04x11 - Doting Doe-Eyed Deerest/Clown Camp

[bunniefuu]

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee

[ Glass breaking ]

Hmm, and then, let's see.

Um, you missed the "how to keep

Your scouts from setting

Themselves on fire" seminar.

Lumpus: [ thinking ] ah, this

Date is going splendidly.

Her romantic words only

Reinforce her unbridled

Devotion.

In fact, you've never even

Attendedany seminar about

Caring for your scouts, hmm.

Lumpus: did you like your

Strudel?

Algonquin c. Lumpus!

You are supposed to care for

These scouts!

Good night, scoutmaster.

And I use that term lightly.

Lumpus: aah!

Panic!

Slinkman, she's leaving!

Slinkman: present, sir.

Lumpus: right.

Uh, ms. Doe?

[ Singsong voice ] I've got a

Little present for you.

A present?!

Oh, it's so exciting!

My goodness!

It's cosette!

From the french dream poodle

Collection!

Oh!

Lumpus: we all know how you

Like to clean up little puddles.

Slinkman:poodles, sir.

Oh, I just love it!

[ Smooching ]

Lumpus: [ smooching ]

[ Gasps ]

Bye-bye!

Slinkman: uh, sir...

She's gone.

[ Both laughing ]

Skip: that is delicious!

And no dishes!

Oh, boy, just a few seconds

At camp kidney, and you already

Need a bath, now, don't you, my

Little cosette?

[ Both laughing ]

H-hello, there, young scouts.

Both: h-i-i!

[ Sniffing ]

Oh, hey, um...

[ Chuckles nervously ]

You boys seem like you're having

Some fun.

[ Chuckles ]

You guys don't have anyone to

Help you tidy up, do you?

Skip: what's "tidy"?

Chip: I've got my

"Tidy"-whiteys on.

Well...

[ Chuckles ]

Aha!

There!

That's better!

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, you boys are too handsome

To not show off those bright and

Shiny faces.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, you are such good boys.

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Chuckles ]

Toodle-oo!

Skip: that was nice.

Chip: yeah.

[ Hums cheerfully ]

Oh, my pretty puppy.

[ Knock on window ]

Chip: hello!

Oh!

[ Chuckles ]

Both: we have more jelly on

Us.

Well, you certainly do.

Oh, can't see your shiny smiles

With this goo in the way.

[ Chuckles ]

All right, then.

Bye, boys!

Chip: I think she's the

Nicest lady ever!

Aw, such nice boys.

[ Knock on door ]

Skip: hurry up! She's coming!

[ Squeak! Squeak! ]

[ Pop! ]

Oh, well, hello again, boys.

[ Chuckles ]

Can I help you?

Oh, you've got even more jelly

On your face.

Oh, so messy.

There you go.

Bye-bye, boys!

Chip: we're out of jelly,

Skip.

[ Hums cheerfully ]

Fresh brownies in 20 minutes.

Chip: she's magic.

Skip: we just got to figure

Out how to get in there.

Skip: hello.

Chip: I'm naked.

Skip: can you fix my

Brother's uniform?

Chip: I'm naked.

Skip: it has a rip.

Maybe you should come in.

Don't you boys have anyone

Wondering where you are?

Chip: you're nice.

Skip: and I smell something

Yummy for my tummy.

Fresh brownies.

Just made them.

Skip: sure wishi could have

Some brownies.

Would you like to have some

Brownies?

[ Rapid footsteps, crash ]

[ Dishes clattering ]

Skip: I found them.

Now I'm eating them.

Burp.

Nummy!

Chip: thanks for the

Brownies!

Skip: yeah, thanks!

Okay, boys.

[ Screaming in distance ]

Chip: nice lady?

Skip: he forgot his clothes.

[ Hums cheerfully ]

[ Knock on door ]

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Hello?

[ Gasps ]

What in the world --

Who did this to you?

This is getting out of control.

You two wait right here.

I am calling scoutmaster lumpus.

Oh, I'm sure he must be behind

This.

You know, pawning off his

Little -- little...

Oh, you twoare cuties, aren't

You?

