04x12 - Edward's Big Bag/The List

[bunniefuu]

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

[ Glass breaking ]

[ "Camptown races" plays ]

Slinkman: we're almost at the

Campsite.

All: yay!

Slinkman: whenever I get

Wound too tight, I spend a night

Out here and get back to basics.

I figured this time, we'd all do

It together.

Edward: that's nice.

When can we do something nowhere

Near each other?

Don't you like being

Together?

Edward: I'm gonna stare out

That window and make you all go

Away.

[ Sighs ]

Aahh!

Are we there yet?

[ Tires screech ]

Slinkman: here we are.

Edward: glad to be off the

Bus.

It's dark in here.

I'm sinking!

I have a leech!

Slinkman: yep, just like

Coming home.

You kids set up the tents.

I'm gonna take a look around.

Lazlo: where are the tents?

On the bus.

[ Roars ]

Lazlo: oops.

"Oops"?!

We're stranded in the wild with

No supervision and no shelter

And you say, "oops"?!

We're all gonna die.

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

Clam: nels, come here.

[ Crying ]

Clam: shelter.

Lazlo: good work, milton.

Way to go, milton! Yeah!

Lazlo: coming, edward?

Edward: no, thanks.

I finally got some space...

And I'm taking it.

[ Rock music plays ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hey, edward, there's a party

In my pants, and you're invited.

Edward: get lost.

Okay. Sure thing, ed.

Edward: ah. Alone at last.

Larry, there's something

Blocking the --

I got it!

Edward: [ shivering ]

I'm freezing!

Any of you idiots got an extra

Sleeping bag?

No.

But you can share mine.

Edward: no, thanks.

We can squeeze you in.

Edward: eek! That's okay.

Chip: hey, edward, there's

Plenty of room in our larva

Sac.

[ High-pitched chattering ]

Lazlo: hey, edward, you can

Share my bag.

Edward: I don't have much

Choice.

Hey, comfortable.

Your pajamas feel nice, too.

What are they, flannel?

Lazlo: I sleep in the nude.

[ Bones chattering ]

Edward: look at 'em, all cozy

In their bags.

Even when they're sleeping, they

Get on my nerves.

All I want is some personal

Space and a bag to sleep in.

Is that too much to ask?

Ahh.

This is more like it.

It's warm, it's spacious, and

It's got the 3 n's -- no bean

Scouts, no bean scouts, no bean

Scouts.

[ Exhales deeply ]

[ Snoring ]

[ Belches ]

Raj: hey!

What happened to our sleeping

Bags?

Edward: [ yawns ]

That's the best night's sleep

I've had all summer.

[ All chattering ]

[ All gasp ]

Raj: what is that?

Edward: now, how do I get out

Of here?

Let's get some light on this.

[ All screaming ]

It's alive!

What is it?

Monster!

Raj: mr. Slinkman would know

What it is.

Clam: where is slinkman?

[ All laughing ]

Slinkman: ha ha.

Oh, it's great catching up with

You guys, but I should probably

Get back to -- whoa, look at the

Time!

Hey, handsome, leaving so

Soon?

Slinkman: no, ma'am!

Cannonball!

Edward: hello? Hello?

[ Muffled ]

Raj: [ shrieks ]

What does it want from us?!

Calm down, everybody.

I speak monster.

So, monster, where you from?

Edward: help!

I'm lost in here!

[ Muffled ]

Cool. Got it. Thanks.

He's okay, fellas.

He says he's from the

Neighborhood and that his name

Is kevin.

All: hi, kevin!

Edward: [ muffled ]

Raj: ohh, kevin looks cold.

Hang on, buddy!

We're going to help you out!

Edward: yes!

Get me out!

Raj: there. That's better.

Edward: [ muffled ]

He says he's ready to have

Some fun.

[ All cheering ]

Lazlo: okay, kevin, how about

A little catch?

Hands up.

Edward: ouch!

Nice throw, kevin!

Edward: ouch!

Raj: here's my curveball,

Kevin!

Edward: ohh!

Raj: dog bite on kevin!

[ All cheering ]

Edward: ow!

Both: roll kevin down the

Hill!

