05x01 - Call Me Almondine/Clam the Outlaw

[bunniefuu]

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

[ Glass breaking ]

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ Siren wails ]

[ Thunder crashes ]

Who is that desperate bird?

That desperate bird is me, and

My name is almondine.

Six hours ago, I was just

Another squirrel scout...

Hey, almondine, are you ready

For the annual acorn flats wig

Out?

Sure am.

...or at least an owl squirrel

Scout with a gifted third

Vertebrae.

Yes, the wig out -- special

Night when girls dress up with

Their finest wigs and get to be

Pretty.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

10, 9, 8...

[ Foghorn blows ]

I'd been working on my wig

For two weeks straight, and I

Was pretty sure I'd nailed it.

Ladies, how do we all feel

About almondine's wig?

Ugh, the hat.

What were you thinking?

It's to keep the wig warm.

I'm just trying to be practical.

People are driving hundreds

Of miles to the wig out, and

They ain't coming for practical.

They want the pretties, right,

Gals?

Like flowers.

Telephones.

Someone get almondine some

Curlers.

She's got work to do.

We've got six hours to go.

Are you sure you're gonna have

Something pretty?

No problem.

Oh, good, 'cause if your

Wig's not pretty, it'll ruin the

Whole wig out.

[ Laughs ]

Pretty.

There was that word again.

I had no idea what it meant.

Hmm...

What's pretty?

Well, rainbows are pretty.

And little girls.

Oh, and daffodils and cold

Leftovers.

[ Chuckles ]

Cold leftovers?

Yes, cold leftovers!

Like when you invite a special

Gentleman to dinner and he

Stands you up and he doesn't

Even call.

So then you have the little

Leftovers.

[ Laughs ]

That is so pretty!

Mmm.

Definitely tastes pretty.

[ Laughs ]

Nestelle had unanswered

Questions of her own.

I'd have to look outside of camp

For help.

[ Italian accent ] I'll be

Right with you, miss.

This guy obviously knew hair.

I'd come to the right place.

Next!

Can you make this pretty?

Let's see.

I can make this pretty.

[ Cash register dings ]

Isn't that a pretty sound?

Yeah, baby!

Another dead end.

Almost time for the wig out.

Last year's wigs were real

Pretty.

I hope they're pretty this

Year.

What was pretty?

Did it come in a box or a can?

The wig out train was leaving,

And I still didn't have a ticket

When suddenly, there she was.

I finally knew what pretty

Looked like.

If I could make myself look like

The ladies in the magazine, then

I could make my wig pretty, too.

How hard could it be?

I did things to my face that I

Had never done before.

After a bucket of paint and a

Gallon of elbow grease, I was

Ready to see the new me.

Nothing.

I guess pretty was just for

Pretty people, not for plain,

Practical birds like me.

[ Door opens ]

Hi, almondine.

Are you ready for the wig out?

Forget it!

The wig out was going to be a

Disaster, and it was all my

Fault.

I had to get away, somewhere

Else, under a pretty name like

Tiffany or alexis, at some other

Camp -- a camp where they don't

Know me, a camp where they're

Not so pretty.

Clam: [ chanting ]

Lazlo: looks like we got

Company, boys.

Sit a spell, stranger.

Brother, can you spare a

Bana?

I haven't eaten all day.

Raj: well, what you been up

To?

Chasing a dream.

Raj: doesn't look like she

Caught it.

Thought I knew what pretty

Was.

Turns out, I don't know anything

About it.

Lazlo: aw, that's nothing.

Whatever makes you different is

What makes you pretty.

Raj: yep, and we've got more

Pretty than we know what to do

With.

All: yeah!

[ Fart ]

You do?

Raj: take me.

You know how elephants are

Supposed to remember

Everything?

Yeah.

Raj: well, I can't remember

Anything.

No, really.

Test me.

What did you have for lunch

Today?

Raj: okay, yeah.

I had one of those...uh...things

Between two, uh, slices of

Things.

Oh!

What do you call?

Oh, a sandwich?

Raj: huh?

You want a sandwich?

What did you say?

Lazlo: isn't that pretty?

Well, it's different at

Least.

Lazlo: hold up that bana.

Uh, okay.

Lazlo: hold her steady.

That's beautiful!

What about him?

Clam: I'm 82 years old.

Suddenly it all made sense.

Raj: where am I again?

Whoare you people?

Thanks, hobos!

I'll never forget you guys!

[ Bell dinging ]

Now, tonight, patsy smiles

Would like to dedicate her wig

To the prickly pine fire

Department.

Oh!

Now, isn't that hot?

All: ooh!

All: ahh!

[ Bell dinging ]

[ Siren wails ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Where's almondine?

