04x04 - Ed's Benedict/The Book of Slinkman

[bunniefuu]

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

Raj: this is a terrible idea,

Lazlo.

Lazlo: what's wrong with

Bird-watching?

Raj: it is not natural to

Stake out birds in someone

Else's nest.

Yeesh!

Lazlo: see anything yet,

Guys?

Is it bad to look directly

Into the sun?

[ Sizzling ]

Clam: yes.

Lazlo: nothing, huh?

No bulbus wing doodlers?

Nope.

Lazlo: no floxagenus

Pabocrustacious?

Not a one.

Lazlo: no dragon zarconeous?

Nuh-unh.

Lazlo: well, we're bound to

See something.

Oh!

Oh, look!

All: ooh!

Lazlo: not one, but two --

Two loons pabocrustacious.

King me.

Raj: my, what strange

Customs.

Lazlo: well, observe, raj.

Now, if you'll notice --

Raj: [ laughs ]

I think I found something.

Lazlo: description.

Raj: I see webbed feet.

Lazlo: check.

Raj: it appears to be able to

Float in water.

Lazlo: yes, yes, go on, go

On.

Raj: and it tweets out a

Strange nasal sound.

Lazlo: hmm.

Hmm.

We have a duck.

Yay, duck!

Lazlo: [ whistles ]

All right, duck!

Raj: perfect specimen.

Edward: I am not a duck,

Capisce?

Raj: I am wondering out

Loud -- do ducks lay eggs?

Edward: hold it.

This mammal ain't laying no

Stinking eggs.

Clam: beaver.

Edward: all right, guys,

Quick biology lesson.

Edward -- platypus, and these

Two over there -- these are

Birds.

Lazlo: you mean loonus

Pabologicus.

Edward: yeah, whatever.

These guys molt, they got tiny

Brains, and loons even lay eggs.

It's a horrifying situation.

And just what's so horrifying

About egg laying?

Yeah!

Loons lay eggs?

Edward: all I'm saying is I

Ain't no duck.

[ Laughs ]

We know, we know.

You're a beaver.

[ Laughs ]

Edward: I am a platypus!

Jeez!

Some people will never learn.

[ Rooster crows ]

Edward: [ moaning ]

Skip: should we wake him?

Chip: I don't know.

He looks real different today.

Skip: edward, good morning.

Edward: leave me alone.

I slept funny.

Skip: I'll say.

Edward: all right, wise guys,

What are you yapping about?

Hey!

Chip: you did sleep funny.

[ Both laugh ]

Edward: w-what happened

Last night?

Chip: oh, don't worry,

Edward.

I leave accidents in my bed all

The time.

Edward: this was no accident.

[ Heart beating ]

Guys, I don't know what this is.

Here we go.

[ Gasps ]

An egg!

Skip: an egg!

Chip: edward laid an egg!

Edward: what am I gonna do?

Chip: are you gonna lay

Another one?

Skip: we don't have to watch,

Do we?

Edward: the ed man walks

Calmly over here.

He's gonna close his eyes, and

When he opens them, he'll wake

Up from this nightmare.

Skip: sneaky.

Edward: wake up, edward!

There, it worked.

Yep, just another day at

Camp kidney.

Good morning, dumb roomies.

Chip: good morning, edward.

Edward: and what better way

To start the day than by making

My -- egg!

Skip: an egg!

Chip: edward laid an egg!

Edward: all right, listen up,

You two.

Now, I'm gonna bring this

Mutation back to nurse leslie,

And you're gonna keep your

Mouths shut.

[ Both mumbling ]

[ Bell ringing ]

Hi.

Bandage?

Edward: no. No.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

[ Sighs ] pain reliever?

Edward: mnh-mnh.

Lollipop?

Edward: no, no lollipop.

You see, I've got this friend

Who, um...

Mm-hmm.

Edward: so, as a-a man of

Science, you've seen a lot of

G-g...

Mm-hmm.

Edward: leslie, I laid an

Egg!

Uh, let's see -- chinchillas,

Dogs, walrus...

