01x33 - The Lottery

[bunniefuu]

[knife thwacks]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold adventurin' man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪

- Good citizens of Baton Rouge,

the drawin' of the grand prize,

$10,000.

[people murmuring]

[man shouting in foreign language]

- [speaks in foreign language] Monsieur, the winning ticket!

[shouting in foreign language]

- Come over quickly, young man, so we can verify.

[people murmuring]

Ah, a fisherman.

Shades of Galilee, Father.

Invest it wisely, young man,

and beware of the unscrupulous.

- [speaks in foreign language] Monsieur!

This will allow me to bring my dear old mother

to this great new country!

[speaks in foreign language]

This is indeed an answer to my prayer!

[people murmuring] [winner chuckling]

- Good morning, colonel.

My name is Jim Bowie.

- Go on, sir.

- I think it's wonderful what you been doing

for the people and for Father Bernard's church,

and I wonder if I could speak to you

about coming to New Orleans to run a lottery for us.

Maybe for the Ursuline Orphanage?

- That's the purpose of our lottery, sir,

to assist worthy charitable organizations.

I'm stoppin' at the inn Quoi de Sioux,

I'll be there an hour.

- Behind, sir.

- Just for Colonel Scott.

- I'll be there.

Very impressive testimonial, colonel.

So you know Andy Jackson, huh?

- It was my honor to serve with him, sir, in Florida.

- Well, that's good enough for me, sir.

Just how soon could be in New Orleans?

- A week from today.

- Good.

I'll meet you at 11 in the morning

at the Ursuline Orphanage.

- I'll be there on the dot.

And with the famous Mr. Bowie as sponsor,

New Orleans will be our greatest triumph.

[Jim chuckles]

An honor and a pleasure to meet you, sir.

- Thank you, Colonel Scott.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Bowie.

- [Jim] Good afternoon, sir.

- I thought that big moose'd never leave.

There you are, colonel.

I've taken out my usual cut.

- As I remember Memphis, there was nothing usual

about your usual cut.

I'll count!

[girl singing in foreign language]

- That was very nice, Antoinette.

Now run back to your classes

while I speak with these gentlemen.

Come along, Andre.

[door clicks]

- Well, that was beautiful, sister.

I'm sorry I was late.

I see you've met the colonel.

Did you tell sister superior

how much money you raised in Baton Rouge?

- We sold 6,000 tickets at five dollars each, sister,

totalling $30,000.

- I remember what you told me once

about the scholarship fund.

- True, there is a teacher in Paris

who could do wonders for Antoinette's voice.

I could name you a dozen children deserving advantages

beyond what we have here.

[chuckles] $7,000.

- [Jim] Have you spoken with the bishop yet?

- He has given his consent

if you assume full responsibility.

- You have my word on that, sister.

Well, now must go and see my friend Justinian Tebbs

at The Courier,

and allow him to be first to print the news.

Goodbye.

- He that hath true and perfect charity,

seeketh himself for nothing.

Tonight, our children will remember you in their prayers.

[people murmuring]

- And what's wrong with me trying to help

a group of deserving children?

Why, if some of your high-tone creoles

were to raise as much as $50 at a charity bazaar,

you'd spread it all over the front page.

- Ah, now it comes out.

High-tone creoles.

This lottery couldn't be a means

of breaking into that social circle, could it, Jim?

- Why, I swear, Justy.

Only a mind as sour, and suspicious, and cynical as yours--

- Come, Jim.

I know that you'd give your eye teeth

to take Consuela DeMarini to that charity ball,

but you can't get an invitation.

- Well, I admit, I wouldn't mind takin'

Consuela DeMarini to the charity ball,

but this orphanage is a worthy cause,

and these lotteries do people a lotta good.

[door clicks]

Now wait a minute, here's livin' proof of what I mean.

You see this young fella here just came in?

A week ago, he was as poor as church mouse.

Look at him now.

He's on his way in the world, and why?

All because he won $10,000

at the lottery in Baton Rouge a week ago today.

What do you say to that?

- I say I'll write your story,

but let me add that the, uh,

the halo doesn't become you.

- Halo?

[Justinian chuckles]

[reverent singing]

- Selling those lottery tickets was downright easy.

The people of New Orleans opened their hearts

and their purses.

Finally, the day of the drawing was at hand,

a day I was not soon to forget.

Ladies and gentlemen,

ladies and gentlemen?

I want to thank the citizens of New Orleans.

Been so generous with your money

on such a worthy cause.

Antoinette, would you step up here, young lady, please?

Come on.

Thank you.

Folks, with my purchase just now of the last three tickets,

the drawing is a sell out!

[crowd applauding]

And with your permission, these last three chances

will be given to the sisters

and to little Antoinette here.

You'll be happy to know that the glass bowl

now contains the goal we were aiming for,

$7,000 for the scholarship fund!

[crowd applauding]

There'll be a 15 minute interval between each drawing,

is that right, colonel?

- Right, sir.

- Well, good luck, everyone.

All right, Andre, start turnin' the crank!

- Good fortune, ladies and gentlemen.

Carry on, Mr. Grimes.

