02x12 - Hare and Tortoise

[bunniefuu]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold adventurin' man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪

[g*n fires]

[hooves clopping]

[g*n fires]

[wagon rattles]

[horse whinnies]

[hooves clopping]

[g*n fires]

[hooves clopping]

[men grunting]

[somber vocal music]

- Jim you all right, Jim?

- Rezin, what are you doing here?

- I was in that carriage.

You hurt?

- No, I'm all right.

There's a little lump back here.

See I was supposed to meet you in New Orleans.

- Yeah I left a message for you.

The governor asked me to go to Donaldsonville with him.

- The governor?

- Yeah, Pierre Derbigny.

He's been m*rder*d.

- But those men were French.

Did you see their costumes?

Only the Creole celebrate Carnival.

Why'd they k*ll one of their own?

- Well maybe they blame him

for moving the capital outta New Orleans.

Or it might have been the papers they stole.

- What papers?

- I don't know.

But they were important, he had them in a leather case.

He was taking them to Donaldsonville.

Look, Jim, you better ride on and fast.

Right now this state's without a governor.

You get word to the speaker of the house.

That's Andre Roman.

- How about you?

- Well I better stay here and look after things.

And then I'll go on to Donaldsonville.

Jim, how's Mama?

- Well she's fine, fine.

You ought to get up to Opelousas and see her some time.

- I know, I will.

- Where this Monsieur Roman live?

- Royal Street, you can find it.

- Politics, why did you ever get involved in it, Rizen?

- Because I wanted to put an end the this fighting

between Americans and Creoles.

That state of Louisiana will never

get any place at this rate.

- All right, no speeches, no speeches.

You got me involved now.

- You can deliver a message can't you?

- Yeah I can deliver a message.

[pleasant vocal music]

- Yes sir? - Oh howdy.

Is this the Roman residence?

- Yes but I'm afraid sir that--

- You tell Mr. Roman that I'm here

on important business please?

- What name shall I say sir?

- Jim Bowie.

- Wait here Mr. Bowie.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Huh, oh well, hello mademoiselle.

- How quaint, how clever, to come as a backwards American.

But your mask monsieur, why aren't you wearing it?

- My mask?

- Nevermind I have another here.

- Now just a minute, mademoiselle.

- But I am sorry it is not made of buckskin.

- Thank you.

- And to think the uncouth Americans

actually dress in this skin.

How can you stand it even for an evening?

And the dirt, was it necessary to be quite so,

what's the word, authentic?

- Yes mademoiselle it was necessary

because I am an old...

Excuse me.

[people chattering]

- Can I help you?

You seem to be looking for something.

Or have you already found it?

I'm Brian Turner of Ascension Parish.

- Jim Bowie, Opelousas.

- That's quite a costume.

- Oh thank you.

I came up here after a man dressed

as a cavalier, did you see him?

- No, I'm afraid not.

- Hm, that's funny.

Wonder where he went.

[people chattering]

- Monsieur I am sorry,

Lucius has just told me you are Monsieur Bowie.

- That's right.

- I am Claudette Roman.

You came to see my cousin and I insulted you.

Now I wish to extend my apologies.

[people laughing, chattering]

- Excuse me again, mademoiselle.

Just a minute.

- What is it monsieur?

- I'd like to ask you a couple of questions.

- Monsieur, on the first night of Carnival

I will overlook your rudeness.

A little too much wine, perhaps.

Proceed, coachman. - No you don't.

You're not leaving until you explain

what you're doing with this case and that costume.

- Explain, how, what?

A case I have never seen, and this costume?

Does it have to be said it is for the ball?

You are making us late, monsieur.

- What is wrong cousin Andre?

- Cousin?

You're Andre Roman?

- This fellow refuses to allow us to leave.

He has an obsession about a case.

- Is this your revenge, Monsieur Bowie?

Because I misunderstood your buckskin.

- No, no I-- - I see.

My friend, if you are a gentleman I would be insulted.

As it is, we will consider this a joke.

A joke in very low taste.

We will proceed, now. - No you don't.

[woman shrieks]

All right, don't interfere.

Stand back.

Now sooner or later, he's gonna have to answer.

Either here or someplace else.

- Answer what?

- What you were doing on the road to

Donaldsonville a little while ago.

- Donaldsonville?

- That's right. - This is ridiculous.

I have been here in this house all evening,

as any of my friends would tell you.

- Your Creole friends?

Naturally I'm sure they'd tell me.

- Then I am being accused of something?

Something on the road to Donaldsonville?

- Yes sir, m*rder.

- m*rder?

- If I may be permitted a question, whose?

- Governor Pierre Derbigny.

- Pierre Derbigny is dead?

- And you suspect my cousin of k*lling

his benefactor, his best friend?

- Oh it is all right, ma chere.

We will play out this little comedy.

I am your prisoner, monsieur.

I will go with you to the calabozo.

You will make official charges,

see that I am admitted to custody.

- That's just what I'll do.

- But I warn you, monsieur.

You had better be sure of yourself, very sure

for I promise you this little episode

will have its encore in court.

