04x02 - Hold It Lazlo/Being Edward

[bunniefuu]

[Reveille plays]

Attention, campers,

Attention, campers--

It's time for "camp lazlo"!

♪ There were two scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside down-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪





All right, fellas.

I say we squeeze a little more

Out of this lemonade drinking

Contest by upping the ante.

Edward's gonna take his

Lemonade with no sugar.

That's impossible.

No mortal would ever dare

Attempt it.

[Gulp]

[Swallows]

[Cheering]

Go ahead, lazlo.

Match that.

[Sipping]

[All talking at once]

Wait!

Eee...ahh.

[Cheering]

I appreciate what you're

Doing, lazlo, but I must

Warn you that all 4 of my

Brothers won this contest.

Let's see how well you handle

Lemonade from concentrate.

[All gasp]

[Slurping]

[Cheering]

[Crash]

Hooray for lazlo! Hooray...

Hooray for lazlo.

Wait. What?

Hooray for lazlo?

I refuse to lose like this.

Grr!

This isn't over, lazlo.

Ok, ok, let's have a

Group picture with the champion.

[All talking at once]

Ok, everyone a little

Closer, now.

What's all that swishing noise?

It's obnoxious.

Lazlo, could you stand a little

More like a champion?

Heh heh.

I guess I had a little too much

Lemonade.

Mind if I go potty quick?

Ok, bathroom break, everyone.

Bathroom break!

Yee-hah!

Oh, only 3 people

In front of me.

I can hold it for that long.

[Toilet flushes]

Hey! Dave butt in.

No. He was next.

But I thought samson

Was next.

He is.

Next in line to get into line.

[Slurping]

[Toilet flushes]

Ee.

Would you like the last sip?

Ooh! I'm next.

Oh, please hurry.

Ooeeooh!

You're up, lazlo.

Out of order?

Ee.

[Whimpering]

[Laughs]

> Please be home.

Please be home.

[Banging]

Can I please use your bathroom,

Scoutmaster lumpus?

You know the rule, lazlo.

Only one camper a day

Can use my commode.

[Toilet flushes]

Whew.

Your grass was looking a little

Dry, scoutmaster lumpus.

Ha! Now that's a

Thoughtful scout.

But then where am I gonna

Go to the bathroom?

I don't know.

Go in the lake or something.

The lake.

[Opens zipper]

Ahh.

I don't swim in your toilet,

So please don't whiz in my home.

Ee.

Sorry.

[Laughs]

Ooh! Ooh, need somewhere to

Go, need somewhere to go.

Please show me a sign.

[Gasp]

Uh...uh...

[Opens zipper]

Lazlo.

If I didn't know any better,

I'd say you were about to go to

The bathroom on that defenseless

Tree like an uncultured,

Savage beast.

But I really have to go

And there's no place to go

In camp.

Did you try acorn flats?

They have bathrooms?

Girls have bladders, too.

[Toilet flushes]

Oh, I don't know, lazlo.

I mean, why should we let you

Use our bathroom?

'Cause I have to go!

Whoa.

That is definitely the wrong way

To ask someone to use

Their bathroom.

Uhh. I'm sorry.

Pretty please?

[Whimpering]

Pretty please with pee on top?

Oh, gross!

Just use the bathroom.

Eee...

Hold it, lazlo.

Isn't that a girls' bathroom?

Oh, no.

What's the holdup,

Monkey pants?

It's not a boys' bathroom.

Where's the boys' bathroom?

I hate to break it to you,

Einstein, but this is an

All-girls camp.

There is no boys' bathroom.

Don't worry, lazlo.

I'm sure we'll figure out

Something once we get

Back to camp.

Uh. Eeeee.

Maybe I'd feel better

If I rowed.

No, no.

I've got it.

Oh, sh**t.

My shoelaces are untied.

Guess I should do the logical

Thing and tie them.

[Screaming indistinctly]

[Chattering]

Lazlo?

Lazlo?

Where is he?

Oh, no.

My sign!

