Little Men (1940)

[bunniefuu]

Ah, good morning, Stella.

Yeah, what's good about it?

Well, I'll try again.

A good, good morning, Stella.

If I were interested

in your boudoir habits,

I'd say you got up on the wrong

side of the bed this morning.

Aren't you ever happy?

Happy?

Look at that stack of mail,

and I got to answer it.

Ah, that new little

ad I wrote is working.

This is really very lovely.

Beautify your home

with a genuine steel

engraved portrait of the

father of this country.

Clip this coupon and send $1.

Get yours while they

last, complete with frame.

Get yours while they last.

That is the master

stroke, as if they'd ever

stop printing $0.03 stamps.

Any complaints from

our art lovers?

As the usual.

- Care to look at them?

- No.

File them with the others.

Let's get down to work.

Grand Falls, Nebraska.

Mrs. Doolittle.

Mrs. Doolittle, it makes me very

happy to send you a portrait

of the father of this country.

Bless his heart, and bless

yours too for contributing.

Willie.

It's me.

Hello, Major.

What are you doing here?

I thought you had left and


were working in Kansas.

Well, we were, but... how about

sending horse face out to get

a basketful of knot holes?

Well, I like you, Mister.

When you hint, you really hint.

Scat.

Lefty's dead.

Lefty?

Dead?

He didn't give no trouble


when they buried him.

Poor Lefty.

What a tragedy.

He was the soul of the earth.

He certainly was.

None better.

We both owed him a lot, Willie.

What was it, his heart?

No, it was his feet.

He couldn't outrun the b*llet.

Well, wherever he


is, here's to him.

And I hope I'm looking

in the right direction.

I hope so too.

You know, he loved you.

His last words were, Willie,

take this to the Major

'cause he never let a pal down.

Take what?

Well, I'll get it.

Here it is.

Lefty sent this to me?

Nobody else.

He said you was the only


one he'd trust with it.

Angels defend me.

When did this happen?

About a year ago.

Its mother died right after.

Look out, mate.

It bites.

Willie, get

that out of here right now.

Nothing doing.

From now on, it's all yours.

Mine?

I'll wager this was your idea.

No, it wasn't.

No, I told him how

much you hated kids.

Hate them?

Willie, in all the 20

years you've known me,

have you ever caught me saying

one kind word about kids?

It even kept me out of politics.

Couldn't kiss the little brats.

Get it out of here.

- Get it out of here.

- Wait a minute.

I've done my part, and

you better do yours.

Or Lefty's going to haunt you.

Willie, here.

Here's $500.

Take the kid with you.

No, no.

That ain't the way

Lefty wanted it.

Take the money anyway.

What do you think I am, a moocher?

I'll do all right,

just as long as they

keep making those nights dark.

Now I'm going to leave

you here with your joy.

Ah, it must know that

I'm leaving for good.

Oh, that's just lovely.

Well, what do you want, honey?

Oh, gosh.

Yes, yes, yes.

Well, here you are, Major.

Give it plenty of milk, you know.

It's... well, you got to

bribe it to go to sleep,

or else it'll bawl all night.

Well, goodbye, Major.

Willie, what is

it, a boy or a girl?

Darned if I know.

$500 ought

to be enough to sustain you

until you're old enough

to wage life's battles.

Shh.

Isn't $500 enough for you,

you little blackmailer?

Your father would

turn over in his grave

if he thought you were a squealer.

Just a minute.

What are you doing here

this time of the morning?

Are you the person in charge here?

I most certainly am.

That's all I want to know.

Oh, you... you can't wear

curls forever, Danny.

You're a big man now.

Here, here.

Blow on it.

Nuh-uh.

Danny, if you want to eat the free

lunch, you'll have to buy a drink.

What'll you have?

Same as my pop.

I'll spank your pants off.

Bring him a sarsaparilla.

Yes, sir.

With a little water on the side.

Why... eat that.

Danny, play my hand out.

That stew's boiling over.

It'll cost you $4, boys.

It'll cost you all you got.

I'm raising.

Take the pot.

Let me see your hand.

He bluffed you.

He hasn't got a thing.

They thought they were

playing with a kid.

How bravely you ladies stand there

with a smile on your

faces but with your hearts

breaking because your loved

ones stagger home night

after night from dens

of iniquity like that.

Would that Burdle's Bitters

could restore this flotsam

and jetsam back to self

respect, but he's too far gone.

Nothing but a miracle

could bring back him back.

Booze.

Booze?

The curse of booze.

Look.

Look at that bleary,

red-brimmed, bloodshot eye.

Hold out your hand.

Put it down.

Stick out your tongue.

Stick out your tongue.

Get up and walk.

Would you believe this

rum-sodden wreck was once a man?

Yet he was, comes from one of

the finest families in South Carolina.

North Carolina.

Daniel, spare us any further

sight of this horrible example.

Step in a little closer, please.

Ladies, it's tasteless.

Put some in his coffee.

If he doesn't drink

coffee, put it in his tea.

If he doesn't drink

tea, put it in his milk.

If he doesn't drink milk,

put it in his water.

And if he doesn't

drink water, I wouldn't

sell you this bottle for

$100, because your loved

one is too far gone.

But I am selling

it for $1 a bottle

to those who feel there

is still a chance.

My son will pass among you with

a limited number of bottles

of this precious remedy.

Go on, Daniel.

Here you are, ladies.

Step right up while they last.

For today only, a $10 bottle of

Burdle's Bitters for only $1.

First come, first served.

Thank you, lady.

Thank you.

Another father restored to

the bosom of his family.

Sorry, lady.

Only one bottle to a customer.

But if you insist...

Not so fast there, youngster.

Here, here.

Take your hands off of my boy.

What's the meaning of this?

You know very well, Major Burdle.

You failed to heed the warning

of the State Board of Education.

So I've brought the

law here this time.

Either you're going to

put your boy in school,

or we'll do it for you.

Please be reasonable.

How can I continue my

crusade against the demon rum

if I have to stay in one place

so my boy can attend school?

My work carries me

into far flung fields.

Then you can put him in boarding school,

same as other folks do.

The best one in the state is at

Plumfield, only 20 miles from here.

You are depriving this

boy of life's most

priceless possession, the

right to his childhood,

the right to play as a

child, to think as a child,

to have the illusions

of a child and to know

the freedom and wholesomeness

of being with other children.