Edward: aaahh!

Clam: whee!

Raj: [ laughs ]

I love this guy!

Having fun, kevin?!

[ Laughs ]

Edward: what have I done to

Deserve this?

[ Thud ]

Ohh!

I'll be spending the rest of my

Life alone, stuck in this

Prison.

Raj: so -- so, I tell the

Guy, "that's no duck.

That's my mother!"

[ Laughing ]

"That's my mother!"

Fine!

Let's hear your jokes, then,

Huh, mr. Comedy!

Oh, you're k*lling me here

With this hand.

Go fish.

Uhh!

Come on!

Okay, that was just plain rude.

All: cheese!

There's something weird about

That new guy.

Personally, I don't trust him.

He's not even wearing a

Shirt.

But he's been wearing my

Underwear all day, without a

Word of thanks!

You have been rude from the

Get-go.

I don't like your attitude.

It's ugly.

[ Talking over each other ]

Lazlo: hey, you guys, is that

Any way to treat our new friend?

I think we should all try to

Help him fit in by giving him a

Great, big group hug!

All: aw!

Lazlo: hey, beaver, is he

Feeling better?

How am I supposed to know?

Lazlo: I thought you said you

Speak monster.

Monster? No.

But I do speak french.

Raj: [ gasps ]

You mean we don't know what this

Thing is?

Lazlo: and his name's not

Kevin?

[ Bones chattering ]

If it's not a kevin, then

What is it?

Slinkman: [ humming ]

[ Shrieking ]

Slinkman: what the -- what

Goes on?

[ All shrieking ]

Hey! Hey!

Kidney beans -- front and

Center!

What the devil happened here?

Raj: he was rude to me.

Lazlo: it's true.

Skip: he wrecked our card

Game.

Chip: and the beaver speaks

French.

Slinkman: now, one of you

Tell me what happened here.

Well, first we woke up,

Right?

And lazlo was naked, which is

Odd.

Then that big guy shows up.

He's naked, too, and he's like,

"Hey, let's play catch," and

We're like, "okay."

But then he didn't laugh at

Raj's jokes, and now we don't

Even know what he is!

[ Crying ]

Slinkman: all right!

Who is "he"?

All: him!

Slinkman: that? What is that?

Oh, boy.

You kids and your imagination.

I'll go check it out.

See, boys, it's fine.

It's just a bunch of sleeping

Bags put...

Lazlo: what's he saying?

Raj: I haven't the slightest.

I can't even hear him over

The decomposing swamp muck.

Clam: useless.

It's not french.

Edward: I got to get out of

Here!

Aahhh!

Slinkman: aw, you.

You boys have plenty of idle

Time on your hands, but take it

From me --

Raj: whatever you do, guys,

Don't scream.

[ All screaming ]

Calm down, all of you!

[ Sighs ]

So we don't know what that thing

Is.

We don't know where it came

From or why it ate mr. Slinkman.

So why should we panic?

I say we k*ll the monster!

[ All shouting ]

Take that!

Lazlo: guys, wait!

Hold your fire!

Know what this is?

This monster is really just a

Bunch of sleeping bags zipped

Together.

All: sleeping bags?

[ Talking over each other ]

Lazlo: edward!

Edward: lazlo!

Boy, am I glad to see you!

I never want to be alone again!

Raj: well, look who it is.

Clam: hey, there, buddy.

Edward: yeah, hey, there,

Guys.

The exit this way?

Edward! What a surprise!

Edward: nice to see you,

Sure.

Yeah, okay.

[ Talking over each other ]

Slinkman: well, hey, there,

Edward.

Where you been?

Edward: wait a minute!

All of you -- just back off!

[ Mutters ]

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Exhales deeply ]

Hey!

[ Pounding ]

There's something blocking the

Door!

I got it.

[ Whistles ]

Edward: finally.

Alone at last.

[ Growls ]

Edward: aah! Aah! Aah!

Wait for me, guys!

[ "Shave and a haircut" plays ]

Attention to the scout on the

High dive.

I will now cause myself bodily

Harm by jumping from this height

Into a smoldering pot of

Chef mcmuesli's spicy broccoli.