Chip: [ belches ]

[ Zip! Splat! ]

[ Zip! Splat! ]

And what would my little

Angels like for supper, huh?

Chip: macaroni and cheese!

Skip: cupcakes!

Oh!

You two are quite the jokesters!

Skip: checkers!

Chip: waffles!

Skip: video games!

Chip: chips and dip.

Skip: I like cake.

Chip: and cookies, too.

Get cookies.

Uh...o-okay.

[ Hums cheerfully ]

[ Singsong voice ] here's a

Batch of cupcakes...

[ Normal voice ] while I try

Calling your camp again.

Oh, and here are some new comic

Books.

Hmm?

Hmmmm?

Chip: hey, you said you were

Gonna write my name on these

Cupcakes.

Oh, I did, sweetheart.

Chip: no, this says "dee --

Dip...uh...ih...uh."

[ Chuckles ]

Well, if you just turn it

Around --

Chip: well!

They're not to my liking!

Make some more!

Uh, okay.

I-i can make more.

Skip: and just so you know,

I've read all these comics

Already.

Well, i-i can get some more

Of those, too, sweetie.

Oh, dear.

Why isn't anyone picking up the

Phone at camp kidney?

Slinkman: sir, shouldn't we

Get that?

Lumpus: just keep massaging

The foot, slinkman.

Edward: great.

My stinkin' roommates are

Missing.

[ Door slams ]

Hey, you two.

My, uh, roomies are missing --

You know, chip and skip.

Seen 'em?

[ Gasps ]

They're not here?

But how?!

They -- they could be anywhere!

Edward: don't fret, fellas.

I can smell those two anywheres.

[ Sniffing ]

Thataway!

[ Sniffing ]

[ Sniffs ]

Guys!

Check this out!

[ All gasp ]

Skip: hi, beans!

Want a brownie?

Edward: when I was born, the

Doctor spanked me awake with a

Mallet.

Now, that's tough!

So, what else do you got to

Chew on in the snack department?

[ Rock music playing ]

Skip: mom!

Two more hot dogs!

Oh, these poor bean scouts

Are so neglected, so helpless,

So unloved, they can barely

Utter the words...

"I need you."

Edward: so, anyway, I'm

Standing there, and lumpus comes

Up and gives me that look of

His.

Oh, yeah.

Hot dogs?

Edward: and he says,

"Edward..."

Uh, you're in my light.

Oh, e-excuse me.

Hey!

There's no mustard!

How am I supposed to eat this,

Man?

Oh.

Uh, i-i can get some more.

[ Sobbing ]

What?

What's wrong, honey?

I...i can't reach the clicker!

Oh, for heaven's sake.

There you go.

I'll be in the kitchen if you

Need anything.

Edward: yeah, I'll tell you

What we need -- more chips!

Chop, chop!

Okay.

[ Record skipping ]

Skip: chip, the record is

Skipping.

Chip: I'll fix it.

[ Record scratches ]

Chip: ooh!

[ Gasps ]

Edward: over here with the

Chips, waitress.

[ Whistle! ]

That does it!

[ All gasp ]

Do you want chips?!

Here are your chips!

[ Zip! Clang! ]

Edward: hey!

Mommy's done the laundry!

All: whoa!

[ Laughs maniacally ]

Oopsy-daisy!

Imagine that...

But the record has a skip!

Just let me get that for you,

Huh?!

It's all fixed!

Edward: how am I supposed to

Relax with this high-strung

Female yelling all the time?

I'm outta here.

Why don't youall get out?!

Out!

Ou-u-t!

Does your little uniform need a

Little bit of repair?!

Ingrates!

Skip: hey!

Why did you do that?!

Chip: yeah.

Skip: you...ruined...every...

Thing.

I won't be ruing anything

In your little pathetic life

Anymore!

'Cause you're...leaving!

[ Door slams ]

Skip: chip?

Chip: yeah?

Skip: why do I suddenly feel

Bad in my tummy?

Chip: yeah. Me too.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Both: look what we did for

You, nice lady.

Skip: we fixed your broken

Doggy!