Thank you, madam.

Officer, I give you

my word that tomorrow

I'll have my boy at... what

was the name of that school?

Plumfield.

Plumfield.

Gee, pop, won't you

change your mind?

Plumfield is a very nice school.

You'll like it there.

You couldn't get along without me.

You know you couldn't.

It's you I'm thinking of, pop.

Are you insinuating that

you have been supporting me?

Haven't I, pop?

You said yourself nobody could

sell the stuff to the suckers

like I can.

So you don't think I can

make a living without you?

What would you do?

I'll find someone else.

You'd have to pay him.

I'll make out all right.

Listen, pop.

If you make me go to that school,

I'll worry myself sick about you.

Never mind worrying about me.

It's high time I was

learning to depend on myself.

And if you think I can't

pursue a successful livelihood

without your help...

Gosh, pop.

You're crying.

You don't want me to

stay or something?

You've done that too often.

And I'm not crying.

I just got some soap in my eyes.

And you wash behind your ears.

If your boy's through with the tub,

Mrs. Hively wants it in 26.

Go right in.

Hello, mate.

How's the old fluff-duff?

What is this, and who are you?

And you're the one that

said you never forgot a face.

You remember me now?

Willie. It's me, the one and only.

Other people said you were dead.

I am.

You're talking to a ghost.

Would you care for a gumdrop?

But that article in the paper...

Oh, the article.

I have one right

here in my pocket.

"Police drag the river for the

body of escaped bank bandit.

Authorities today gave up all hope

of recovering from

its watery grave

the body of Willie the Fox,

who escaped from the State

Penitentiary last

Thursday and whose

clothes were found on the banks

of the Androscoggin River.

Willie the Fox, habitual criminal,

had two more years to serve."

You know, that's a swell write up.

And they're all over

the country too.

Oh, but will the cops be

sore when they find out

that I got croaked

before they got a chance

to collect this $5,000 reward.

Look.

Well, pal, old pal, here

we are back together again.

Ain't you glad to see me?

Wait a minute, Major.

Don't tear that up.

That's the best picture

they ever made of me.

A $5,000 course, huh?

How did you do it?

Oh, it was nothing.

You see, I was kind of a

favorite of the warden,

so I just waited my chance.

12 years, huh?

That's all.

Now one day, I drives his

hack into town with him.

So we're going over a

kind of a bumpy road.

You know, and the carriage is kind

of jimmying up and down like this.

Well suddenly, he hits his

jaw on my elbow like that.

Well, he goes head over

tea kettle into the road.

The horses have run away like mad.

And mind you, when I finally

stop them, I'm in Connecticut.

Well, how do you like

the outfit, Major?

Pretty good disguise, huh?

You look like an undertaker.

That's very funny.

That's where I got it.

Pretty smart of me, eh?

It was dumb, Willie, very dumb,

with only two more years to serve.

If they catch you now,

they'll throw the key away.

They ain't looking for me.

They're looking for a corpse.

I just hope so.

How about this booze

graft you're running?

Do I get to pickpocket

concessions?

You certainly don't.

You're looking at an honest man.

I thought we was

alone in this room.

It may surprise you, Willie,

and it sometimes surprises me.

But for the last 12 years, my feet

have never strayed into the tempting

and broad highways of larceny.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I did drown

and don't know it.

But you don't sound like you,

and you don't look like you.

I haven't been me, Willie,

since you brought me Danny.

Danny?

Who's Danny?

You brought him to me.

Lefty's boy.

Le... you mean you

still got that brat?

Willie, Danny's

never heard of Lefty.

And if someone tells him

I'm not really his father,

someone's going to tell the

warden that you're not really dead.

Get that?

You know me.

I ain't going to blab to nobody.

But no, I don't get it.

I'm going to lose him tomorrow.

Lose him?

Yes.

The Board of Education is

forcing me to put him in school.

You mean you're going to hang

around this Plumfield burg

and wait until they pound

some brains into that brat?

No.

I'm going to try to

carry on without him.

He boards there.

It's kind of pretty.

It looks like a farm.

It's sort of

a farm and school combined.

It's run by a Swiss

professor and his wife.

Tommy.

Coming, Mrs. Bhaer.

Shh.

Christopher Columbus.

Here you are, Asia.

What's all the excitement about?

We're just you're back, Aunt Jo.

But I only went to the

village for an hour.

You might think

I've been to China.

Take care of Annie for me.

Mommy, mommy.

What is it, Teddy?

Buttercup is in the onion patch.

Oh, dear.

Now, children, quiet.

This will never do.

You know what a fuss

Asia made the last time

the milk tasted of onions.

I told her they were

Tommy's onions, mommy.

Every time she's hungry,

she gets in our gardens.

She's always hungry.

She even ate my hollyhocks.

Well, if Buttercup is such a

nuisance to you, I can sell her.

There's someone who wants

to buy her pretty bad.

All right.

All right, then.

Then see that you take

better care of her.

Get her out of here

quickly, children.

Silas, you simply must keep

Buttercup's gate closed.

Nan, that's enough for now.

You may be excused.

Nan, is that the way

you were taught to leave

the presence of your elders?

What a perfect lady.

Tell me, Jo.

What did Mr. Reynolds say?

He was quite kind but quite firm.

And he reminded that unless we

have $5,000 to buy the house

when our lease is up, he's going

to sell it to a man who wants it.

Oh, my darling.

Now, now.

There's nothing worth your tears.

If we were to lose all this

when we've worked so hard...

But why should we lose all this?

We have $2,500 in the bank.

And Jo, we have each other.

We've been a bit conservative.

I'll make an investment with that money,

maybe speculate a little.

Speculate?

Yes.

I've asked Mr.

Reynolds to help me.

He is a smart banker.

I don't think he will, dear.

We didn't exactly part friends.

No?

Oh, I lost my temper and took

our money out of his bank.

But what made me the

maddest was when he

offered me $300 for Buttercup.

Sell Buttercup?

Why, it would break

the children's hearts.

She's one of the family.

It's all right, dear.

As much as we need the

money, I didn't sell her.

Good.

Do you know how much money

we've let people owe us?

Oh, it must be $700.

Over $3,000.

If we had it, we

could buy Plumfield.

But that is simple.

Why do we worry?