Ah, platypus.

Okay, watch this.

It will explain a lot to you.

Uh, I'll be in the other room.

It's a miracle, and it's you!

This is a major science lab.

And this is a scientist.

Oh, hello, there.

I'm dr. Fritz hamburger.

I'd like to chat with you about

The scientific wonder I call the

Miracle of life.

After all, you are a platypus.

And a platypus is a unique

Creature in the animal kingdom.

Edward: I'm unique?

Yes, you are.

Look at these two lovebirds.

But when those warm feelings

Collide, there's no stopping the

Chemical reactions, resulting in

Gads of charges, an imbalance of

Your microcosmos.

Edward: huh?

Yes, this is science, and,

Yes, the platypus is a mammal.

But does it lay eggs?

Edward: [ gulps ]

The answer is simple, one

Word.

That word is...

Edward: I got to get out of

Here.

There.

This never happened.

Act normal.

I'm a platypus, a normal

Platypus.

Will edward come back and

Pick up the egg you laid this

Morning?

You left it in my office.

The one you laid.

Chip: edward, I swear, I

Didn't tell anybody.

You laid an egg?

[ Laughter ]

Gee, I thought platypuses

Didn't lay eggs.

Edward laid an egg?

Edward, please pick up the

Egg you laid.

You left it in my office.

Your egg.

Lazlo: imagine that.

Our little edward, a

Mommy-to-be.

Please, if you're going to

Lay eggs, edward, don't leave

Them in my office again.

Edward, pick up the egg you --

Edward: okay, leslie, we hear

You.

Hand it over.

Congratulations, edward.

Edward: pipe it, nursey.

[ Grumbles ]

Now, where am I gonna dump this

Thing?

This looks like a good place.

Let's see -- dead being drop?

Nah.

The poisonous brier patch with a

Circling buzzard?

Nah.

How about this?

An old cave.

"Danger -- k*ller bears.

Keep out."

Bingo.

Arrivederci.

Yeesh, this is a creepy part of

The forest.

[ Crash ]

What's that?

Wait a minute.

I could do that.

I could really do that.

I could be a mommy!

[ Bear roars ]

The baby!

Hold on!

I'm coming, baby!

[ Bear growling ]

Ah, g-grrr yourself.

Give me back my baby!

This is your baby?

Edward: yes, it is.

Have you seen mine?

Edward: adorable, looks just

Like you.

My widdle baby.

I'll never let you out of my

Sight again.

We're going home.

Welcome to your new home, baby.

You're so unique, so special.

I think I'll name you...edward.

Chip: hey, what's going on?

Edward: quiet!

Can't you see edward is

Sleeping here?!

Good night, precious.

[ Rooster crows ]

Good morning, world.

Ready to take a stroll through

Camp kidney?

[ Humming ]

Ah, just the fellas I wanted to

See.

I want to...

[ Clears throat ]

I want to [gulps] apologize for

Ribbing you guys.

You birds are great.

You lay eggs.

I lay eggs, although mine are

Better.

But, yeah, I've had you birds

Pegged all wrong, all wrong.

Well, glad we cleared that up.

But -- but wait, edward.

There's something we have to

Tell you.

Edward: pshaw.

There's nothing I don't already

Know, brothers.

Oh, scoutmaster lumpus?

Lumpus: huh?

Edward: have you heard the

Good news?

I'm expecting.

See ya!

Lumpus: slinkman, did you see

That?

Slinkman: yeah, I --

Lumpus: good, I didn't,

Either.

Edward: [ humming ]

Fore!

[ Glass shattering ]

Edward: I never noticed how

Dangerous camp is.

Hey, baby on board!

Yaa!

Help!

I have a contagious rash!

Whoa, whoa, uh-oh, whoa!

Edward: [ panting ]

Let's get you someplace safe.

Aah!

Aah!

How could you?!

How could I what?

Edward: how could you eat

Eggs?

Uh, with a fork.

Edward: you -- you animals!

[ Grunting ]

Sanctuary!