[expl*si*n]

Ahh...

[Rooster crows]

Ahh.

You win this round, lazlo,

But this isn't over yet,

Not by a long shot.

Wow.

Lazlo. There you are.

You didn't go to the bathroom

Yet, did you?

Just finished.

No! [Sobbing]

What's wrong, edward?

Oh, nothing.

It's just that I stayed up all

Night making this for you.

You made me a diaper?

Uhh.

This isn't a diaper.

Diapers are for babies.

This is a tinkle tog,

Like the kind astronauts wear.

Astronauts?

I'm going to put it on

Right now.

How do I look?

You look like an astronaut.

Really?

Aw, thanks, edward.

I think I'll go show it off

At the mess hall.

Oh, lazlo.

Humiliating you is easier than

Taking candy from a baby.

[Indistinct chatter]

And then the camel says

To the firehose--

Is that a--

Hey, everybody,

Lazlo's wearing a diaper.

[Laughter]

Uh-oh.

Come on, clam.

We have to save lazlo.

Take one for the team.

Hey, lazlo.

How's it going--ooh!

Raj, are you ok?

Whoops. Spilled food on raj.

Hey, raj just tripped

And then clam spilled

Food on him!

[Laughter]

Lazlo, get out of here while

Everyone is laughing at us!

What?

Just go!

Hey, wait.

They're just trying to distract

Us from the real funny.

Lazlo's still wearing a diaper!

[Laughter]

Huh?

Oh, this isn't a diaper.

Really?

Denial.

It's not?

Well, what is it?

It's a tinkle tog,

Just like the astronauts wear.

A tinkle tog?

So you're actually wearing

Some sort of futuristic

Space diaper?

Yeah, kinda.

Cool.

I can't wait to see the

Look on lazlo's face.

I bet everyone's making fun of

Him right now!

Hey, edward.

What? What's going on?

[Passes gas]

Lazlo?

Hey, edward.

Over here.

Tinkle togs are a huge hit.

Yes. They're so convenient.

Oh, um, lazlo, can you save my

Seat while I go to the bathroom?

Sure, raj.

Ok.

I'm done.

Everyone, look.

Raj just went to the bathroom

Like the astronauts.

Just like the astronauts.

Ahh.

Ahh.

I forgot I wasn't wearing

Tinkle togs.

Argh!

Don't you get it?

You're all wearing diapers!

Actually, edward,

This is a tinkle tog.

There is a difference.

[Krrk krrk]

Mission control,

I love tinkle togs. Over.

[Krrk]

[Krrk] copy that.

You love tinkle togs.

Over. [Krrk]

No.

They're wearing diapers.

Ugh. I gotta get outta here.

[All talking at once]

Tinkle togs are here to stay.

Come on, edward. Ha ha.

Join the fun.

Hey, everybody.

I'm the coolest camper

In kidney.

I invented the tinkle tog.

Uh, excuse me, edward.

Oh, hey, slinkman.

Were you interested in buying

A tinkle tog?

Ha ha.

Oh, oh, no.

No diapers for me.

I just needed to let you know

That your 4 older brothers

Are here to see you.

Edward!

It's not what it looks like.

Oh, really?

So I guess you didn't lose the

Lemonade drinking contest.

And now I suppose you're gonna

Tell us that you didn't just

Admit to inventing these lame

Fashion diapers.

[Scoffs] can you bring any more

Shame to our family?

I can't believe

We're related.

Oh, edward, honey,

Fashion diapers

Are so last year.

But it's not a diaper.

It's a tinkle tog!

Vamoose, pelican.

It's my day and I'm

Going to the top.

In your dreams,

You platypus.

Hey, regina.

What did you call me?

Let me ahead of you in line,

Will ya?

Yeah, sure.

Wake up and smell the

Pine cones.

[Laughter]

Grr.

Fine way to treat me.

[Captioning provided by
nci]

[Reveille plays]

Attention, campers,

Attention, campers--

It's time for "camp lazlo"!