I'll just collect it.

You're going to collect it?

Certainly.

Who owes us the most?

Tommy Bangs' father.

He was very sick, you know.

Very well.

Tomorrow, I'll visit Mr. Bangs.

He's not sick now?

I can just see you in

the guise of a collector.

Give me the money,

or I'll tear up your son.

So you think I'm not a fine

businessman when I want to be,

that I only know how

to handle children?

I think you're

wonderful with children.

And what are businessmen

but children grown up?

Mrs. Jo?

Yes, Asia?

Did y'all send for an undertaker?

Undertaker?

Yes, sir.

There's one right out in front.

Now Asia, we didn't

send for an undertaker.

But he couldn't have picked

a better time to come.

He's in that buggy with

a boy and another man.

Look yonder.

Remember now, not a word ever

that your father sells booze cure.

I don't mean that you should lie

about it, but just don't mention it.

There are always snobs

in schools like this,

and I don't want you hurt, Danny.

I made a promise, didn't I?

Well, see that you keep it.

Now you wait here, and I'll

call you when I want you.

It ain't so bad, kid.

They ain't got no

bars on the windows.

Just because you're a ghost,

you don't have to haunt me.

Get back in the buggy.

No, I'm buggy sick.

Besides, I want to see what the

inside of a school looks like.

Hey, look out for that fox.

Did you see the ears on him?

It's a fox.

You would have to tag along.

Oh, I ain't going to

make you no trouble, Maj.

You better not.

If you open your mouth just

once that much in front

of these people...

I ain't ashamed of you.

Major Burdle to

see Professor Bhaer.

Won't y'all come in?

You all?

It's just the two of us here.

Thank you.

You see, my boy has

had more than his share

of travel due to my far

flung financial interests.

Oh, uh, you are a financier?

An investment broker?

You might call me that, yes.

You see, as I was saying, what

my son needs now is cultural training.

Naturally, my first

thought was to place

him in a school in Switzerland,

where I was educated.

Switzerland, my home.

There's no finer

place to send a boy.

Except Plumfield.

Of course.

Maybe you attended the

Eidgenossische Technische

Hochschule at Zurich?

No.

No.

Pardon me, Mr. Deming.

No, my parents considered

that, but they liked

the climate in Geneva better.

You see, I was always

a very frail child.

Plumfield is more than a school.

It's a home.

The children live

here the entire here.

While the school is, first of all,

for little men like

your son, still I

take care of my

sister's daughter Daisy,

and I have two other little

girls as companions for her.

And then we have

children of our own.

So we know how much more

there is to education

than... than just book learning.

We want to fit our pupils for

a charming social life as well.

Between us, we teach them music,

arts, the appreciation of all the

finer things, as in Switzerland.

And enforcement, which

will enable them to take

their places as the

ladies and gentleman

which their backgrounds demand.

Of course, of course.

I... I feel that I can

entrust my son to your care.

Thank you, Major Burdle.

I'm sure your boy

will like it here.

Go away.

Want to wrassle?

No.

Not afraid, are you?

I don't wrassle girls.

Neither do I. I can throw

any boy in Plumfield.

Who cares?

Billy, Tommy, Nat!

Oh, the children must

be up to something.

Excuse me, please.

Christopher Columbus!

Get up off there.

Goodness gracious.

Come up off there quickly.

Out of the ground then.

Shame on you, fighting like this.

He started it.

He was fighting Nan.

He was not.

We were wrassling.

I started it, and

they got into it.

I don't care how it happened,

but Dan is a new pupil here.

And for you boys to...

Oh, don't worry about me.

I can lick a county full

of hayseeds like these.

Sure, if they were all girls.

All right.

That's enough.

Now, I want you all to be friends.

This is Dan Burdle.

And that's Nat and Tommy

and Stuffy and Nan and Jack.

Well, tell Dan that

you're glad to meet him.

You are, aren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What a bunch of liars.

You couldn't make me say that.

Wait, Jack.

Now shake hands.

Christopher Columbus.

How'd you like that, sucker?

Dan, help him up.

I'll fix you for this.

Stop it, Jack.

Now, Dan doesn't

know our ways yet.

He's come to learn, and he will.

Children, back to

your work quickly.

Come on, Danny.

Let's you and I get acquainted.

Major Burdle, would you

think it presumptuous of me

if I asked you to do me a favor?

What is it?

You see, my wife just brought

this money from the bank today.

And I would like

to put it to work.

To be exact, it is $2,500.

And I would like to double

it in the next few months.

Maybe you know of some investment?

I'm sure you do.

You will be kind enough not to

mention my speculating to Mrs. Bhaer?

She thinks I'm a very

poor businessman.

I... I want to surprise her.

Come this way.

Oh, Mr. Deming, your hat.

Major.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

I want to go to heaven when I die.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

Sister, you ought to been there.

Yes, my Lord.

Hello, you all.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

I want to go to heaven when I die.

Goodbye, Professor Bhaer.

Goodbye, Major Burdle.

You will see what country

life will do for Danny.

You will not recognize

your own son.

Fresh vegetables, good milk,

loving care, just like in Switzerland.

Goodbye, Mrs. Bhaer.

Goodbye, Major Burdle.

Come, dear.

Son, I envy this new life,

such a healthy environment,

fine companions, excellent

food, a perfect pastoral.

Ah, smell that clover.

No opportunity like this was

given me when I was your age.

And just think, you're going

to associate with little ladies

and gentlemen.

Doesn't that excite you?

It's no use, pop.

I don't like it here,

and you know it.

These people hate

me, and I hate them.

You'll get over that, Danny.

It's all strange to you right now.

But I'll wager that in a week,

you'll thank me for putting you here.

You don't believe that yourself.

How do you expect

me to swallow it?

Danny, whatever's left of

this battered old life of mine

is wrapped up in you.

Do you think I'd do a

thing like this if I didn't

know it was for your own good?

And don't you know

I'm going to miss

you more than I've ever missed

anything or anyone my life?

Oh, what's the use

of all this talking?

You know you're doing one

thing you always taught me

never to do, run out on a pal.

Danny, you don't mean that.

I do so mean it, every word of it.

You're throwing me down.

I don't want to

leave you like this.

We're not apart, son.

I'll see you from time to time.

If you leave me here, I don't

care if I ever see you again.

So that's the way we part?

