02x07 - A Fortune for Madame

[bunniefuu]

[knife thunk]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold, adventurin' man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪

[humming music]

- Whereabouts would I find Madame De Vaux?

Howdy, I'm looking for Madame De Vaux.

- So?

- So!

- Madame De Vaux is not here!

She's gone to the country.

- Oh.

- Achille!

Achille, come here.

Madame desires to speak to you.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

You shall not pass, Monsieur!

- Look, this has gone far enough!

All I want to do is-- - Oh Madame is our good angel!

Nobody is coming to trouble her without reckoning with us!

- Look, I don't know who you think I am.

I'm just gonna have a little talk with--

- Achille, Achille!

- What?

- What is all this?

- What are you doing?

Who is this gentleman?

- My name is Jim Bowie!

I have some private business with Madame De Vaux.

- Let go of him, blockheads!

- Excuse me, ladies.

Now we'd better get something straight.

I didn't come here to ask for money.

In fact, just the opposite.

- Pardon me, Monsieur.

I have forgotten what the opposite is.

- I've come here to buy some property of yours.



- Of mine?

- Mm-hm.

- Oh, yes, yes, there was some property.

But surely, Monsieur, it is worthless.

- Madame!

Oh, what are you saying?

I remember it well!

Those acres of beautiful, those acres of...

- Swamp!

- Well, what if it is?

Everyone to his taste, I say,

and if Monsieur wish...

- Hush!

- I'll give you $40,000.

- He's mad.

- Not exactly.

Here's $500 in cash to bind the bargain.

- Oh, Madame.

Madame!

- Adorine, I should like another cup of bouillon.

[laughing]

- Bouillon, bah!

We shall drink wine again!

Champagne!

Listen, all of you!

Madame is rich again, rich!

Madame has been restored!

She has sold the swamp!

[excited chattering]

[speaking foreign language]

- Madame, this is like an answer to prayers!

- And about time, too!

- You will have everything that you deserve!

- Laces, velvet!

- Diamonds!

- A carriage and pair!

- Silence!

You know nothing of the matter.

You do not remember it as I do.

The ba*ls, the suppers, the Restaurant Orleans!

- Good gracious!

Is it possible I have existed 20 years

without the Restaurant Orleans?

- Madame De Vaux?

I'd be most honored and privileged

to escort you to the Restaurant Orleans tonight.

- You are most kind, Monsieur, but to speak plainly,

I have no suitable dress.

- There is your wedding dress.

I have saved it for you to be buried in.

- Oh, my wedding dress is 40 years out of fashion.

- Oh, Madame, permit me.

A little sugar water and a hot iron will work wonders!

- New soles for Madame's shoes!

- Oh, oh, Monsieur Bowie!

One of us must be dreaming!

- [laughing] Madame, you heft that pouch.

It's a little heavy for a dream, don't you think?

[laughing]

- I will bring the dress!

[excited chattering]

- Ah, Monsieur Bowie, what a pretty joke, is it not?

The dress that was being saved for my burial

shall serve me for my resurrection!

[laughing]

[humming music]

Ah, Monsieur Bowie.

I find it is very easy to recover one's bad habits.

- Well, now, I wouldn't call champagne a bad habit.

- Oh, yes.

You know, I cannot rid myself of the fear

that I'm cheating you.

$40,000 for a swamp?

- I have definite information that the railroad

is to be built between Pontchartrain and New Orleans.

And your property is smack dab in the middle

of the right of way.

- And you, you're a partner in this railroad?

- No, Ma'am.

When I tried to buy shares in the company,

those fellows turned me down

without even taking off their hats.

And I think they're about due for a lesson in manners.

You know somethin'?

I think maybe you'd better reconsider the proposition.

I mean, I know that you can get a lot more money from them.

- Monsieur Bowie, you could have had my land

for a few dollars and kept your thousands in your pockets.

Because you did not, because you dealt fairly

with a helpless old lady, I will sell to you

and to no other.

Did I not say that all luxuries are bad habits?

Revenge, also, is a luxury.

- Well, if it is, I aim to indulge myself!

[laughing]

Madame, I think it's about time

that I call the carriage, huh?

- Thank you.

- Oh, excuse me, sir!

Oh, I beg your pardon!

- My fault entirely, sir.

- Charles, Charles!

Don't you remember me?

- Certainly, certainly.

Charmed.

- Charles Evremonde.

And he did not remember me.

- Well, you have many friends who will remember you.

[humming music]

[humming music]

Good morning, Mr. Channing.

Sorry to interrupt you.

Your clerk told me I'd find you here.

Evidently, you didn't receive my message.

- Oh, I received it, Mr. Bowie.

Only I make it a point to let nothing ever interfere

with my fencing!

- Not even urgent business?

- Frankly, Mr. Bowie, I am at a loss

to know what business you and I have to discuss.

I believe I explained it to you,

there are no shares for sale in the Pontchartrain railroad.

- One thing at a time, Mr. Channing.

May be there won't be any Pontchartrain railroad.

See, I've just acquired 500 acres along your right of way.