♪ There were two scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside down-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

Ohh. No holidays?

June gloom.

Well, we can't have a day

Without something.

Now, what would make a good

Holiday that everyone

Could enjoy?

Gooseberry shrub

Worshiping day.

Clam will get a kick

Out of that.

He loves gooseberries.

Om...

[Droning] gooseberries.

Om...

Get up, laz.

You're making a idiot

Of yourself.

[Droning] edward, we're in

The middle of worshipping

The gooseberry shrub here.

Om...

You're worshiping a weed,

People.

What's that disgusting bunch of

Sour berries got that

I ain't got?

[Chewing] nice berries.

[Chewing]

Uhh. I can't even look.

Why praise those gross things

When you've got a lovable

Platypus right here?

Hello?

Anyone?

Ugh. Stupid lazlo holidays.

Grr.

If they're gonna worship,

They might as well worship

Something worth worshipping.

[Rooster crows]

[Laughs]

This is it, folks.

The day we've all

Been waiting for.

[Laughs]

Iiit's...edward day!

Keep it down, you weirdo.

Hey, look.

It's the queen of england.

What's he supposed to be?

A loser.

Let's try this again.

Iiit's...edward day!

Oh! Oh, oh, yes.

Um, I am surrounded by idiots!

[Laughs]

Oh, edward is so much fun.

So much dude.

Lazlo.

Yes, edward?

What day is today?

Why, it's edward day, silly.

I mean, it's edward day.

Can't you read, you loser?

How'd I do?

Argh.

Come on, lazlo.

What does that say?

[Reading] lost

Scab collection.

See samson in--

No, dimwit.

Above it.

The calendar.

Oh. June 2.

Edward day.

Today's the day we all act like

You, garbanzo brains!

That's not what happens

On my day!

I'll take this to the

Highest authority!

So it's edward day

And you don't want it to be

Edward day?

No! I mean, yes!

Look here, slinkman.

Today is the day that everybody

Worships me.

Me!

O...k.

Well, since it's your day...

Edward day.

Right.

Now, I want you to take this

Note to mr. Mcmuesli.

What is this?

[Reading] edward is allowed

To jump to the front

Of the mess hall line.

Finally!

A little respect for the ed-man!

[Indistinct chatter]

Tada!

[Indistinct chatter]

Some people just have

No class.

Someone want to take my cloak

Or am I gonna stand here

All day?

Glad to, edward.

This is what I'm

Talking about.

Nice cape.

It's a cloak, peasant.

Look at me.

I'm the king of camp kidney.

I know where you live, freak!

You stain my cloak,

You buy my cloak. Capiche?

Chef mcmuesli, chef mcmuesli,

Look what I got.

Oh, it's edward day, huh?

Go ahead, mcmuesli.

Surprise me.

Get me my lunch and make it

Snappy, broccoli breath.

Just gimme some lunch,

Will ya?

Coming right up!

One macaroni surprise!

Next!

[Chewing]

You have the honor

Of sitting with me, peasant.

What do you want--to see me

Get sick or something?

Listen up, people.

I don't know what you think

You're all doing.

You should be worshipping me.

[All talking at once]

Enough already!

I hereby declare edward day

Finished.

But I love being edward.

All right.

Who's the wise guy?

Well, where are you?

Well, where are you?

Wha?

[Several talking at once]

Clam.

[Lazlo and raj

Talking at once]

...than edward!

You're supposed to worship

Me, not imitate me.

You're supposed to worship

Me, not imitate me.

[Growling]

[Growling]

That's it!

That's it!

[Laughter]

I'm gonna end edward day

Once and for all.

[Playing "taps"]

So I say to the guy,

"What am i--a duck?"

["Taps" playing]

It's bedtime already?

Trying to nap here.

That's the bedtime bugle,

Lumpus.

Go back to bed.

Oh.

Daylight savings, huh?

Well, keep it down anyway!

There.

Problem solved.

Edward day is officially over.

Wanna play shadow puppets?

