05x08 - Wanda Sykes, Nick Kroll & Tracy Morgan

[bunniefuu]

There's 10 mattresses that are up against

that wall. Well, we tried to make love on

all 10, but there was one that stood out.

I'd like to come over for a key

party. Woo-hoo. Maybe a titmouse.

If anything, if I was naming an alcohol

and a breast mouse. He looks like an old

Jamie Foxx. Oh, cool. Who drank too much.

I can bench press, like, four Brad

Garrett's. Just yell out to everybody,

Stop giving people orgasms.

Come on, come on, 'cause we're having a

ball. We're just making some calls to

strangers. We're back on the

cell when the world's gone to hell. But

you're gonna feel swell when they

pick up from New York to

Alabama. The

problem was your axe in the slammer,

'cause we're disturbing others, maybe

even your mother. Crank

Yankers tonight. Crank Yankers.

Hi, this is Ken. Hey, this is Robert. How

are you?Nice to meet you. This is who?

Robert Brucha. I'm a festival promoter.

I'm interested in getting a festival

going. Yeah. So I I got your

number and I wanted to talk to you about

some opportunities that I was looking at.

OK in the Saint Louis area mainly like.

Missouri, Saint Louis, et

cetera, et cetera. What's the name of

your company?ba*ls House Productions.

OK, I want to do like our

version of Coachella, as many DJs as

we can get going, you know, all playing

basically at the same time. And

I'm trying to break the world record for

the amount of people playing 21 pilots at

one time. And then I was hoping that

there would be space for a gym so people

could listen to music and also. You know,

do kettlebells, do CrossFit.

Kettlebells are dope. Yeah, we get kettle

one to sponsor the whole thing. And so

then everybody's drinking kettle one

while doing kettlebells. And it's like a

ball. That's that's dope. Yeah,

I do crunches all day long. That's they

call me Captain Crunch, man, because I

love doing crunches. And also I'm

always wearing a big Pirates hat.

Pirates. Why don't you sh**t me an e-mail?

Yeah, if you want to sh**t me an e-mail

too. Let me do that. What's what'sI want

to get this. It's

crushthatpuss@yahoo.com

bro. Is that that puss or that

that DAT bro. And you got you

got a lot of backing, I'm assuming, right?

I'm in touch with this Macedonian w*r

criminal. I got a bunch of cash from him.

Well, I I don't. I don't need to know

that. I mean his son. So it's clean.

That's the the money's clean. I feel

like this is going to be no joke when I'm

crunching the numbers as far as

calculations go. This is a couple of

this is a couple of $1000 business right

here. I think maybe this festival could

be a big data grab problem.

Data's key. I didn't even mention that.

Brad Garrett's my cousin. Oh, really?

Yeah. You know, he's so tall. Well,

listen, Robert, this has been great. You

got my e-mail. Yeah, yeah

I know you think that's an air horn

that's part of a DJ set, but I'm actually

down at the docks right now. I'm a human

trafficker by day. Listen, I got to get

going because I got a thing I can get. I

got to get out of here, too. But I mean,

just to give you a sense of how much I

can lift. I can. I can bench press

like 4 Brad Garrett's. Really. All right,

let's get this festival going. I've

got all this human traffic people that we

can use to work doing concessions and

ticket collection and whatnot. That's

more than I want to know right now. Well,

that's the kind of stuff you got to know

if we're going to start a music festival

together. This has been the dopest, I got

to tell you. Let's collect that data,

dude. Gotta go.

Bye. Bye, bro.

Thank you for calling. This is Jeannie.

Hey, Jeannie, this is Spoony Love. I was

in your store two days ago. OK, so me

and my wife went down there to purchase a

mattress, and it was one particular

mattress that was incredible. I mean, it

wasn't too soft and it wasn't too firm.

Was it Lee that helped you, an older

gentleman?I believe it was Lee

because he stood there with us and

we. We we we started to Make Love on the

mattress and

Lee was standing there and he

watched us and me and my wife, that was

the best love making we ever made. And

Lee confirmed and he said that was our

mattress when we left. So we want to get

that mattress. If you look around the

store, you might be able to recognize the

mattress because they have some love

puddles. It has a few love puddles

because we did it for about an hour. OK,

I'm sorry that. You're. I didn't mean to

startle you. I was just looking to

purchase that mattress. Well, but there's

ten mattresses that are up against that

wall. Yeah, but we tried to Make Love on

all 10, but there was one that stood out.

Yeah, I'm quite sure I got a pregnant on

that one. I don't think Lee would

probably let you do that. Lee loved it.

Lee loved it. Lee loved it. He said come

back, come back and you can ask him.

Lee. No, I'm sure he would not. But you

know. This just this just is not funny. I

think that I'm not trying to be funny.

No, we were doing the doggy style and Lee

said no move her leg to the left

cause move. Lee is great at at positions

and stuff. OK, like I said, I this isn't

this is not Genie. I just want to leave

one message for Lee. OK, let me get a

pen and paper here thanking him. OK And

what was your name?My name is Spooney

Love. He Lee showed me and my wife a

position that is. Great.

