02x05 - Lucy and Harry's Tonsils

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz, and Desi Arnaz, Jr.

Come in.

- Hi, Uncle Harry.
- Hello, Uncle Harry.

- How are you?
- Great.

- Hi, Harry.
- Hello, Lucille.

I'm... I'm so glad
that you could make it.

Well, your call sounded so
urgent. What's it all about?

I hope it's good news.

I hope it's somethin'
we can all...

I... I... I'll tell you all
about it in good time.

Would you, would you
excuse me? For a moment.

Oh, surely.

He sure is acting mysterious.

Mom, don't you have any idea
what he wants to see us about?

I haven't the faintest notion.

Hey! Maybe, he's gonna get married
and he wants us to meet his future wife.

Well, if that's the
case, where is she?

Maybe, he went up the
attic to take the chains off her.

- You mean she might be...
- She's gotta be.

No woman in her right mind
would wanna marry Harry.

- Say, mom, I just had a horrible thought.
- What?

Maybe, he wants to fire you.

Oh, don't be ridiculous. What
reason would he have for firing me?

Well, you're always late.
You're not a good typist.

You don't spell well.
You're lousy in bookkeeping.

All right, all right. When I
want your opinion, I'll ask for it?

But anyway, if he was gonna fire me, he'd
do it in the office like he always does.

- No, I must be...
- [whispering] Here he comes.

Uncle Harry, is
there anything wrong?

Try to be brave.

Won't... won't you all sit down?

"I, Harrison Otis Carter,
being of sound mind, do

hereby declare this to be
my last will and testament.

To my sister-in-law, Lucille.
Carter, I leave and bequeath..."

Oh, Uncle Harry, don't
talk about things like that.

Let him talk. Let him talk.

What you were saying...

"To my sister-in-law, Lucille Carter, I
leave and bequeath five thousand..."

Five thousand!

"Five thousand aspirin bottles that she
caused me to empty in the past two years.

However, to my beloved niece
and nephew, I leave all of my..."

- I'm not gonna listen!
- I don't wanna hear it either!

Harry, what's all this talk about your
will? You're as healthy as a horse.

Appearances can be deceiving.

- Yesterday, I visited my doctor.
- Oh!

And he told me...

- He told...
- The doctor told you what, Harry?

- Oh, Uncle Harry...
- What did he say?

I have to have surgery.

Oh, what kind of surgery?

I got to... I got... I got...

What? Harry, what
is it? What's wrong?

I've got to have my tonsils out!

Is that all?

Well, that's a fine attitude.

Here I am going into a major
surgery, and you say, "Is that all?"

Major surgery.

Uncle Harry, having your
tonsils removed is nothing.

Yeah. Kim and I
had it done years ago.

It's simple.

But it hurts!

Harry, just sit down and relax.

Oh, I can't relax.
I'm far too upset.

Oh, no, Uncle Harry, there's
no reason for you to be upset.

Now, please, sit down.

- No dear. No, I'm too nervous.
- For me.

I'm... I'm, oh... for you.

That's right.

Oh, my... it's so comforting to have
once loved ones around at a time like this.

When are you scheduled
for your operation?

Please don't, don't,
don't use that word.

Craig you're upsetting him.

Oh, thank you,
Lucille, thank you.

When are you gonna 'em cut out?

That's worse than operation!

Oh now, Uncle Harry, stop
worrying. It's nothing. Believe me.

Now, when are you
gonna have it... done?

Tomorrow.

Well, good. The
sooner, the better.

It'll be over
before you know it.

- It will?
- Yeah.

Why, when Craig and I
had ours done, mom took us

down there, and the next
thing you knew, it was over,

and mom was
feeding us ice cream.

You had your mother with you.

But, I'm... I'm all alone.

Oh, Harry, you're not alone.
I'll go to the hospital with you.

- You will?
- Of course.

Oh, thank you, Lucille.

You can do it on
your lunch hour.

My lunch hour?

If that's not the cheapest
thing I ever heard.

Oh, now, I know
what's upsetting you.

You're just worrying about how
much the operation is gonna cost you.

How can you say that?

Mom, how can you say that?

Uncle Harry is
covered by Medicare.

What are you doing?

Disinheriting one nephew.

Admitting desk,
Ms. Harlow speaking.

Oh, yes, Dr. Gerthsman.

I'll make a note
of it. Thank you.

Yes ma'am, what
can I do for you?

Oh, it's not me. He's
here to have his tonsils...

Oh, for heaven's sake...

Harry, come in here.

Come in here and
stop acting like a baby.

Madam, please don't shout at him. It's
perfectly natural for him to be afraid.

Harry, get back in here.

- Madam... Please don't shout.
- Harry!

Let me take care of this.

I'm accustomed to
handling children.

Oh!

Get in there, you baby!

Get in there, go on. The idea!

Get going!

Sit right down there! The idea!

Yes, nurse, what were you
saying about handling children?

- This is a big one.
- Yeah.

Now, now. Look, I...
I've changed my mind.

- I don't wanna have my tonsils...
- Harry... Harry, sit down and be quiet.