That's it.

Dan.

Son.

Come on, Maj.

Better get a move on.

Is he looking back at me.

No.

What do you care?

We've got $2,500, ain't we?

We better get out of here quick

before the professor changes

his mind and wants it back.

He's going to get it back, Willie.

What?

I'm going to deposit

his money in a bank.

In a few weeks, I'll

send him a check for it.

Are you on the level?

Dead level.

Listen, Maj, you're

heading for the booby,

and that's just as sure as

there's veal and chicken pie.

Oh, there's that fox again.

Go away, fox.

Moths.

Danny, that's the supper call.

You have five minutes to wash up.

Now we're going to do everything

to make you happy here.

We're just one big family.

I felt the same way when

my father put me in school.

But I made friends, and

you'll make friends too.

Oh, Nan.

Coming, Aunt Jo.

Nan will show you your

place at the table.

I ain't hungry.

You will be when you

smell Asia's gingerbread.

My, you're dirty.

Come on.

I'll let you share

my new piece of soap.

That's very kind, Nan.

Silas, take the

bags into the house.

Yes, sir.

All right now.

Run along.

I'm sitting next

to you at the table.

Is that supposed to be good?

Well, there's lots

that would like to.

Don't you care for vegetables?

No, that's for kids.

Me, I'm a meat and potato man.

Hmm.

All the vegetables come

from the children's gardens.

You'll have one.

I grow carrots.

What are you going to raise?

A beard.

That's very funny.

It certainly would be on him.

Maybe you'd like to

shake hands again.

Boys.

I'll bet he smokes too.

That's right, mush bags.

Cigars.

Can you inhale?

Sure and blow it out my nose.

I'll teach you sometime.

Will you really?

Would anybody else

like to learn to smoke?

Well, let's put it to a vote.

Those in favor,

put up their hands.

Not even you, Nan?

What a bunch of sissies.

Throw me an apple, would

you, Stuffy, please?

Thank you, Ned.

What do you do around here

nights to keep from going batty?

Popcorn, toast marshmallows.

Do anything else exciting?

Oh, yes.

We have g*y times.

Asia sings.

Silas tells stories.

And there's always

checkers and dominoes.

Just kid stuff, huh?

Got a deck of cards?

Would you like to play

a game of old maid?

Old maid?

Got anything against

a round of stud poker?

Nothing.

Except the children wouldn't

know how to play it.

I was talking about you

and me and the professor.

We only play games that

we can all lend into.

Oh, here's Silas now.

Silas, what story are you

going to tell us tonight?

Well, let's see.

There... there... there's

an experience that I had

in the battle of Gettysburg.

I haven't told that lately.

There... that new boy

ain't heard it anyway.

Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah, I'm busting already.

Go ahead, Silas.

Well, you know, when I

first joined the army,

my feet were awful sore.

I had six bunions

on the left foot.

I told them I couldn't

do much walking,

and they put me in the infantry.

They gave me a pair of

shoes that were so big,

the first time I wore them,

I turned around three times,

and the shoes never moved.

What are they laughing at?

Don't you think it's funny?

It might have been 10 years ago.

Maybe you can amuse us, Danny.

I can do better than that.

We were down in McGinty Saloon

one night, drinking our beer and gin.

We were swapping our stories

and feeling all right, when

the travelling man walked in.

He said...

That's enough, Danny.

You can entertain

us some other time.

Come on, Silas.

What happens next?

Well, children, we marched for

three days and three nights.

Finally, the third night, we

camped in a great, big wood.

About 12 o'clock that

night, the trouble started.

The g*ns began to go off.

The shells started to bust.

I was shaking with.

I tried to hide behind a

tree, but there was only

enough trees for the officers.

Anyone want to get down to

the village and sh**t a little pool?

Well, what are you waiting

for, Danny, the front door key?

It's right there on the table.

Well, I'll be back later.

Thank you, Silas.

All right now, children.

Time for bed.

No buts about it.

It's bedtime.

All right.

It's bedtime.

Good night.

Good night, Aunt Jo.

Good night, Aunt Jo.

Good night.

All right. Get Stuffy.

Now then.

Now, stop that.

Not tonight, not tonight.

Go on upstairs.

He's going to be a

problem, that boy.

He has no respect for

anything or anybody.

He needs strict discipline.

I think he'll fight that, darling.

We'll just give him his

own way, as we did Nan.

And the blackbird in the

spring 'neath the willow tree.

So it's you, Danny.

You didn't stay long.

I didn't go.

Where's my room?

Upstairs at the end of the hall.

You'll share Teddy's bed.

Sleep with that little runt?

Where's the cow snooze?

In the barn.

I'll get you some blankets.

Uh, never mind.

Good night, Danny.

Sleep well.

Good night.

Aura Lee, Aura

Lee, maid with golden hair.

The sunshine came along with

thee and swallows in the air.

Wake up, young man.

You've got to go to sleep.

Come on.

Uh-oh, you haven't

said your prayers.

Come on.

God bless mommy.

God bless poppy.

God bless Nan and Jack and Stuffy.

God bless the chickens.

God bless Silas.

God bless the donkey.

God bless Buttercup.

God bless everybody.

God bless him.

Amen.

Do I have to listen

to that every night?

You sure do.

And Silas blows the bugle

for breakfast at 6 o'clock.

He can sh**t off a

cannon for all I care.

I don't get up until

I'm good and ready.

That's the best way I know

how to miss your breakfast.

Good night.

Look at this rum-sodden wreck.

Would you believe

he was once a man?

Oh, a ring.

Blow me a little one, Danny.

Silas, what are you

doing with Buttercup?

I told Danny to milk her.

I don't know nothing about that.

She's been gallivanting around

in Hodge's pasture again.

Somebody left the gate open.

Now who do you suppose

did it this time?

I don't know.

But Buttercup ain't never been

able to unhook it herself.

Now I got to go back and get

my hat and Buttercup's hat.

I'll fix that bull this time.

He nearly k*lled me.

Christopher Columbus.

Oh, Buttercup.

Danny.

Danny Burdle.

Don't you tell, Teddy.

I'm no snitch.

Oh, there you are.

Danny, did you leave

Buttercup's gate open again?

No.Did you, Nan?

No, Aunt Jo.

What difference does it make?

The difference... I won't have

Buttercup wandering about.

