02x32 - Patron of the Arts

[bunniefuu]

[knife strikes]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold adventurin' man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter

♪ A fearless and mighty adventurin' man! ♪

- [Jim Bowie] This is the Louvre museum.

Napoleon gave it to the city of Paris.

Not to be outdone, Alfonse Durand,

the real estate employee of Louisiana,

did the same for the city of New Orleans

in memory of his wife, Marie.

That's how I started out to buy my mother a plantation,

and wound up as James Bowie, patron of the arts.

[men singing acapella]

- What's going on out there?

- [All] Shh!

[acapella singing continues]

- Why won't she receive me?

Why won't she see my efforts?

- I'm sure I don't know, monsieur.

- Who are you?

- Jim Bowie. Are you Monsieur Durand?

- What do you want?

- I'd like to buy that plantation

you advertised for sale.

- Plantation? I'll talk to you about a plantation

when I get her Titian.

Then I'll talk to you about a plantation.

- I'll uh, offer you $50,000.

- You'll get me the Titian.

And I'll give you a plantation.

- Uh, just a minute.

What's a Titian?

- Oh. Oh, my dear man.

- Well, nevermind, I'll find out for myself.

Shh.

I didn't know a Titian from a tent pole.

But I did know a bird painter named Audubon.

I figured he might be able to help me.

- [Audubon] What right have you?

You have no right!

- Oh my dear Audubon, while you were out

spying upon your feathered friends,

I became hungry.

- Justus, I swear!

- [Jim] Now, wait a minute, John, stop that.

- Ah, Bowie!

k*ll him!

Stick him with your knife!

- Huh?

- I befriend this sponge here.

I share with him my house, my bed, my stockings.

And how does he repay me?

The minute my back is turned,

he eats my model!

- He eats your model?

- My gray neck mallard.

Look.

Only half finished.

A whole month's work, ruined!

[laughing heartily]

Out, do you hear, out!

[Jim continues laughing]

- Very well, Audubon.

If you insist,

I'll pack.

- And stop drinking my wine!

- Where'd he come from?

- Europe, England, I don't know,

I met him a tavern.

Says he paints portraits.

I tell you, Bowie, it doesn't pay to do favors.

- Well, I'm sorry to hear you say that, John,

'cause that's why I'm here.

Ask you a favor.

- Well, Jim, you are different.

You would never eat my model.

[glasses clink]

Now what is it, just say the word.

- The word is, uh, Titian.

- Titian?

- Now what exactly is a Titian?

- A Titian is a painting, a painting by Titian.

Titian was a Venetian, one of the greatest painters

who ever lived.

- Hm.

- Why?

- I gotta get one right away.

- A Titian, for you?

- No not for me, for the museum.

- Oh, well, Jim, Titian's aren't easy to find.

I doubt if there is one in America.

- Oh, yes, there's one.

It's owned by a Contessa Berzini.

You see my problem is to persuade her to sell it to me.

- The Contessa Berzini?

Here in New Orleans?

- Yes.

No, Jim, I don't know her, nobody does know her.

But I warn you, be careful.

She is a Borgia.

- A Borgia?

- The Italian poisoners.

- Only on her mother's side.

- She wears a poison ring!

- Actually, she's a fine lady

whose life's been plagued by unhappy accidents.

Pardon me to introduce myself, sir,

I'm Cecil Algernon Justus.

- How do you do, I'm Jim Bowie.

- Just leave, Justus!

- Very well, Audubon, if you wish,

only I overheard Mr. Bowie say that he was eager

to meet the Contessa Berzini.

- You know her?

- Know her?

I painted her.

In Paris three years ago.

A lovely, impetuous creature.

- Well, dog mark cats, what a piece of luck.

- Jim, I warn you, this man is a stranger to the truth.

- Audubon, against all my instincts,

I've treated you as an equal.

It was a costly error.

Mr. Bowie, it was only a friendly offer.

Good day, gentlemen.

I seek other places.

Other rooms.

- Mr. Justus!

- Eh?

- Uh, I'm, uh, taking you up on your offer.

- Well, on second thought, Bowie,

I'm afraid I must decline.

Due to the vicissitudes of this wild shaw,

I'm afraid my clothes are not what they should be.

- Oh, oh, well, uh, here's um...

Here's a hundred dollars.

That ought to take care of your vicissitudes,

and buy you a new suit.

- Of course, when I get the new suit,

I have no place in which to change, so--

- So, I'll get you a room at my hotel, the Trianon.

- There will be of course, you know, a slight fee.

- Of course, of course, I'll pay it.

- Well, then, Mr. Bowie, you shall meet the Contessa!

At eight o'clock tonight.

[door closes]

- He's back.

- Who's back?

- Cecil Algernon Justus.

- Cecil? Here in America?

I cannot believe it!

- Contessa, I speak out of thirty years of service

in your family.

I beg you, do not see him.

- Why not?

- Forgive me, madam, but you are not as young

as you once were.

- Ha! Neither is he.

Oh, Julio, I'm so bored.

- Well, you have Caesar.