And I just want to leave a thank you note

to Lee. Please.

OK. I just want to say thank you, Lee.

Thank you for the new move you taught me.

It saved our marriage. You're a freak

like me. God bless you for mopping up

after us. That mattress may be

pregnant. OK. Please do not call back.

Thank you. And I'm not the father.

Thank you for calling the National

Audubon Society. This is Sarah. How may I

help you?Hi. So

yes, my name's Bob. I I actually had a

question for you about a bird I have. Do

you know the the ring systems for your

doorbell?Yeah, I've noticed

this. A bird outside my house

and it it hovers near the ring. So I have

it on video and I'll be able to describe

it, but I can't find it for the life of

me. And I've even searched through my

Audubon's and and just can't figure it

out. Thought you might be able to help.

OK, it's got a purple crown

and a red breast, but it

then turns white. Let me scroll

through my ring here. Oh no, he's

flying out into the yard. Oh,

there's Rusty. Rusty is. He's myneighbor.

Where are you located?Yeah, no,

I I'm just seeing someone here that's

throwing me for a my wife has

walked out and it looks like they're

sharing a a kiss.

Get back to this bird. So the bird is

flitting around. Oh God,

I'm so sorry. They're. They walked out of

frame and they're back in the frame. Some

heavy kissing. Well, if you

need to go and deal with that, you can

always give us a call back, right?Like

friends kissing, like open mouth. Yeah,

well, I'd be happy to help you with the

bird, but yeah, yeahSo the bird

is it's it's almost like an

Eastern Bluebird, but

but not. Is it possibly a barn swallow?

I I don't think so. I've. I've seen my

way around a couple of barn swallows and

I oh God, I'm sorry. Hang on one second.

I'm seeing another image that's hard to

see.

I'm so sorry. That's OK. You

just assume that you're. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I keep this on the birds.

Take your time. Yeah. No, I don't. I

don't think it's a barn swallow. Maybe a

titmouse. That's always been the weirdest

name, cause it's like, if anything, if I

was naming it, I'll call it a breast

mouse. More respectful name. Anyway, I

don't think it's a bird of prey, but it

could be. I don't know. Have you tried

any of the bird identification

sites online?Oh my God, there's

another. I'm so sorry.

There's another person coming in here.

What in the heck is going on here,

Janine?Good

God. Rusty's gone now. And that's my

friend Jim. Well, I'm. Oh, God.

It's like when it rains, it pours, you

know?Yeah. No, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, he's wheelbarrowing. God

darn guy is wheelbarrowing her.

Clothes are on. Nothing. NothingBut it's

just like, you know, when something.

Yeah, I I understand. And I'm going to

have to let you go. OK. Well, I got good

news and I got bad news. It is a

blue Eastern Finch. But there are now

five men. Thanks for calling

Audubon.

Hi, this is Terry. Terry, I need to talk

to somebody who recently passed away. Can

you help me?I can. Yes. Oh, thank

God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,

Terry. Look, my my uncle, he

passed away. And he was

handling like all my my finances and

stuff. So he has like my, my,

myATM number and

I don't know none of that. So I need to

get in touch with him so he can give me

that information and and and get my

money. Yeah. Before his no good kids get

their mitts on it. Yeah,

definitely. OK. His name is Ronald

Harper. OK. He looks like a old

Jamie Foxx. Oh, cool. Who

drank too much. Who drank too much.

Yeah, if you get a whiff of gin. That's

him. Yeah, he's he's giving me the number





Let me see if this if that works. Let me

and let me see. If that doesn't work,

you're just gonna have to go to the bank

and get him to give you a new card and

a new pin number. 1217.

Terry, I'm in.

I'm in. You did it. Oh, good. It's

working. Oh, good. OK. Now

I got my money. Oh my God. Oh my God. I

could cry. Now ask him,

what is this HBO gold password?

Trying. Yeah, hang on. I'm trying. It

makes me yawn when spirit connects.

I would not be surprised because he was

always he was. He was such a boring man.

Bananas. Bananas. Let me try.

Let me try that. OK,

Terry, I'm in. I'm in.

Well, there you go. You are two for two.

Now I can catch up on all my shows.

Oh, my goodness. That's wonderful. That

is wonderful. How do I pay you?

OK, you can go to PayPal or you can read

me a debit card number right here. I can

run it through my machine. I tell you,

just just look at my debit card.

Can you do that?I don't think so.

Can you read it to me?Oh, shitHis wife

just text me. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Wait a minute. She said the bank accounts

are empty. Oh, shitTerry, she

knows. She knows I'm cleaning them out.

Oh, my. Terry, should I go to Cabo or

Brazil?Oh, Cabo. Go to Cabo. Yeah.

OK, I'm off to Cabo. OK. Put a spell on

her real quick. Her name is Emma. Get

that b*tch Terry. I'll. I'll wire you the

money here. I'm out. OK. All right.

Bye. Bye. Adios.

Singing design speaking. I've had a bit

of a. Breach of privacy on my computer.