[ Thud ]

[ Fanfare plays ]

Urrrr.

All: ooh!

Hey, that was supposed to be

Vegetarian!

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

[ Glass breaking ]

Lazlo: good morning, world.

Ah, mr. Tree.

You're looking so leafy today.

And you, mr. Flower.

[ Buzzing ]

Lazlo: ah.

Ah, the magic of nature brings

My heart into full...bloom!

[ Humming ]

Whoa!

Uhh!

Edward: where do you think

You're going, twinkle toes?

Lazlo: I was just gonna go

Tell dave I love him.

Edward: you can't write this

Kind of stuff.

Lazlo: edward, I think I

Broke my ankle.

Edward: oh, yeah.

Look at that.

That's broken, all right?

I guess your toes ain't

Twinkling now.

[ Laughs ]

Slinkman: okay, edward, tell

The scoutmaster what you did.

Lumpus: yes, edward, do

Confess.

What deplorable act did you

Commit?

Edward: I deliberately

Tripped lazlo.

Slinkman: and?

Edward: and I broke his

Ankle.

Lumpus: tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Young man, you are a madman!

Poor twinkle toes.

I bet his toes ain't twinkling

Now.

Slinkman: sir, this isn't

Helping.

Edward deliberately injured a

Fellow scout.

All right.

You leave me no choice.

Ooh, look, sir, a little kiddy

Toy.

Come on. Get the toy.

Come on, sir.

Lumpus: gimme, gimme!

Slinkman: that's right, sir.

Go get it!

That's it, sir.

Now, edward, I want you to

Apologize to lazlo and do

Something nice for him.

Edward: nice? Like what?

Slinkman: whatever lazlo

Wants.

Lumpus: [ chuckling ]

Edward: and that's the deal.

I have to do something nice for

You, so give me something.

Lazlo: well, you could do my

List for me.

Edward: your list?

Lazlo: yeah, my

Obsessive-compulsive list of

Self-imposed tasks that I must

Complete on a daily basis.

There on the floor.

Edward: what, this little

List?

Well, this isn't so bad.

Wait. What?!

This thing is huge!

"Number one -- write my daily

List.

Number two -- say hello to the

Trees and flowers."

Lazlo: [ giggles ]

Edward: this is great -- a

List.

Jeez. What's next?

"Number three -- tell dave I

Love him."

And that's why chickens can't

Fly.

Sounds logical.

Edward: dave!

Yes, edward?

Edward: dave, I -- uhh --

I-i -- uhh!

Are you okay?

Edward: I --

Dave, I love you!

"Number four -- give bear a

Hug."

I don't even give my grandmother

A hug.

Bear!

Hug!

What are you doing?!

Edward: trust me.

I hate this as much as you.

You're number 57.

I'm here to --

[ Sighs ]

To floss your teeth.

Uhh!

I should go to heaven for this.

[ Grunts ]

Uh, thank you so much!

I've been stuck in there for two

Weeks.

Chip: [ chuckling ]

Edward: [ sighs ]

All done.

It feels good to wash this day

Away.

All those acts of kindness and

Compassion -- they went against

Everything I've ever stood for.

I feel like my soul's been

Hacked from my body and

Trampled.

[ Sighs ]

Home sweet home.

All: surprise!

Thank you, edward!

Edward: thank you for what?

Raj: for being charitable and

Selfless.

For telling me that you love

Me.

For giving me the best bear

Hug ever.

For flossing.

Edward: you mean you guys

Really appreciated it?

All: [chanting ] it worked!

It worked!

Raj: I would like to dedicate

This next song to the best bean

Scout ever!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Edward: iam the best.

Lazlo: sounds like someone's

Having a great party, clam.

Clam: for edward, king of

Kindness.

Lazlo: wow. For edward?

I guess my list worked pretty

Well for him.

Clam: can i, uh, uh --

Lazlo: sure, clam.

You can go to the p--

[ Door closes ]

Party.

[ Sighs ]

What's that, mr. Cast?

You say the party should have

Been for me?

Itwas my list he's getting

Credit for.

But it's not in my nature to get

Jealous.