Your name?

- Ha... ha... ha... ha...
- Harrison Carter.

Your address?

- Ha... ha... ha... ha...
- 4863 Valley Lawn Drive.

- Are you his wife?
- No!

I'm suffering
enough, don't rub it in.

I'm his sister-in-law.
He doesn't have a wife.

That figures.

- Who do we notify in case of emergency?
- Emergency!

- What kind of emer...
- Now, now, now.

Now, it's very rare, but occasionally
something can go wrong during an operation.

Please don't use that word...

Harry, Harry, if you don't sit
down, behave yourself now,

- I'm gonna leave you here all alone.
- Oh.

Now, Mr. Carter. Let's
complete your case history.

Have you been a patient in a
hospital during the past 10 years?

No, no, no, never in a
hospital, never, no, in 10 years...

All right, all right.

Uh, finances.

Do you have health insurance
or will this be paid by Medicare?

You gonna cut her
out of your will, too?

I, uh, I am not old
enough for Medicare.

How old are you?





How tall are you?

Six feet.

Five ten and a half.

How much do you weigh?

- A hundred and eighty five.
- Two hundred.

- What is your blood type?
- Yellow.

I can handle this by myself. Go,
call in the office, do something.

Oh, all right.

Mr. Carter, I think we've
covered everything.

I don't have to ask
you anything more.

Good. Good. I'm
terribly upset now.

And could... could... could
I go to my room and relax?

- No, your room isn't ready yet.
- Oh.

- You can go to the waiting room at the
end of the corridor and relax there.
- Oh, thank you.

When your sister-in-law
returns, I'll tell her where to go.

Oh, I wish you would.

- Oh, nurse...
- Yes, Mr. Phillips?

Nurse, has my wife
had the baby yet?

No, not yet.

Oh, boy! This is the third
timed she's kept me waiting.

I could have finished
my golf game.

Now, now, just relax.

As soon as the baby is
born, we'll let you know.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hi!

Hi.

Are you waiting also?

- Yes, yes. Yes, I'm here for the...
- Ah, you don't have to tell me.

I recognize the symptoms.

I'm here for the same thing.

Oh, you are.

- Say, you look a little wobbly.
- Yeah.

- Maybe you better sit down.
- Thank you. I'm...

- This your first time?
- Yeah.

I've been through
this three times.

You mean... you mean
this can happen again?

It's been known to.

Then, how, uh, how
big are they as a rule?

It varies. My first one
was 6 pounds 8 ounces.

Did you have trouble
finding collars to fit you?

Uh, what, uh,
what did it look like?

It looked just like my wife.

Really?

I must admit it's quite a thrill when they
first put the little thing in your hands.

They give it to you?

What do you... What do
you suppose to do with it?

You wrap it in the
blanket and take it home.

What do you expect
to do with yours?

Well, I hadn't made
any plans for mine.

I'm sending mine to college.

Well, I just assume
leave mine right here.

What kind of a man are you?

Does your wife know
how you feel about this?

What wife? I'm not married.

Oh, well, ha...

I think I'll go get
a breath of air.

Excuse me, lady. [whistling]

What's with him? He
acted rather peculiar.

Well, you'd act peculiar, too, if you
had a wife that looked like a tonsil.

Harry, sit down. Try to relax. I
think this has you just too upset.

Well, I must say this is much worse
than you and I thought it was going to be.

- There is nothing for you to worry about.
- Uh, excuse me.

- Yes.
- Are you Harrison Carter?

- Yes ma'am.
- We're ready for you.

So soon? So soon?

- I... I... I... I don't wanna go there...
- Harry!

- No, please, don't...
- Harry!

- Don't let them take me...
- Harry! Harry!

- I don't want to go -
- Let go of that chair!

Don't act like you're
walking the last mile.

[whimpering]

Oh, what a fuss. Sit-up.

Ohhhh...

You only had a tonsillectomy.

I can sure get him.

Hi. How was he?

He's a ding-a-ling.

Hi Harry.

How are you feeling?

Uh-huh. Oh, you
can't talk, good.

I mean, that's too bad.

I bought you a little
something, peanut brittle.

I know, I know, you can't
eat it now. That's for later.

It's very good. That
won't hurt your bridge.

Gee, this a very nice room. Kim
and Craig are coming over later.

They stopped to get
you a little something, too.

Oh, you want me to go?

What do you mean?

Oh, you want me to raise the
bed up? Why don't you say so?

Harry, make up[your mind, do you
want me to raise the bed or don't you?

Oh, this is the end of it.

Hey, here it is.

How did you do that?

Is it all right, now?

Uncle Harry, you're
looking just great?

Oh, oh, you want us
to leave you alone?

All right, You want us to go?

Oh no, he wants us to stay.

But what is it? What...
what's the matter, Harry?

Oh, you got
somethin' in your eye.

Well, Harry, what is it?

You want a larger
bunch of flowers?

That's all the
kids could afford.

I think he wants
to play charades.

- Why would he want to play charade?
- I don't know. Let's humor him.