And then I shall call the tune.

You will make my apologies at the ball.

We will use my carriage.

To the calabozo.

[somber vocal music]

- [Jim] The next day at lunch, I passed up French wine

for the beer at the American cafe.

The food's better in the French Quarter,

but the way the Creoles were feeling,

any American would surely have been poisoned there,

especially me.

The governor m*rder*d,

the speaker of the general assembly in jail,

and me the only complaining witness.

Politics.

- [Frasier] Well, you certainly stirred up

a hornet's nest, young fella.

- Hornets with Creole accents.

- Mr. Turner here was kind enough to point you out to me.

I've been most anxious to make your acquaintance.

My name is London, Frasier London.

I'm in the senate with your brother Rezin.

- Yes sir, my brother spoke of you often.

How do you do?

Mr. Turner? - Bowie.

- Would you gentlemen join me for coffee?

- Why thank you, it'd be a pleasure.

- [Brian] Waiter, coffee please.

- You certainly poured oil on the fire, didn't you?

- How was I to know how things would turn out?

- Well you did what any good citizen would have done.

- I mean I don't care how important this Mr. Roman is.

He still can't explain that costume,

or what the leather case was doing in his house.

- Besides, Roman had a motive.

He knew the governor had turned against the Creoles.

- He had, how?

- He wanted the capital to remain in Donaldsonville.

Roman wanted it back in New Orleans,

like all the other French.

- I'm no lawyer, but I'd say

there's a good case against him.

- You think you have troubles with the Creoles.

You should've had to work with them, in politics

as I've had to do for years.

- Stubborn huh?

- Why he just won't realize

that he can't run things anymore.

Napoleon sold Louisiana in 1803

and it's high time they realized that.

- Look at New Orleans, the Creoles elect the mayor

to council, they get all the finances,

any civic improvements go to the French Quarter.

- And that's why the capital was moved to Donaldsonville,

to break that bottleneck.

And that's why it's got to stay there.

That also is why we need your help.

- My help?

Oh no, no gentlemen.

One politician in the family is enough.

I've had all I want right now.

- Well you won't be involved in anything.

- Now listen Bowie, your brother's

a very popular fellow here.

He controls a lot of votes.

You just tell him that Jim Bowie wants the capital

to remain in Donaldsonville.

- Well that'll probably make him vote just the opposite.

My brother Rezin votes the way he thinks is right.

- But it is right, Bowie.

New Orleans is a French community

where Americans are not welcome.

Donaldsonville can be an American community

where everyone is welcome.

It can be a fine, big city.

Why it's on the river.

There's plenty of room to expand.

No more fighting, pushing.

Turner, you know a lot of Creoles.

Just what do they think of us?

- Well that's very simple.

They hate us.

- Then you think you have a chance

to keep the capital there?

- [Frasier] If we all stick together, yes sir.

- You know gentlemen, I've been thinking.

If it is to remain the capital of a big state,

that'll mean a lot of people will be going there someday,

soon in fact.

And that'll mean that real estate land values will

go way up, isn't that right gentlemen?

- Yes I suppose you're right, Bowie.

It hadn't occurred to me.

- Well maybe we can do something together.

Why don't I go up there and nose around a little,

see what I can turn up.

- Well, I'm afraid I feel about that

the way you feel about politics.

- Why Mr. London, you don't mind

making a little money do ya?

- My only thought Bowie is the welfare of the people.

Well, if you need any help

in the Roman matter, feel free to ask.

Good day sir. - Good day Mr. London.

- Thank you for the coffee, Bowie.

- My pleasure, Turner.

My father used to say never trust a fellow

who says he's not interested in money.

He's probably 10 times as interested as you are.

I took the first steamboat for Donaldsonville.

The solution to this puzzle had to be there.

Who did own the property in and around Donaldsonville?

Who would profit by keeping the capital there?

I rode around and asked a lot of questions.

The answers I got put me right back

on a steamboat to New Orleans to a place

I hoped I'd never see again.

The home of Andre Roman.

[pleasant vocal music] [knocking]

Just a minute, I have to talk with Ms. Roman.

It's about her cousin, it's important.

- What is it Lucius?

You, you had the effrontery to come here?

Are Americans utterly without feelings, monsieur?

- I had to see you, mademoiselle.

I had to talk to you.

- Did you hope to persuade me my cousin is guilty?

No, Mr. Bowie, that you will never do.

- Well then maybe you can persuade me that he isn't.

- Do you mean that, monsieur?

- To be honest, mademoiselle,

'til a few hours ago I was certain

that Monsieur Roman had k*lled the governor.

Since then I've found out a few things.

- But how anyone could say that.

Andre who is the kindest, most honorable--

- The costume, the governor was m*rder*d

by a man dressed as a masked cavalier.

- At Carnival, do you think my cousin

was the only masked cavalier in New Orleans?

- Well he was the only one who came back to this house,

with the stolen case.

- And is that the act of an intelligent m*rder*r?

Coming back to his own house,

planting evidence to convict himself?

- No, no it isn't.