Is there no safe place for my

Offspring?

Lazlo: edward, look.

We're just eating tofu egg

Substitute.

Clam: no yolking.

Edward: sanctuary.

[ Grunting ]

Lazlo: edward.

Leave me alone.

Lumpus: do you think I should

Have gotten the blue one?

Slinkman: it's fine, sir.

Edward: [ sobbing ]

No one understands what it's

Like to be a mother.

[ Chirping ]

Edward?

You -- y-you're not a platypus.

Masher!

Both: edward, we're sorry.

We put the egg in your bed.

To teach you a lesson.

Edward: you mean I'm not

Going to be a mommy?

Slinkman: well, edward, it is

A little unnatural.

Unnatural?

What's unnatural about it?

Why is it unnatural?

Skip: yeah, tell us about it.

Tell us, scoutmaster lumpus.

Lazlo: yeah, we want to know.

Lumpus: [ clears throat ]

Uh, well -- help me, slinkman.

Slinkman: w-well,

T-there's birds and there's

Bees.

Okay, next...walrus.

Edward: hi, samson.

Hi, edward.

I'm taking my baby out for a

Walk.

Edward: that's no baby.

That's a roll of toilet paper.

[ Gasps ]

Don't listen to the bad man,

Tiffany.

Edward: good day, samson.

Good day, edward.

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee

Slinkman: lazlo!

Lazlo: slinkman!

Slinkman: lazlo!

Lazlo: slinkman!

Slinkman: lazlo!

Lazlo: slinkman!

Slinkman: today's the day the

New scout handbook is delivered.

Both: off to the post office!

[ Mumbling ]

Go to the post office.

[ Grunting ]

Lazlo: oh, boy.

Both: is it here?

Oh.

Both: is it here?

Lazlo: hurry, open up.

Hold it!

Mother mckree.

I haven't picked up the mail

From prickly pines yet, okay?

No letters and definitely no

Packages for slinkman.

So please be patient!

Thank you.

[ Humming ]

[ Humming ]

Aah!

Oh, no-o!

Why did you have to fall in a

Filthy mud puddle?

[ Groaning ]

Oh, oh, it's not so bad.

The address stickers -- where

Are they?

Oh, no!

"Camp kidney," "acorn flats."

Which is which?

Oh.

Eenie, meenie, minie, mo.

[ Panting ]

Here's your package, miss doe.

Oh, thank you.

Well, this must be the new

Squirrel scout handbook.

No, it's the new bean scout

Book.

Well, now, why would I get this?

Oh, well.

Phew!

That was close.

Slinkman: come on!

Both: ahh.

Lazlo: there's nothing on the

Cover.

Slinkman: because it's an

Advance copy.

♪ The new advance-copy

Scout handbook ♪

Slinkman: let's see what

Wisdom it holds.

Lazlo: it's beautiful.

[ Clears throat ]

This is a post office, not a

Library.

[ Fanfare plays ]

Slinkman: attention,

Bean scouts, behold -- the new

Addition of the bean scout

Handbook is here!

Edward: what's the big deal

About a stupid handbook?

Slinkman: the big deal,

Edward, is finding out what all

The new official bean scout

Activities are.

Let's just see, shall we?

Aha!

The first new activity is...

[ Drumroll ]

...baking cakes while

Roller-skating.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Edward: what kind of activity

Is that?

Bean scouts don't bake cakes.

Slinkman: I guess the powers

That be want us to have an

All-new camp experience.

Get ready...get set...go!

[ Whistle blows ]

Raj: I don't like this.

Clam: not fun.

Edward: this is crazy!

Chip: baking is hard.

Why are we doing this, man?

[ All moaning ]

Lazlo: that was amazing.

What's the next new activity?

Slinkman: next is underwater

Hairstyling?

Lazlo: now, this is fun.

It's not bad.

Can't complain.

Slinkman: next activity --

Speed -- speed dressmaking.

Yeah.

Lazlo: well?

Clam: stunning.

Lazlo: oh, clam, some heels

Will help that dress hang

Better.