I want a share for every acre,

or your track does not cross my property line.

- You don't say so.

- You don't believe it, look it up.

The deed's recorded under the name of De Vaux.

- That won't be necessary, Mr. Bowie.

I purchased an option on that property just two days ago.

- An option, who from?

- Why, from the owner himself, one Samuel Jebb.

- Who told you that one Samuel Jebb was the owner?

- He told me!

He bought the property from a woman named De Vaux,

and he had a bill of sale to prove it.

- Well, it looks to me like one of us

been made a fool of, Mr. Channing.

- That same thought had occurred to me, Mr. Bowie.

En garde.

[humming music]

[humming music]

- Ah, Monsieur Bowie.

I knew it was you.

Even your boots are angry.

- What right has he to be angry?

It is we who are the losers!

$40,000, poof!

- My dear Charlotte, let me present Monsieur Bowie.

Forgive me, is it still Mademoiselle?

- Yes.

- My niece, Mademoiselle De Vaux.

- Mademoiselle.

- Alas, Monsieur Bowie, when we made our bargain,

I believed the land was mine to sell.

But my niece has recalled to me one small detail.

- Mm, namely that you already sold it to somebody else.

- Oh, no, Monsieur, not I, no.

But, eh, you know, many years ago, when my husband died,

I was ill, very ill,

and there was a paper, a power, uh...

- A power of attorney.

- Yes.

There were so many debts, you understand.

The power to dispose of all my effects.

Lands, clothes, jewels.

- My sun tea service, the feather beds, the foot bar.

- Everything!

But for the Pontchartrain property, no buyer could be found!

And now, after all these years--

- The swamp, the beautiful swamp,

sold for a miserable thousand dollars!

- A thousand dollars?

- You seem very interested

in my Aunt's affairs, Monsieur Bowie.

- I've got a right to be.

And I'd certainly like to meet that dunderhead

who sold the land for a thousand dollars!

- I'm afraid that I am the dunderhead, Monsieur Bowie.

- Oh, well, I, I beg your pardon, Mademoiselle,

but you sure made a mighty bad bargain!

- I did my best.

A thousand dollars to a woman in my Aunt's circumstances?

- But didn't it occur to you that this buyer,

this Mr. Jebb, would turn right around

and sell to the railroad for, oh, 50 times that price?

- But how was I to know, I have no man to advise me.

- Hm, that is plain enough!

- Adorine!

- I'm sorry, I wish it were more.

- Now, Mademoiselle, how did this Mr. Jebb

happen to come to you?

I mean, the deed is listed in your Aunt's name,

isn't it, not yours.

- Well, you forget, I have her power of attorney.

- Well, how did he know that?

Did you tell him?

- Well, yes.

What does it matter?

- Was he a friend of yours?

- Monsieur, you take too much on yourself!

If my Aunt is satisfied, I--

- My dear Charlotte,

it was charming to see you this morning.

- Charming?

After 20 years?

- Adorine?

Monsieur Bowie's purse.

Monsieur Bowie, a cup of bouillon.

I find I've lost my taste for champagne.

- Don't you be too sure of that, Madame.

- Monsieur, I--?

[humming music]

[knocker rapping] [humming music]

- Mademoiselle De Vaux?

Mr. Jebb, isn't it?

- I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

- Bowie's my name.

Allow me to offer you my congratulations.

- Congratulations?

Have you been talking--?

- No need to bully-rag the lady.

Even her Aunt doesn't know she's about to be married.

- Oh, and what concern is that of yours?

- Oh, I guess you might call me a, a friend of the family.

- You flatter yourself, Monsieur!

- Mademoiselle, I've been making a few inquiries

about Mr. Jebb here.

It takes a real shrewd man to buy something

for a thousand dollars and sell it for... 60?

- No such thing!

- 50?

- Well, what if I did?

Charlotte's got no call to complain.

After a certain very happy day,

whatever I have will be hers.

- And that satisfies you, Mademoiselle?

You'll overlook a bare-faced swindle

as long as you get your share?

- Samuel.

- You can get yourself into a lot of trouble

with that kind of talk.

There is such a thing as slander, you know.

- And there's such a thing as fraud.

Mademoiselle is using her power of attorney

to enrich herself at the old lady's expense.

- That's not true, I--! - Be quiet!

You haven't got a picayune of proof, and you know it!

The old lady's no kin of mine!

I'm not obliged to share anything with her.

Anyway, women shouldn't have money.

They only waste it on fripperies.

- Please go, Mr. Bowie.

- Just as you say, Mademoiselle.

And I hope you'll both be very happy.

[humming music]

I'm sorry to have intruded on your privacy,

but as you can see, it was urgent that I talk to you.

- But even if it is as you say,

even if my niece has conspired with this man to cheat me,

what would you have me do, Monsieur Bowie?

- Fight.

If I could do the business for you, I would, with pleasure.

But legally, I'm just a bystander.

- But my niece is still my niece.

And that name that I share with her

is more precious to me than all the riches in the world.

- Oh, Madame.

- Why, sure your name's precious to you.

All the more reason why you shouldn't let your niece

change it to Jebb.