Chip: and we polished and

Cleaned the other ones.

[ Glass breaks ]

Oops.

Oh.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Hmm.

Now, listen, boys, because you

Did such a good job with

These...

[ Chuckles ]

...you have proven that you can

Do another job for me.

[ Both gasp ]

Really?!

[ Doorbell rings ]

Lumpus: what do you want?

Skip: we bring presents from

Ms. Doe!

Lumpus: presents?!

F-for me?!

Skip: yep!

Slinkman: what goes on, sir?

Lumpus: presents, slinkman!

Ms. Doe is finally confessing

Her love for me!

Oh, what's this, slinkman?

Slinkman: "if you don't get

Off your big, fat derrière and

Be a proper scoutmaster, you

Could be jailed for

Malpractice."

Lumpus: all right, all right,

What's the other gift?

Skip: our dirty underwear.

She said you'd be delighted to

Wash them.

Lumpus: I'm not doing it!

No way!

Slinkman: uh, sir, I'm afraid

Youhave to.

"Chapter one -- dirty

Tighty-whiteys."

Lumpus: oh, where?

Slinkman: right here.

Lumpus: I could go to jail?

Slinkman: yes, sir.

Lumpus: so, i, uh, have to do

Them?

Slinkman: I'm afraid so, sir.

Skip: look, he's washing our

Underwear.

Chip: he must care about us.

How was the fishing today?
Lumpus: ha.

You call this fishing?

There's no fish in this bucket.

And no water.

I got to tell you, I feel funny.

It's the best way to feel for

A clown.

[ Poink! Poink! ]

[ Laughing ] hey!

You got a bite!

Attaboy, chicken-a pants!

Show him who's boss!

Who's the boss, huh?

Who's the boss?

You're fired!

All:he's the boss!

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

[ Glass breaking ]

[ Cannon fires ]

Nice-a.

Lumpus: ha ha!

Oh, look at that!

[ Creak! ]

Wow, slinkman!

Can it get any funnier?

[ Creak! ]

[ Boom! ]

Ha!

Excellent!

It got funnier!

I wish every day could be clown

Day, slinkman.

Slinkman: I know you do, sir.

Edward: so this is what

Passes for wit in these parts?

[ Clank! ]

[ Bang! ]

[ Clank! ]

[ Bang! ]

[ Clank! ]

[ Bang! ]

Raj: lazlo?

Lazlo, what are you doing?

We'll miss clown day.

Lazlo: I'm not going.

You guys go and have fun.

Raj: this is not like you.

Why won't you come, lazlo?

Lazlo: it's embarrassing.

Raj: embarrassing?

But we are your friends.

You can tell us.

Lazlo: okay.

Look away, and I'll tell you.

[ Wood creaks ]

[ Hinges squeak ]

I'm scared of clowns!

Clam: buffoonophobia.

Raj: how could anyone be

Scared of clowns?

Lazlo: it was on my fourth

Birthday...

At the circus.

[ Crowd cheering ]

[ Guitar music plays ]

Happy birthday, kiddo!

[ Pop! ]

[ Crowd gasps ]

Lazlo: aah!

Oh, sugar.

All: [ chanting ] put it on!

Put it on!

Put it on!

Put it on!

[ Whistle! ]

[ Glass shatters, horn honks ]

[ Horn honks ]

Lazlo: what was that?!

Raj: a horn.

Clam: clowns getting closer.

Raj: lazlo, I feel your pain,

And I promise I shall do

Everything in my power to keep

You out of clown's way.

Slinkman: oh, hey, there,

Scout.

Enjoy the show?

Raj: no, I didn't, and I want

To see those clowns -- now!

Slinkman: sorry, but you'll

Have to wait till next year,

Camper.

The clowns have returned to

Slapstick mountain, where they

Live.

[ Horn honks, angelic singing ]

Raj: oh.

Well...good.

That means that camp kidney is

Now a clown-free zone.

Lazlo: so that's it?

The clowns went?

Raj: that's right.

Slinkman said that they went

Back to slapstick mountain.

Lazlo: thatis great news!