Finally a uniform that fits.

Raj: I feel fat.

Nah, you're just voluptuous.

Chip: ooh, that blush really

Brings out your cheekbones.

Edward: I feel so stupid!

Raj: edward, you look so

Gorgeous.

Edward: really?

Your hair is totally fly,

Sister.

Edward: oh, I just had it

Done.

Skip: oh, and that dress is

Amazing.

Edward: this old thing?

[ Giggles ]

Excuse me, darling.

I have to go to the powder room.

Oh, I'll come with you.

Lazlo: me, too.

Clam: ditto.

Raj: we'll all go.

Chip: I think you need to

Paint your face.

You look like mom on her wedding

Day.

Skip: I do.

Slinkman: something's wrong.

Bean scout of the month --

Rugged randolph.

This tough 9-year-old enjoys

Thousand-mile hikes, tossing

Boulders, and growing beards.

Ah, that was back when beans

Were beans.

Way back.

Last week.

Lazlo: can you believe we

Wore such outdated uniforms?

How could we be so

Unfashionable?

But the bean scouts are in vogue

Now, eh, mr. Slinkman?

Slinkman: I don't know,

Lazlo.

At first, I was excited about

The new handbook, but --

Lazlo: [ gasps ]

Mr. Slinkman!

You're not thinking about going

Against the book?

Slinkman: well, I --

Lazlo: mr. Slinkman!

Where would our civilization be

Without books?

Think of the notebook.

Think of the phone book and the

Greatest book of all --

The comic book!

Slinkman: oh, my slime trail,

You're right.

What was I thinking?

The bean scout handbook has

Never let me down, and it never

Will!

[ Cheering ]

Fellow bean scouts, it is time

To take the new bean scout vow.

[ Cheering ]

Now curtsy and repeat after me.

"We vow to always avoid the

Following things that are

Icky -- avoid poison ivy."

All: avoid poison ivy.

Slinkman: "avoid runs in your

Stockings."

All: avoid runs in our

Stockings.

Slinkman: hmm.

"Avoid lazlo."

All: avoid lazlo.

Lazlo: [ gasps ]

Avoid lazlo?

All: yes, avoid lazlo.

Slinkman: sorry, lazlo.

Rules are rules.

Lazlo: but, mr. Slinkman,

That last rule doesn't make any

Sense.

Slinkman: ah, where would our

Civilization be without the

Book?

Okeydokey, let's continue with

The new bean scout vow.

"Avoid slinkman."

Edward: sorry, girlfriend.

I'm taking over.

Let's make cupcakes!

[ Giggles ]

Lazlo: mr. Slinkman, why

Would the bean scout book say to

Avoid us?

Slinkman: because we're icky.

Edward: okay, cupcake time.

The vow isn't finished yet.

Edward: oh, yes.

Sorry about that.

Well, what do you know?

"Avoid samson."

Shut up!

Edward: "avoid raj.

Avoid clam.

Avoid the dungs.

Avoid the loons."

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Oh, there was one other thing to

Avoid in here.

Aah!

"Avoid edward."

Rules are rules, sweetheart.

Step inside, honey.

Skip: make room for the queen

Of england.

All: bonjour, mademoiselle.

Lumpus: ♪ ya-da-da da-do

♪ Ya-da-dee

♪ Da-da-do-do

Huh?

What's this?

"The squirrel scout handbook"?

Ooh, I must have wandered into

The wrong camp.

Ooh, sorry, ladies.

[ All scream ]

[ Clears throat ] so, how

About them baseball games, huh?

Skip: yeah, I love baseball.

Edward: I love monster

Trucks.

Lazlo: who's a tough bean?

Slinkman: I'm a tough bean.

Lazlo: I eat beans for

Breakfast.

Lazlo: I pick my teeth with

Beans.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hi, edward.

I'm taking my baby out for a

Walk.

Edward: that's no baby.

That's a roll of toilet paper.

[ Gasps ]

Don't listen to the bad man,

Tiffany.

Edward: good day, samson.

Good day, edward.