[ Footsteps approaching

Rapidly ]

You're late!

I'm ready.

You can't go out there

Looking like that.

Oh, can't i?

[ Audience gasps ]

[ Funk music plays ]

[ Audience gasping ]

Why isn't she wearing a wig?

[ Record scratches ]

I didn't drive 300 miles just

To see a little girl's head

Spin.

Yeah, where's her wig?

This is a rip-off!

Well, I've never!

How dare she?

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ Thunder crashes ]

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Isn't that pretty?

That's pretty.

You can't go out there

Looking like that.

[ Thunder crashes ]

You!

You ruined our wig out -- the

Only time any of us get a chance

To really express ourselves.

And now you're gonna pay.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Hold it, folks!

She was just trying to express

Herself, too.

Maybe it wasn't pretty, but it

Was 100% almondine.

Yeah.

I may not be pretty, but I'm

Gorgeous just the way I am.

Yes!

That's what I'm talking about!

Gorgeous!

But how you can you be

Gorgeous without wearing a wig?

These wigs don't make us

Pretty or gorgeous.

See?

Or these.

Yeah, or this.

Yeah!

We don't need all this stuff.

[ Laughs ]

[ All talking ]

Will you girls please put

Your stuff back on?

No, we won't!

This is who we are!

Take it or leave it.

We'll leave it.

Come on, almondine.

Let's wig out.

[ Funk music plays ]

That pretty girl is me, and

My name is almondine.

Playing ]

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

[ Glass breaking ]

[ Rooster crows ]

All aboard the pancake

Express!

[ Whistle blows ]

All: pancake day!

Pancake day, pancake day!

Clam: pancakes, pancakes!

Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes!

It's pancake day!

Lazlo: [ unenthusiastically ]

Yay.

Raj: clam, it is not

Considered day until there is

Sun.

Until then, it is night.

Clam: pancakes, pancakes.

Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes.

[ Yawns ]

Clam: [ howling ]

Pancake day!

Oh, yeah.

It's pancake tuesday.

Huh...

Ooh-whee, gosh.

The batter tub's pretty empty.

What, what, there's a little.

Here it comes.

Ooh!

Lumpus: pancake day!

Pancake day, pancake day!

Pancake day!

Howdy, boys.

I brought my own special plate.

Clam: [ growls ]

Lumpus: would you look at the

Size of that thing?

[ Sniffs deeply ]

Oh!

Oh!

I used up all the batter on

Scoutmaster lumpus' pancake.

Sorry about that.

But there are plenty of sprouted

Millet cracklings.

Lumpus: happy pancake day to

Me!

Good golly.

I don't know when I've seen such

A --

Uh...

[ Gasps ]

Lumpus: is there something I

Can help you with, young man?

Because you're panting rather

Hard on my fantastical flapjack.

Oh, come on.

If you're not gonna do anything

But wheeze, then get off my --

Doh!

Clam: [ panting ]

[ Laughter ]

Raj: uh-oh.

Lumpus: seize him!

Raj: run, clam!

Lumpus: I am not gonna rest

Until that fugitive is brought

To justice!

All: cool!

[ Door opens ]

Lazlo: hey, guys.

You bring back any pancakes?

Raj: no time for flapjack

Talk, lazlo.

Clam is going on the lam!

Lazlo: he's what?

Raj: he stirred himself up a

Mess of trouble.

Our friend clam has become an

Outlaw!

Now, you take care of yourself

Out there, little buddy.

I made you some sandwiches.

Lazlo: wait a sec.

We can't just let him go.

[ Horse neighs ]

Clam!

Come back!

Bye, clam.

Attention, campers.

All bean scouts are required to

Assemble in the amphitheater for

A group disciplinary event at

Precisely high noon.

Lumpus: many of you were

Witness this morning to an act

Of unmitigated villainy by an

Outlaw currently out of the

Reach of lady justice.

This outlaw, clam, misplaced a

Breakfast item atop a camp

Official's head.

Syrup everywhere.

It was horrifying.

And you bean scouts saw fit to

Laugh.

Since you had such fun and

Enjoyed the lawless act of this

Outlaw clam, I'm sure you won't

Miss the additional pleasure of

Having any marshmallows tonight

For your marshmallow roast!

That is all.

All: oh!

Edward: no marshmallows?

Raj: aah!

Edward: that outlaw clam,

He's nothing but trouble!

Clam: [ whistles ]

What?

All: ooh!

Lumpus: come, slinkman.

I want to take a look at this

Campfire.

Let's see if they're laughing

Now.

[ Laughter ]

Marshmallows?!

But how, who?

Slinkman: sir.