- [Contessa] Ah, he cannot talk.

- [Julio] And Brutus.

- [Contessa] He talks too much.

Oh, come on, Julio, show him in, show him in.

[door opens]

- My dear, Contessa,

how ravishing you look as always.

What are you doing in America?

- I might ask the same of you!

- No, do not kiss my hand.

Who are you swindling this time?

- Francesca!

- My name is Contessa Berzini.

You will bother no more!

You will involve me in none of your low schemes!

- Schemes?

- Yes, you told me

you were carving the small Michelangelo

for your own amusement!

- But I was!

- Then how did it happen?

You sold it to the King of Naples?

At a handsome profit to yourself!

Cost my husband the count of province

to redeem it!

We nearly had w*r!

- How is the count?

In good health, I trust?

- The count is dead.

A tragic accident.

Last October.

My physician recommended a sea voyage.

That is why I'm here.

Oh, Cecil. It's been so lonely.

So depressing.

- Oh, my dear, how awful for you.

- Going from castle to castle, day in and day out,

with nothing to do but take care of the Michelangelos,

the da Vincis, the jewels.

- Francesca.

You need to someone to handle these detains.

- Oh, Cecil, I do.

I do.

I know just the man.

- Who?

- Jim Bowie.

- Who?

- A dashing young backwoodsman.

A diamond in the rough.

Marry him, take him to Italy,

he'll do anything you say.

He has the mind of a child.

- Get out.

- But you've always liked young men.

You enjoy handsome escorts.

- Oh, that part of my life is over, Cecil.

Come, don't be tiresome.

- Yes, but this chap is extraordinary.

He fights bears and Indians.

- Come, let me show you to the door.

Well!

Who's this, Cecil?

- The chap about whom I was telling you.

Contessa Berzini,

may I have the great privilege to present to you,

Mr. Jim Bowie.

- Contessa.

- How do you do?

Be careful of my ring.

It leaks.

- Mr. Bowie is a great admirer of yours, Contessa.

He saw you in your carriage

and begged for an introduction.

- Hmm, how ingenuine.

- Uh, yes, Contessa, you have something

in your possession that I've gotta have right away.

- Run along, Cecil.

Paint something.

- It's your Titian, ma'am.

I'd like to make you an offer of $50,000.

- Well, you're a patron of the arts, Mr. Bowie?

- In a manner of speaking, yes.

That's how my mother saw it, you see.

- Saw it?

- The advertisement in the paper

for this plantation for sale

with a little white house on it.

Now that's been her dream all her life.

And I promised her I'd buy it for her.

Well, it's owned in the possession of this

Monsieur, uh, Alfonse Durand.

I saw him this morning.

Now he tells me that if I can get him this Titian

that you've got,

he'll give me the plantation.

And then mama will get her white house,

and then I can go up and see one ear.

- One ear?

- Come into the library.

Tell me all about One Ear.

He sounds fascinating.

How thrilling!

Isn't it thrilling, Cecil?

Oh, come, Mr. Bowie, tell us more.

- Well, it happens every day on the frontier, Contessa.

But this Titian, now that's something else again.

Now I'd sure like to see it.

I will show it to you,

if you do not mind the climb.

- The climb?

- It's upstairs, in my bedroom.

You've seen it, Cecil, you'll wait here.

[painting clunking]

Tell me Mr. Bowie, do you like to travel?

- Sure do.

I've been to Texas four times.

- You ever think about going to Italy?

- No, I didn't.

[Contessa laughing]

Italy?

- You would like Italy.

It's not as flat as Texas.

- Uh, where'd you get the Titian?

- It belonged to The Count.

You look like The Count.

- I do?

- You have his eyes.

[gasps]

- What?

- Oh!

- What is it?

- Oh, my Titian!

It's been stolen!

Call the polizia!

The jean dame,

the police!

- Alright.

[smacking]

[Contessa screaming]

[rustling and objects crashing]

[Contessa exclaiming]

- My Titian!

My Titian!

- What's happened? We heard the screams.

- Thieves, they've stolen my Titian!

- Who's that?

- Mr. Bowie, well don't just stand there, Cecil,

get him free!

- Don't worry Bowie, you'll get your Titian.

The Contessa will offer a handsome reward

for its return.

- You know this art business

is as twisty as a Chickasaw trail.

- [laughs] Pleasant dreams, man.

Good night.

- Oh, good evening, gentlemen.

Where is it?

- Right here.

- Oh.

Ah, yes, thank you my good men.

- Nevermind the my good men,

where's the money you promised us?

- Oh, you should have it.

Just as soon as the reward is paid.

And now, gentlemen, if you'll excuse us,

this lovely lady and a very ardent painter

have a most particular rendezvous.

Until dawn.

Goodnight, gentlemen.

- Cream?

- Please.

So you have no idea who it could have been?

- I have no idea at all.

I know no one in New Orleans.

All of my enemies are in Italy.

Yes, Julio?

- Cecil Algernon Justus.

- Tell him I am not here.

- Good afternoon, Francesca, how charming you look!

How time, Bowie.

