

- Coffee for me, please.

- You know that's the second sailor who wanted this fella?

One tried to steal him out of my room last night.

Why?

- Two sailors and here's a pirate.

- Huh?

- Bowie!

An unexpected pleasure.

- Lafitte, how are you?

- Hey, what happened to your hand?

- One of my men last night, I had to subdue him.

- Mr. Tebbs of The Courier, Captain Jean Lafitte.

- How do you do? - My pleasure.

- Sit down, Lafitte.

- Oh look, what is this?

[Giuseppe chattering]

It came to me.

He likes me, Bowie!

I will buy this animal from you.

- Are you serious?

- I will give you $100 for him.

- [chuckles] Your sentiments do you honor, Lafitte,

I'm deeply touched.

- You would make me angry just once too often, Bowie.



Here.

- Now just a minute, he's not mine to sell.

Come here, Giuseppe.

Come on, come here.

He belongs to a certain young lady.

I'm just buying him breakfast.

- Why didn't you say so before?

Who is the lady?

- A Seniorina Paulo.

She is busy right now, why don't you come back

this afternoon and make her an offer?

- I will do that.

- Why Giuseppe, if you're worth $500

to Captain Jean Lafitte,

you must be worth a fortune to somebody else.

Huh?

What is that makes you so valuable, huh?

- Why don't you rattle him, maybe he's full of diamonds.

[Giuseppe chirping]

[fingers snap]

- I know, I know how to do it.

- [Justinian] Do what?

- Well look, if three people go to all this trouble

to get their hands on the captain's chimp,

must be something to do with the captain, right?

- Possible.

- Well, I just as soon as he's had his breakfast,

you take him up to the Seniorina's room and keep him there.

- But Jim!

- And don't let him out of your sight.

I'll be back in about an hour.

- But what about your breakfast?

- You eat it.

This is more important.

- Yeah, but Jim ...

[crates thumping]

- I got 'em.

- You got what?

- Now listen, that sailor, Timmons,

wanted to buy the chimp, right?

And Lafitte also wanted to buy the chimp, right?

Alright, we sell him to both of them

and see what they do with it.

- We will sell one chimpanzee to two men.

How do we do this?

- Let me have Giuseppe.

You sit down over there and I'll explain.

[Giuseppe chirping]

Well folks, we're in the monkey business.

[suspenseful choral music]

- Let's see now, I'm supposed to follow the sailor, right?

- Right.

Bernadina and I will follow Lafitte.

Believe me, we'll find your father at the end of this trail.

[door pounds]

Quickly, take him.

[door pounds] Quickly, in the other room.

Just a minute.

[door knocks]

- Whoops, you still got Giuseppe.

Hi.

[door slams]

- Mr. Timmons, come in, come in.

Miss Paulo, this is Mr. Timmons I was telling you about.

I think I persuaded this gracious lady

that you have a legitimate claim to her little pet

but you better talk about it between yourselves.

- Jim.

- [Jim] It's Lafitte.

I'll keep him busy until you get out.

- I cannot break Giuseppe's heart and yours

by keeping you apart.

[door knob rattles]

[door slams]

- What is this precious information you have for me?

- Oh, just this Lafitte,

I believe I persuaded Seniorina Paulo to sell.

I think you've got yourself a chimp.

- You are a friend, Bowie.

I shall never forget this.

- Neither will I, Lafitte.

[door pounds]

[chimp whimpers]

- [Jean] You could not possibly know

how grateful I am, Seniorina.

He will be such a comfort to me in my old age.

- You and Giuseppe, together always.

This picture, it warms my heart.

[lips smack]

- [sighs] If I were the bad bold man that I was once,

I would carry you away instead of Giuseppe.

- What a pity I did not grow up sooner.

[Bernadina speaks in a foreign language]

[door knob clicks]

[upbeat choral music]

- Over there, Captain, I remember the clump of trees.

We've come far enough, Captain.

Go fetch, Giuseppe.

The master's chest, go fetch.

What's the matter, my friend?

- What ails this stupid ape?

- Well, he must be in the mood for play, Captain.

On the ship, he could find anything we hide.

- Well, get him in the mood.

- Por favor, Giuseppe, for me who loves you so,

this one little thing.

Find the chest for me and I'll buy you a thousand bananas.

- Are you sure this is the right part of the bayou?

- Si Captain, si.

The ship was right over there, I swear it.

I was on mid-watch.

The Englishman, Timmons, and myself.

We saw the Captain Paulo row himself ashore

with his box of treasure and with this chimp at his side.

- Ah, you fool.

What do you know about animals?

You must illustrate, like so.

Dig my little cretin, like this, see?

Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.

Find the treasure.

Dig up the chest.

Eh? Eh?

[Jean grumbles]

This is all your fault, Espinosa.

This nonsense with a chimpanzee.

- My fault?

You had your hand on the captain.

He could have led us to the treasure himself,

but you let him get away.

You're even more stupid than this ape.

- I will show you who is stupid.

[Jean grunts]

- Look!

- Ha, it's an old trick.

Who is it?

And with a chimpanzee!

- It's Timmons, the one who stood watch with me,

but the chimp, I do not recognize.

Timmons!

Where did you get this chimpanzee?

- The captain's pet, what else?

- Could it be, Espinosa, I purchased an imposter?

- This is beyond me, Captain.

- This chimpanzee, monsieur, where did you get him?

- That is my own private business.

- Is it?!

- Now let's work this proper, like honest shipmates should.

An even three-way split, eh?

- Your proposal does have merit, monsieur.

- Put the chimp to work, Englishman, and we will see.

- Come on Giuseppe, now be a nice little chimp.

Go on, Captain's treasure chest.

Come on, lovey, fetch.

[chimp chirps]

- I must be getting old and feeble,

that I should stoop so low as to consult with apes.

- How right you are, Lafitte.

- Bowie.

Another ape. Oh no.

- Oh yes.

You had the right idea, Lafitte, but the wrong chimp.

And before we go any further,

you fellas better drop those knives.

[Beradina shouts] [Giuseppe shrieks]

[men grunting]

[fists pounding]

[Giuseppe screaming]

[hands clapping]

[fists pounding]

- Alright, hold it, everybody!

- They're holding it.

- I'm sorry to be late, Jim.

I momentarily lost my bearings.

- Look, Giuseppe.

[hands clapping]

- The treasure!

- Keep your g*n on 'em.

[chest thumping]

Empty.

- Where is my Papa?

Where could he be?

[enticing choral music]

[Captain Paulo speaks in a foreign language]

- Papa, papa!

[Captain Paulo speaks in a foreign language]

- Where have you been, eh?

- Where have I been?

Where have you been?

- Oh, on business, my child.

But who have we here, huh?

- Papa, these are my good American friends.

This is Senior Bowie - Howdy, partner.

- And Senior Tebbs.

[Captain Paulo speaks in a foreign language]

- Captain.

- Papa, I was so worried.

- Why?

When I found out what this Lafitte wanted,

I knocked him down and escaped from him.

Oh I fixed him good.

- And then you went back and dug up the treasure yourself?

- But of course, they were about to rob me,

so I hid the treasure in the bayou

and then I went back and got it.

Heh, that is all.

- My papa, is he not brave and intelligent?

- He certainly is, Bernadina.

But Captain, if I may ask, where is the treasure?

- These are friends of yours, my child?

Good friends?

- The best.

[fingers click] - Then I will show you.

Come on Giuseppe [speaks in a foreign language].

Now Giuseppe, sit.

[intriguing choral music]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