I wondered about that myself.

- And to k*ll Pierre Derbigny.

He and Andre were so close.

They believed the same things,

both wanted peace between the Americans and the Creoles.

- But the governor was going to Donaldsonville

to make sure the capital stayed there.

- Governor Derbigny?

Oh no, monsieur, just the opposite.

I know little of these matters,

but this I heard myself.

He said we haven't solved our problem

by moving the capital to that little town.

The Creoles and the Americans

must learn to live together in peace

but they must do it here, in New Orleans.

Right here, he said it in this house.

- Excuse me, mademoiselle.

- What is it Lucius?

- I just don't understand.

I took Monsieur Andre's clothes

to the calabozo as you told me.

- Yes, and you were to return his costume to the shop.

- But I did, mademoiselle, on the way back.

Now I find it in the closet upstairs.

- Lucius, then you couldn't have taken it back.

- Yes he could, if there were two costumes.

- Two?

- If somebody else was here

in that costume with the leather case.

- But why?

- Why to make your cousin look like the m*rder*r.

- Oh no monsieur, who?

- That's right, who?

First thing is to get your cousin out of jail,

and then get to Donaldsonville.

- Can you get him out?

- I got him in, didn't I?

[pleasant vocal music]

- Well just look around you, disgraceful.

It's the only word for it.

The senate of the great state of Louisiana

meeting in a place like this.

And why?

For spite.

Just to spite our Creole friends from New Orleans.

Now I tell you gentlemen, the only way to solve this sit...

Jim!

Mr. Chairman, I beg your indulgence

for a few pertinent remarks on the capital situation

from one of my most distinguished constituents,

my brother Mr. James Bowie.

[men applauding]

- We'll hear the gentleman from Opelousas.

- Well thank you Mr. London.

Now senators, fellow citizens,

I generally leave the speech making

and the politics to my brother Rizen here,

but this time I feel that I have to speak myself.

Now you all know about the governor's death,

and I expect you all know about the way I had the

speaker of the assembly thrown into jail.

Well, I'm afraid I have to eat crow about that,

because I realize now that the reason I

brought the charge against him

was mainly 'cause he made me mad.

And the reason he made me mad

was mainly 'cause he's a Creole.

Aren't they the stubbornest, those Creoles?

High toned, look down their noses at ya,

treat Americans like they were dirt under their feet.

[men murmuring]

Main reason is though that they're different from us.

They talk different, and think different,

why they even eat different.

I've been thinking to myself though,

that well, what's wrong with being different?

This is a big country.

It's gonna take a lot of different people

to fill it up.

And that's good, that's real good

because each of those different people

will bring a contribution to the country.

There's nothing wrong with the Creoles.

Except one thing, they were here first.

You can hardly blame 'em for resenting our coming in here

and pushing them around.

Seems to me we forget that they're French.

You know, George Washington was once

mighty glad to get the assistance

of a gentleman by the name of Lafayette

and we owe an awful lot to the French.

And just because they're,

well they are different from us,

and because well they're sometimes hard to handle,

that doesn't mean that they haven't got their rights,

same as us.

Even if we do outnumber them now.

[men murmuring]

- Noble sentiments, Mr. Bowie

but I don't see the connection

with the subject we were discussing.

The state capital.

- Well there's every connection, Senator London.

Aren't the Creoles the reason

that you're all meeting here

in a tavern in Donaldsonville instead of New Orleans?

[men murmuring]

Oh sure, sure I know the Creoles want the capital

back in New Orleans, that's true.

But they didn't k*ll the governor to get it back.

- But who did?

- I brought the man who I think can answer that question.

The Creole whom I threw in jail.

[men murmuring]

Mr. Roman?

Tell them sir why the governor was m*rder*d.

- Governor Derbigny and I learned

that two men were deliberately stirring up trouble

between the Creoles and the Americans.

Fanning the fire of this feud

in order to keep the capital in Donaldsonville.

- Then that's why he's coming with me.

- [Andre] Yes, he wanted to question the two men

before making public charges.

- So they m*rder*d the governor,

and planted evidence to make it

look like Monsieur Ramon here k*lled him.

- They did that, and the motive was very simple.

Between the two of them, they either owned

or had options on most of the land

in and around Donaldsonville.

The proof was in the governor's face.

- Two gentlemen who weren't a bit interested in money.

- Jim, there they go!

[glass tinkles]

From now on, you're gonna do your politicking in a cell.

- There is always another day.

Besides I am not without a certain influence

on the prison board.

You know, Donaldsonville isn't much of a town is it?

You know what might make a nice state capital someday?

Baton Rouge.

[pleasant vocal music]

- Oh.

- Mr. Bowie you are [speaks foreign language]

and your brother.

To look at them, one would never think

they were Americans.

Oh I'm sorry.

- Well there you are, you see Monsieur Roman?

We'll just never get together.

Maybe ex-senator London was right.

The capital should have been moved to Baton Rouge.

- Baton Rouge?

Well that's one place it'll never be.

[pleasant vocal music]

♪ Jim Bowie Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