We'll play charades with ya.

Well sure, if you want
to play a game, Harry.

- Yeah. Let's play. Listen, is it a movie?
- TV show.

[CROSSTALK]

- How many words?
- How many words?

- Three words.
- Right. OK.

- First word.
- Little word.

- I... I... - You got it.
- On the nose?

- I... Good.
- Second word.

- I - Another word.
- Because, behind.

- Who, what, where, when, why...
- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

- 1... 5, 6, 7.
- Ah... M-A...

- Am.
- I am.
- I am.

I am every man.

- I am down... I am up...
- Third word.

- Third word.
- Third word.
- Third word.

- I am an elbow. I am an elbow.
- I am an elbow?

I am a three elbow?

- Syllables. Syllables.
- Oh, syllables.

- Oh, three syllables.
- The third word has three syllables.

- First syllable... first syllable...
- First syllable.

Uh... A group of people...
Ah... A circle... Ah-A big circle.

- Ah... Everybody?
- All of us.

- All of us... all of us.
- All of us. I am us.

All!

- I am all.
- I am all.

- I am all things all...
- Personally so...

Second syllable
of the third word.

I am all...

Are you all right?

- Oh, it's the second syllable.
- Oh.

- What are doing?
- What are you doing?

Um... Eating up... [crosstalk]

- You're twitching.
- You're jerking... A rope.

Jerking!

I am jerking?

- Jer... No. Jer-jer... Oh... I am...
- I am a jerk.

I am... I am all... Jerking.

All right third syllable.

- I am all jerk.
- OK. OK. We got it.

- Third syllable.
- What's the rest of it?

Boy!

He's making some of
these... going to make up... It's

a bread one... A mud
pie... And it's... It's messy...

[crosstalk]

- It's sticky.
- It's sticky.

It's sticky?

I am a jerk sticky.

I am all jerky sticky.

- I am annoying jerky sticky.
- I am an old jerky sticky.

- Smaller?
- Smaller.

I am an old jerky sticky.

- I am an old jerk stick.
- I am all jerk-et.

- I am all jerk-et.
- I am all jerk-et.

What is that? I am all jerk-et.

It sounds like.

- Oh, it sounds...
- Oh, sounds like...

I am algae.

[together] Um...
old... an algae Allergy.

Allergic?

Allergic!

- It's allergic.
- Oh.

Allergic? To what?

To Craig? What's
the matter with Craig?

- Oh, the flowers!
- The roses?

- Get them out here.
- Bye, bye.

- You got to go, too, honey.
- I'm sorry, Uncle Harry.

You played a great
game, Uncle Harry.

I didn't know you
wanted to play games.

I don't know how you
get your bed so messy?

Alrighty. Let's
get back in here.

Come on. Come on,
let's get back in bed.

If you don't get back in bed, I'm gonna
throw you over my shoulder and burp you.

Well, if you behave like a baby,
I'm gonna treat you like one.

Get back in bed. Will
you get back in bed!?

[yelling]

Now, I have to take your
temperature before I go off duty.

Open your mouth.

Open your mouth.

Alrighty.

You said you're only 51.

Alrighty. That's
the way you want it?

You are the king
of the ding-a-ling's.

Oh, they sure have good
cookies in this coffee shop.

What?

Want something to write on?

Wait a minute, I think
I have something here.

You write on that
side. No, this other side.

Here.

Just write what you
want and I'll take care of it.

No, Harry. You can't go home.

You got to stay
here overnight, Harry.

All right, all right, all right.

OK. I'll talk to your doctor. I'll
tell him you insist on going home.

Hello?

I'm your night nurse, Ms. Dean.

And, how are we
feeling this evening?

Well, that is wonderful.

Now, let's take
your temperature.

And now your pulse.

My, you have nice strong hands.

I'll bet you're
quite an athlete.

Well, your pulse is a
little rapid, but that then

all of my gentlemen
patients' pulses are rapid.

And your temperature
is normal, a 102.

Now, shall we
fluff you up a bit?

Well, I can't tell you
what a pleasure it is

to have such a wonderfully
cooperative patient.

I have to leave you
now, but I'll be back in

a little while to give
you your sponge bath.

See you later.

OK, Harry. I talked to your
doctor. He said you could go home.

He said you could
go home, Harry.

I went through a lot
of trouble. I arranged

with your doctor and he
said you could go home.

- Now, come on.
- I don't wanna go h*... h*...

Oh, Harry. Oh, now,
look what you've done.

Nurse! Nurse!

What's the matter?

He hurt his throat. He
Hollered. And he hurt his...

Good heavens! Open your mouth.

Oh! Oh, dear!
Now, you've done it.

You've strained your throat.

You naughty, naughty boy.

I'm afraid you're going to have
to be with us for a long, long, time.

I know, I know. I'm fired.

You're giving me
a ten-dollar bonus?

Operator! Get me
to Dr. Bodner, quick.

But why Dr. Bodner? His
surgeon is Dr. Kirksmith.

I'm calling the
psychiatrist. He's flipped.