[Indistinct]

And I just dropped teddy

At the laundromat.

Whew.

Good-bye, camp,

Hello, dreamland.

What are you doing in my bunk?

What are you doing

In my bunk?

You heard the bedtime bugle.

Edward day is over.

But I love being edward.

You're not edward.

I'm edward!

You're not edward.

I'm edward!

[Breathing heavily]

Grr.

Hey, stink sacks.

Hey, stink sacks.

Will you tell this fruitcake

Who edward is?

Will you tell this fruitcake

Who edward is?

Are we dreaming?

I think so.

See?

Nobody's interested.

Don't copy me.

Stop doing that.

Why are you such an idiot?

[Bang]

[All talking at once]

You can go to sleep

After you tell this imitation

Who the original edward is.

Not in this lifetime,

Butterball.

Ok, that is edward.

[All talking at once]

Excuse me.

Pardon me, fred.

Pardon me, hippo guy.

Uh, beg pardon,

[Indistinct] character that I've

Not met till now.

Ha ha. Heh.

Looks like we got ourselves

A little mix-up.

Hmm.

What we need here is a

Good, old-fashioned face-off

To find the real edward.

Let's start with

Edward on the right.

Edward on the right?

There is no edward on the right!

I'm the only edward!

[Booing]

Too wimpy.

Well, I guess that was

Pretty good.

I'm surrounded by idiots.

[Cheering]

This camp is only big enough

For one edward!

Edward on the right!

Edward on the right!

Argh!

If he's edward, then who does

That make me--clam?

Can't think of a worse--

Wait a minute.

Wait just one minute.

[Playing reveille]

[Door creaking]

Um...hello there, edward.

Huh. Hey, what can I do for you?

Uh, me clam.

Do you have something

Stuck in your throat, edward?

No.

Uh, clam.

I am clam.

Oh, I get it.

He wants our picture.

Oh, flattery will get you

Everywhere, edward.

Clam!

I'm impersonating clam,

You idiots!

Ok, is he still doing clam?

I think he's trying to do

Edward again.

Ooh, look what time it is.

Well, clam,

We'd better get on down

To the mess hall.

We don't want to miss breakfast.

How come we're having dinner

For breakfast?

This is highly illogical.

Good morning,

Friendship campers.

Good morning, camp kidney.

Come on.

You can do it.

Uh, I'm clam.

Ooh.

He's really improving.

Are we still asleep?

I think so.

Hey, ed-man.

Why don't you cut in front of

Me?

Don't mind if I do.

Oh, hey, edward.

That was a lot of fun yesterday.

How about a second helping?

Hey, uh,

Who cares about edward?

He's a jerk.

Is your dream about edward?

I think so.

And I said, "what do I

Look like--a squirrel scout?

[Laughter]

Uh, clam no think new edward

So funny.

Who's that supposed to be?

[Murmuring]

Well, if it isn't clam.

Clam here is so short

That when it rains,

He's the last to know.

[Laughter]

That should be me up there,

Getting all that attention,

Getting laughs at someone

Else's expense.

He's already had his day

With the gooseberry.

He's not edward and I can

Prove it!

[Laughs] clam loves

Gooseberry bushes.

[Laughs]

Mm! Gooseberries!

Who can resist them?

[Chewing]

[Gulp]

Too bad you can't eat any of

These delicious gooseberries.

Edward hates gooseberries.

[Hack]

Gooseberries?

[Spitting]

I can't even rember when I

Last had gooseberries this good!

Uh, gooseberries.

Please tell me

That's not drool.

[Indistinct] aaah!

[Indistinct] I win!

I'm the king of the edwards!

Ohhh!

Gooseberry hives.

Well, at least I'm still edward.

Vamoose, pelican.

It's my day and I'm

Going to the top.

In your dreams,

You platypus.

Hey, regina.

What did you call me?

Let me ahead of you in line,

Will ya?

Yeah, sure.

Wake up and smell the

Pine cones.

[Laughter]

Grr.

Fine way to treat me.