Lumpus: what the --

Clam: [ howls ]

Lumpus: is that --

Slinkman: clam, sir.

Lumpus: could be trouble.

Slinkman: noted.

Raj: [ humming ]

All: ♪ ooh, ahh ♪

Raj: ♪ now listen up, fellas,

And I'll tell you a tale 'bout

An outlaw rhino who belongs in

The jail ♪

♪ Name's clam ♪

♪ Bad clam ♪

♪ He lives in the hills so he

Won't get caught ♪

♪ Cooking up his beans in an old

Black pot ♪

Both: ♪ clam ♪

♪ Whoa-oh, bad clam ♪

Raj: ♪ I'm no judge, but I

Think you'll agree ♪

♪ If you think he's bad now,

Just wait for puberty ♪

♪ Name's clam ♪

All: ♪ bad clam ♪

♪ Bad clam ♪

Clam: [ howls ]

Lumpus: as you're all aware,

Today was to be a very special

Day.

You were all given the

Opportunity to view one of the

Largest ba*ls of twine known to

The civilized world!

But yesterday's unauthorized

Marshmallow event has put the

Entire trip into question.

If you're the type of riffraff

That thinks an outlaw is "cool,"

I don't think you deserve to

Witness something so inspiring.

But I've made my decision.

[ Cheers ]

I can go by myself!

Adios, buckaroos!

[ Grunting ]

Aah!

All: yay!

Clam: [ whistles ]

Lazlo: you heard him, boys.

Hit him up!

We got a ball of twine to look

At.

[ Horses neigh ]

Raj: keep them doggies

Moving!

Hyah!

[ Coughs ]

Lumpus: get a rope.

Slinkman: sir?

Lumpus: we'll need one to tow

The bus out of the lake here.

Slinkman: oh, yes, I see.

Lumpus: yep, movie night is

Now cancelled until further

Notice.

I don't hear anybody laughing

Now.

Edward: dagnabit!

That outlaw's ruing things for

Everyone.

Raj: you watch your mouth,

Partner.

Lazlo: yeah.

I'm sure outlaw clam will find a

Way to save movie night.

Raj: lazlo, I don't know how

He's gon' do it, but by gum,

He's gon' do it.

Lumpus: [ yawns ]

Oh, well.

Time for some well-deserved

Shuteye.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ragtime music playing ]

[ Smooching ]

Oh, you areso beautiful.

[ Smooching ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Smooching ]

Huh?

Aah!

Lumpus: I'll have his hide.

Lazlo: what the --

Hey, hey!

Can I have one of them wanted

Posters?

Lumpus: are you drawn to the

Reward of five marshmallows, or

Do you just find him despicable?

Oh, I find him heroic.

I'm his biggest fan.

Whoo!

Hey, fellas, look at what I got!

I got a wanted poster with

Clam the outlaw!

[ Laughs ]

Lumpus: slinkman, why do they

Love him so?

Hey, wait a minute.

You know what?

I'm going about this all wrong.

You can catch more flies with

Honey.

You get me?

Slinkman: no, sir.

Lumpus: there's gonna be a

New outlaw in town.

[ Harmonica playing ]

Clam: hey.

Lonely.

[ Electronic music plays ]

Lumpus: [ off key ] ♪ let me

Tell you 'bout a dude ♪

[ Mumbling ]

♪ Who can be a bit crude ♪

♪ He'll get you some... ♪

Slinkman: food.

Lumpus: ♪ food ♪

♪ And maybe, uh, hot dogs or

Something ♪

Oh, he's outlaw lumpus, all

Right?

Me!

Here comes the bridge!

Yeah!

[ Riffing ]

Skip: huh?

Wow!

Outlaw lumpus, you're the

Rootin' tootinest.

Gee, mr. Outlaw lumpus, can I

Have an autograph?

Lumpus: well, sure.

I just happen to have an

Outlaw lumpus limited-edition

Collector's wanted poster.

[ Laughs ]

Skip: hey, it says here,

"Reward -- boat privileges."

Let's get him!

Lumpus: now, easy, partner.

Wait, wait!

I'll get you pancakes!

I'll rustle up a million of

Them!

Chip: flapjacks, huh?

Skip: I reckon it sounds

Pretty good, I reckon.

You good for it, partner?

Lumpus: why, of course!

Slinkman: we're out of

Pancake batter, sir.

Lumpus: thank you, slinkman.

Edward: so, what do you guys

Want to do next?

Chip: I can make a pretty

Good waffle.

That sounds good.

Lumpus: heh.

Aah!

Thanks.

I suppose you'll be a-movin' on.

Clam: nah.

Being outlaw tough.

Lumpus: you said it, partner.

Clam: [ howls ]

Playing ]