Somebody got possessions on my pictures

and they've been threatening to print

them unless I send money to a PayPal

account. I feel like my

my privacy has been violated and I live

in fear that they're going to print them

and ruin my job, right?Hi. I guess

I'm not exactly sure what exactly the

project is. My my p*nis

and pictures of my p*nis. OK, well, I can

use other terminology if it makes you

more comfortable, but that's what he's

threatening to release. I'm not going to

let them take the power away from me. I'm

going to get ahead of this, ma'am. I'm

going to come down there and make my own

copy. That would be something that I

guess I don't know if we would be able to

print because we're a commercial printer.

Well, I wouldn't have to, like, come in

and like, I wouldn't, like, put it in

your printer. I would like, I would give

you a picture of it. You don't have to

look at it. I can do it myself. Like,

yeah, that's just something that we can't

help you out with. I can put it in a

costume, like a little hat on it so you

couldn't see the head. Yeah, just

unfortunately, like, it's just kind of

bad. I just want my tingle Dangler to be

out there so that Emilio McShane stops

bothering me at work. Yeah, I totally

understand that. Ma'am, do you know how

much this could ruin?Oh, my God, it's a

plane. All right, so somebody put it on a

banner. It's going behind a plane. Wow. I

think that might be Emilio flying that

plane. Emilio, I see you, but those

ba*ls look wrong. It looks like I have

one ball. That's so embarrassing. OK,

bye.

Nose on course. How may I help you?Hi,

my name is Hadassah Guberman. I came in

about a week ago and got a pedicure and

the whatever the woman did to my feet, it

gave me an orgasm. And

that's just not what I'm looking for. So

do you remember who did it?Oh, no, noOh,

it's happening again.

Oh,

just it happened again. I just please no

more orgasms. Like, I just want a

pedicure. I just want to talk on the

phone. You know, I

personally have never and would

never give someone else an orgasm. So I

don't know why. You would do that without

warning me. What would you like me to?How

would you like me to help you in this?Let

me put it this way. I do some freestyle

rap and I could probably just let you

know how I feel

easier if I just do it that way. Yeah,

no, I would love to hear it. Great.

I don't believe there was malice

involved. I just want to get this

problem solved. I'm not saying it was

your fault. I'm not saying it was

as*ault. Oi, oi, oi, oi, yoy

gevalt. I heart

pedicures. I get them every

morning. But toesy wosy

touches make me super horny

Wow, that was phenomenal. Thank you. I

just needed to hear that. Yeah, no, that

was totally unacceptable on our part. And

I I really do appreciate this phone call.

Noah, help me if I could hear you just

yell out to everybody, stop giving

people orgasms.

Unfortunately, I feel as though at this

time I'm going to be unable to do that.

Oh, just before you go, I'd love to book

something for next week with the girl

with the stubby fingers. She had like

stubby fingers.

Fingers. Oh. Can't even say that

word. It makes me

cream my jeans. OK, so I'm

just want to be heard. I

want to be heard.

Bye. Bye.

How can I help you?

Is your location?Is there a fair amount

of space in that location?There's. What

are you talking about?A fair amount of

space?Is it a large store?Yeah,

it's a storefront. Yes. And what are your

hours?What time are you open till?

From 9:00 to 5:30, Monday through Friday

and on Saturday from 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM.

Do you ever stay a little bit later?

Sometimes. Because you know why?No, I

don't. You're going to tell me why,

though. I'd like to come over for a

key party. Woo-hoo.

Well, all right then. Oh, you know we're

going to do some crazy things at our key

party. Woo-hoo. Get our friends and

sisters at a key party. No, no,

no, noOne week

later.

Locksmith. Hi, you have a this is a van

rental place as well as Locksmith, right?

That's correct. Do you also do passenger

vans or just moving trucks?No, we don't

have any passenger vans. There's a

location right here on 51st Ave. in

Cactus. They do have the vans. That's

OK. It's not a very long distance, and

I'm just trying to get a good amount of

people together to come together for a

key party. Oh, woohoo. We're going to

have a key party with you.

Another week later.

Box, can I help you?Hi, I need some keys

made. How?What time are you open till

today?530. OK, let me see how

many I need made. I got Sheila,

Timothy, Olivia, Alistair,

Ronnie, Balthazar, his wife,

Mabel. Is that 8?We're just coming down

there. I think a group of us for a key

party. Oh, woohoo. We're gonna have a

key party with you. Yeah, we had

one last week. You missed it. We had one

last week and you missed it. I got my

wife, her girlfriend, a friend of my

priest. I got my uncle, his nephew. His

nephew is me for a key party. Woohoo.

One month later.

Hey, I'm stuck outside my house.

Are you going to have a key party?I'm

going to have a key party. Woo Hoo.

Hey. What's going on, guys?Hey, I'm doing

real good. How about yourself?I'm doing

pretty good. Can I get a woo Hoo?Woo Hoo.

All right.

I got my cousins and my mom and some food

on the table and she's coming with her

friends and we're all going to have a

great time together. Woohoo.

My mom doesn't participate in it. She

just likes to be there because it's a lot

of the same friends. They all we all hang

out together. It's pretty fun. Anyways,

can I get into my house?It'd be great if

you could come by. Woohoo.

The end.

Look at that.