Ever since you've been here,

Nan, you've heard me say that.

I'm surprised at how

thoughtless you children can be.

Yeah, I never saw so much

fuss made over an old cow.

Buttercup's state

champion, I'll let you know.

And she's not an old cow either.

She's almost a human being.

Isn't she, Aunt Jo?

Yes, Nan.

Why haven't you milked her?

I can't get the hang of it.

Danny.

Besides, she won't

let me touch her.

Get me that stool.

There, Buttercup.

Quickly, Danny.

Thank you.

Now watch closely.

It's the last time

I'm going to show you.

You're the only one in school

who's been shirking their farm duties.

Pay attention, please.

You see?

There's a knack to it.

You try it.

Gee whiz.

Don't be afraid.

Oh, who's afraid?

No, no, no, Danny.

Come back and do it on this side.

Why?

Silly.

You can't milk Buttercup

from that side.

She's a right handed cow.

Who you joshing?

Which one's for cream?

Danny.

Now you see. You wouldn't listen.

Come back and try it on this side.

Not me.

Run along, Nan.

Take Teddy with you.

Danny, this has gone far enough.

I thought by letting you

do whatever you wish,

you'd see the error of your ways.

But you haven't.

You're still petulant,

strong headed, and bitter.

Worst of all, you have

no respect for anyone.

Pick up that switch.

We don't punish people here.

We let them punish themselves.

You want me to spank myself?

No.

In Plumfield, we do it this way.

We never hurt the other fellow.

You mean you want me to hit you?

Yes.

Pick it up.

Now do as you're told.

Give me six good strokes.

I can't.

Daniel Burdle, do as you're told.

Harder.

I'll hurt you.

I want you to hurt me.

Go ahead.

Again.

Again.

I can't.I can't hurt you.

You see, Danny?

You never must hurt anyone.

You'll only hurt yourself more.

I'm sorry, Aunt Jo.

I'll try not to cause you

any more trouble again.

I don't know what's

the matter with me.

There's nothing

the matter with you.

You're just a boy.

That's all.

And to think, he was once

an innocent babe in arms,

looking up into his

mother's smiling face.

Attention, children.

I want you to name the principal

products of these countries.

Holland.

You, Tommy.

Tulips.

Right.

Belgium, Nan.

Lace.

Yes.

Denmark.

What about Denmark?

May I speak to you a

moment, please, dear?

Uh, you can take a

recess now, children.

Recess!

Come on, Danny, recess.

These bills have to be paid.

The money's not in the safe.

Where did you put it?

I put it to work.

I gave it to Major

Burdle to invest.

You... you gave our

money to Major Burdle?

Oh, I had to make him take it.

But why?

Will you please tell me why you

did an idiotic thing like that?

It wasn't idiotic.

It was very clever.

Oh.

Now look here, Jo.

You have only thought of me as a

musician, an artist, a dreamer.

But you have never

considered me a businessman.

A businessman.

Now sit down.

I'll explain everything.

Go ahead.

Now this Major Burdle... I sensed

right away that he was a good

hearted man as well as a financier.

Investments are very

precarious today, he said.

But I trapped him.

You make investments for yourself.

Yes, he answered.

You are successful?

He couldn't deny that.

His whole appearance

was one of prosperity.

Of course, I... I didn't tell him

why I wanted to double our money.

He might not have left his son

in a school that was shaky.

Now you see?

You've been swindled.

Swindled?

Jo, please.

Where is your faith in people?

You entrusted every single

penny we have in the world

to a perfect stranger.

We were perfect strangers to him,

and he trusted us with his son.

Great heavens.

Every time I turn my back...

oh, how could you do such

a thing without consulting me?

I always felt that

man was dishonest.

Now, come, come, dear.

I can think of a million reasons

why we haven't heard from the Major.

But not one good one.

He could be travelling

in India, China, Russia.

You've heard him say his

business took him everywhere.

He didn't mention one

place it might take him.

Where?

Jail.

Now I won't listen to such talk.

I begged the man to help

us, and you malign him.

If he's not travelling,

he's somewhere.

And wherever he is,

he's trying to help us.

I know that.

I feel that.

But why have you

kept this a secret?

Why didn't you tell

me at the time?

I wanted to surprise you.

Oh, Christopher Columbus.

Jo, I know the Major

will not fail us.

Well, I hope not.

I sincerely hope not.

Ladies, ladies, how would you like

to have a man like this for

the father of your children?

So Major, when we get through

mixing up this chowder,

I'd like to go into the stockyards

and get a whiff of fresh air.

You know a guy would have to

be as drunk as a hooty owl

to get this stuff past his nose.

Willie, you'll have

to be more careful.

How did that get in there, Major?

I don't know.

Come in.

Fumigating?

No, no.

Just brewing.

Cover it up, Willie.

Oh, sure.

This is terrible.

You're absolutely right, lady.

Please.

Please don't open that window.

I have neighbors.

To what do we owe the

honor of this visit?

Major Burdle, you must

pay me cash for the rent.

This check is no good now.

What's this? What's this?

No good?

Refused payment, insolvent.

Preposterous.

That's the biggest bank in Omaha.

There must be some mistake.

No mistake.

It failed.

It says so right

there on the back.

Closed by order of the court.

The dirty crooks.

I told you so.

You wouldn't trust

yourself with that cash,

but you go ahead and trust a bank.

You may pay me the rent

when you're able, Major.

You're my star boarder, you know.

Thanks.

What will Danny think?

I won't be able to go

back to Plumfield now.

I can't even write him.

The Bhaers would

find out and wonder.

Why did I ever take that money?

Don't worry about it, Major.

You got a pal here

in little Willie.

I'll... I'll get

that dough for you.

All I need is my little black bag.

Willie, stay away from

those burglar tools.

Oh, no.

You kept me under

wraps long enough.

Besides, you've never let

me down when I needed help.

I don't want that kind of help.

Well, you're going to get it

whether you want it or not.

Willie, if you leave this room,

I'm finished with you for life.

Now listen, Major.

That brat means more

to you than I do.

Throw you a glimpse

of that timepiece.

I'll be back here in one hour.

You know this guy?

What's he done?

Him? Nothing.

Certainly I know him.

He lives here.

Well, I found him in the alley

behind the First National Bank.

He's been assaulted and robbed.