What's that?

It's just about sharing the

Love, and you have an idea?

[ Rooster crows ]

Edward: good morning, world!

Good morning, air!

Hola, cabins.

Pinto, fava, soy, garbanzo.

[ Whistling ]

Edward: hey, dave.

Yeah? What?

Edward: I love you.

Um, yeah.

That was yesterday.

Don't you have anything new?

Edward: um, new?

I-i love...

Yeah.

Well, I've got somewhere to be.

Edward: hey, little bear!

Wait up!

Hugs!

I'm gonna be late!

Edward: late for what?

[ Panting ]

Aaahh!

Edward: bear?!

All: ♪ for he's a jolly good

Fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

Edward: what?

Raj: you're late.

Edward: late for what?

Raj: what else?

Lazlo's pity party.

Edward: pity party?

What is going on here?

Lazlo: oh, edward.

It's so sweet of you to come

Visit me.

The whole camp is here to wish

Me well.

[ Coughs ]

Get well soon, lazlo.

[ Cries softly ]

Lazlo: sweet samson.

Edward: all right!

This is absurd!

It's just a broken ankle.

Raj: excuse me, edward.

I do not see your present.

You need a present to attend

Lazlo's party.

Edward: what?!

I didn't get presents!

Lazlo: raj, please, what's

All that noise?

Raj: I am sorry.

Visiting hours for selfish

Platypuses are officially over.

Edward: but -- but I'm not

Selfish.

I'm charitable and selfless.

Pelican, I can floss your teeth.

Dave, I love you!

Lazlo: some people are just

Desperate for attention.

Keep the line moving.

Edward: all right. All right.

I'll see myself out.

[ Muttering ]

Ouch!

Raj: oh!

[ All gasp ]

You poor thing.

Are you all right?

All: are you all right?

Edward: yes, yes, I'm fine!

Raj: oh. Okay.

Edward: no. Wait. Wait!

I think i-i broke my coccyx.

Raj: please.

We only give attention to real

Injuries.

Edward: you want a real

Injury?

I'll give you a real injury.

Edward, you are a genius.

I just replaced the tetherball

With this bowling ball.

Now all I have to do is let it

Swing and smash me in the face.

[ Teeth chattering ]

Lazlo: thank you -- all of

You.

You guys are the most caring

Campers in the whole -- what in

The world?!

Edward: hi, everybody.

I hope you're feeling better,

Lazlo.

It's edward.

He's all banged up.

The poor devil.

Raj: lazlo, would you mind

Giving edward your bed?

He looks pretty bad.

Both: bed for ed!

Lazlo: oh!

But what about me?

Suck it up, lazlo.

Edward's the new poster child.

Lazlo: hey, that's my

Sick bunk.

Edward: this blanket of

Presents isn't helping my

Healing.

Lazlo: oh, yeah?

Well, I can hurt myself a

Zillion times worse than he can.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

What are you gonna do?!

Yeah, what are you gonna do?!

I want to watch.

Lazlo: stop right there.

Uhhh!

[ Rumbling ]

[ Groans ]

All: oh!

Chip: wow. That's a boo-boo.

"Mutilation's" more like it.

I think he's hurt worse than

You, edward.

Edward: what?

You call that "hurt"?

I'll show you what hurts.

A bed of nails...

And a walrus.

All: oh!

Lazlo: you call that pain?

A box of angry cats and a

One-way ticket to...

[ Cats screeching ]

...the agony express!

All: oh!

Edward: paper cut.

All: oh!

Lazlo: oh, yes.

It hurts, but I'm okay.

[ Banging, crashing ]

Edward: ouch!

Ouch! Ouch!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ All groaning ]

Lazlo: hello, fellow

Invalids.

[ All groaning ]

Would you all like to know what

Lesson I learned today about the

Desire for attention?

I said --

Oh, my.

Attention to the scout on the

High dive.

I will now cause myself bodily

Harm by jumping from this height

Into a smoldering pot of

Chef mcmuesli's spicy broccoli.

[ Thud ]

[ Fanfare plays ]

Urrrr.

All: ooh!

Hey, that was supposed to be

Vegetarian!