- [Woman] I have it!

I have it!

[crowd moaning]

- Step forward quickly, young lady,

so that we may verify.

[crowd murmuring]

Yes, that's right, 587.

Hellen Harris.

Where are you from, Ms. Harris?

New Orleans?

- Oh, no, sir, I'm just passing through.

It's the first thing I've ever won in my life!

- Well, you're $2,000 richer now.

Put it to good use.

- I will, I will.

- Congratulations.

- Thank you.

[crowd murmuring]

- Check your timepieces, ladies and gentlemen.

The next drawing will be in 15 minutes.

- Imagine little old me winning this prize!

Why, I'm just so skittery, I think I'll faint!

- Say, haven't we seen that girl before somewhere?

- Mm-hmm.

With that poor young man who won up at Baton Rouge.

- Well, that's funny.

- Or maybe, um, crooked?

- Let's see if she's fainted yet.

- Hated to tell you this, Jim,

but the night the colonel left Baton Rouge,

$7,000 was stolen from Father Bernard.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- Well, I just found out this morning.

Besides, I wouldn't want it to ruin

your climb up the social ladder.

[low dramatic singing]

- Well, what did they see?

What did they hear?

Answer me!

- Ah, don't get excited, colonel.

Maybe they didn't hear anything.

Maybe Bowie didn't even recognize Marcel.

After all, he only saw him once dressed up like a Cajun.

- The fools, the idiots!

It's an iron clad rule that winners are not to congregate.

I'll have their hides.

Well, there's only one course of action.

Bowie'll have to be gotten out of the way,

right after the next drawing.

- You mean we k*ll him?

- No, tie him up.

We'll take him with us.

Surely we'll pass some convenient swamp.

- Thank you, matey!

Here you are, son.

- [Andre] Thanks.

- Well, folks, I hope you're all as lucky as I been.

- How you gonna spend the money, cap'n?

- I'm gonna buy myself some new sails for that tub o' mine!

[Jim chuckles]

- Hey, wait a minute.

I know that fella.

- It's strategy, Jim.

Colonel's a military man.

After all, he served with Andy Jackson.

- Well, what am I gonna do?

I just can't get up and say the whole thing's a fraud!

I gotta have some proof.

Yes, Mr. Grimes?

- The colonel would like to see you at his hotel.

- Well, certainly.

What's on his mind?

- It seems that the colonel has begun to suspect

that there's something irregular about the drawings.

- Something irregular?

- Yes, and he'd like immediate action.

Could you come with me at once?

- Well, of course, Mr. Grimes.

Come along, Justy, I'd like you to meet the colonel.

Andy Jackson thinks the world of him.

Isn't that right, Mr. Grimes?

- Right, Mr. Bowie.

Remind me tonight as we sit around the campfire

to tell you how the colonel--

- Tonight around the campfire?

- Yes.

The colonel has decided you and your companion

shall accompany his entourage,

at least as far as the swamp country.

Mrs. Halton, if you'll assist with the cords,

we'll proceed as usual.

- As usual?

Oh, here he is.

Welcome, colonel.

[fists whacking] [pained grunting]

[wagon rattling]

[fists whacking]

[Justinian grunts]

[fists whacking]

- All right, ladies.

[g*n clicks]

Now which one of you shall I sh**t first?

And would you please indicate where you'd like the b*llet?

[thunking]

[whacking]

[grunting]

[knife clattering]

- Well, now look at this.

Hey, Justy, you wanna see how they do it?

He's got a couple o' numbers written

in the palm of his hand.

So whatever ticket Andre pulls outta the keg,

the colonel's sure of winning two prizes.

The first one, and of course the last one, the big one,

leaving the public to win in between.

- And then one of this attractive trio

must always carry the winning ticket for the grand prize.

- Yeah.

I wonder which one of them it's liable to be this time.

Why, of course.

It's the sweet, dignified, lovable old lady

with the brass knuckles.

I'll have the ticket, ma'am, if you don't mind.

Well, you don't want me to cut the feathers

off your bonnet, do ya?

Let's have the ticket.

Just as I thought.

That's the second number on Grime's palm.

- Uh-huh.

- Well, I must hurry.

You bring him back to the drawing.

- Back to the drawing?

But what about the ladies?

- Oh, you can let 'em go.

I'll be there in time for the grand prize.

Well, uh,

all right, right over there, Mr. Grimes.

[knocking]

[reverent singing]

- Who's there?

- It's Jim Bowie, colonel.

I believe you wanted to see me?

[knife whacks]

[boot knocks]

[door slams]

Howdy, colonel.

Well, Mr. Grimes tells me that you suspect

there's somethin' irregular goin' on with the lottery?

- Can I ask what you're doing, sir?

- Why, certainly, colonel.

I'm writing the number

of the ticket that's gonna win the grand prize

in my left palm.

You know, colonel, these lotteries of yours

are the greatest thing for the happiness of man

since the invention of, um,

sugar candy.

- Well, as an inventor,

I can hardly rank with old Ben Franklin,

but no one can say that I don't use my head.

- That you do, colonel, that you do.