Oh.

You better take care of him.

He ain't in his right mind.

Thanks.

Chief, my compliments.

Oh, tha...

Willie, what happened?

Oh, I'm walking down

an alley, and a fella

bunks into me so polite like.

He tips his hat to me.

Well, I just tipped

my hat back to him.

Bopple.

When I come to, I'm looking

that cop right in the star.

My pockets are empty,

and my tools are gone.

Oh, Major, if this gets

out, I tell you, I'm ruined.

Here.

This will perk you up.

Major!

I'm on fire!

Major, do something.

I can't... Major.

The mail's here!

Now then, a letter for Daisy.

Oh, thank you, Aunt Jo.

Now, now, children.

Please, don't be so impatient.

Just give me time

to sort the mail,

and I'm sure we'll find a

letter here for each one of you.

Now the package is Ned's.

A letter for Tommy Bangs.

Thanks, Aunt Jo.

Oh, Stuffy, here's a

stomachache for you.

Goodie.

A chocolate cake from grandma.

Where's my letter, mommy?

Oh, Teddy, I forgot to mail it.

Here it is.

Now then, Silas, blow the bugle.

A letter for Teddy Bhaer.

Thank you, mommy.

One for Nat.

Oh, thanks, Aunt Jo.

Read my letter for

me, will you, Dan?

Why, you wrote this yourself.

Well, what did I say?

I can't make it out.

It looks like a lot

of chicken scratches.

No, it isn't.

It's my own handwriting.

You want me to write to you?

You never get any letters.

Oh, who wants to get letters?

Any word from Danny's father?

No.

But here's one from

Bank of Reynolds.

I hate to open it.

I ain't going.

I belongs here.

Money makes no never mind to me.

Long as this school's

here, I'm here.

You're the dearest

people I've ever known,

but I can't let you

work here for nothing.

Unless a miracle happens,

you'll have to leave

at the end of the month.

Who was paying me before the

w*r when I was picking cotton?

I'm free now, free to work

for Bhaer for nothing,

free to work for people that's

kind to me for nothing, ma'am.

Thank god.

I fought all through

the Battle of Bull Run,

didn't see a penny,

but I didn't quit.

And I ain't quitting

now, pay or no pay.

No, siree.

You got to have

somebody to help you.

You can't take care of all

these children by yourself.

Well, you've got your hands

full with just the professor.

No, no, Mrs. Jo.

I couldn't leave.

You must make me.

Please, Asia.

It looked bad at

Vicksburg, very dark.

But we held the fort

until we lost it.

You ain't lost Plumfield.

Yet.

Dear god, make us a miracle.

Send Mrs. Jo some money.

Aunt Jo!

Aunt Jo!

Aunt Jo, come quick.

Something's the

matter with Buttercup.

She's lying in her stall,

moaning and mooing.

Come along, quickly.

Poor Buttercup.

Do something for her, Aunt Jo.

Don't let Buttercup die.

I won't, Teddy.

Is Buttercup going to get well?

Buttercup's going

to be all right now.

Don't you worry.

Now you children have

all got to get out

of here because the

stork's going to bring

Buttercup a new little calf.

Goodie, goodie, Teddy.

Now go on.

Get out.

All of you, get outside.

Get outside.

Don't worry.

Oh, dear.

There's always something

to worry about.

Now it's Buttercup.

Danny, will the stork

fly over the barn?

He certainly will.

You just keep your

eyes peeled, Teddy.

He'll be showing up soon.

Isn't she pretty?

Christopher Columbus.

The stork must be awful strong

to carry a big baby like that.

That's right, Bobby.

Now you've seen the new baby calf.

Let's all go to bed.

I'll bring you some coffee, Silas.

Thank you.

Well, what's this?

Come here, my little sweetheart.

What are you doing here, hmm?

Mommy, the stork didn't come.

I was watching.

You must have missed him,

Teddy, when you were asleep.

No, I was watching awful close.

Would you like to see

the little new baby?

Yeah.

Silas.

Yes, ma'am?

Silas, bring out the little

new calf for Teddy to see.

There she is.

Isn't she pretty?

Look at her.

Did I look like that

when the stork brought me?

Well, your ears

weren't quite so big.

Now then, off to bed for you.

Darling, say good night to Silas.

Good night, Silas.

Good night.

Immediate sacrifice.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I

am forced to make a painful

sacrifice of the assets,

chattels, livestock, et cetera

of Major II Burdle's Bitters

for Inebriates.

To wit, international patent

rights, copyright, labels

and wrappers, a pure

Arabian stallion, a wagon,

pine beamed, a national goodwill,

a formula unknown to science.

A $50,000 proposition for $2,500.

Only spot cash will be considered.

You have no case.

But Judge, I paid

the swindler $100.

This court's advice

is to sell the horse

for glue and the wagon

for kindling wood.

But what can I

do with these bitters?

You know what you

can do with them.

Drink them.

Next case.

I refuse to write another letter.

We still have two weeks.

But darling, the

children's parents

must be notified so they

can make other plans.

I'll finish them myself.

I won't believe we have lost

Plumfield until men come in

and move us out.

I'm trying to save

us that day, dear.

The children too.

What about Danny?

He can't reach his

father, so what can we do?

Wait until his father comes.

As if that thief would ever

show his face around here.

Down as a dollar.

Well, there's no use in

prolonging the agony.

I know how you both must feel.

How about the calf?

I think you ought to include

her in the transaction.

It would be very heartless of you

to separate the

mother and her child.

You talking of heartlessness.

If it weren't for Asia

and Silas and our debts,

do you think we'd even talk to

you about selling Buttercup?

Now, now, I think my offer's a

very generous one, even for her.

Now I've drawn up a bill of sale.

Why you're looking it over, you

can have your man tie Buttercup

and her calf to my buggy.

Call Silas, dear.

Silas.

Silas, come here.

My Buttercup.

Right pretty little calf,

isn't she, Mr. Reynolds?

They don't come any prettier.

She's going to be the

pride of my dairy.

Your dairy?

Silas, we're selling Buttercup

and her calf to Mr. Reynolds.

Tie them both to

his buggy, please.

Silas, do you hear me?

Buttercup, you've

been a lot of trouble.

But... but I'm going to miss

you something terrible.

Come back here!

Come back here!

Come back here!

I got her, Silas.