- Good man.

- Oh, just in time for tea, I see!

- Another cup, Julio.

- And a stick of cinnamon, if you please, Julio.

A delicious combination.

I got it from the empress of China.

An astounding woman.

Ate nothing but hummingbirds.

Any news of the Titian?

- No.

And if you had not been here, Cecil,

I should have suspected you.

- Francesca!

- Pardona, Contessa,

a boy just brought this to the front door.

- Oh?

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Put the $5000 in a wicker basket.

And place it in the archway

just south of the cathedral door

at the nine o'clock tonight.

Go directly towards the door,

and you will find the Titian.

Oh.

I went shopping yesterday.

I don't have $5000 in cash.

And my bank is closed by now!

- Well, Contessa, uh,

if you'll agree to sell me the Titian,

for $50,000,

I'll advance you the $5000 now.

What do you say?

- I agree.

- Good, then it's a bargain.

I'll attend to all the details.

[men singing acapella]

- May I have a carriage, please?

- Of course.

- Hello, Justus.

You going some place?

- Hello, boy.

Well, what a stroke of luck

meeting you here.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I've just received a letter.

From the Earl of Digwell.

A commission to paint his third daughter.

Holy little thing, I hate to make her immortal,

but what can I do?

- What can you do?

[both laughing]

Congratulations.

- Oh, thank you.

I depend upon you to make my adieu to the Contessa.

If you take my advice, Bowie, marry her.

- Who, me?

- Yes, she'll give you position, buy you a tiger,

introduce you to culture, educate you,

teach you to read and write.

A castle in the north, a villa in the south,

a palace in the middle.

- I don't want a palace in the middle.

I just want a little white house for mama.

- Oh, it's my carriage.

- Your carriage?

Justus isn't that kind of expensive?

- Well, the earl was good enough

to enclose an advance.

- Well, goodbye, Bowie, I can't thank you enough.

- But, your fee, I promised you a fee.

- Oh, let's forget the fee.

- No, no, no, I insist.

Come along, I'll take you to the bank and get it for you.

And then we must stop the museum.

They want your advice on how to hang the Titian.

- My ship is sailing!

- You'll have plenty of time, Justus.

After all, you are the expert, aren't you?

Come along.

- Skipping out with our share, eh?

Come on.

- But this will never work.

- I agree!

But I promised Mr. Bowie we would try.

- Here they come.

Behind here, Contessa, please.

- After all, a painting of its value and beauty

should be hung to advantage.

- Oh, I quite agree.

The Louvre in Paris is a particular offender in this.

The great paintings,

they are hung either in obscure corners

or else with just enough light for cats to see them.

Now, where is it?

- It's over there behind the post.

- Behind the--?

This is criminal!

It should be over there by the door,

where people can see it as they enter.

- That's right.

- Senor Bowie!

I was told I would find you here!

- Yes, Julio, what is it?

- The Contessa, she's been abducted.

- Abducted?

- Yes, she was shopping when two dark men,

they came out, they pushed her into a carriage,

thrashed the whip, and drive off with her

before I could stop them.

- They did, huh?

Did you see who they were?

- No, senor, but just a moment ago,

I received this note.

- Read it, Bowie, what does it say?

- I have the Contessa,

and you have the Titian.

Bring the Titian to the old fort

on the bayou road at once,

or the Contessa will be turned over to the--

to the Curran Cowess.

- Those aren't the cannibals?

- That's who they are.

- But they boil their victims in pots over fires.

- Only on feast days.

- When are they?

- Every Friday.

- This is Thursday!

- That's right.

I'll have to deliver the Titian.

- No, Bowie, no.

Whoever they are, they'll know that's a fake.

- Fake?

- I have the real Titian rolled up here.

But I can't let them have her for dinner.

I love her.

- Cecil!

- Francesca?

- Oh, I heard every word, Cecil.

You do love me!

- Alright, none of you move.

Don't reach for that, Bowie.

- Who are these people?

- Unfortunately, Francesca,

they're former associates of mine.

Alright, Stokes, my good man, put that thing away.

The plan is off, I'll pay you the money

and we'll forget the whole thing.

- Get it, Morale.

- Now, wait a minute, what would you chaps

do with a Titian?

Where would you dispose of it?

- If you can sell it, we can sell it.

- Oh, but you don't know the King of Spain,

and I do. He trusts me.

[grunting]

[rustling]

[punching]

[crashing]

[whooshing]

- Alright, Bowie, I give up.

- At this point, I think you'd better.

Come on out, Justus, fun's over.

[men singing acapella]

[celebratory acapella music]

- Were they married?

- Right after I paid her the $50,000.

- Where is it?

Give it to me.

- Ah, just a minute, Monsieur Dumand.

Not until I get the deed to that certain plantation.

- Yes, Bowie, yes. Yes, here it is.

It's yours.

- Thank you.

- Ah. At last.

- At last.

- My Titian.

Ah, Bowie.

You are indeed a patron of the arts.

[all murmuring in agreement]

- Shh.

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless

♪ And mighty adventurin' man!