Lumpus: attention, scouts!

I've got great news!

'Cause I know how much you all

Love clown day, from now on,

Every day will be clown day at

Camp kidney.

Lazlo: clowns?

[ Crack! ]

Clowns?

Clowns?!

Clo-wns?!

Lumpus: ha!

That's the clown spirit!

Raj: but, scoutmaster lumpus,

Haven't the clowns returned to

Slapstick mountain?

Lumpus: that's whereyou come

In.

Every day, one bean scout will

Be a clown and perform the funny

For me.

Raj: is that legal?

Lumpus: now let's see who

Will be my first clown.

I'm gonna spill the bucket.

♪ I'm gonna spill the bucket ♪

On...you!

Aaah!

[ Horn honks ]

Murp.

Lumpus: ha ha ha!

Murp!

[ Laughs ]

Lazlo: [ breathing heavily ]

No clowns! No clowns! No clowns!

Lumpus: ha ha!

[ Honk! ]

Ha ha!

[ Teeth chatter ]

Aha!

Lazlo: aaah!

Raj: n-o-o!

Lumpus: start making with the

Laughs, elephant boy!

Lazlo: raj!

Raj: [ coughs ]

Lazlo: speak to me.

Raj: [ weakly ] lazlo, if I

Don't return from entertaining

Lumpus...

[ Sighs ]

...i want you to have...this.

Take it and remember me.

Lazlo: but you're coming back

After lunch.

Raj: I did what I could for

You, lazlo.

You're the last one in line now.

Slinkman: now, let's see.

Edward, clam, raj...

Lazlo, it's time.

Lazlo: has hoo ha called

About the reprieve?

Slinkman: no, lazlo.

Hoo ha hasn't called.

Lazlo: I guess this is it,

Then.

Lead the way, mr. Slinkman.

Slinkman: fresh clown

Walkin'.

Lumpus: oh, goody!

Monkey-boy's my clown for today!

Lazlo: w-wait a minute, wait

A minute!

I-i have to ask you a question.

Lumpus: all right, you get

One question.

sh**t.

Lazlo: can we call this off?

Lumpus: no.

Lazlo: is this the bucket?

Lumpus: uh-huh, that's it!

Come on, stop stalling.

Lazlo: I'm just wondering how

It works.

Lumpus: look, it's easy.

You just toss the confetti on

The --

[ Honk! Honk! ]

Not on me, you little twerp!

Lazlo: aah!

Scary clown!

Scary clown, scary clown, scary

Clown!

Lumpus: come back here!

Nobody makes a clown out of

Lumpus!

Aaah!

[ Honk! Honk! ]

Lazlo: aaah!

Lumpus: [ muttering ]

Lazlo: aah!

Lumpus: aaaah --

[ Smack! ]

Ugggh.

[ Tweet! Tweet! ]

[ Thud ]

[ Clowns laugh ]

>>Magnifico!

>>Bravissimo!

Nice-a!

Phooey!

Lumpus: hey, you're the

Clowns from clown day.

>>Si.

Allow for me to introduce, huh?

Gelato...

Cannoli...

[ Horn honks ]

Pistachio...

[ Squeak! Squeak! ]

Spumoni...

I no like-a him!

...and I'm biscotti.

Tell us,paisano, what-a you

Name?

Lumpus: lumpus.

Lumpus?

Shut up-a you face.

No "lumpus."

Lumpus: no "lumpus"?

>>Pollo mutandine.

It means "chicken-a pants-a."

Nice-a.

Phooey!

Lazlo: oh, no.

The clowns have got

Scoutmaster lumpus.

You're one of us, huh?

For you, cream pie.

Lumpus: good idea.

I'm starving.

>>Uno minoso -- not to eat.

Lumpus: not to eat?

That's-a right,

Chicken pants.

[ Splat! ]

[ Clowns cheer ]

Lumpus: heh!

What do you know?

This clown stuff is more fun to

Do than to watch!

[ Honk! Honk! Honk! ]

Lazlo: this is a catastrophe!

I've got to get help to save

Scoutmaster lumpus!