Let her go!

Let her go!

I got to pretend I'm

going to catch her.

Banker Reynolds is in the barn.

He's going to take

Buttercup and the baby away.

They're selling them!

Hurry, maybe the children can

get them to change their minds.

Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

Nan, Stuffy, Jack, everybody.

Come here.

- What's the matter, Danny?

- What's happened?

- What's wrong?

- Something awful's happened.

Banker Reynolds is in the barn

with Aunt Jo and the professor.

They selling them

Buttercup and the calf.

No, they couldn't

need money that bad.

I happen to know they do

because someone stole their money.

Don't look at me.

I didn't steal it.

No, but your father did.

My father?

Yes, your father.

I heard a sit Aunt Jo say so.

I was standing right at

the top of the stairs.

I could have told long

ago if I'd have wanted to.

Liar.

You take that back.

I won't take it back.

It's the truth.

Why, you.

I'll k*ll you for that.

Aunt Jo!

Get up.

Jack, get up.

Both of you.

Now what's all this about?

He said my father

stole your money,

and that's why you're

selling Buttercup.

Jack, please.

We're selling Buttercup

because we have bills to pay.

Now I want no more fighting.

Get back to work in your

garden, Jack, quickly.

Yeah, run away, you coward.

I'll get you later.

What's the matter with right now?

Why, you...

Danny!

Jack!

Oh, boys, stop it.

Stop it.

Oh, Danny, how could you?

Jack.

Jack, get up.

Silas.

Silas, won't you?

Is he all right, dear?

Children, time to go to doctor's.

Yes, Aunt Jo.

Wait.

Have you got him there, Silas?

Is he OK?

Now, I... I hope the

boy's not badly hurt.

But this bill of sale.

You haven't signed...

Get out of here.

But... But I...

Bet that'll show him.

He's responding much better now.

Oh, thank goodness, doctor.

Another compress please.

They were punching each

other something terrible.

First Dan was on top, then Jack.

Now wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

The boy Jack called

his father a thief,

and the little rival went after

him, said he'd k*ll him for it.

- And he meant it too.

- Yeah.

And then this Daniel...

uh, how do you spell

that last name again, please?

B-U-R-D-L-E.

Is that him?

Yeah, that's him.

Oh, thanks.

Now listen, kid,

tell me everything.

You know these city papers

eat up stuff like this.

Now beginning to beginning

and make it fast.

I've got to get this on the wire.

Now your father...

It's awful, Willie, awful.

I'd rather lose my right arm than

have his faith in me destroyed.

You can't go back to Plumfield

till you get that mazuma.

I ought to get an answer to

one of those telegrams I sent.

I helped the old g*ng

plenty in my day.

People can do a lot of

forgetting in 15 years,

especially mugs

that owe you money.

We just got a report

on your Albany telegram.

Good.

Let's see it.

They say the party doesn't live

there anymore, moved to Leavenworth.

Shall I forward it?

Yeah, in about 20 years.

Are you sure the other telegrams

reached the people I sent them to?

Yes, sir. They were all delivered.

All delivered, huh?

That's gratitude for you.

Well, here we are, right

back where we started.

Wait a minute.

I got the solution.

It's a wonder I didn't

think of it before.

Why don't you tell the professor

and his old lady the truth?

That the bank failed?

Well, it's a cinch to prove.

Don't be a fool.

They'd start an investigation.

Do you think I can stand the

cops digging into my past?

You ain't got no record.

What are they going to find out?

Everything, including the

fact that I was never married.

I don't see what that

got to do with it.

It'd have plenty to do

with it if Danny ever heard

that his father wasn't married.

Oh.

Sure, sure, sure, sure.

I'd be forced to tell him about Lefty,

that I've been living a lie.

I won't lose his love and respect,

not even if I have to steal the

money to prove that I'm honest.

Oh, well, now I can

give you some help.

What about stamp business

you was grifting the yokels

with when I brung you the brat?

Too much time, Willie.

The stamp racket takes weeks.

Well, you could sell a

couple of gold bricks.

That was always a fast skid game.

Suckers would laugh

in your face today.

I got the idea.

The money maker machine.

You know, we used to put in

the fives and grind out 50s.

We always made a mint on that one.

I've got to get that

money today, now.

The train will be leaving soon.

You was always good at

selling to City Hall.

Oh, shut up, Willie,

and let me think.

Give me that cane, Major.

What for?

Just keep your eyes

grinned around you.

I'll go in there and tap that

telegraph operator on the noggin.

There's always cash in those

safes, and he's got a big one.

Thanks, Willie, but I think

I've got an easier way.

You looking at that bank?

I certainly am.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

- You got the cash?

- Yes.

Cool.

Tell me, how much did

you clip them for?

2,500.

Hey, listen, you ain't a forger.

You're a hypnotist.

Let's get out of here

quick before they

start looking for their money.

Yes, Willie, but they'll be

looking for a Mr. Arn Brewster,

not for Major II Burdle.

Mm-hmm.

Well, let's start

running, Mr. Arn Brewster.

Want a walnut?

Danny, do you want

to know something?

What?

Mommy and poppy are

scolding everybody.

None of us can be

mad at you anymore.

Have you been mad

at me too, Teddy?

Yes, awful mad.

Do you know why?

Nobody will tell me why.

Look.

Pop!

Danny, my son.

Oh, pop.

Oh, pop.

There, there, son.

I feel the same as you do.

Oh, pop, they've been saying

terrible things about you.

I know all about it.

I had to fight with

a kid and nearly...

I know about that too.

It's been awful.

I was gonna run away.

Run away?

You never believed

those things, did you?

I couldn't stand

to listen anymore.

Danny, did you

believe what they said?

No, no.

I knew you'd come back someday.

But I just couldn't stand it.

Well, I'm back now.

And how sorry they're

going to be for it.

Gosh, I'm crying like a kid.

Better get that weeping

over fast there, Major.

You know we haven't got much time.

Are the Bhaers at home?

Yes, sir.

I told you all not to sleep there.

Get out.

I got a notion we didn't fool

anybody by getting over Claytonville.

Shh.

Mrs. Jo!

Mrs. Jo!

Mrs. Jo, professor!

My prayer's been answered.

That man that stole your money,

Dan's father... he's here.

What did I tell you?

What did I tell you?

I... I can't believe it.