I'll take mine straight.

Now let me see, apart from your 3,000 every city,

you also make an additional 12,000

by winning the first and last prize.

That right?

- What do you have in mind, Mr. Bowie?

Joinin' forces?

- Mmm, maybe.

- The number in your palm.

You're plannin' to have the grand prize

won by one of your associates?

- Now colonel, suppose you come and finish

packin' the cash, huh?

I want to see every cent of this money accounted for

when we leave town tonight.

- Oh, I just can't begin

to compliment you enough, Mr. Bowie.

I'm certain no lottery has ever been so orderly,

so obviously honest.

- Well, thank you, sister.

Thank you very much.

- Oh, but we know who will win it.

It has been arranged in advance.

[crowd murmuring]

We have asked the Lord to allow the grand prize

to be won by the most deserving person in all New Orleans.

The power of prayer, Mr. Bowie.

- Oh, [chuckling] that's fine, sister.

Fine.

I can almost guarantee that he won't let you down.

[Justinian chuckles]

- In fact, Mr. Tebbs and myself will perform

a little Cherokee magic of our own.

- [clears throat] Alakaza,

alakazam,

alakazaba!

[exhales]

Sister,

it's so full of magic, it might burn your hand.

[sister superior chuckles]

- Ladies and gentlemen?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jim Bowie.

[crowd murmuring]

Some stage, little girl, step lively, please.

- Oh! - Oh.

- Oh, I'm sorry! - Oh, that's all right.

- A thousand pardons. - Thank you, yes.

- [gasps] Here, let me wipe it off.

- That's all right, never mind about that, thank you.

- Will you forgive me, Mr. Bowie?

- Huh? Oh, yeah, of course.

- Did I hurt your hand?

- No, no, that's all right.

Thank you.

The winning number,

Antoinette wiped it off my palm.

Uh, well, ladies and gentlemen,

the winning ticket for the $10,000 prize.

- [Elwood] Was it a big number or a small one?

- The winning number!

- Look, sister, look!

I have the winning ticket!

[crowd murmuring]

- Go, my child, and claim your prize.

[Antoinette exhales]

- 34!

Why, Antoinette, I think this makes you

just about the richest young lady in the whole world!

What're you gonna do with it?

[crowd applauding]

- Colonel Scott, I guess you'll have to count me out.

We've just witnessed a kind of miracle.

- You mean we can leave without exposure?

- Yeah, I suggest you go west.

I don't think it'd be wise for you

to go back through Baton Rouge.

- Mr. Bowie, this has been an enlightenin' experience.

- Yes, it has.

I don't know when I learned so much.

Just let me shake the hand

that shook the hand of Andy Jackson.

- Well, you believe me, Jim,

I feel like a man losin' a son.

- But gaining the whole world, colonel.

Gaining the whole world.

[reverent singing]

Thank you, sister.

- I don't see why you let him get away.

You've ruined everything.

- I didn't have enough on them.

Only way to do this is to catch 'em dead to rights.

- But how're you gonna do that?

- Well, if they think--

- Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Bowie.

- Sister, I don't wish to alarm you,

but I have reason to believe an attempt

will be made to rob your safe tonight.

- Of what?

The $17,000 has been put in the bank.

- Good, but the robbers don't know that.

I'm sure they think it's still there.

So if you don't mind, we'd like to spend the night here.

- Of course, but what about the police

if you're anticipating trouble?

- Oh, they've been alerted.

- I will leave it to you, Mr. Bowie.

- Thank you, sister.

- I hope you realize, that if they do come,

I'm gonna have to write this story.

- So?

- Well, a lot of high-tone creoles are gonna read about it,

and goodbye halo.

[Jim chuckles]

- Yeah.

[clunking]

[crickets chirping]

- They're coming.

Three of them.

One way or another, you're determined

to get me beat up, aren't ya?

- I just need you to protect me.

Come on.

- The odd part of it is,

I was really beginning to like that Jim Bowie.

- I'm afraid the feeling isn't mutual, colonel.

Put your hands up.

[g*n bangs]

- To think I looked on you as my own son!

- I know, papa! [grunts]

[pained grunting]

I know.

This is gonna hurt me more than it does you, papa.

[whacks] - Ooh!

[grunting] [whacking]

[punch whacks] [grunts]

[splashing]

[punch whacks]

[splashing]

[reverent singing]

[jaunty singing]

- I'm sorry, Jim, but news is news.

- Yes, I know.

Oh, thank you.

- Wasn't that the coachman

of that high-tone creole, Count DeMarini?

- It's from Consuela's father, all right.

I'm invited to the charity ball.

- Well, congratulations.

Needless to say, you'll be Bowie on the spot.

- No, as a matter of fact,

I don't think I'll be able to make it.

- Oh, what about the publicity, the honor,

the social [speaks in foreign language]?

- Justy, I learned something this past 24 hours.

There's no top to any ladder,

not even the social one.

Besides, I've made a date for that weekend

to go fishing with Sam Houston.

- Hm.

Now you sound like Jim Bowie again.

- No halo?

- No halo.

[reverent singing]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