- She will marry him?

Poor Charlotte.

Perhaps he loves her.

- No, he loves money.

I have a feeling that if this railroad deal falls through,

he'll show her a clean pair of heels.

- You're right.

I will act.

- Good enough!

- But in my own way, without violence, without scandal.

In short, well, some course of action will present itself.

- Madame, you must have a plan.

I mean, you can't deal with a man like Jebb

as though he were a gentleman.

- Then, Monsieur Bowie, I cannot deal with him at all.

- Madame, I respect your scruples,

but they're liable to cost you a fortune.

- Oh, Madame, listen to me, your Adorine.

Do you not remember it as I do?

Your youth, Madame, and Monsieur De Vaux?

Guests always at the door, 1000 candles burning,

musicians brought in from Italy,

ices in the shape of swans?

Oh, Madame, do you not remember how beautiful it was

to be rich?

- Well, dog my cats.

Adorine?

[loud kiss]

- Monsieur!

- You've given us our plan!

Come along, ladies.

[humming music]

[knocker rapping]

- [Adorine] You need not announce us, it is Madame De Vaux.

- My dear Charlotte!

- Aunt Amelie.

- I did not waste time, as you see.

I came as soon as Monsieur Bowie brought me the good news.

- The good news?

- Of your betrothal.

This is, of course--?

- Yes, of course.

May I present Monsieur Jebb, my fiance.

- Monsieur Jebb.

I felicitate you.

- My pleasure, Ma'am.

- Shall we sit down?

- Well, yes of course, Aunt.

- Monsieur Jebb, you must know

that when a gentleman aspires to enter our family,

he must first pass muster with the dowagers.

- If you've come about the marriage settlement, Madame,

you may as well know that it's already settled.

- And I'm sure you have been most generous.

- Well, I won't say that I haven't.

Charlotte puts up her property, I put up my brains.

After all, Charlotte's got no head for figures.

- Charlotte, I long to hear your plans!

What have you ordered?

- Well, a few gowns, and of course new furnishings.

- Furnishings?

What need have we for new furnishings?

- Why, Monsieur Jebb, for a bridal couple,

everything must be new.

Tables, chairs, hangings, carpets.

[laughing]

When my dear husband brought me home as a bride,

even the door knocker was new!

- It took 12 men to carry in her trunks,

and every stitch in them straight from Paris!

- I should have thought your husband

would have something to say about that.

I know I will.

- Monsieur Jebb, you must know,

if we De Vaux women have a fault, it is extravagance!

- Extravagance?

There'll be no such goings-on in my house!

- Your house?

- That's what I said.

- This is my house!

I think you had better leave it!

- Have you lost your senses?

- No, I've finally regained them.

Our arrangement is at an end.

Your power of attorney, Aunt.

I'll make no more bad bargains.

- You've made the only one I'm interested in.

You've already sold the Pontchartrain property to me!

I have your bill of sale.

- The bill of sale is worthless, I didn't sign it.

- Oh, but I saw you sign it!

- What I wrote was not my name.

- That's right, it's just a word!

Well, why did you do it?

- I meant to put it all right once we were safely married.

The property still belongs to my Aunt.

If you want it, speak with her!

- Speak with your Aunt, you say?

Yes, I'll speak with your Aunt!

You'll sign this, Madame, and no further tricks!

- Such impertinence!

- Alas, Monsieur Jebb, I cannot oblige you.

- Oh, perhaps you'll oblige your precious niece!

- Aunt Amelie!

[glass breaking]

[g*nsh*t]

[smack] - Oh!

- Oh, Monsieur Bowie!

No scandal!

- No, no, Ma'am.

You might as well leave the way I came in.

Are you all right?

- [laughing] So, my dear, you did not write your name

on this bill of sale.

Only a word.

May I ask, what word?

Forgive.

[humming music]

- Good day, Madame.

- My friend!

I hope you do not mind an audience.

My good friends were so eager to witness the transaction.

- Well, yes, about the transaction, I've, uh--

[excited chattering]

- Picture our delight!

- Now everything will be restored to you!

- We, your friends!

- Your luxuries!

[speaking in foreign language]

- Yes!

Comforts, luxuries, the comfort of a good bouillon.

The luxury of new linen sheets.

And friends, you say right.

Friends for 20 years.

But how can these things be restored to me

when I've never lost them?

Oh, what charming bouquets!

No doubt you're taking them to the cemetery

to decorate the grave of someone long departed.

Do not let me detain you.

[laughing]

And now, Monsieur Bowie, the transaction.

- Madame, I've changed my mind about the transaction.

- What does he say?

- I think you oughta sell direct to the railroad company.

They'll pay you more money, and it'll be to your advantage.

- But not to your advantage.

- Well.

- And those rude men, should they not be taught a lesson?

- Mm, perhaps you're right,

but I've lost my taste for revenge.

- You mean, you're not going to settle with them?

- Mm-mm, right now,

I'd settle for a cup of your good bouillon.

- Oh, Monsieur Bowie! [laughter]

[excited chattering]

[humming music]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