Asia, open the door for him.

And keep the children out.

Come, let's give

him a royal welcome.

Welcome, Major.

Welcome back to Plumfield.

You'll never know how

happy we are to see you.

The feeling is not mutual.

How dare you ruin my

reputation, disgrace my boy?

Won't you come in

and sit down, please?

Do.

We can explain everything.

Then explain to my attorneys.

I intend to sue for

defamation of character.

Here.

Jo, our money.

Danny, go pack your things.

We're leaving here at once.

But pop, it's not their

fault. It's the kids.

Aunt Jo and the professor

are not to blame.

I... I honestly don't

know what to say.

Enough has been said already.

Hurry, son.

Help Danny gather his

things, will you, dear?

Come, Willie.

We'll wait outside.

Major Burdle.

My I appeal to you as a gentleman?

Listen to me, please.

It's entirely my

fault this happened.

The professor never

doubted you for a moment.

It was I who had

fears and voiced them.

Unfortunately, one of

our pupils overheard me.

Most unfortunate

and most inexcusable.

Hello, Teddy.

Hello, Constable.

Hello, Constable.

Hello, Constable.

Hello.

Nobody home.

Hey, haven't I seen your

face somewhere before?

I go to school here.

That's a good one.

Major Burdle, won't you please let

me call the children together

and tell them the truth?

You and Danny must be

vindicated before them.

Go away, fox.

Move.

Very well.

Since Danny wishes it.

Thank you. I'll get them at once.

Oh, how do you do, Josephine?

Good afternoon, Tom.

Are you running a

college here now?

- No, why?

- It's the law.

I just passed a man that

says he goes to school here.

Oh, I guess he's been

touched in the head.

He's a friend of the Major's.

This is Constable Thorpe,

one of our neighbors.

How do you do?

Well, this is a pleasant surprise.

Didn't think you could get

here so soon from Claytonville,

thought I'd have to wait

for you, Mr. Arn Brewster.

Arn Brewster?

I believe, sir, that you

have the advantage of me.

I'm afraid I have.

Black hair, carries

a gold-headed cane,

checked trousers, height

about six feet three,

wears a beaver hat, deep voice.

The telegraph's a

mighty handy gadget when

it comes to catching crooks.

But this gentleman

is Major Burdle.

Then Burdle should be more

careful about signing Mr.

Arn Brewster's name to checks.

- You're under arrest...

- What?

...for forgery.

Forgery?

Then... then you mean this

$2,500 you gave us isn't ours?

Not now.

I'm sorry.

May I have the money please?

It must be impounded for the bank.

And what did you

do with our money?

I lost it in a bank failure.

You expect me to believe that?

Aw, he's telling the truth, lady?

Say, who are you?

Never mind me.

I'm talking about him.

Listen, he ain't

gypped nobody in years.

The only reason he

forged that check

was because he wanted to prove

to the brat that he was honest.

Oh, well, I can understand

your stealing our money.

I always thought you had.

But I can't understand

what you've done to Danny.

What kind of a man are you?

What kind of a father to break a

child's heart who worships you?

It's the law here that's

breaking the brat's heart.

Him and Danny could

have been on their way,

and the brat would have

been none the wiser.

But how could you be so stupid

to think that no one would find out?

Everything you say is true.

But I beg of you to

keep this from my boy.

You must.

You must.

There isn't any way.

The school is closing.

Even that $2,500 wouldn't help.

We need $5,000 to

keep Plumfield open.

Willie, you'll have to

take care of Danny for me.

You've got to carry on,

keep him from knowing.

You'll find some excuse.

I'm sure Mrs. Bhaer will be

merciful enough to help you.

I'm ready, Constable.

Let's spare the boy this parting.

Wait a minute.

Lady, did I hear you say

something about closing this school?

Yes, you did.

Hey, Maj, come here.

The brat wouldn't know

you was in the clink

if we could keep this place open.

He'd go right on living

here and think that you

was out selling them bitters.

Don't you get it?

I got the whole thing right

in the palm of my hands.

And I got it in my

pocket here too.

Willie, stop.

Shut up.

I know what I'm doing.

Here you are, lady.

Here's your $5,000.

Willie, I won't let you.

And what's this? WILLIE: That's me.

Willie the Fox.

So that's who you are.

My office is full

of your pictures.

Put them up.

Put that thing back

in your pocket, rube.

The lady's turning me in.

She's getting the reward.

No wonder they

didn't find your body.

Well, they dragged the river.

They didn't drag the streets.

Christopher Columbus.

Hooray, hooray, hooray.

Not only has Major Burdle

made it possible for Plumfield

to remain open.

He's going to let Danny stay

with us and finish his schooling.

Now isn't that splendid?

Three cheers for Danny Burdle.

Tom, I'll never be

able to thank you.

The professor would've been as

heartbroken as Danny if he'd

ever found out the truth.

If we can teach you to

follow in the footsteps

of your father, we'll

consider our work well done.

Children, there's someone else

who has also helped the school.

Let's give a great, big

cheer for... for Mr. Fox.

Hooray.

Mr. Fox?

Speech, please.

Oh, yes.

Why, children, it was nothing.

You know, what's a

couple of years...

Uh, uh.

Allow me to express

your feelings, Mr. Fox.

I... I'm afraid

you'll be too modest.

But first, let me

thank you, Constable,

for being so kind as to

drop in and officially

represent the mayor on

this auspicious occasion.

It's been a great

day, a great day.

Yes, we've all been rewarded.

What time is it, Mr. Fox?

Oh, yes.

We'll have to hurry if we

want to catch our train.

I'd be glad to give you

gentlemen a lift into town.

Oh, we don't want to

bother you, Constable.

Oh, it's no bother.

Fair enough.

Come on, Major.

Step aside, children.

Goodbye, you all.

Goodbye, Major what's-your-name.

How long do you think I'll get?

Well, since the bank's

getting its money back,

I don't think it should

be more than two years.

Two years?

That's just what I owe them.

It'll all come out even.

Maj, we could serve that kind

of time standing on our heads.

Say, Constable,

where you taking us?

The State Penitentiary.

You hear that, Maj?

Are we lucky.

The State Pen.

That's me alma mater.

The warden'll be so happy

to get his ticker back,

he'll probably get give

us the bridal suite.

Oh, there's that fox again.