Raj: after all lumpus has

Done with clown days, why would

You want to save him?

Lazlo: because being the head

Of camp kidney makes him like

Our father.

Raj: [ scoffs ]

Yeah -- daddy dolittle.

[ Warble! ]

Okay, okay!

We will help!

But where will you be when clam

And I sneak into the clown camp?

Lazlo: I'll be coordinating

Everything from inside my

Command post.

I'll be standing right next to

You.

Hey!

Look at-a chicken-a pants!

Lumpus: I'm a jolly clown!

[ Laughs ]

I can-a-not believe.

Chicken pants.

He so funny.

He make-a me cry.

[ Cries ]

Raj: are we here?

Where's lumpus?

Lazlo: I don't see him.

Clam: clowns dead ahead.

Cannoli, what's a-wrong-a

With you?

The pants is-a too-a long-a!

It's-a not-a the pants-a!

It's-a the legs-a!

They too long!

Lumpus: wow.

I can't believe they've accepted

Me and I'm part of the act.

Can't hear a thing they're

Saying.

Although they seem pretty

Excited down there.

We must cut-a the pants-a!

We must-a cut-a the legs-a!

[ Snap! Snap! ]

Lumpus: aaah!

Hey, now!

Hey!

Aaah!

[ Whistle! ]

[ Clank! ]

Lazlo?

Lazlo: scoutmaster!

A-heave-a!

h*-a!

Lumpus: lazlo!

Lazlo: scoutmaster!

[ Zip! ]

Eugh...

I got him!

[ Pop! ]

Raj: um, you've got his

Little red nose.

Lazlo: aaah!

Gross!

Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!

[ Gasps ]

He's no real clown!

I know I hate-a him for a

Reason!

His red nose was a fake-a!

All: fake-a?

Lumpus: you mean...

Your red noses are real?

You know the price-a for

Impersonating a clown?

Death by clowning-a!

All: death by clowning-a!

Lazlo: n-o-o!

All: ye-e-s!

[ "Vesti la giubba" plays ]

[ Train whistle blows ]

Lumpus: aaah!

Nice-a.

Lazlo: oh!

It's too horrible!

I can't look!

Raj: then why don't we help

Him?

Lazlo: you mean this isn't

Helping?

Lumpus: this isn't funny!

[ Loud rumbling ]

[ Wheels squeaking ]

[ Squoosh! ]

That definitely wasn't funny.

[ Whistle! ]

[ Thud ]

[ Horn honks ]

Raj: if you will not help

Lumpus,i will!

I'll need this nose for a

Disguise.

[ Pffft! ]

Clam: clam be clown.

[ Honk! ]

Nose job!

Lazlo: [ sighs ]

That's very brave of you guys,

But it should be me.

[ Chanting ] put it on!

Put it on!

Put it on!

Put it on!

[ Plop! ]

Lazlo: I got

Scoutmaster lumpus into this

Mess, and I've got to get him

Out!

Raj: but what are you going

To do?

You don't have a plan!

Lazlo: but, raj, you gave me

The best plan ever yesterday.

Raj: I did?

Well, I'm so smart that I do not

Even know that I am smart.

Clam: egghead!

Clowns: not one of us-a!

Lazlo: psst!

Scoutmaster lumpus!

Lumpus: aaah!

Please, clown, don't hurt me!

Lazlo: it's me -- lazlo!

I'm here to save you!

Lumpus: it's no good, lazlo.

These clowns can't resist

Clowning with me.

Lazlo: I know something else

Clowns can't resist.

[ Cranking ]

[ Tires screech ]

Clowns can't resist climbing

Into a little car!

[ All whimper ]

[ Pop! ]

[ Car alarm chirps ]

A-nice-a!

Lumpus: ha.

You call this fishing?

There's no fish in this bucket.

And no water.

I got to tell you, I feel funny.

It's the best way to feel for

A clown.

[ Poink! Poink! ]

[ Laughing ] hey!

You got a bite!

Attaboy, chicken-a pants!

Show him who's boss!

Who's the boss, huh?

Who's the boss?

You're fired!

All:he's the boss!